


Think twice

by Jofi80



Category: Major Crimes (TV), The Closer
Genre: Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Multi, Running Away, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2020-12-13 21:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 105,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21004784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jofi80/pseuds/Jofi80
Summary: Brenda is leaving. In fact she's running away from a life that she feels she has no control over anymore. A life that no longer had Sharon in it.Lots of angst and hurt, but with hopefully a happy ending to follow.Please be gentle as this is my first ever fanfic, but I'm hoping you're going to want to read more.Apologies for any errors as this was written on my phone.





	1. Running away only works if you're not running away from yourself

Brenda sighed as she stared at the clock again. Not even an hour had passed since she last thought about Sharon. Since she wondered where Sharon was and what she was thinking – if she was thinking of her, if she still cared..............and the biggest question of all........if Sharon had ever even loved her in the first place.

As she paced her bedroom she spared a glance at the half filled suitcase on her bed.  
Brenda was leaving.  
She was leaving because she didn’t know what else to do, and when that happened Brenda ran.  
She ran as hard and as fast as she could in the other direction.

All she could think was that she needed to leave the life that had changed so drastically since her separation from Fritz.  
To leave the life that had never quite felt real, but which had, for a few brief and intense months made her feel the happiest she had ever known.

But that life was over now.  
All she would have to remind herself of it would be the haunting memories of, “what if?”, and the resounding thought that “I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.”

But, like a moth drawn to a flame Brenda picked up her phone.  
She paused as she dialled the well known number and she waited, hoping against hope that this time her call would be answered.  
Instead it clicked straight to voicemail.

“This is Sharon Raydor. I’m unavailable at the moment, please leave a message after the tone.”

It seemed that Sharon had made her choice, and once again it wasn't Brenda

Brenda’s heart clenched as she sobbed into the phone. She was unable to speak, unable to breathe and as her knees could no longer hold her up she fell in a heap to the floor.  
The call disconnected without her even having said a single word.

As Brenda lay there, curled in a ball and sobbing uncontrollably her mind began to replay what had happened....... it all seemed to come back to the undeniable truth – Sharon had simply never pictured Brenda in her future beyond apparently a few, scrap that, make it multiple, sexual encounters.  
Maybe Sharon had just felt sorry for her.....at this thought anger immediately flashed through Brenda – maybe all Sharon had wanted her for was sex. Meaningless and repeated pity fucks ................  
-Brenda couldn’t finish that thought.  
Her heart simply wouldn’t allow it.  
Whatever they had been, for Brenda, she would never be able to so casually dismiss it as meaningless.

But it nevertheless highlighted the facts that obviously Sharon hadn’t wanted Brenda in the same way that Brenda had wanted her.  
She hadn’t needed Brenda in the same way that Brenda had needed her.  
And she most definitely didn’t love Brenda the same way that Brenda had loved her...... or at all, as it turned out.  
And Brenda had loved her, of that she was certain.  
She had loved her with an overwhelming passion and gentleness that she had never thought herself capable of ever feeling. 

But Brenda was under no illusions about her flaws and she knew she had many.  
The reason she knew this was because she had had them pointed out to her in practically every relationship that she had ever had.  
– Fritz being the last man  
(she shook her head at this thought- because it seemed even leaving her ill fitting heterosexuality behind her had not appeared to rid her of the overwhelming realisation that perhaps they were right, that she did in fact have a gaping, empty space where her heart was supposed to be)  
to shout it in her face as he slammed the door on the way out.

Because how could anyone possibly love her?  
How could they love her when all they seemed to do was want to change her?  
They’d prod her in her allegedly hollow chest, throw her flaws and inadequacies in her face, (and in the case of her first husband use his fists to reinforce these claims) and then walk away without even a second glance. 

Maybe that’s what hurt the most.  
Every single time it’s what almost destroyed her ........... but maybe, in hindsight, it was the only thing that she really deserved.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been laying there, because to be honest she didn’t care.  
She had nowhere she wanted to be........  
she had places she needed to be, like work, judging by the amount of calls her phone had received, but she had neither the desire nor drive to do anything but lay there.  
To lay there and hope that the nothingness would envelop her in the darkness that always seemed to linger on the periphery of her life.  
A life that no longer held any real meaning for her, a life that felt shattered beyond all recognition.

She heard her phone ring again beside her, feeling no desire to pick it up or even glance it’s way. Not even contemplating the remote possibility that it might be Sharon calling to change her mind.  
But it was then that the loud knocking on her front door caught her attention and the loud shouts of,  
“Chief? Chief? Are you in there?” echoing through her empty duplex.

Brenda pulled herself into a sitting position and wiped her eyes whilst she reached for her phone.  
The last thing she needed or wanted was to face her boys and their questions, however well meaning they may be.  
Because if Brenda was going to continue on her path of self destruction, then like always she would do so alone,  
........alone,  
.......alone.

She looked at the 17 missed calls flashing on her screen, the latest one being from Gabriel. She took a deep breath and she called him back rather than answer her front door.

As soon as the call connected all she heard was,  
“Chief, Chief, are you ok? We’ve been calling you repeatedly! I’m outside your front door right now.....are you going to let me in?”

She cleared her throat, but did not immediately answer. She was finding it hard to concentrate, the pressure of having to pretend everything was ok was starting to overwhelm her and make her vision swim.

“Chief, we’ve caught an OIS and FID are not letting us near the crime scene. I’ve come to collect you and if you open the door we can go”, Gabriel tried again.

“I’m, I'm sorry, I, I cant do that lieutenant”, Brenda replied haltingly.

“I’m, I'm not going to be able to attend,  
........I’m not feeling  
.......”  
she trailed off, her voice sounding hollow even to her own ears.  
Her empty tone of voice simply echoing the emptiness she felt inside. An emptiness that was slowly, but surely consuming her. The darkness coming ever closer.

“Have Provenza take lead and let Pope know that FID are not sharing the crime scene" - Brenda’s voice caught as she was saying “FID”, images of Sharon immediately filling her mind.

She knew she needed to end the call before she broke down again.  
So, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, and before Gabriel could ask anymore questions, she apologised and said she would be unavailable for the rest of the day and she promptly hung up the phone.

Less than 2 minutes later her phone was flashing with first Provenza’s number and then Pope's on the screen.  
As she got herself up from the floor and quickly finished packing her bag she ignored them both.

She grabbed her passport, her hidden ‘grab bag' containing various different ID's, a large sum of cash, a spare weapon and several changes of clothes and added it to the small suitcase laying on her rumpled bedspread.  
It was one of many of the CIA fragments of training that had remained ingrained in her persona –  
‘always be ready to run’, and she turned off the light as she left the room.

Brenda didn’t want to wait now that her mind was made up. The longer she stayed the more she felt like she was slowly drowning.  
She glanced around her lounge, before she walked quickly to her window to see if Gabriel had indeed left as she’d instructed him to............ but, he was still there.  
She watched him as scratched his head whilst appearing to speak rapidly into his phone.

Feeling trapped in her own home, Brenda picked up her phone and started a text message to Provenza –

“I am unwell. Pope is aware I won't be in, so please take the lead on this.  
I will not be available on mobile so keep Pope apprised of any updates on the case.  
I would appreciate your discretion on this matter.” 

She pressed ‘send', waited and continued to watch covertly out of the living room drapes.  
After less than a minute Gabriel turned, glanced at the house and then slowly made his way back to his car and left.

Brenda knew however that once Pope got wind of the message that she had sent Provenza he would not be as easily dissuaded from demanding answers from her. Especially as she had lied to Provenza about him already being aware of what was going on with her.

Sighing and rubbing her aching head, she made her way to the medicine cabinet in search of some advil to put in her purse for when she was on the road. 

Nestled in the back of the cabinet she immediately saw the dusty bottle of sleeping pills that she had been prescribed after one of her many attacks at the hands of a serial killer.  
In this case a killer that she had shot to death at close range whilst he had held a cattle prod out menacingly in her direction.  
She physically shuddered at the memory and fleetingly touched her collar bone, remembering the sharp pain it had cause her when it had touched her skin.

She'd never taken the tablets, not even when Fritz had held her night after night as her mind refused to shut off from the event.  
Not even when she’d felt like a walking zombie for quite a while until her mind was able to finally stuff the event firmly into a box marked ‘do not open’ and filed it in the far reaches of her memory along with other ‘boxes' she had no intention of ever fully dealing with.

But, as she reached for them she immediately knew that what she craved was a bit of oblivion. A dreamless sleep to escape from what felt like the waking nightmare of her current life. So she placed them too in her large black handbag and left the room.

As she walked back through to the living room she opened up the emails on her phone and started to type.

'Chief Pope,  
Please accept my resignation effective immediately'.....

She paused and reread what she had written, not knowing what else to write.

How do you put into words that your heart feels like it’s been shattered into a thousand fragments and that it will never be whole ever again?  
That the thought of going into work and having to face Sharon every day was unimaginable?  
That knowing how soft Sharon's lips felt against her own and remembering how she would softly sigh Brenda’s name right before she came, but knowing that she would never make love with her again, or hold her again, or share whispered words of affection in each other’s arms again, would make her feel like she was slowly dying a day at a time until eventually there would be nothing of her left.......

Instead she wrote:  
Please do not contact me, as I will not change my mind.

As almost an afterthought she added;-  
I’m sorry it had to be this way Will, but please don’t ask me to explain because I can’t.

She hit ‘send' and turned off her phone, not wanting to deal with the consequences of her impetuous actions. Ironically exactly the same behaviour that Sharon was currently exhibiting towards their situation.

Brenda grabbed her belongings and opened the garage. She placed her bags in the trunk of her personal vehicle, a car very few people knew she had. She reversed out of the garage onto the street and drove away from what was once her home. She didn’t even once glance back in the rear-view mirror.


	2. Ruminations and realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Brenda's resignation staring him in the face Pope has to do some damage control with the squad whilst he plots how to turn this situation to his own advantage.   
Provenza meanwhile realises that maybe more has been happening than anyone could possibly imagine.

Chapter 2  
Chief Pope read and then reread the email he had just received from Brenda, the vein on his temple throbbing incessantly at the fresh hell she had just dumped in his lap. The irony being that what he actually wanted back in his lap was Brenda herself.

He knew she’d separated from Fritz, the whole precinct knew and the fact was that he secretly revelled in their separation.   
He was not by nature a patient man and when Brenda had first arrived in LA after accepting his job offer he had expected her to fall back into his bed in a mere few weeks.   
What he had failed to take into account was the fact that Brenda Leigh Johnson no longer appeared to have a forgiving nature, especially where he was concerned.   
He quickly learnt that whilst she would accept his friendship, it was only his friendship that she had any interest in.   
Not even those damn tiffany earrings could elicit anything more than a lecture on how she was not interested in the past and that the FBI Agent Fritz, was her future.

But as he smirked to himself, he acknowledged that he had always enjoyed a challenge, especially when the benefits involved having Brenda Leigh again.   
Whether that be under him or on top of him........but writhing underneath him, begging for him was his most favoured memory.  
And as his vivid imagination recreated those tantalising images from memory he considered just how he could turn this new situation to his advantage.

His desk phone rang as he was pondering just that, and he had to clear his throat along with his mind as he answered in his pompous tone, “Chief William Pope".

On the other end of the line Provenza rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth as he updated Pope on the case's latest developments. 

“Well Chief, FID are refusing to allow us full access, and as Chief Johnson is .....”, Provenza paused for a moment here, “er, not at the scene to take them on, we are not making much headway. Raydor is being Captain Rulebook, God knows what’s crawled up her ass today, but she practically threatened hell and damnation if we so much as crossed her precious red tape.”

Pope was only half listening, his mobile phone was currently trying to call Brenda and for the fifth time since Provenza had started talking, it was going straight to voicemail.

Provenza continued undeterred –  
"She actually got worse when we said the Chief was not coming to the scene!   
Stormed off, shouting about the incompetence of Major Crimes!   
So if you could, you know, tell her to put a sock in it until the Chief is back to do it for us, then well, that would help.”

Pope sighed and thought that dealing with a pissed off Captain Raydor would be the icing on the cake of this little cluster fuck of a sundae. Mind you, once she found out that Brenda would not in fact be coming back he thought it may soften her mood somewhat.

Captain Raydor's and Brenda's clashes were the stuff of legends in the precinct and he was certain that there was a betting pool about when they would finally come to blows and who the victor would be! In fact, by all accounts it was started by Provenza and Flynn, who ironically were now Brenda’s most staunchest supporters.

However, the silence on the other end of the line quickly brought him back to the matter at hand.

“Leave it with me Lieutenant, I will deal with it. Now, if that’s all....” Pope attempted to end the conversation.

However, Provenza cleared his throat and asked the question that Pope knew would be coming. A question he had yet to decide how to answer.

“When is the Chief coming back?"

"I haven’t said much to the squad, just that she’s unavailable.   
But Gabriel was certain he saw her watching him out of the living room window and I had to order him to leave once I got her text"

"Look Chief, I ain’t interested in no lady business health wise or other wise, my ex wives will attest to that!"

.......... "but we both know I don’t have the full story – which makes me think that you don’t either."

"How long am I supposed to cover for her?   
Because I will, of course I will."

"But Raydor, with her goddamn stick up her ass, is not going to let the Chief not being here stay unquestioned for long.  
Especially cause, you know, they’re  
....... and I hate to use the word ‘friendly' when describing any interaction with the wicked witch of FID, but that’s what it seemed.............  
......... ‘friendly'  
.... now."

"When Flynn told her the Chief wouldn’t be coming to the scene and wouldn’t tell her why, I swear to God she looked like she was gonna take a swing at him!"

"And sure, I’d have laughed my ass off at that, cause I’m pretty sure she could take him!"

"But what I’m trying to say, is that people are gonna start asking more questions and I have no answers to give them.......   
..............her phone is going straight to voicemail, that in itself is cause for concern, because she could be on deaths doorstep, and was with the flu that time, but she still came in......"

"Chief?   
Chief?   
Are you even goddamn listening to me?”

Pope rolled his eyes and snapped back into action.

“Look Lieutenant, let’s behave in the professional manner that our district expects from us, shall we?"

"Leave Raydor to me.   
If she has any questions then you can tell her to contact me, but that as far as I’m concerned you are running this investigation and as such she should allow you full access to the scene immediately."

"The Chief will be back, when she is fully fit and....” 

Pope cleared his throat, which immediately alerted Provenza to the fact that what would come out of his mouth next would be complete and utter horse shit.

“I am in constant communication with Chief Johnson and I am fully apprised of her, er, ........  
............‘situation’ and I fully support her decision........  
to rest....  
yes,   
‘rest’   
until she’s back to full strength."

"The team do not need the particulars, let’s preserve her privacy shall we Lieutenant?”

Provenza, shook his head before looking up, only now aware that he had an audience listening to the tail end of the conversation.   
The Major Crimes team were all watching him, wanting to know that all was well with their Chief and that she would be back asap. 

He grimaced internally as he looked at each of them, but decided then and there that whatever was going on with Chief Johnson he would protect her and her secrets.   
He owed her that much.

But it was the green eyes full of pain that he caught watching him from afar that was nearly his undoing. 

A pair of eyes that quickly glanced away once she realised she had been spotted, but he had continued to watch her anyway.

She had held her phone in front of her, a look of trepidation on her usually composed face.   
He continued to watch her as she had pressed a button and brought the phone to her ear, her head cocked to the side.   
She quickly brought a delicate wrist to cover her mouth to muffle the distressed gasp at whatever she had heard on the line.   
She had then closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, whilst the arm holding the phone simply fell to her side. She then quickly clenched her fists before hastily putting them into her suit pockets in an attempt to not give away how she was really feeling.

In his gut he knew who the voice message must have been from.......  
............but the shortness of the message had confused him, especially in relation to the very intense response it had emitted from Raydor.

Provenza heard the impatient cough on the other end of the line and realised that their illustrious Chief of Police was still on the line awaiting his response. 

Provenza then cleared his throat and said; 

“That’s fine Chief Pope, I will convey that message to the team and to FID.”

Provenza made sure he met each and every set of the teams eyes before he finished saying; 

“Business as usual Chief, we'll have this under control and wrapped up in no time at all. We’ll even put a nice, big red bow on it all ready for Chief Johnson."

Despite Raydor no longer looking his way, he was intently aware that she too had been listening to his response to Chief Pope. 

However, it was only after seeing the relieved faces of his team after them hearing that ‘all would be fine', that the contrast in Raydors response made him once more ponder what was possibly causing the reaction she was so desperately trying and failing miserably to hide. A reaction that screamed of someone losing something that they had never meant to and now not knowing how on earth they were going to cope without it. 

He thought about what he had told Pope.  
– That Raydor and the Chief had been on friendlier terms these last few months.   
That in itself was usually more than enough to make him want to check the skies for the impending apocalypse.   
Because at one time they couldn’t even be in the same room as each other for more than a minute without some sort of conflict taking place. 

But, what was that famous saying?   
Something about there being a fine line between love and hate? 

He chuckled to himself, thinking that if that were true, then maybe the sparks that had always flown during all their interactions had in fact actually been sparks of attraction.........

It was no secret to him that Raydor preferred the company of women, despite the fact she had been married to a man and had had 2 children with him.   
Because he had seen her out on a date with a lady, a date that looked like it ended with a surprisingly passionate kiss for someone he had considered to be too busy cleaning her broomstick to actually do anything as human as date!

But, also having worked with her for several years, and being forced into several seminars of ‘sensitivity training', for his lack of a better word, general ‘insensitivity’, he also knew that she was a VERY private person.   
That her private life was just that, private, and she would never comment on it, even when cruel comments and allegations were often made about her. Her alleged ‘frigid ice queen of FID’ persona that caused most of the officers she had to investigate to throw any insult they could her way, including the word ‘dyke', had not even resulted in a raised eyebrow from her.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and continued to internally reflect on the changes he had noticed over the last few months.

Pondering even further back in time he'd often wondered what had led Brenda to marry Fritz in the first place.  
Because from a distance it always looked like she was trying to ‘fit' herself into the mould that the FBI goon had wanted her to be.

He recalled one evening whilst they were both clearing the murder board and her diamond ring had caught the light, he’d seemingly casually said; 

“Chief, did I ever tell you about wife number 4?”

She had paused, her tired brown eyes had glanced his way and with a slightly hesitant tone to her southern drawl had softly said, “why no Lieutenant, I don’t believe you’ve shared those stories, at least not with me”, and she had continued to clear the murder board of their latest closed case. 

“Well young lady”, he had continued, with a chuckle in his voice, “she never liked me being a cop. In fact she hated it.”

He scratched his cheek and then added, “to be honest, that was just one thing in a VERY long list of things that she didn’t actually like about me.”

He had watched Brenda from his peripheral vision and if he hadn’t have been looking for it he would have missed the quick pause and tensing of her shoulders before she continued with the task at hand.

Unperturbed he continued.  
– “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I loved her" he said gruffly, “well, in my own way."

"But it never seemed enough for her.   
I was never able to fully be myself with her, because I never quite felt like I would be enough for her, even if I did become exactly what she thought she wanted me to be.”

He'd paused then, giving her a chance to reply.   
But she had simply bit her lip and continued boxing up the case notes.

“Maybe, if I’d have listened to a friend.........  
well, maybe not Flynn............  
cause let’s face it, he has even worse luck with the ladies than I do!   
Don’t get me started on the desk sergeant down in robbery homicide that he currently has his eye on!” 

He'd hoped that the last comment would have at least have raised a chuckle from her, but again she remained impassive.

So he did what he usually did when dealing with something that required a little tact......he jumped straight in........

“Look young lady, I'm not saying don’t marry him, hell, he’s that good looking maybe I should marry him!"

"All I’m saying is, ‘forever’ is a long time to feel like you’re living the wrong life.   
And it’s better to realise that now than 5 years down the line when not even ‘good looks' and passable sex.......”,   
he coughed on those last few words and noticed her shocked expression but continued to blunder ahead. 

“......can cover that ultimately, no matter how hard you try and fit yourself into that round hole, it just wont work if you were never a round peg to begin with.”

He wasn’t quite sure what response he would get, but the sad, wounded expression that quickly got replaced by the blank, empty one almost made him regret his actions.   
Almost, but not quite.

She had looked away then, a Brenda Leigh Johnson tic that alerted him to the fact that he had hit a nerve. Because usually she would just bulldoze over whatever, or whomever was in her way, even if it was to her own detriment rather than acknowledge or deal with the real issue at hand.

She then hollowly stated,   
“thank you lieutenant, for your concern, but I’m a big girl",   
and she had walked away from him. 

To this day they had never spoken of it again.   
When the marriage had inevitably ended, lasting longer than he would have ever predicted, he didn’t feel anything but relief for her. 

In fact, when she told her team that Agent Howard and herself had separated, she had looked briefly at him, almost to gauge his reaction.   
He had calmly looked back, simply nodded his head in her direction and in his usual gruff manner stated, 

“right people, you heard the lady, let’s get back to work before you all want to form a support group and start talking about our feelings!!   
Saints be!!   
Some of us have a crossword to complete!”

If he thought about it logically, it was around that time too that perhaps the dynamics in her relationship with Raydor had also changed.   
Or ‘Sharon' as he had heard the Chief softly call her late one night as he was finishing off his notes. 

He recalled how the gentleness in her tone had almost made him fall off his chair at the time and he had hot footed it right out of there.   
Not wanting to later be called as a witness by the prosecution when it came out that the Chief had ‘clocked’ Sharon one for yet again using her love of the rules to impinge on their current investigation.

But if he had have stayed he would have witnessed FAR more than he could possibly have imagined.

As his thoughts returned to the present time he looked straight at Raydor and saw that her shoulders had slumped and she had almost wrapped her arms around herself to provide a semblance of self comfort. 

She looked up at Provenza and slightly shook her head, indicating that she knew full well that everything he had just said to the team about the Chief was a complete and utter bluff.   
That whatever was going on with Brenda, because to the pair of them it was Brenda and not the Chief they were concerned about, was more serious than obviously even Chief Pope knew.

He made to turn towards her, to approach her and ask what she knew, but the desolation and despair he saw in her eyes was his undoing and his feet faltered in their footsteps.

Before his very eyes her shoulders became rigid, her eyes became shuttered and he saw her turn to Lieutenant Elliot and tell him that she would be returning to the station and that he would take the lead for FID.

As she continued to walk away, all he could think was, ‘oh Brenda, what have you done?’


	3. If you can't even say the word 'love' does it make it any the less real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon is reflecting on some of the events that have led to the situation they all now find themselves in.  
Rated M - for some adult themes

Sharon walked blindly towards her car, as if on autopilot.

“Damn her!”  
“Hide away Brenda, hide away when it gets fucking tough!”,  
she muttered irrationally and angrily to herself, pausing to swipe a hot tear from her cold cheek.

If she hadn’t still been as close to the crime scene as she currently was, she would have angrily shouted every swear word that she had once warned her kids about ever daring to use in her presence.  
And that would be after kicking the shit out of the side of her car in an attempt to help her release some of the pent up emotions she had been holding within for what felt like forever. 

Her gaze was draw downwards towards her favourite pair of Manolos. 

They were the very same pair that Brenda had coyly requested her to keep on one night.......  
– her cheeks blushed as she recalled them in fact being the only thing that Brenda had requested she kept on that night!

The memory continued, as if in slow motion – 

She recalled the gentle caresses Brenda had made, before gently kissing her way up both legs from those favoured shoes. 

She had then kissed each ankle, her tongue briefly dampening where her lips had been, before blowing a soft stream of warm air against them. 

Sharon could feel the ghost of those lips on her ankles right now and she bit her lip sharply in an attempt to clear her mind of the physical reminder and continue the video reel of memory instead.

Brenda placed each of her Manolo encased legs delicately on each of her shoulders, before trailing a single finger through her sensitive folds, watching intently as the moisture gathered on the tip...........  
............. and then she proceeded to relentlessly use both her mouth and her fingers to take her, not coming up for air herself until she had made Sharon come, not once but twice, and had made her see stars.

Sharon shivered involuntarily into the early evening air, reaching out shakily for the car to steady herself and her pounding heart.  
But her memories continued to play, now without her permission – 

Brenda had remained between her legs in the afterglow. Her head was softly resting against one of Sharon’s still quivering thighs.

Sharon softly ran her fingers through Brenda’s thoroughly tousled honey blonde hair as she tried to catch her breath from the 2 orgasms that seemed to literally rip her apart at the seams.  
Sharon was by no means a shy and retiring wallflower in the bedroom, but, she had NEVER felt anything like it before and even now, standing against her car in the noise filled street of LA, she had to quickly stifle a heart-breaking sob as she had the realisation that perhaps she would never feel like that ever again.

The memories continued relentlessly –

Brenda had then exhaled so very gently against her folds, and had almost immediately inhaled her scent deeply before extending the tip of her tongue to taste her once again. 

Brenda had appeared to sigh breathily with her own pleasure, humming at the flavour on her tongue and the heady scent of Sharon’s intimate smell enticing her senses, almost as if she couldn’t get enough of Sharon and her body. 

It made Sharon’s blood sing!

It made her feel desperately desired,  
wanted,  
sexy,  
wanton,  
needed,  
and ........  
Lov ...........  
she clamped down hard on that thought before she could complete it.  
Because to think it would make her want it and wanting it scared her.  
It scared her thoroughly and beyond belief.

Brenda’s warm brown eyes had then gazed up at her, as if sensing her inner turmoil, and she had reached for both of Sharon’s hands. 

She kissed the palm of each one before she clasped each in her own, lacing their fingers together.  
She then used them to help her slide herself sensuously up Sharon's still sensitive body. 

Sharon could still remember the delicate drag of Brenda’s breasts against her naked torso as she slowly pulled herself ever higher up Sharon’s now writhing body.

Even now, in the present day, her clit twitches beneath her navy coloured skirt. A sigh escapes her lips as she recalls the warmth of Brenda’s centre mixing with her own as they touched. 

Even now she can feel the immediate trickle of arousal run down her spine and pool in her ever dampening silk panties.  
She clenches her thighs together seeking some friction to relieve the all consuming desire running through her veins.

She recalled that Brenda had paused then and had nibbled her lip thoughtfully, seeming to like this new position.  
Her breasts had gently rested against Sharon’s own and Sharon had watched them through hooded eyes as they had risen and fallen in time with the shallow breaths Brenda had been taking. 

She had continued to watch silently as Brenda’s nipples had hardened almost instantly as a result of her intense gaze.  
Sharon moaned deeply as her pelvis spasmed against Brendas, in response to these heady visuals.  
Her body, despite its exhaustion, was almost begging for another release as it recognised the mutual ever present desire from the warmth and wetness it encountered from Brenda’s own centre. 

And Sharon desperately wanted to feel more. 

She wanted to pull Brenda to her and guide her body into a sensuous rhythm that would paint her skin with the damp arousal she could feel trickling down the creases of Brenda’s thighs. 

She wanted to feel that moisture on the tip of her tongue, flooding her senses, before she couldn’t control herself any longer and she had to devour Brenda before she went crazy with her own need.

She wanted to make Brenda arch her back and pull on Sharon’s hair, half crazy in passion, in an attempt to pull her head closer and her questing tongue ever deeper into her body. Until she couldn’t tell where Brenda ended and Sharon began.

She wanted to plunge her fingers into Brenda. 

She wanted to feel her tightness. 

To feel the incredible heat and the delicate smoothness of her inside, before finding that little rough patch and then repeatedly pounding into her heedless of her wrist aching until Brenda came. 

Until she came screaming and begging her to never stop,  
to never stop touching her,  
to never stop desiring her,  
to never stop loving her.........  
.............as her body would shamelessly drip its enjoyment wantonly onto her palm. A palm she would then lick clean before starting all over again.

But most of all she wanted to wrap the confounding yet heart stoppingly beautiful creature in her arms and never let her go.

She wanted it all.

But Brenda remained in control of this particular situation, continuing to stare at her intently, and Sharon could only pant and move her head restlessly from side to side as her arms were now each side of her head.

She needed friction, something, anything.......

The only thing she could register however was that her hands were softly, but firmly clasped in Brenda’s own. She had tugged on them trying to free herself, with the intention of pulling Brenda flush against her......or rolling her underneath her,  
or......or......or........  
...........anything to stop Brenda from continuing to gaze into her eyes and try to read her soul.

As Brenda continued to look down at her she gently shook her head at Sharon, whilst she had gazed steadfastly into her eyes.  
It was then that Sharon saw a myriad of emotions flicker through those fathomless brown eyes and she stopped her movements entirely.

Brenda had then lowered her head and licked the length of Sharon’s still sensitive neck, before nuzzling into the damp hair behind Sharon’s ear. 

Her teeth grazed the skin beneath her hairline and she continued to breath deeply, pulling Sharon’s unique and intoxicating scent into her lungs and then gently using the tip of her tongue to taste the sweat soaked skin.

She had placed a single featherlight kiss behind that delicate ear, before tugging enticingly on the lobe and whispering the words that Sharon had never expected to hear from anyone ever again. 

But she reluctantly acknowledged that they were words that she was desperately longing to hear -  
again,  
and again,  
and again,  
but only from the person who was now whispering them softly to her,  
only ever from her Brenda Leigh.

...............words that had sounded so raw and honest,  
.............. spoken so deep and meaningfully that her heart had clenched painfully in her chest when it registered the whispered, “I love you.”

Sharon quickly stamped down hard and snapped back to the here and now.  
But, as she remained staring down at those traitorous shoes she realised that she would have happily sacrificed them in that precise moment just to release the pressure that was building within her.

Instead, with a sigh she opened the car and sat inside. She pounded the steering wheel once, before fishing her phone out of her suit pocket.

She gazed at it.  
Almost daring it to ring. 

But it remained silent, unlike for the last few days when Brenda had relentlessly attempted to contact her on it.

Sharon played the latest voicemail again.  
It barely lasted more than 30 seconds, but it said more to her than any other message had in her entire life.

She listened to the first heart-breaking sob again.  
A sound that could only be made by someone whose world had been ripped apart without warning.

She listened to the repeated gasping sobs of a woman, who sounded like she couldn’t breathe because of all the intense and unrelenting pain that was consuming her.

At that moment Sharon hated herself for the both of them, because she had to accept that these sobs were coming from the woman who’s bed and life she had factored in up until only a few days before. 

Then she listened to the muffled sound of something falling.......

her eyebrows quickly raised in alarm as she realised that it wasn’t a ‘something’, but a ‘someone’ who had fallen! 

Oh brenda!!

What happened? 

Please god don’t be hurt.

Sharon’s fingers twitched on the ignition and for a fleeting second she wanted to start her car and drive as fast as she could to pick Brenda up. 

To hold her and comfort her until her sobs and tears stopped. 

But she couldn’t do that. 

She wouldn’t do that. 

She didn’t have the right to be that person anymore.

She didn’t deserve to be that person anymore............ if she ever had been in the first place.

Her head hung low, as she knew it to be true, especially after the words that she had shouted at Brenda before she had walked away and slammed the door on whatever it was that they had had.

“You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘love’ Brenda!”

“You throw that word around like you know what it means, like you know how it feels........”  
Sharon took a deep breath, the anger still roaring through her body.

“You know NOTHING!!!",  
she screamed at Brenda, ignoring the silent tears that were falling down her own face and the clenching of her fists that punctuated each word that left her traitorous mouth.

Brenda had stayed deathly silent throughout.  
Her eyes were wide, her breaths were shallow and she was wobbling precariously like a new born foal.

But Sharon had continued on her tirade, her tongue continuing to form the words that her mind was screaming at her to ignore.

“I HATE you!”

(Internally all Sharon could hear herself say was – Oh, god, oh god, please baby forgive me.)

“I HATE how needy you are!”

(I don’t, I don’t, I don’t mean that. Please know that I don’t mean that!)

“You cling to me, scared I’m going to leave you Brenda, and you don’t care that your weaknesses make me HATE you! 

You’re pathetic!”

(These are my flaws honey, my fears. I’m the weak one and one day you’ll hate me because of it. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry!)

Brenda had started to reach out her hand towards her, tears running unchecked down her cheeks, her eyes more empty and desolate than they ever deserved to be.

But still Sharon continued, not even knowing what she was saying at this point, but knowing that they were words that would inflict such pain that they would forever leave scars on the heart of the person she was screaming them at. 

A person that did not deserve them, not in this lifetime or the next.  
A person who’s heart she was watching herself shatter before her very own eyes.

“I should have NEVER even looked twice at you!”

(I don’t mean it, I’ll never mean it – I need you! I crave you! I don’t deserve you, but I want you, so, so desperately!)

“I cant believe you thought that it meant anything at all, because to me it wasn’t anything more a few meaningless...”

here, Sharon did nearly choke on her own words, as if her body was finally rebelling against her.

“fucks,” she snarled.

“And they were that meaningless that they don’t even warrant a second thought, apart from regret at having wasted my time on doing them......on DOING you."

"In fact the only thing I will remember is having to pretend that you actually made me come!”

(I’ve lost her. I’ve really lost her now....)

Sharon had stopped then, as if she had run out of steam. 

She couldn’t look at Brenda.

She turned and walked towards the door.  
Her hand paused briefly after she opened it. 

Without looking behind her at the devastation she had left behind, she quietly whispered,

"Don’t you see?"

"This is for the best Brenda Leigh."

"You must know we would have never worked.....not in the real world.”

And as she had relived that thought, she realised that she had never felt as worthless or as empty as the way she had felt that night in her entire life.

But the simple fact was, she was a coward. 

And the resounding thought she had was that it was actually she that deserved every ounce of heartbreak and pain that she had so mercilessly thrown at Brenda Leigh.

Sharon’s mind was reeling.

“Enough!"

"Enough!”, 

she stated firmly through her clenched jaw.

She switched on the engine of her crown vic and started to drive towards the station.


	4. Sleeping with the enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fritz was on a mission.  
He wanted his wife back, whatever the cost.  
\- but what he could not seem to accept was the fact that she didn't want anything to do with him and for good reason.

Fritz Howard strode arrogantly into Major Crimes, his eyes immediately searching for his wife, ready to inflict just a little bit more misery on her.   
But this time for daring to finally end their relationship. 

For the last 6 months Brenda had done everything in her power to end things with Fritz as amicably as she could. 

But it appeared that Fritz was not remotely interested in being friends and this would be yet another opportunity to hit her where it would cause her the most upset and embarrassment - her workplace. 

Initially his petty behaviour had started off as deliberately withholding information during shared cases with the FBI.

She tried to ignore his irrational behaviour, not wanting the others in her team pick it up on it.   
And in response she had avoided him wherever possible, actively encouraging her team to hone their skills by liaising with the FBI instead of her.

And she removed every trace of him from her private life, starting with her wedding ring.

But his behaviour escalated in response to her actions.

He started tailing her home not matter what the time, day or night.

He began confronting her in public places, claiming to have ‘bumped' into her at random and then trying to coerce her into going out with him.

He continued entering the house without her consent, even after she changed the locks.

In fact he had even trashed it on more than one occasion and when confronted used the justification that he was looking for signs of adultery- because why else would she possibly be leaving him!

Brenda was well aware that if this was happening to anyone else she would advise they get a restraining order.  
But it took less than a heartbeat for her to decide that that option was simply not available to her. 

She was a Deputy Chief of the LAPD, she had to set an example. She could not allow her inadequacies and failures to become gossip in the locker rooms of the Police Plaza.  
So, for reasons known only to herself Brenda she had coped alone with Fritz's latest bouts of irrational behaviours, hiding it all from her squad, her parents and ultimately her Sharon.

Fritz gripped the paperwork he held in his fist tighter and snorted to himself -

He began to imagine the embarrassment she was going to feel when he thrust the divorce papers he had previously refused to sign in her face, and all in front of her beloved squad. 

Only now that paperwork cited more than a few factually questionable and salacious allegations to further slur both her personal and professional character.   
And Fritz was planning on using it to force her hand.

He grinned slyly to himself as he thought about what they would discover in the paperwork.   
How shocked and appalled they would be at her ‘irrational behaviour’ towards a ‘loving and attentive' husband. 

In fact he was counting on that response – 

Their disapproval and disappointment would help force a desperately insecure people pleaser like his ‘wife’ to change her mind about ending their marriage.

Lost in his private little daydream, Fritz failed to notice that he had drawn the attention of Provenza and Flynn.  
In fact, Fritz ignored everything as he continued to make his way through the outer office towards Brenda’s one. 

An office that he was only now just noticing was dark and who’s door was firmly closed.

He spun around on his heel about to demand the whereabouts of his erstwhile wife, but instead found himself face to face with a blustering Provenza and a practically snarling Flynn.

“What the hell do you want Agent Howard?”

“We’re busy and have no need of your particular services, so how about you just take your FBI fancy black suit and high tail it back out of here the same way you came in!”  
Flynn angrily muttered.

Fritz stalled for a moment. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.  
Immediately forgetting to play his ‘charming yet wounded' character, he took a menacing step closer towards Flynn, anger flashing in his eyes.

“Where is she?”   
he demanded gesturing towards the dark, empty office.

Not waiting for an answer he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket and immediately dialled her number. How dare she not be here!

It went straight to voicemail.

Her southern accent drawling through the phone speakers;   
“This is Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson. I’m unavailable at present, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you."

His finger stabbed at the end call button, just how he imagined jabbing it in her face when he demanded a reason for her absence today.

His eyes flashed as he once again demanded, through gritted teeth, “where is she?”

Provenza had never had much patience for the FBI at the best of times – but especially not the belligerent and cocky asshole he currently had in front him.

“Look, Agent Howard,"  
he slowly enunciated, as if speaking to a particularly dense suspect.

“The Chief is busy, so how about you take a hike before we escort you from the office for causing a disturbance.”

Sanchez, who Brenda had affectionately regarded as her ‘enforcer', had raised his head from the paperwork he was completing and prepared to make a move.

Provenza held his palm up at him for him to stop, as he used his other hand to snatch the brown envelope from Fritz's grasp. 

He knew full well what was likely to be in there and so he leaned in very closely, so that only Fritz would be privy to what he was about to say.

“You need to leave the lady alone."

"She’s made her choice ..............

........ quite frankly the right choice, just after the wrong amount of wasted time.”

Fritz tensed, as if ready to make a snide comeback, but Provenza continued unperturbed.

“I know what a temper you’ve got.”

At this comment Fritz’s nostrils flared in anger – 

Provenza continued, “but, unlike your thankfully soon to be EX-wife, I’m not going take any of your irrational or bullying bullshit.”

“It’s over.   
Move on.  
Get another hobby ...........  
.............. christ, get a life!"

"Because I can assure you that she most certainly has!  
And if I have my way she’s not going to be even glancing again in your direction."

"So leave.

Now.

And don’t come back.”

Fritz glanced at Sanchez and Gabriel, at Brenda’s empty office and then back at Provenza and he muttered, “this isn’t over", as he stalked away.

From the other side of the office Sanchez could not hide the look of concern on his face.  
“Why do I get the feeling that we don’t know the whole story there? Where actually is the Chief and how long has she been putting up that?” Sanchez queried.

Provenza glanced at him, remembering that he had promised himself to protect Brenda’s secrets, before saying;  
“The Chief is fine – now let’s get back to it or she’ll have all our heads”

\----‐-------------------------------------

Sharon was rounding the corner heading into Major Crimes. 

Her head was down, her hands grasping the file that she was going to use as a guise to explain her presence, when someone came stomping around the corner, nearly knocking her off her feet.

Rubbing her arm she sighed at the file’s contents now laying scattered all over the corridor floor.

“I’m sorry Captain, I didn’t notice you", muttered Fritz.

“That’s quite alright, if you excuse me I need to pick this up and then drop it off in Major Crimes,” she replied softly, without even looking up.

Fritz looked at her then.   
He'd always found her attractive – in fact he seemed to randomly remember Brenda commenting on that fact one night as they’d seen Sharon sitting across the other side of a restaurant from them.

What was it Brenda had said?

“She’s mesmerising", Brenda had whispered breathlessly.

He remembered being pissed off at Brenda for that comment, well, not just that comment.   
He was always pissed off at her.   
But this time it had preceded her attempting to end their marriage and as he continued to gaze at the oblivious Captain he recalled the events of that night.

\--------------------------------------------

Once again she’d been late for their reservation.

She’d left him alone in a busy restaurant on a Friday night, having to put up with what he perceived as the pitying looks from the waiters.   
Like they thought he’d been stood up!

She'd pay for those perceived insults.   
Insults she would never actually know about, because Fritz Howard had once again deliberately misread the signs to suit his own version of events.

When she had finally arrived he'd grabbed her firmly by her upper arm, ignoring her,  
"owww, Fritzi, that hurts! I'm so sorry, I just lost track of time is all.” 

Just as he was about to quietly remind her of what a thoughtless, selfish wife she was, the waiter returned to take her drink order. 

Fritz's whole demeanour changed immediately.

He had appeared to lovingly caress her face, in an attempt to distract from the fact he was continuing to tightly squeeze the bicep he'd grabbed earlier.

“Hey baby, I missed you, show me how much you missed me too,”   
he'd purred suggestively to her.

She’d blushed furiously then.   
Her southern heritage and conservative mother having instilled in her that that was not what a lady did in public, not even with her husband.

As she remained momentarily motionless, she glanced up at Fritz through her lashes and saw the tightening of his jaw, indicating he was quickly losing his patience.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the waiter grin in their direction, not in the least bit phased by a ‘loving' husbands suggestive request and perhaps even waiting for a little show.

And in the background, across the other side of the room, she’d seen Sharon, sitting in profile.   
Her hand was reaching up to pick up her glass of a no doubt expensive vintage of wine.   
The minute it touched her lips Brenda had sprung into action and for the first time in a very long time she initiated a kiss with her husband.

She kissed him whilst imagining that his lips were the ones currently caressing the side of a glass of wine across the other side of the room.

Fritz had taken full advantage of Brenda’s submission, bending her backwards and grabbing a fistful of her flowery pink skirt below her pert bottom, forcing his tongue into her mouth, heedless of the audience around them. 

In fact he revelled in it.

He wanted them to be jealous that she was his.   
And she was.   
All.   
His.

He kissed her until she began lightly pushing on his chest trying to make him stop, so he bit her lip spitefully before pulling himself away.

He spared a glance at the waiter, winked and chuckled, saying,   
“I have my dessert right here, so the sooner we get to ordering the quicker I can take it home.”

Brenda closed her eyes briefly to hide from the frank appraisal the waiter was sending her way.   
She clasped her hands tightly to her sides, relishing the feel of her nails biting into her palms.   
It helped her to deal with the shame that this had just happened in the middle of a busy restaurant and she had done nothing as usual to prevent it.

She hoped against hope that Sharon had not witnessed that mortifying spectacle.   
But as she once more risked a glance in her direction she saw those green eyes now watching her intently right back.

Fritz smiled solicitously at her as he pulled out her chair, whispering a quick, 

“mmmmmm, I can’t wait until I get you home baby. Maybe you shouldn’t eat too much, because I’m not sure how long I can wait to get you naked."  
"Mmm, mmm, or maybe we can just pull over on the way home .......”

Returning to his side of the table he caught a glimpse of Captain Raydor and waved at her, hoping she had seen his little show at Brenda’s expense.   
He smiled brightly when she returned the wave, not seeming to notice the tightness around her eyes and mouth as though it both pained and disgusted her to acknowledge him.

“Honey, isn’t that Captain Raydor over there?” he pretended to innocently ask.   
Knowing that Brenda would be mortified at anyone, especially her nemesis witnessing her life to be anything but ‘perfect.’

“She’s mesmerising,” she breathily whispered, whilst gazing in her direction.

And then Brenda panicked.   
She picked up her menu and tried replying again, “hmmm? Oh, I didn’t notice......erm, maybe?”

“Mesmerising?” Fritz questioned.

“Did you really just say mesmerising?” he queried again shaking his head.

He was testing her.

Brenda knew she needed to do damage control and fast. So she relied on the old tried and tested remedy of giving him exactly what he claimed was his by right. Something she had avoided for more weeks, maybe months than she could remember.

“Fritz, honey, you said yourself that you couldn’t wait to get me home, so how about we go........., now" she said in a sultry tone.

She watched his eyes light up as they scanned up and down her body and she felt physically sick.   
She swallowed convulsively in an attempt to rid herself of the bile that was rapidly rising in her throat at the thought of not just having to endure sex with the man in front of her, but also at having to initiate it as a way to disguise the truth.

Fritz had started to move quickly now, he hadn’t needed to be told twice.  
He threw some twenties down on the table and grabbed her hand tightly. 

He pulled her roughly to her feet, and spun her around, nuzzling his face against her cheek and splaying his hand possessively and almost painfully across her pelvis.   
She could feel his erection pressing intrusively against her lower back and she had to stop herself from physically cringing at its presence.

By him turning her in such a way she found herself once again facing Sharon.   
She watched as Sharon began to rise from her chair, her green eyes wide and stormy with questions about Fritz’s latest move. 

Brenda felt shame, all consuming shame at her own weakness.   
Hot tears pricked at her eyes as she infinitesimally shook her head ‘no' at Sharon, silently begging her not to move.

Not to intervene.

But most of all, not to care.

This was her life and she would deal with it the best way she could. 

She didn’t want pity. 

She didn’t want HER pity.

She didn’t deserve pity.

Brenda continued to repeat in her head, almost like a mantra:- 

THIS is my life.

This is MY life.

This is my LIFE ..................

...................... and she fucking HATED it.

Brenda felt a brief spark of anger at this self revelation, a thought she hadn’t allowed herself to fully acknowledge before.

For a moment it was almost like she was the ‘old’ Brenda again.

The old Brenda who took no prisoners.

The old Brenda who was feisty and unapologetic. 

The old Brenda who was a southern pistol disguised as a southern belle and who wouldn’t hesitate to hand someone their balls if they crossed her –

So what the fuck had she become?

Her face hardened as she attempted to stare Sharon down, willing her to look away first.   
Instead, Sharon raised a single eyebrow, tilted her head to the side and continued to silently watch her.

Brenda clenched her teeth and turned away frustratedly.

She looked at Fritz, really looked at him, and vowed then and there that this was the last time. 

Once they got home she was sleeping in the spare room before starting the paperwork for a divorce to free her from yet another marriage at the hands of a man who had started out gentle and kind but had become a monster to her.

Who had initially claimed to love every single part of her ...............   
.............before getting a ring on her finger and then systematically destroying those very parts of her he once claimed to love.   
The parts that had once made her who she was.

Never again would she cheapen herself by pretending to enjoy the wrong clammy hands that would grope insistently at her body, not noticing if she received any pleasure or not, but expecting her to make the appropriate noises and sighs at the correct times in order to fuel their ego.

Never again would she settle for less than she deserved. 

Never again would she allow herself to be used, to be hurt, to be punished for not being what was unfairly demanded of her.

When she now looked into the eyes of the man she had once deeply .................

.............. liked

........not loved, because Brenda was being honest now. 

He was once the man she had considered her best friend, but now she saw a person that she no longer recognised.   
Ironically it was the exact way that she felt when she looked at her own reflection in the mirror –   
she was faced with a person she no longer recognised.   
Day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year of their marriage she had felt that way.

Fritz had indeed changed, beyond all recognition, beyond all expectations.   
But she had to acknowledge that she had adapted and changed right along with him.   
And the change was not for the better.

They were both slowly but consistently destroying each other.   
Fritz by becoming increasingly vindictive and vicious at her essentially emotionally and mentally ‘checking out' of their marriage and her by allowing his increasingly irrational responses to go unchecked.

But despite these revelations, there was still the overwhelming self doubt that continued to scream at her from the shadows.   
And that was the fact that it was most likely all her fault.

That it was always her fault.

She was never enough.

He had shouted it at her more than once ........ especially that night.

That it was all her fault.

Well, no more.

NO more.

She was done.

\--------------------------------------------

As Sharon reached out her hand to collect some of the spilled paperwork from the person who had caused the accident, she glanced up and had to immediately stop herself from throwing it all right back in his arrogant, bullying face.   
Along with her fist!

Fritz continued waving the paperwork at her with a puzzled frown on his face.  
“Captain? Captain Raydor? Is everything ok?” he queried.

She swallowed the bile she felt climbing up the back of her throat and nodded silently.   
Not trusting herself to say any words at the moment.

However, Fritz continued talking for the both of them -  
“I was thinking that maybe once you’ve delivered this to the idiots in Major Crimes, maybe we could grab a coffee?   
Or dinner sometime?”

What fresh hell was this she wondered?  
The sheer audacity of this excuse of a man!   
Daring to ask her out in the same building his soon to be ex-wife worked in! 

He continued to hand her the paperwork and it was then that she noticed he still wore his wedding ring.

“HOW FUCKING DARE HE!!!”  
she roared in her mind. 

The fact that he was still wearing his wedding ring, indicated to her that in his head the marriage was not over.   
This thought left her brimming with a red hot anger she was struggled to contain.

She snatched the remaining paperwork from him and started to walk towards the office of Major Crimes, towards her Brenda, seeming to ignore his offer of a date.   
Until she casually said over her shoulder in an ice cold voice full of venom, 

“Not in any version of this universe or the next would I lower myself to go anywhere with you Agent Howard."

"You disgust me and if you so much as look in my direction again ........."

An internal dialogue now commenced simultaneously with her verbal one.

(If you so much as FUCKING look in Brenda’s direction again,   
if you so much as even breathe her way, I will destroy you!   
I will rip your balls off, along with that pretence of a ring you still wear!   
She is NOT yours!   
She was NEVER yours!   
And she NEVER will be again!!   
I swear to god, you will NEVER hurt her again!   
I won’t let you continue to try and destroy the woman I l...o....v.....e........

\- Her internal dialogue stopped dead in its tracks at nearly completing that thought.   
But, her conscience whispered, “you know it’s true.”

It was a word that she had felt instinctively and with such ferociousness when confronted with her desire to protect Brenda, even now when she no longer had a right to do so.   
Her need to protect Brenda made the rest of words that came out her mouth to Fritz sound the most venomous.)

........."I will make both your professional and personal life a living hell. 

I know who and what you really are Agent Howard and believe me when I say that I would take great pleasure in destroying you, make no mistake about that."

With that last comment still ringing in his ears and Brenda still firmly on her mind, she walked away. 

She was suddenly desperate to see Brenda, even if it was only through the half open blinds of her office. 

She had to know that Fritz hadn’t managed to hurt her anymore than he already had over the years they had lived in that sham of a marriage.   
She especially needed to know that he hadn’t hurt her in the last few moments.   
Because the fact he was still wearing his wedding ring raised alarm bells within her and made her fear that Brenda had been hiding more from her than she had realised. 

She recalled late one night. 

Brenda, whilst laying in her arms and gently caressing Sharon’s ring finger, had whispered in the darkness that the day she had taken off Fritz's ring was the day she had been freed from her old, ill fitting and desperately unhappy life.   
A life that had almost destroyed her and left her afraid that she was too damaged to love.   
But that when she had started to trust Sharon to heal her broken soul, then the life she actually wanted to live had begun. 

She had then softly raised Sharon’s hand and kissed it so very gently that it felt like the wings of a butterfly had ghosted over her skin, before she had placed it over her own heart.

Sharon had remained silent at the revelations that night, not trusting herself not to recklessly declare the depth of her feelings in case she scared the wounded and broken Brenda Leigh away. 

She instead concentrated on feeling the steady beating of Brenda’s heart against her palm, reassuring herself that Brenda was alive and she was here and safe in her arms, where she belonged.   
It was where they both belonged, together.

Not daring to move a muscle in case she broke the spell that Brenda was weaving, Sharon promised herself that she would never forget this poignant moment as long she lived. 

And now, somehow, in this precise moment in time, it mattered deeply to Sharon that Brenda knew she had heard her whisper those truths that night.

Because what Sharon did know without a doubt was that when Brenda had ran away from Fritz, she had ran straight into Sharon’s life,

straight into her thoughts,

straight into her arms, 

straight into her bed,

and straight into her heart ...........

................ only now Sharon had ran straight out of Brenda's life, doing exactly what Brenda had always feared that she would do.

With this in mind, she practically sprinted the last few paces to the office.   
Her mind racing when hearing Provenza grumble to Flynn about Agent Howard’s inappropriate behaviour, moving past them to get to Brenda Leigh.

She came to an abrupt standstill when she realised that the door to her office was closed and the lights were off and her Brenda Leigh was nowhere to be found.


	5. A brief history of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory, within a daydream, before reality comes back to remind Brenda that things have changed.
> 
> Brenda is on the road and she doesn't want to stop running from what she sees haunting her in the rear-view mirror.  
But, as she takes a moment to pause, her memories take her back to a happier moment in time.  
A memory of Sharon morphs into a daydream of a more detailed story.  
\- a history lesson that Willie Rae shared with an inquisitive Sharon.  
The topic of that history lesson was one Brenda Leigh Johnson. 
> 
> *This is a super long chapter!  
I hope it's not too confusing as it jumps between memories - enjoy!

Brenda was tired. 

Bone weary, heart breakingly, soul destroyingly tired.

She rubbed her eyes, wondering how long she had been driving for, but knowing that she wasn’t quite ready to stop yet.

Her cell phone lay in powered down darkness on the passenger seat and her fingers itched to simply throw it out of the window.  
There was only one person she wanted to talk to and that person had chosen to ignore her......again.

She clenched the steering wheel tighter to stop herself from giving in to the urge to call her yet again.  
What was the point?

To beg her to listen?  
To beg her to meet up?  
To beg her to just talk to her?

............ Or to beg her to love her, completely and forever.

What was the point if it wasn’t what Sharon wanted.  
Because she didn’t want Brenda. She didn’t WANT a life with Brenda.  
So, the life she'd desired, craved and been brave enough to try and reach for had abruptly broken apart .........

because Brenda was broken

............ and right now she felt broken beyond repair.

The self destructive part of her almost wanted the pain of another rejected call.  
Because each rejection was like another arrow to her already near fatally wounded heart........ and at the moment it felt like the pain was the only thing that was keeping her alive.

In fact her inner self irrationally craved that pain.  
It wanted to use it as a reminder that she was completely and utterly inconsequential.  
And it was the truth.

She was.

She was a hopeless wife:  
– 2 failed marriages could attest to that.

She was a hopeless daughter:  
\- the disappointment her parents were bound to feel at her latest failure, could attest to that.

She was a hopeless cop:  
– her quitting her vocation to run away from a life that had chewed her up and spat her out, could attest to that.

And now she was a hopeless.....what?:  
...... a girl - friend? 

Friend with benefits? 

\- It certainly wasn’t ‘girlfriend’, Sharon had made that perfectly clear.

Pity fuck? 

\- That sounded about right, but it made her heart twinge nevertheless.  
Because, apparently being a ‘pity fuck' was another thing she was hopeless at:  
\- and Sharon could attest to that.

So what was she if she wasn’t hopeless?  
Who was she?  
Who the FUCK was she?!?

The car was silent, a pleasant contrast to the noise filled mess of her racing, aching mind.  
She hadn’t touched the radio, apart from to turn it off when she first started driving.  
She couldn’t bear to hear any other noise, it would only distract her from her internal monologue.

So, the soft ‘ping' she heard sounded like a gunshot to her after all the silence. And it made her jump.

The light on the dashboard was indicating that she was nearly out of fuel.  
Her stomach also chose that moment to rumble, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten in ....... well, she couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten, she just didn’t know ........ and she didn’t really care.

Brenda automatically pulled in to the next gas station she saw, having absolutely no idea where she had managed to drive herself in the last (she looked quickly at the clock on the dashboard) five and a half hours.

For a fleeting moment she wished it was five and a half years in the future, not just five and a half hours.  
But she didn’t think that time or distance would make any difference to how she felt.  
That however far she drove it would never be far enough away to escape the ghosts of her past, and now the slowly dying embers of a future that she had once had such hopes for.

She sighed to herself as she pulled herself out of the car seat, rolling her neck to relieve the tension that was now making itself known in her back. 

It was a cool evening, and the stars were starting to make an appearance.  
She stared at them whilst she filled up the car, drumming her fingertips on its roof in a tuneless rhythm.

Grabbing her large handbag she slowly walked in to the gas station to pay.

The bright lights, along with the loud music and the smells of various hot snacks, all of dubious quality, overwhelmed her senses.  
She had to fight down the urge to run to the closest restroom and dry heave up the contents of her already achingly empty stomach.

She needed to leave. 

It was too much.  
It was too bright.  
It was too noisy.

It was making her head hurt and her vision swim.  
She stumbled slightly, grabbing the counter in front of her for stability.  
She took some deep breaths and tried to focus. 

All the maps and leaflets littered around the countertop all depicted one place – Yosemite National Park.

“Ma'am?”  
“Ma'am?”

She looked up quickly and saw the cashier looking in her direction with more than a little undisguised concern.  
In an attempt to pre-empt any more he may try to turn her way, she picked up a leaflet offering a one bedroom cabin to rent.

“That's a mighty fine cabin right there ma'am,” said the voice behind the counter.

She fleetingly glanced at him, unable to make eye contact for long in her current state of mind.

“Belongs to a friend of mine and I know for a fact it’s empty right now,” he continued patiently.  
“Reasonable price too, seeing as it’s coming to the end of the season.”

Brenda looked at him then and tilted her head, shaking it slightly.  
“I don’t have a cell phone.......I mean, my cell ......... I can’t ........ I don’t have a way to call ......... and it’s late ....... I’ll just head to the next .........,”  
she stumbled through the sentence, trailing off at the end and looking back down at the counter.

“It’s no problem ma’am, I can call him if you’d like?  
I have the spare set of keys in the cash drawer, so I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you taking the place ......... for as long as you need it,” she heard him say.

“It’s a good 5 miles off the road though, no stores in walking distance, so you may want to stock up on some groceries to tide you over ...... unless you have some already in your car?”

Brenda didn’t want to eat. 

She didn’t want to do anything but sleep.  
The tablets she had placed in her purse rustled, reminding her of their presence, as she anxiously moved her large handbag to her other shoulder.

She was about to let the lie, that she had everything she needed slip right off her tongue.  
But, the look of concern was back on his face.  
So, instead she found herself say, with a fake cheery smile invading her face; “maybe I’ll just get a few things to top me up.”

She didn’t need more questions.  
She needed to not draw any more attention to herself than she already had. 

She needed to blend in.

She found herself roaming the small gas station as she half listened to the conversation taking place on the phone.  
Picking things up and putting them down, seemingly at random.

She made her way to the wine section, now this she could handle with her eyes closed.  
And the amount she planned to drink to help her forget would also end up with her eyes being closed at some point.

As she pondered her limited choices she saw the dry Riesling that Sharon had always favoured.  
And as her hand reached out automatically to pick it up, she paused, flashing back to a moment in time not so long ago.  
\----------------------------------------------  
Sharon was standing barefoot in the kitchen. 

Her hair was down and it rested over one shoulder, allowing her elegant neck to be exposed to Brenda’s hungry eyes.  
Her work shirt was also more open than usual, hinting at what lay underneath. 

She was humming softly to herself, her hip resting against the kitchen’s island as she filled a glass with her favourite Reisling.

Brenda watched her from the doorway, smiling softly to herself.  
She sighed loudly, entranced as always by the beautiful lady standing in her kitchen.

Sharon had heard her, and smiled serenely as she took a sip from her glass of wine.

Brenda watched those soft, pliant lips brushing gently against the glass and immediately wished it was her lips they were brushing gently against.

Sharon looked over at Brenda now and her eyes were twinkling in mischief as she coyly regarded Brenda over the rim of the glass.  
She was trying desperately not to smile.

“What are you finding so amusing all the way over there?” Brenda queried.

“Hmmmmm, I don’t know ‘Forrest', maybe you better come over here and find out", Sharon had replied teasingly.

Brenda rolled her eyes.  
“Really?  
We’re really back to that AGAIN?” she replied exasperated.

“Well, if the nickname fits.......” Sharon started to say, as she turned to place her glass of wine back on to the countertop.

“I still cant believe that my mama told you that story,” she pouted.

Sharon lightly chuckled.  
“What can I say?” she said shrugging her shoulders in false modesty.

“It seems I have a special skill when it comes to ‘Johnson' women.  
They just cant seem to stop themselves from unfurling like a flower and sharing all their secrets.”

She let out a little ‘Yelp’ when Brenda surprised her by suddenly crossing the room and tickling her mercilessly, bringing her down to the floor in heap of tangled limbs.

“Well, you certainly do have some ‘special skills' that ‘this’ Johnson woman appreciates VERY much!” she sultrily replied.

“I just hope she didn’t spill all of my secrets .......”, she pouted, whilst looking down at Sharon.

“Hmmm, well, I’ll never tell ........ ‘ninja!’”, she winked, beginning to laugh again at the now outraged look on Brenda’s face.

Sharon couldn’t breathe because she was laughing so hard and Brenda took a moment to pause, and just savour the moment.  
Even the little snorts that accompanied Sharon’s continued laughter sounded adorable to her.

Brenda had her pinned to the floor by now.  
But Sharon simply raised her eyebrow at her enticingly and wiggled her hips against her teasingly.

Brenda let out a frustrated growl, before she leaned down, very, very slowly ......... and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose.  
A move Sharon was most definitely NOT expecting!

“You drive me crazy, you know that right?” Brenda had whispered against Sharon’s still grinning lips.

“Hhhhmm, mmm!  
Yes I do know that.  
And you know what I think?  
I.  
Think.  
You.  
Love.  
It.”

Sharon said it slowly, a word at a time, punctuating each word with a kiss, before she wriggled her hips once more against Brenda, hoping to elicit a further, more intimate reaction.

“Maybe you deserve a medal ......... Chief ...... for putting up with me,” she said, biting her lip coyly.  
She was struggling to stifle the laughter that was threatening to escape from her again.

It was then that Brenda saw what was hanging around Sharon’s neck underneath her part open work shirt. The light made it twinkle as she gazed at it nestled between Sharon’s breasts.

“Oh, my, god!” she stammered, her cheeks filling with colour and her wrists loosening their grasp on Sharon’s.  
“I hate you, you know that right?” She said, as she pouted fiercely down at her lover and the gold medal of Brenda’s that she was currently wearing. 

It was the medal she had won nearly a year ago now, at the State Police competition, a competition she had been cajoled into entering by the very woman who lay chuckling underneath her. 

“Well, it is nearly that time of year again, Champ! Maybe you could try for a new record!” Sharon exclaimed, wriggling again but with unrepressed amusement this time.

But Brenda was already lost in the daydream of how this whole fiasco and the aftermath came to be.

\------------------------------------------------

Every year the LAPD competed in this allegedly ‘most prestigious’ sporting event and every year it was the most feared email that entered the email boxes of Major Crimes.  
Most notably because every department had to pick at least one person to represent them.

“Eurgh!” exclaimed Provenza out loud.

“It's that time of year again boys, Flynn get the straws and let’s start picking em.  
Just to remind every one that I’m exempt on ...... (cough) administrative reasons" Provenza jubilantly stated.

The rest of the squad turned to face him and laughed.  
“Admin reasons my ass!” shouted Flynn.

This loud comment drew the attention of Brenda, and she sauntered into the outer office from her own.  
She raised an eyebrow and cheekily said in her heaviest southern accent;  
“why, Lieutenant Flynn, I do declare that I just heard you volunteer your services this year.” 

And she leaned in towards him and fluttered her eyelashes, about to land the knock out punch.

“And I’m just as pleased as can be, that you’ll uphold ma squads honour and compete for lil ole me in these silly lil games.”

Flynn remained frozen as he gazed at her entranced by her and her still fluttering eyelashes.  
His mouth wordlessly opened and closed several times, but before he could find a reply, Sanchez shouted;

“busted! She’s got you now!

Hope you’ve ironed your tight little white running shorts Flynn!  
Or maybe you could borrow a pair of the Chiefs, cause judging by the pink in your cheeks hers may be the better colour for you to wear!”

“Or, maybe I’ll kick your ass Sanchez and your colours can be black and blue,” he shouted back, making to look like he was going to get up from his seat and face him off. 

Laughter erupted from all sides.  
Even Captain Raydor, who had been finishing up some notes from a shared case had chuckled at the little scene she’d witnessed.

And that’s how Fritz found them all when he walked into the office with both of Brenda’s parents in tow.  
Laughing at another thing he felt he'd been excluded from.

Willie Rae’s eyes twinkled in joy and she clapped her hands at the laughter she was hearing, before delicately clearing her throat.  
Silence fell immediately.

“Mama! Daddy!”

Brenda Leigh squealed in joy as she muscled past her boys to reach them.  
She didn’t even acknowledge Fritz.

She nuzzled herself into her mama’s arms and chuckled as she tried to explain what was going on with her boys this time.

“Maybe the Chief should do it this year,” said a smooth and sensuous voice from behind them all.  
“Unless she’s scared she couldn’t do it, that is".

All eyes turned to look at Sharon in silence as she continued to grin at them slyly, knowing that Brenda wouldn’t be able to resist the challenge. 

Willie Rae immediately approached Sharon and Brenda had no choice but to follow as she was still wrapped up in her mother’s arms.  
As Willie Rae regarded her daughter quizzically waiting for an explanation, Sharon continued to smirk at Brenda. 

After hearing the reason for Sharon’s challenge, Clay Johnson proudly started to boast;  
“Forrest ain’t scared a no one, she could take em all in her sleep, my baby girl was state........”

“Daddy!! 

Hush now, please! 

No-one needs to hear those stories,” Brenda muttered through gritted teeth.

Willie Rae picked up on Brenda desperately trying to take the focus away from herself, so she interrupted Clay to say;  
“well, aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend honey?  
I like her, I bet she keeps you on your toes and you know how much you love that, sugar.”

If Brenda had thought this day couldn’t have gotten any worse then she was wrong.

As she looked first at her mama, and then at Sharon, who was now openly smirking, she said, “mama, this is my Sharon.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow and held out her hand trying not to openly gape at Brenda, whilst simultaneously trying to figure out how she should reply to that particular statement. 

Because all she wanted to say in response was, “yes, I am hers.”

Brenda then stuttered again, “this is my friend, Captain Sharon.”  
Sharon shook her in mild amusement before she smiled brightly, taking Willie Rae’s hand and saying, “hello, I’m Captain Sharon Raydor, it’s very nice to meet you.”

She continued;  
“Police Hierarchy dictates that I most certainly am a Captain, but honesty also dictates that I am indeed also her friend too.”

Willie Rae nodded, smiling and thinking that Brenda had certainly picked a good one this time, her smile faltering only briefly at noticing the stormy look cross Fritz’s face.

“So you’re the ‘Sharon' I’ve heard so much about,” Willie Rae replied, ignoring the horrified look Brenda was currently shooting her way.

Sharon looked mildly surprised at this, but covered it well, before she raised her eyebrow in challenge and mockingly said;  
“So, what do you say to doing it then Brenda?  
Or should a I call you ‘Forrest’?”

Fritz snorted loudly drawing all the attention back to himself, as he interrupted the ladies.  
He then vindictively stated;  
“Look, IF she IS called ‘Forrest' then it’s only because she ate both his and his mama’s entire boxes of chocolates”  
“......... or that they share the same IQ - because she most certainly CAN NOT run,” he stated with absolute certainty.

He paused then, expecting laughter at his quick wit, despite it being for his complete character assassination at Brenda’s expense.  
But, what he actually got was complete silence and then.......  
..  
a look of horror crossed Willie Rae's face,  
a look of absolute thunder crossed Clay's face,  
a look of sheer anger and disgust crossed Sharon’s face  
........... and more than a few muttered angry words of ‘prick' under their breaths from her squad.

“Oh Fritzi!” 

Brenda attempted to chuckle, her words sounding fake and forced even to her own ears, but hoping it at least sounded believable to the others.

“You know me so well!”, she said laughingly, as she simultaneously placed her hand discreetly on Sharon’s wrist to stop her from launching herself in anger at Fritz.

She then turned and looked Sharon straight in the eyes and said only two words – “it’s on!”

When the race day finally came around Fritz had cornered her as soon as she had woken up.  
He made it clear that he had absolutely no interest in watching her run.  
And that he most certainly would NOT be wasting his time babysitting her parents whilst they did - then he promptly stormed out of the house.

As she paced nervously at the side of the track, her fists repeatedly clenched as she thought constantly of that awkward morning and having to make yet further excuses for her husbands unreasonable behaviour. 

Excuses that even she was beginning to tire of hearing.

She was so lost in her own little world that she initially failed to notice Sharon approaching, with her parents in tow.

“Brenda Leigh, woo, hoo, Brenda Leigh!”, shouted her mother, waving cheerfully at her.

She waved right back, plastering a quick smile on her face and making her way towards them.

She reached Sharon first, as her parents had caught sight of her boys and were marvelling at their disarray of inappropriate balloons and banners they had prepared in support of her.  
The highlight being a 3ft ‘Police Officer Barbie' shaped balloon.  
It was holding a birthday cake in one hand, whilst seeming to use the other hand to stop traffic.  
The balloon had obviously originally said, ‘Stop! It’s my birthday!’  
But thanks to a magic marker, it now read;  
‘Stop! It’s Chiefs big day!’  
She sighed and rolled her eyes in amusement at the DIY changes.

Before Sharon could even open her mouth to greet her, Brenda whispered sadly,  
“don’t say it, please, just don’t say it.”

Sharon bit her lip in frustration.  
Wanting to tell Brenda that she deserved so, so much more.  
But she did as requested and she stayed silent.

Brenda spared another glance at her parents, now making their way closer and continued speaking quickly, unable to make eye contact with Sharon.  
“Thank you ..... for bringing them.  
I know, ..... I know it must have been an inconvenience.  
And.  
And ..... short notice.  
And.  
And, Fritz is just ........ so ....... well, he’s just so ....... busy, he’s busy with work and ......”

“Stop!” Sharon whispered, finally having heard enough of Brenda’s excuses for a husband that genuinely did not deserve her.

Gently placing two fingers underneath her chin, she tilted it upwards to look at her.

“Whatever you need me to do and whatever you need me to be, I will.”

Brenda nodded her head, unable to speak.

The tannoy interrupted their tender moment by declaring it was time for Brenda’s race.  
Sharon caressed Brenda’s cheek gently, then leaned in to Brenda and whispered in her ear, “now go get em, tiger!”  
Brenda chuckled and started to make her way to the starting line.  
She could already hear the whoops and cheers of her boys, but it did little to calm her nerves.

As she stood amongst her competitors waiting for the starting pistol, her mind began to race.  
One thought rapidly tumbling into another.  
The overwhelming one being the thought that she couldn’t do it.  
She simply couldn’t do any of it anymore.

Her breathing became shallow, her vision started to swim and her hearing had turned the supportive cheers into an unidentifiable white noise that became oppressive and almost unbearable.

As if from a great distance, the pistol sounded, and all the adrenaline that her anxiety had helped to elevate in her body suddenly fell away, leaving her empty. 

She simply continued to stand at the line whilst the others ran past her.

Watching from the sidelines Willie Rae gasped softly and clutched at Sharon’s forearm tightly.  
She made as though to head for the track to find out what had happened to her Brenda Leigh, but before she could, she heard a single voice shout out;

“run forrest, run!”

As she quickly glanced to her side she heard Sharon repeat it once again, only louder.

“Run, forrest, run!”

Immediately Clay started chanting it too.  
Quickly followed by all of her boys.  
Through the noise in her head and the pounding of her heart, Brenda started to register their chanting ringing in her ears. 

And she ran.

She ran as hard and as fast as she could.

She ran until her lungs began to burn with the exertion.

She ran from the sadness, frustration and unhappiness that all too frequently plagued her current life.

She ran from the ghosts of her past, all the faces merging into one.

And as she saw the finish line approaching...............  
She ran as if she her life depended on it, leaving the past behind her.  
............ and all she saw getting closer in the distance now, was her future. 

And it was Sharon. 

Sharon.  
Sharon.  
Sharon.

Brenda was the first person to cross the line, but she failed to stop to take it all in.  
Even as they placed the medal around her neck.

She had immediately started to scan the faces around her, seeking out the only face she actually wanted to see, and that was Sharon’s.

When their eyes met through the crowds, Brenda jogged towards her, and placed her medal gently around Sharon’s neck.  
She looked at her wordlessly for a moment before she spun them both around in joyous, but breathless happiness and then squeezed her tightly in a hug. Heedless of her sweaty body or the surprised faces now surrounding her.

Her arms remained tightly around Sharon’s neck, as she now blushed into it at the happy shouts of ‘congratulations’ and the proud looks on both her squad’s and parent’s faces at her having won the race.

But it was not the looks on their faces that she was currently thinking about.  
It was the woman who held her loosely around her waist and who’s heartbeat she could feel rapidly pounding in time with her own. 

Brenda pulled back slightly and watched her intensely, continuing to ignore the claps on her back.  
“I just made you eat your words" Brenda sing songed to Sharon, whilst now smirking like a naughty child.

Sharon trailed her fingers across Brenda’s forehead and down her cheek, as if removing the glistening sweat adorning her beautifully flushed face, before gently holding her jaw.  
She leaned in slowly and whispered for Brenda’s ears only;  
“usually I come first, chief ....... but, I’m going to let you have this one, with my blessing.” 

And then Sharon had kissed her softly by the side of her lips as a celebration of her win ....... and all in front of Brenda’s squad. 

A squad who immediately began cat-calling.

“Ohhh, look who’s found a new ‘friend’!” one of them chuckled. 

“Be careful she doesn’t turn you to stone Chief – don’t look into her eyes!” laughed another.

“Sleeping with the enemy might help us escape another audit though, Chief!, sassed Flynn, and the boys all laughed at the shocked expression on Brenda’s face.

Sharon removed herself from Brenda’s arms.  
And for a moment Brenda feared that Sharon was regretting her show of public affection ........... but she looked Brenda straight in the eyes, winked .......... and she began sassing them right back

Using her most sultry voice she regarded Brenda carefully, and said;  
“hmmm, I don’t know boys, with legs like that I don’t think that I could catch up with her ........  
......... but maybe, if I used my broomstick, I could sweep her right off of her feet.” 

She ended that sentence with another quick wink in Brenda’s direction, leaving the boys thoroughly impressed by her comeback.

“Drinks are on me”, interrupted Clay, as he began leading her boys away whilst they cheered in appreciation at his generous offer.

Brenda shyly reached for Sharon’s hand, tugging it gently to gain her attention back.  
She lost herself for a moment in the amused green eyes that were now gazing at her. 

“They’re holding hands now fellas!” she heard Provenza shout as they were making their way off the field.  
Her other boys accompanying that statement with “ooooooohhhhs" and then the childish rhyme of;

“The Chief and the Captain, sitting in a tree,  
K-i-s-s-i-n-g!  
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the Chief pushing a baby carriage!” 

Brenda blushed and shook her head in exasperation. Her boys were like 5th graders most of the time and not like the armed officers of the law they were supposed to be!

Willie Rae started to wag her finger at them in mock disapproval, immediately causing more laughter and hollering from them about the Chief’s momma having to fight her battles for her.

With a few indistinguishable, but stern words from Willie Rae, she had them frog marching from the field like naughty little boys, allowing Brenda and Sharon a moment of privacy.

“Ignore them,” whispered Sharon, as Brenda continued to glare at them over Sharon’s shoulder.

Brenda realised she was still holding her hand, but instead of pulling away, she laced their fingers together and squeezed gently before she started to speak to Sharon.

“I really like you ......”  
(Brenda’s eyes widened almost comically after the statement had left her lips)

Sharon tilted her head and smiled softly.

I, I, I mean ...... I’d really like you to come ....  
(Brenda’s face was bright red now and her other hand reached up to cover her mouth, as if to try and stop it blurting any more words out)

I, well, what I mean is ....... I would really like you to come (she gulped loudly) and celebrate with me .... with us.  
If you want to that is.”

Brenda’s gaze was now anywhere but Sharon’s face.

“Look at me Brenda Leigh,” she requested softly.

Brenda forced herself to fix her gaze on Sharon, but her face remained bright red and she bit her bottom lip nervously.

“I think you had it right the first 2 times,” she said, to Brenda’s complete and utter shock.  
She continued, “but I will certainly settle for a drink ...... for now ........”

She made as if to take Brenda’s medal off and hand it back.  
But Brenda stopped her.

Not knowing quite what possessed her, but maybe as an attempt to one up Sharon, she said, “you can keep it ....... as a reminder......"

Sharon looked at her quizzically then.

“as a reminder that ....... you won’t always get to ‘come' first, Captain.”

And she kissed Sharon quickly on the cheek as she walked away to join the others.

Less than an hour later they were all sitting in a bar laughing at anything and everything. 

Everyone apart from Brenda.

With the laughter of her squad still echoing in background, Brenda was now sat at a table speaking tensely with Fritz.  
Sharon couldn’t help but watch her from the corner of the bar, concerned and alert.

Fritz had begun to behave in a belligerent and grumpy manner not long after he had arrived at the celebration 

Brenda was overwhelmed at being bought drinks by her squad to celebrate her victory.  
But the elated smile on her face only highlighted the absolute contrast of the angry grimace and foul mood her husband’s face was depicting at the scene in front of him.

Sharon couldn’t help but notice how Brenda would flinch uncomfortably every time Fritz whispered something to her, his arm placed tightly around her shoulders.

Some time later Fritz suddenly declared they were both leaving.  
He pulled Brenda up, knocking her glass over and spilling some of her wine on her dress.  
Ignoring the glass that then dropped to the floor shattering loudly.

After Sharon briefly glanced at the site of the commotion, her eyes were immediately drawn back to the tight grip Fritz had on Brenda’s arm.

Her eyes blazed at the scene before her. 

Brenda looked torn. 

The radiant smile she had worn most of the day had vanished.  
Her face was now bereft, as if all the joy she had felt by spending the day surrounded by Sharon, her boys and her parents had been nothing more than a brief figment of her imagination.

Sharon had her suspicions that Fritz’s ‘current' problem was jealousy, pure and simple.  
And that the ‘work issue’ that he claimed needed his immediate attention was nothing more than an excuse to try and ruin the evening.  
From the unimpressed glances that Willie Rae was sending his way, she thought it must have also been obvious to her too.

And in the middle of it all Brenda continued to looked torn.

It was only when Clay Johnson’s booming voice rang out that Sharon’s gaze was broken.

“Fritz, if you have ta leave then why don’t you skeedaddle like you need to and leave my Brenda Leigh be. She’s happy here and we ain’t done with our celebrating my baby girl breaking yet another record! So leave us be and we’ll see you when we see you.” 

Fritz stared at Brenda in angry silence, before he stalked off without even saying goodbye. 

........ And Brenda had continued to drink until she was able to temporarily forget .......... which led to her becoming well and truly drunk.

Several hours later, as her squad continued to drink and celebrate in her honour, Brenda was almost sound asleep. 

Her head was now gently cradled in her mother’s lap and she was softly snoring.  
Willie Rae brushed the curls that were covering her snoozing face behind her ear and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Willie Rae smiled as she noticed Sharon watching them with a tender look in her eye, and she beckoned her to come over and sit with her.  
“It’s ok Captain I know you’re dying to hear the story behind the ridiculous nickname,” she said, winking at her.

She cleared her throat softly, and then began to recount how as a child Brenda had always ran.  
Even trying to run before she could walk! 

Brenda never did anything slowly, she never took the time to smell the roses.  
She always jumped into everything feet first and without thinking of the consequences that would inevitably come after, Willie Rae had lamented.

At this point, Clay’s voice proudly intervened;  
“my baby girl coulda put the marines to shame the way she could covertly roll her way across our living room carpet, evading capture before she was even 9 months old!”  
Willie Rae nodded whilst chuckling at the memory, as she continued explaining to Sharon. 

In Brenda’s very first race, as the starting pistol fired, she had simply frozen. 

“We were yelling, run honey, run baby girl!!” grinned Willie Rae, recalling the event.

But she did nothing – she did not move a muscle.

Not until Clay junior shouted, “and THAT's why girls shouldn’t try and run!”

“I remember my little Brenda Leigh looking right at him. Her little hands were on her hips, she was all red in the face and indignant,” she recollected fondly.  
She was about fit to go and kick him in the shin for daring to shout that to her.  
But instead she screamed back at him, “you don’t tell me what to do, NEVER!”

So then Clay Junior tilted his head and shouted, “well, run then Forrest, run!”

“And she did.  
She ran and she ran and she ended up running right past all the other competitors until she ran right back up to Clay Junior and she.........”

Willie Rae covered her little giggle with her hand.  
........  
Clay boomed out, “she kicked him clean in the pecker before shouting ‘no one tells me what I can or can’t do’!”

Sharon snickered at the memory they had shared with her, imagining an indignant and pigtailed young Brenda Leigh.

“But let me tell you, Clay junior never dared mess with his baby sister again - and somehow the nickname stuck!” finished Willie Rae.

“Oh my lord, Willie Rae.  
Can you remember when she briefly took up ballet?” Clay interrupted again.  
“She was like a ninja in a tutu!” he chuckled, as he shook his head ruefully, .. “but that’s another story for another time.”

Willie Rae continued to stroke the soft blonde curls in her lap, her voice becoming sad as she said, “she won every single race she ever entered........  
......... but she never seemed truly happy doing it.

She'd smile and say all the right things, but after a while her eyes always seemed a little empty.  
I think it was because she always felt like she had to be better,  
or, faster,  
or,  
or, just something she didn’t even know, but that she needed to be.

She just never seemed able to accept that whatever it was she was striving to be would always be something she could never be ....... because it didn’t exist.  
I’m not sure if she felt that her daddy and me and would be disappointed in her ......... with her being the only girl and all ........

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about Brenda Leigh ........  
but despite her tendency to bulldoze anything in her way professionally, in her personal life my baby is a people pleaser. 

She tries so hard to be what people want her to be, or what she thinks they deserve her to be that she ends up totally missing the mark.  
Like with her running.

Despite it no longer making her happy she kept running competitively because she thought that that was what she was supposed to do.  
She even ended up getting offered some Athletic scholarships for colleges.

But one day it seemed that just running on a track suddenly wasn’t enough for her now.  
So she finally gave it up ........ to run away to Georgetown and start a new life away from everything and everyone she knew. 

And maybe it worked for a little while.  
But how far can you really run before you realise you can’t keep running from yourself?

I sometimes wonder if she doesn’t still struggle with that ......... even now ...... maybe especially now.”

She pulled her cardigan higher around Brenda’s shoulders and let out a little sigh, like it pained her to speak such raw truths about her daughter, but that she felt it was important for Sharon to hear them.

“I guess it might’ve been around that time that she also ran full speed and headlong straight into the arms of the CIA .............  
Another way to be someone other than herself.”

“It was real hard on her daddy”, she confided.  
“His lil baby had already run away half way across the country ........... and now even that wasn’t far enough for her.  
She now wanted to run to who knows where, pretending to be who knows what, chasing god knows who, just so long as she wasn’t having to face herself.”

“She’s never really spoken about that time,” mused Willie Rae.  
“But I do know that it changed her."

"I sometimes think it was a good thing that she ran away from that career ......  
unfortunately, doing that ended up with her running straight into the arms of that,  
that,  
eurgh,  
that Chief Pope ....... and well I think we can both agree what a mistake that was!”

Sharon nodded and a brief look of disgust flickered across her face at the mention of Pope’s name.

“I don’t think she loved him.  
In fact, I’m certain of it."

"I just think that maybe she thought that he was an escape route, just another place to run to. 

After everything she had seen and done, I think it left a bad taste in her mouth and tainted her view of the world. 

He helped her leave the CIA, because he gave her another option and somewhere along the way  
....... their,  
er .......  
(and she soundlessly whispered the next 2 words) 

sexual relationship ........ developed.  
It was a distraction for her I think, or maybe it was what she thought was expected.

And well, I guess she must have told you the rest?” she said.

Sharon stayed silent – Brenda was open with her now about so many things, their relationship completely different from how they had originally started out, as adversaries.  
But, in that moment she came to the realisation that Brenda had also left a lot still hidden in the shadows ...... and it saddened her beyond belief.

Willie Rae smiled at her gently, obviously coming to the same conclusion that Sharon had, based on the solemn and sad look she had seen grace Sharon’s features.  
She grasped her hand firmly to almost reassure her ...... and maybe also to silently ask her not to give up on her Brenda Leigh.

“When she found out he’d lied to her about being married ....... it was just another thing she could use to beat herself with for not being perfect and for not being enough for him.

But, even now I’ll never truly understand why she didn’t leave him ...... why she waited,  
why she let him continue to use her......  
until he'd had enough ........  
and then he dropped her for someone else, like she’d never meant a single thing to him.

He didn’t break her heart so much as bruise it ......... adding yet another scar to my baby girls already wounded heart.” 

Willie Rae paused, taking a deep breath before continuing,  
“so, she ran again.  
She ran home, to me ........  
and into the arms of a man who raised his fists to her in the ‘alleged' name of love.”

At this Sharon gasped. 

She couldn’t belief what she was hearing.  
She had never expected that.

She closed her eyes, trying to temper her anger.  
Anger at the man who had dared to raise his fists against the woman now laying serenely in her mother’s arms.  
Anger at Brenda for not smacking him right back for daring to lay a hand on her ........ and anger that once again Brenda Leigh had been hurt.  
Her mind reeled, wondering how much hurt one person was supposed to endure before it became too much.

“Of course, he didn’t start out that way, they never do, do they?” Willie Rae grimaced.

“He was a childhood friend of her brothers, someone she knew........ someone she trusted, ........ someone we all trusted,” she said sadly.

“When she came home, she threw herself into her new job, I guess to help her forget the past.  
She worked non-stop.  
She wanted to prove herself.  
To prove that she could be good at at least one thing in her life.  
And she did.

She was respected, she worked hard ........ but she was alone.

When Grady came by the house with Junior one day, it seemed....... like a sign,” she choked on her next words..... 

“I encouraged Brenda Leigh to give him a chance.  
I invited him for dinners and to Church, hoping that she would eventually take him up on his wanting to ‘court her'.........  
I pushed her into ........  
his arms .......  
I might as well've hit her myself!” 

She covered her mouth with both of her hands trying to stifle the sobs escaping her.

Sharon wiped a tear from her own cheek before doing the same for Willie Rae and then rested her hand on her shoulder.  
“It wasn’t your fault, no more than it was Brenda’s ......... you know that right?” Sharon responded.

Willie Rae shook her head sadly.

“He started out so attentive, taking her for picnics, picking her up from work, helping around the house.  
And one month, turned into 2, then 4 and in the blink of an eye they’d been together 6 months and he told us he planned to marry her.”

She shrugged helplessly, “we thought it was what she wanted, we thought he’d asked her ........  
but she just went along with it because that’s what she thought was expected of her ..........  
even eloping and afterwards saying she didn’t want the ‘fuss' of a wedding, to cover for the fact that he decided that for the both of them.

It near broke my heart to miss seeing her daddy walk her down the aisle on what should have been the happiest day of her life ...........  
But I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer the heartache of living with the knowledge of the man he'd have walked her down the aisle to ........

And then ....... I guess he thought she would immediately become the ‘little southern woman’.  
Staying home, cooking his dinner and raising his babies.

But the one thing Brenda Leigh has never relented on is her career and she wasn’t about to start now.  
The more he tried to force her to give up her job, the longer she would stay at work to avoid him. 

My baby can argue with the best of em in an interview room, but ........ in private she either avoids confrontation or let’s the other person take control, even to her own detriment ....... especially to her own detriment.

She told me afterwards that he’d messed with her birth control, trying to get her pregnant, to make her quit her job that way.  
So, she went and got an implant to stop it from happening again ....... but eventually she just stopped, well, she, er, she stopped being ‘intimate’ with him.  
And I think it was a relief for her.”

“As you can imagine,” Willie Rae confided, “that did NOT go down well at all!”

“He started turning up at the precinct to check up on her.  
He thought she was having an affair....... because why else would she suddenly stop..... being .... ‘intimate’ ....... with him?

He started making accusations, false accusations, and, well, it went to an ethics inquiry.”  
“It nearly destroyed her,” she whispered sadly.

“Her job was the one thing that was untarnished from all of the other chaos and upset in her life ...... and now that was at risk of being taken away from her.

She got cleared, eventually, because there was no evidence. Obviously!  
And, a result of it all she asked him to leave. 

He refused.

So, she asked him again, telling him she wanted a divorce .........  
and he ........  
knocked her........ to the floor.  
I think he kicked her a few times too, but she never really said, she’s never really fully spoken about it. 

He gave her a black eye, he broke her nose, and he cracked 3 ribs ....... and then he left her there on the floor ...... bleeding.”

Sharon sobbed as she listened intently to Willie Rae’s description of her injuries.

“She didn’t go to the hospital.  
Of course she wouldn’t go to the hospital, at first.  
She didn’t want it on record.  
She couldn’t bear for her colleagues to see her as weak.

So, and goodness knows how, she drove herself over to our house.  
Clay nearly had a heart attack when he opened the door to her.

At first She wanted us to believe she had fallen off a ladder and that Grady was out of town for work.  
I cleaned her up as best I could and she finally admitted what had happened. 

Clay was fit to grab his rifle and go teach Grady a lesson in manners, but Brenda asked him not to.  
She only agreed to go to the hospital if Clay promised to leave Grady alone.

The next day she filed for divorce and she dealt with it all by herself.  
I think she thought she could shield us from what she considered to be her mistakes. 

But it got nasty. 

Real nasty.

Only then would she allow Clay and her brothers to help. 

To this day I don’t know what they said or did to him, but I do know that he signed those papers and ran right out of town ........  
and 3 months later so did Brenda Leigh.

She said she wanted to make a clean start.  
To move away from yet more of her mistakes ..........  
.......... and we simply watched her go.  
Only later finding out that it was that Chief Pope that had offered her another escape route. 

I was SO mad at her for going anywhere near him again.  
But, she swore to me that that side of their ‘relationship' was over and she would never go back for more.”

“She’s never said, ....... but I’ve seen the way he looks at her ........ like he thinks he’s entitled .......  
(Sharon could see her physically shudder)  
........ to still touch her.”  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d tried it on with her again,” she mused.

Sharon nodded her head tightly, confirming Willie Rae's suspicions.

“But, it was a promotion for her.  
A step up the career ladder.

So, she focused all of her energies on her job, and on trying to turn those boys of hers .......  
(and she glanced briefly at Brenda’s squad, who were currently raising a toast to ‘Police Officer Barbie' in Brenda’s sleeping absence)  
......... around and into respecting her.

My lord, has it taken some time!  
But now they would walk over hot coals for her ...... twice, if she asked them to!

But, those first few months were the hardest.  
Especially when it came out about the ethics enquiry back in Atlanta and of course ....... her ‘relationship’ with Chief Pope.

The amount of times she would cry down the phone to me, but she wouldn’t give up.” 

“She mentioned you too you know,” she casually said.  
Sharon’s head popped up in surprise at that.  
“Really?” she queried.  
Then she grimaced and said, “hmmm, I can imagine that it wasn’t very flattering ........ we ..... well, we weren’t on good terms back then.”

“Oh, I know you weren’t!” she laughed.  
“For the first few months that she talked about you, I was convinced your name was, ‘oh, that woman!” she mimicked Brenda’s exasperated tone.

“But she respected you.”

Sharon snorted in disbelief.

“No, she did,” Willie Rae insisted.  
“Oh, She would moan about you getting in her way during investigations, but she would get this tone to her voice ........ like she respected your opinion and unrelenting honesty ........ even if you used it to beat her around her stubborn head with!” Willie Rae chuckled again.

Sharon smiled at the memories of the first few ‘run ins’ they had.

“She also thought you were very beautiful,” she said.  
“And she was right, you are.”

Sharon blushed at the compliment, but more at the fact that Brenda had dared to mention that thought to her mother!

“And eventually, whenever we spoke about you, it would become less out of frustration and instead she would talk about your hair, what you’d worn that day, or if she'd seen you and what you’d said to her.  
The days she’d see you she would sound ...... lighter, happier....”

Sharon was honestly astounded. 

She had no idea that Brenda was paying her that much attention even back then.

“In fact,” Willie Rae said, watching Sharon closely, “I thought at one point that she was ‘sweet' on you.”  
Sharon made a concerted effort to meet Willie Rae's twinkling eyes and keep the truth from showing on her face.

“But then Fritz entered the picture ....... and she ran straight into a relationship with him .......  
and .......  
well, who knows how that’s going to end?”

“Do you think she’s happy?” Willie Rae wistfully asked.

“I don’t know how to quite answer that question,” Sharon replied, tilting her head as if in thought.

“How about honestly then?” Willie Rae said bluntly.

“I might be an old southern lady, but I’m not blind.  
I see the way she lights up around you.  
I see the way her eyes seek you out in a crowded room ....... even in a room that her husband is in at the same time.  
I see her smile more when she talks about you, or when she’s around you.  
I see the contentment in her eyes when she’s with you ........ and I ain’t never seen that look on my baby’s face before for any other person but you.

So, why don’t you tell me honestly ....... is she happy with Fritz?  
And if she’s not then why isn’t she with you instead of him?”

Sharon’s mouth opened and closed several times, before she looked at first Brenda Leigh and then at Willie Rae, before answering.

“I think you know the answers to most of those questions already, don’t you?” she finally replied.

Brenda started to stir then and Sharon realised that she had been holding her hand for the majority of Willie Rae’s history lesson.  
She squeezed Brenda’s hand a little tighter, trying to reassure her even in sleep that she was there, right by her side.

Brenda’s big, sleepy, brown eyes opened slowly and she blinked blearily around her, until she managed to focus on Sharon’s face.

“You’re here!,” she happily whispered, smiling angelically up at her, heedless of her mothers presence.

In less time than it took for Sharon to blink, Brenda had pulled herself flush against her, wrapping her arms around her, burying herself in the crook of her neck.

I dreamt of you,” she whispered in awe.

“it was such a nice dream ....... and I so wanted it to be real ........ and I woke up ....... and you’re here ...... don’t go ........ don’t you leave me," she trailed off, before she promptly fell back to sleep in Sharon’s arms.  
Her lips gently pressing against the side of her neck. 

Sharon glanced uncomfortably at Willie Rae, nervous to see her reaction to Brenda’s little outburst, especially after voicing her observations of their ‘relationship'.  
But Willie Rae simply smiled at her gently, as giving her consent to whatever it was that was happening between the two of them.

“Perhaps it’s time for sleeping beauty to go home,” she said and motioned to her husband and the squad that it was time to call it a night.

Sharon sighed as she watched Brenda’s boys help carry her to her parents car. 

Flynn waggled his eyebrows Sharon’s way and with a cheeky smirk challenged her saying, “room for one more Captain if you do a turn down service.”

She stroked Brenda’s cheek gently before she closed the car door.

“You wish, Flynn, you wish!  
However, I do seem to have a spare space on a ‘sensitivity in the workplace' seminar tomorrow......”  
Provenza snorted in laughter.

............. “I’m sure Provenza would love a little friend to take along with him,” she finished, wiping the smile off his face and sauntering away into the darkness.

As Willie Rae opened the front door to Brenda and Fritz's house darkness greeted her.

She switched on the light and immediately noticed the pillow and blanket that Fritz must have left out, sitting on the couch.

She shook her head half in anger, half in sadness at the life her baby girl had once again made for herself.

“Shhhhh, mustn’t wake mama!” Brenda Leigh loudly whispered behind her, being half carried, half dragged by Clay.

“Mama'll be so mad ....... Junior! Shhhhh!!!” she said again.

Clay raised his eyebrows in his wife’s direction, but continued shepherding his drunken daughter into the house.

“She'd be so dis...dis....disa-ppointed in me,” she said sadly.

Then her mood flipped to righteous indignation, prodding her father in the chest –  
“but you didn’t hav'ta punch Wyatt you know junior!  
I’m a big girl!  
I can take care a’myself!”  
His hand wasn’t getting any further up my dress let me tell you!” she stated stubbornly, then immediately turning mournful as she declared,“Oh, mama’ll be so mad he ripped my dress!”

At that point Brenda noticed the pillow and blanket adorning the couch and she plopped herself unceremoniously down next to them.  
Her erratic behaviour now seemingly bringing her back to the present, as she rested her head against the back of the couch and said;  
“Oh, Fritzi is gonna be so mad at me in the morning .... he’s always mad nowadays .... mustn’t let mama and daddy know ..... they cant know ...... they’d be so ..... disappointed in me ...... again” she trailed off, seemingly half asleep once more.

Clay and Willie Rae looked at each other in alarm - concerned at the secrets their daughter continued to try to hide from them.  
But also sad that she thought they were anything but proud of her, despite not always agreeing with her life choices.

“Come on sugar,” cajoled Willie Rae.  
“Let’s get you to bed, you can sleep with me tonight and daddy can take the couch.”

As Willie Rae led her slowly to the bedroom, Brenda seemingly came to her senses once again.  
“Mama?” she said  
“I’m sorry mama.  
I’m, so, so sorry,” she sobbed.

But before Willie Rae could comfort her, Brenda's attention was gone again, wildly looking around the guest room from her position on the bed.  
“Where is she?  
Mama?  
Where is she?” she asked in desperation.

“I’m right here sugar, don’t worry,” her mother calmly replied.

But Brenda did not calm down.

“Where is she mama?  
I need her!  
Why’s she left me?  
She promised she’d never leave me,” sobbed an inconsolable Brenda.

Willie Rae paused for just a moment before she realised who Brenda was referring to.

“I love her, mama.”

“I know you do, baby girl, I know you do,” Willie Rae replied as took Brenda’s shoes off and pulled the covers up to her chin.  
Almost like she did when Brenda was a little girl.

“She doesn’t know mama, she cant know ........ cause she doesn’t love me mama and it hurts so bad.  
She, she can’t love me....... no one can love me......”

Willie Rae opened her mouth to reassure Brenda that Sharon did indeed love her, because of that she was certain.  
But Brenda started to sob again.

“She hasn’t called me.  
She always calls me before I go to bed ...... even if it’s just to talk about work ........ she hasn’t called me,” she kept mumbling.

She sat bolt upright and then tried to get off the bed.  
“I gotta call her......I gotta call Sharon.  
I need to hear her voice, please mama, please, I need her...... I need my phone.”

“Ok. Ok, sugar – calm down.  
I need you to calm down for me.  
I’ll get your phone for you, but you need to calm down.”

Brenda nodded, hiccupping at trying to catch her breath through her tears.

Willie Rae’s heart ached for the distraught and broken woman-child she saw before her.

She found Brenda’s phone in the bottom of her ridiculously large bag and immediately handed it over to her.  
But Brenda couldn’t seem to make her drunken fingers find the right buttons to connect the call.

When Willie Rae took the phone back from her, Brenda began to cry in earnest now.

“Now stop your crying Brenda Leigh,” her mother commanded.  
“I’m gonna call your Sharon, despite it being the middle of the night, but you need to stop those tears right now!”

Brenda nodded her head, mopping up her tears with the sleeves of her cardigan.

The call connected immediately.

“Brenda?”

“Just a minute,” Willie Rae replied to the concerned voice on the other end of the line.

Sharon heard the muffled sound of the phone being dropped and picked up and then dropped again, before she finally heard Brenda sob into the phone.  
“Sharon?  
Sharon?  
Is that you? Please be you......”

“It’s me Brenda.  
Of course it’s me,” she replied, concern growing by the second.

“Did you just make your mother call me at 2am in the morning Brenda Leigh?!”

“Don’t be mad at me, everyone’s always mad at me,” she replied sadly to Sharon.

She rolled onto her side, the phone cradled lovingly against her ear, as she continued talking, unaware that her mother was watching her quietly from the doorway.

“You didn’t call me!” she accused.  
“You always call me!  
I can’t ...... sleep ....... I cant sleep .....  
(she sobbed, unable to get her words out)  
.... I cant sleep through the night ..........  
especially ........  
especially next to him anymore ..... if I don’t hear your voice first.  
I miss you.  
I miss you so much!”

She started to sob again.

“Brenda Leigh, honey, you just saw me!” replied Sharon, half amused, half confused at Brenda’s drunken ramblings.  
Brenda had never truly indicated how much those calls or her presence in her life had really meant to her before now.

“But you didn’t call!” Brenda indignantly repeated again.  
“You always call!”

Sharon tried to calm her.  
“Brenda Leigh, you need to calm down.  
Honey, I’m right here.  
I’m right here, honey, and I’m not going anywhere, ok?”

Brenda sniffled loudly into the phone.

“I thought ........ I thought ........ you’d left me .............you were just ....... gone ......  
I couldn’t bear it if you left me Sharon ......... I need you ............ I need you ......... so much that it hurts”

Sharon exhaled heavily down the phone.  
Brenda’s words making her heart clench, her arms ache to hold her and her voice long to tell her the words that she had felt in her heart for sometime now.

“I don’t know who I am anymore without you ............  
I don’t think I’ve ever known who I was without you ...........,” Brenda whispered, drifting off to sleep with the sound of Sharon breathing down the phone she still cradled to her ear.

For her part, Sharon was left reeling at the secrets Brenda had shared about her in her drunken state.  
A part of her hoping that Brenda would remember it in the morning, but a part of her was scared that after everything Willie Rae had shared with her about Brenda’s past, that maybe Brenda would run from her too if things got tough.

From the doorway Willie Rae choked on a sob and wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks at her baby girls heart-breaking confession.

\---------------------------------------------------

Sharon reached out to caress Brenda’s face.

“Hey?  
Sweetheart?  
I think I lost you there for a moment!”

Brenda blinked rapidly, clearing her mind of the memory, her attention now immediately drawn back to the partially naked woman laying beneath her.

Her fingers quickly found their way to the buttons of Sharon’s shirt and she continued to undo them in order to see more of those enticing, lace clad breasts.

“Hmmmm, I don’t think you hate me baby," Sharon continued, carrying on their previous conversation.

I think you ....lov.....like me, and what’s more, I don’t think you’re going to run away like Forrest did, well, hopefully not from me” she declared, hoping Brenda had not heard her near slip earlier on in that sentence.

But Brenda was so engrossed in releasing Sharon’s breasts that it hadn’t registered with her.

Sharon used Brenda's distraction to her advantage and rolled them over, now towering over Brenda.  
Brenda groaned unhappily at her new position, because her view of Sharon’s breasts was now hidden behind that blasted medal!

Sharon leaned down and teased her lips with the tip of her tongue, as Brenda tried to roll them back again. Continuing to ignore Brenda’s ministrations, she cradled Brenda’s head firmly between her hands.  
She leaned down and whispered against her lips,  
“patience.”

Brenda stared up at her entranced.  
She placed the lock of auburn hair that fallen across her cheek behind her ear and smiled at the sigh that left Sharon’s lips at the sweet gesture.

But Brenda’s fingers didn’t stop there. 

They trailed lightly from her ear across her cheek, down her neck and chest and then she cupped Sharon’s full breast, before she traced Sharon’s nipple through the lace of her bra.  
She paused, before slowly pulling the flimsy cup down and leaning up to wrap her lips around the dusky pink nipple.

Sharon’s fingers tangled in Brenda’s hair as she held her head to her chest, encouraging her to keep up the attention.  
She started to moan softly at the pressure of Brenda’s tongue on her breast and when she gently started to nibble on it, Sharon ground her pelvis into Brenda’s, once, twice, three times, desperately seeking friction.

Brenda pulled her head away and kissed Sharon’s neck, biting and licking it on her way to her lips.  
When she reached her destination she gently bit her lower lip, pulling at it softly before she sought entrance with her tongue.

Sharon moaned deeply and gave in, allowing Brenda to initially control the kiss.  
It started off so gently, sparse and teasing, just how Sharon liked it.  
But, as usual it quickly grew in intensity, their tongues touching, caressing and increasingly duelling for dominance.

Brenda pulled on the medal still around Sharon’s neck as she wrapped her legs around her waist and wantonly pulled Sharon even tighter, repeatedly against her pelvis.  
Sharon pulled her lips away from Brenda’s, resting her forehead on hers and panting deeply.  
She could feel the trickle of pleasure running down her spine, and she could feel the dampness of Brenda’s desire as she manoeuvred her hand between their tightly cinched bodies.  
Her fingers questing for more as she rubbed insistently through Brenda’s floral skirt.

“Touch me,” Brenda gasped.

“Oh god, touch me.  
...... please ..... t ... t .... tou ... ch meeeeee!” she begged, almost incoherent with need.

Sharon’s lips automatically reached for Brenda’s again,  
and again,  
and again.

Brenda was almost sobbing with need at this point, her panties were ruined and she tried desperately to rock herself against Sharon’s now stationary hand on her mound.

Sharon pressed a deep kiss on Brenda’s swollen lips and pulled back as far as she could, or as far as Brenda would allow.

“Brenda Leigh, baby, how about we take this somewhere more comfortable?” Sharon requested.

“Nuh-uh”

“I want you right here, right now.  
I need you inside me so bad baby, I’m so wet just thinking of it,” Brenda panted.

Sharon licked her lips, as if imagining tasting the wetness that her Brenda Leigh was feeling.

She tried again, growling in lust, “honey, I want you too. God, I always want you, so, so much. You have no idea!”  
“But I want to taste you, mmmmm, I want to see, lick and kiss every inch of your beautiful body and I want to feel every inch of that beautiful body naked against mine.

And baby?

I don’t want to do that on the dining room floor ......... well, at least not tonight!” she finished with a quick wink.

“Eurgh!! Why do you hav’ta be so sensible? 

You coulda been knuckle deep inside a me by now and I coulda been inside a you!” Brenda’s accent becoming stronger with each frustrated word.

“Oh, I wanna be inside you baby!” Brenda moaned deeply as she shifted against Sharon’s hand again.

She used the leverage her legs had from being wrapped around Sharon’s waist and she rolled them over, again and again and again whilst simultaneously trying to get her hands into Sharon’s pants.

Sharon was laughing, whilst trying to fend off Brenda’s insistent hands.  
Those laughs turning to gasps when Brenda finally managed to firmly rub her palm between Sharon’s legs, using the seam of her pants to grind it against her clit.

“Still want me stop?” Brenda asked teasingly.

Sharon briefly rubbed herself against Brenda’s hand before shaking her head to try and clear it from the intoxicating arousal that always seemed to accompany their passion.

“Honey?  
Honey! 

HONEY!!” Sharon raised her voice insistently, immediately gaining Brenda’s full but begrudging attention, especially if her fierce pout was anything to go by.

“Do you know how old I am Brenda Leigh?” she asked softly and completely unexpectedly.

Brenda tilted her head and viewed her through half open eyes.  
“What has that got to do with anything, especially me wanting to DO you!!” she exclaimed, confused by this sudden change in Sharon’s demeanour.

Sharon snorted at that unexpected response but did not reply as she continued to watch Brenda carefully.

Brenda continued,  
“Is this a test?

“If I answer wrong I’m not gonna get laid am I?” she asked mournfully, a look of distress fleetingly crossing her face.

“I’m being serious Brenda Leigh," Sharon replied quietly and Brenda could feel her entire body tense underneath her.

Brenda looked at her, really looked at her then.  
And as she saw the insecurity in Sharon’s eyes, it physically pained her.

“You've never asked me", Sharon whispered, “not once”, and she averted her eyes from the intensity of Brenda’s gaze and continued talking.

“We both know I’m older than you Brenda and that’s a fact, plain and simple.  
I,  
I,  
......... well, my body is ....... well, it’s not as young as it used to be ......”

Brenda interrupted her then.

“Look at me honey", she told Sharon.  
But Sharon was too embarrassed.

So Brenda asked again.

“Please, honey, look at me.  
I need you to look at me so that I know you understand what I’m about to say.”

Sharon took a deep breath, as if bracing herself for bad news, and slowly raised her eyes to meet Brenda’s.

“The reason I have never asked...  
Is  
Because  
I  
Don’t  
Care.  
Not  
A  
Single  
Bit.  
And she punctuated each word with a kiss to Sharon’s soft, full lips.

“You could be 100 and I would still want you, I would still choose you! 

And baby, I hate to break this to you, but the amount of time I spend with my face between your legs I already figured out that you’re no longer a natural brunette!” 

Sharon snorted and swatted Brenda on the arm in exasperation.

“You sure know how to reassure a girl,” she replied sarcastically.

“I thought we’d established that your current problem is the fact you’re not, in fact, a ‘girl’. 

But you know what?  
I don’t want a ‘girl’.

I want the bossy, effortlessly sexy, intelligent, mmmmm and ‘experienced’  
(and she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at that comment),  
confident and mind blowingly SEXY woman that I currently have laying neurotically underneath me!

Who drives me to distraction, who makes me almost lose my mind with desire by just looking at me and who keeps me on my toes and ......... who, up until about 5 minutes ago was a pretty sure thing!”

Sharon started to wriggle in indignation at Brenda’s last comment.

Brenda grabbed her hands to stop her moving.  
“YOU are what I want.  
YOU are ALL that I will ever want.”

Brenda leaned down and before she placed a gentle kiss on Sharon’s mouth, now opened in surprise, she whispered, “now you just need to believe it, because I’m not going anywhere.”

They kissed softly, Sharon putting her insecurities to the side for the moment to enjoy the sensuous slide of their lips.

Brenda paused, pulling her lips away for a second and tilting her head to the side.  
“Wait, wait, is this all because you’re uncomfortable on the floor, baby?” she asked.

Sharon shifted uncomfortably, confirming Brenda’s realisation that the floor was causing her pain.

“Does this make you ‘my old lady'?” she chuckled, before she pressed a quick kiss to her lips and made to move off of Sharon before she could swat at her again.

Sharon grasped her by her hips, halting her movement, before saying.  
“You’re not going to let me forget this are you? 

“Nope,” Brenda replied, grinning.

Sharon continued, saying, “And I hope you’re not planning on continuing to use that inappropriate nickname in the future.”

Brenda toyed with the medal still hanging around Sharon’s neck and she repeated Sharon’s words from earlier in the night.  
“Well, ........ if the nickname fits.”

Sharon regarded her thoughtfully, before her expression turned positively naughty.

With one hand she swiftly caressed Brenda’s breast, and with the other she spanked her sharply on her shapely rear.  
Brenda gasped, half in surprise and half in desire.

Sharon spanked her once more before saying, “well, then run forrest, run!”

Brenda grinned down at her, immediately understanding her meaning.

She scrambled up from the floor, shedding her layers of clothes as she made her way hastily across the room.  
She glanced over her shoulder to see if Sharon was following her. 

Sharon had raised herself up on her elbows and was intently watching Brenda’s little impromptu striptease.

As Brenda passed through the doorway she cheekily yelled back at Sharon, “hmmm, I hope you can catch me baby, that medal around your neck actually belongs to me!”

She laughingly responded, “I thought I told you Brenda Leigh!  
I always come first!” 

As she made her way through the house to Brenda’s bedroom, following the trail of Brenda’s clothes, she thought to herself – I’ll follow you anywhere.  
Always.

\---------------------------------------------

The chill from emanating from fridge of the wine section in the gas station brought Brenda back to the present.

As Brenda’s hand finally picked up the bottle of Reisling she stumbled, dropping it and watching it smash into a million pieces on the floor. 

She let out a strangled sob and started to hyper ventilate.

Brenda couldn’t breath.  
She needed to leave.  
She needed to leave right now.

She was about to have a breakdown over a bottle of wine!

She quickly grabbed a basket and filled it with whatever her hands happened to pick up.  
Not even looking at or caring what it was.  
She placed it on the counter and her foot started to tap impatiently as she waited for the cashier to ring it all up.

She needed to leave! 

As she looked up, about to tell him to forget it, he held the keys to the cabin out to her, a receipt for her groceries and the invoice for the cabin ready for her to sign.

And she did, scrawling Brenda Leigh Johnson on the paperwork, without a second thought about using one of the false ID's she had brought with her.  
The CIA would’ve be appalled!

“Thank you,” she whispered as he placed a piece of paper with directions for the cabin on it in her hand. 

“I’m sorry......about the wine ........ I hope you’ve added it to my bill".

She turned and left, heading back to her car and back to the silence she had started to crave once again.


	6. Sorry seems to be the hardest word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon is fearful of what Brenda's absence actually means.  
Chief Pope is deliberately being evasive and Sharon' wants answers.
> 
> However, the person she needs answers from is missing.  
Instead Sharon finds herself having to be accountable for her actions and motives that caused her to throw away the one person she loved more than anyone.
> 
> She just hoped it wasn't too late.

“Damn her!” he muttered to himself.

Chief Pope steepled his fingers underneath his pudgy chin and wondered, not for the first time that day, ‘where are you Brenda and what the hell are you playing at!’

It was late, but because of her he was still at work – not that he currently had anyone apart from his children waiting for him at home any more.

Despite trying numerous times throughout the day, he had still not been able to reach Brenda in person and she had made no effort to respond to any of his numerous messages.

........ and now it was stating that her mailbox was full.

He spun his chair around to look out of his large office window and ponder his next course of action.  
The lights of LA were twinkling in the darkness, but the pounding on his office door shifted his attention and he turned around slowly.

“Captain Raydor, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit ..... at this time of night?” he smarmily asked.

“I’m going to cut straight to the chase, Chief,” she declared without subtlety.

“Where is Deputy Chief Johnson and why was she not at the crime scene?”

He watched her as she tapped her foot, impatiently awaiting his reply, and he paused before responding.

“I don’t really think that that is any of your concern Captain.”

He watched her agitation increase.

“Not my concern? NOT my concern?” she angrily declared.

“She was NOT at the scene of crime she is paid to attend.   
Instead I had to deal with her ...... ‘band of merry men’ at the possible detriment to my investigation!   
So don’t you DARE tell me that it’s none of my concern!”

Chief Pope raised his eyebrows in shock at her unexpected outburst.

Sharon briefly panicked at the fact she had basically picked a fight with the Chief of Police.   
But as she imagined various images of him with Brenda, almost taunting her, she realised that she didn’t give a flying fuck at this point if they ended up in a fist fight ....... so long as she got her answers.

“Captain, I don’t quite know what has you so worked up.   
But I suggest you remember who you’re talking to,” he condescendingly replied.

“The fuck you don’t,” she thought angrily.

She gritted her teeth before she tried again, in a gentler but still clipped tone.  
“Look, Chief Pope.   
Deputy Chief Johnson is the head of her department and as such it is to be expected that she attends when a ‘major crime' occurs.   
I do not believe that I am being unreasonable in requesting to know why she was not in attendance and why her team is either unable, or unwilling to share that information with me.  
I have a 72 hour reporting cycle to complete, Chief, and that is officially mandated.   
It waits for no one.   
Not even missing in action Deputy Chiefs.”

Chief Pope regarded her wearily.   
He had no time or interest in dealing with the apparently highly strung Captain, especially as he had no real answers to give.

Except the one Brenda had thrown like a live grenade into his lap.

He paused, contemplating the best .... make that .... the easiest course of action at this point in time, and he heard himself say, almost dismissively;   
“She'll be back in the office first thing tomorrow Captain.   
Perhaps you can contain any more histrionics until then, so we can all get a good nights sleep.”

He started to pack up his briefcase, hoping that she would take the hint.   
But she remained - almost as if she could smell his lie.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me Captain Raydor, I’m headed home.   
I suggest you do the same.”

Sharon didn’t reply.   
Instead, she stiffly nodded her head, turned on her heel and left.

Chief Pope waited until he heard the elevator close before he sat back down at his desk.  
He opened up his emails, determined to contact Brenda, get some answers and hopefully get her back into his bed.  
He began typing:

Dear Deputy Chief Johnson,  
In line with LAPD policy regarding resignation of a senior officer, I will retrospectively allow a 3 week sabbatical before I will officially accept your resignation.  
I suggest you use that time to seriously consider if this is the course of action that you wish to pursue.  
Yours Sincerely  
Chief William Pope

He paused then.  
And he began to add at the bottom of the email: 

– Brenda, I hope you know that I’m here for you.   
I can be a shoulder to cry on, provide a bed for you to sleep in and I can help you through whatever it is that you’re going through.  
We have a connection Brenda.   
We’ll always have a connection – so, call me and hopefully we can reconnect, again .... soon.

He smiled, pleased with himself and his self serving ‘supportive’ message, before pressing ‘send.’

\--------------------------------------------

Sharon left Chief Popes office absolutely fuming.

She stalked back to her office and by the time she arrived her mind was made up.  
She wasn’t going to wait until tomorrow – she wanted answers and she wanted them right now!

In her own mind she knew how irrational she was being about Brenda’s absence.   
It was JUST one day for God’s sake!

But Brenda had never missed work before ..... at least not voluntarily.

Not even during the shitshow of a separation from Fritz, not when she was full of flu and not even after she’d had surgery.

The fact that she had not made an appearance all day had set alarm bells ringing loudly and Sharon was almost irrationally afraid.

Her hand paused on the handset of her office phone for just a moment before she dialled Brenda’s number for the first time in days.  
She prepared herself mentally for when Brenda picked up, not ‘if' she picked up, because Sharon knew that she would, if she saw her calling.

She quickly took a few deep breaths, hoping it would calm her nerves and make her less likely to unreasonably demand answers from Brenda straightaway.

As the call connected and she prepared to talk to Brenda for the first time since walking out on Friday night, 3 days ago now, an automated voice said;

'this mailbox is full,’ 

and then promptly disconnected the call.

“Shit! Fuck! Shit!” shouted Sharon in frustration as she repeatedly slammed the desk phone up and down onto its holder.

She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling at it tightly, to stop herself from just throwing the damn phone against the wall in anger.

“Ok.  
Ok.   
Deep breaths,” she said to herself, starting to pace in her small office, in order to try and control some of the anxiety coursing through her body. 

She needed to get herself back under control.

“Think!  
Think!   
Where could she be?”

Despite Pope’s claims that Brenda would be back in the morning, there was something that was just niggling at the back of her mind and would not let her take it at face value.  
She instinctively felt that there was more going on than he was prepared to tell her.

And that thought alone was enough to make her anger levels once again rise rapidly.

The fact that Pope could ‘know' what was going on with Brenda ........ that Brenda would ‘confide' in him of all people made her feel physically sick.

The more she thought about it, the more irrational and extreme her thoughts and anger became. 

She thought about how Brenda could be waiting for him at his house right now   
– no wonder the arrogant prick had been so keen to leave!

She thought about Brenda, laughing about her little foray into the world of lesbianism, as if it was a simple inconsequential diversion, before jumping feet first back into her former heterosexual lifestyle   
\- with a man who’d probably already tried to get her back flat on her back, more than once whilst Brenda was still claiming to love HER!

She thought about how she’d seen the wedding ring Fritz still wore in public  
\- and that maybe Brenda had let him back into her life and back into her bed!  
(ignoring the fact that Brenda had removed and disposed of her ring immediately and also ignoring the fact that Fritz had asked her out for a coffee date just earlier that afternoon) 

The more these thoughts continued, the quicker she felt the bile rise up her throat - and she started to retch as she reached for the waste paper basket.  
She couldn’t stop, it was like hot lava spewing from her body, leaving her exhausted and shaking when it finally finished.

And then it hit her. 

Like a freight train.

She had no right to be in Brenda’s life anymore. 

She had no right to be angry about who or what Brenda chose to do now she single. 

She had no right to feel like the victim, when she had been the one to end things in the vicious way she had. 

And she had no-one to blame but herself.

But, that little inner voice whispered to her   
– “you know what you found at Brenda’s house that night.   
You know what Brenda had deliberately hidden from you!”

That realisation made her sit down heavily in her office chair and made her heart feel as though it was going to stop beating in her chest.

“You’ve done the right thing,” she said out loud to the empty office.   
Almost trying to justify her actions of just a few days before.

“We’ll both get over this, we will ...... we have to!”, but it sounded hollow, even to her own ears.

Maybe they could avoid each other, at least at first ....... and pretend to act like they didn’t know what the other kissed like ......... or......tasted like ...... or felt like inside.

But Sharon knew she’d be lying to herself if she thought she would EVER be able to do that.

And professionally, the likelihood of avoidance in the workplace, with Brenda’s squads proclivity for ending up under investigation by FID, was not very.

In fact, Sharon had spent ALL weekend convincing herself that she hadn’t spent it thinking about Brenda!

Even now, all Sharon could think about was Brenda.

She pictured her happily humming tunelessly in the kitchen, her upper body stuck in the freezer trying to find the ice cream that Sharon had pretended she hadn’t bought for her.

She pictured her brushing her teeth beside her in the bathroom, knocking elbows with her intentionally and then smiling goofily at her as their eyes met in the mirror.

She pictured the loaded glances they would send each other when passing in the corridor, the little wink and kiss that Brenda would send her way when she knew no-one was looking.

She pictured the first time she had seen Brenda naked ....... the first time she had mapped that body with her fingers and then her tongue ........ and the first time she felt the pure heat of her Brenda Leigh inside .......

Her fingers twitched, almost like muscle memory and she wondered how she would ever live without feeling or tasting that heat again.

Or even just seeing the smile that Brenda would save just for her .....

No wonder maybe Brenda had needed time.

“I need time,” she realised   
– that’s why she had taken the selfish action of not allowing ANY contact from Brenda over the weekend after she’d walked out on her the Friday night.  
She'd ignored all of Brenda’s calls, she’d ignored all of the messages and texts and it had broken her heart each time she didn’t answer or reply.

But, if she was being honest, time hadn’t made a single bit of difference for her. 

Even now, trying to blame Brenda’s secrets for her decision did not alleviate the pain   
– she still felt like a cold, heartless bitch ........ and most of all a coward.

She’d done exactly what she’d always thought Brenda would do – she’d ran when it got difficult. 

Instead of talking to Brenda and asking for the truth, no matter how painful the truth might have been for her, she had thrown the insecurities that had plagued Brenda throughout her life right back in her face.

And if she was being honest – they were actually insecurities that she too had felt. 

So instead of acknowledging them, she had hidden her weaknesses and attacked Brenda’s instead as a defence mechanism – to stop herself from being hurt at the hands of someone who’d claimed to lover her, but had ...... but had kept secrets from her and hidden things from her.

But despite it all, she couldn’t help it – she NEEDED to know that she hadn’t completely broken Brenda. Especially after listening to her sobs on the voicemail from earlier in the day.

She sighed deeply and rubbed her tired eyes.   
There was no point her going home because she knew that sleep would elude her once again, just like it had since she’d walked out on Brenda after verbally destroying her.

She just couldn’t sleep without Brenda by her side now, it was as simple as that.

She reached to turn off her desk lamp, hoping that the darkness would provide some solace.  
But as she sat in the dark, with her head in her hands, the tears began to fall and the doubts began to come.

She had tried to be strong.

She had made a decision – one that she’d hoped would make Brenda happier in the long run.

But it wasn’t a selfless act.

It was a selfish one.

She was scared of being hurt.

She was scared of Brenda changing her mind, because what she had found had indicated that it was something Brenda was considering. 

But, more than that ...... she was afraid of constantly living in fear that she couldn’t be enough for Brenda and that someday Brenda too would realise that.

She’d see that she was too old for her, and only getting older, to continue to appeal to her or meet her needs and desires.

She'd see that she was too set in her ways to be able to change.

And Sharon feared that Brenda would always ‘check out’ when things got tough in their relationship and then run from her, breaking her heart in the process, like she had every other relationship in her life.

Like she nearly did the last time they fought.

Sharon thought back to their only other real fight, well, disagreement, since becoming ‘intimate' and how it had started over a request for a simple picture. 

She picked up her cell phone and looked at the picture in question, almost mesmerised at the black and white close up picture of their hands clasped tightly together. 

For just a second, she wondered if she should delete it, as if it had never happened.   
But she couldn’t..... because it matched the one on Brenda’s phone and she knew she would be devastated if Brenda had wanted to delete that important moment in time for them.

Instead, she thought back to that evening and the truths and insecurities they were actually able to share back then.

\-------------------------------------  
She had arrived home from work to a very playful and affectionate Brenda Leigh.  
\- a trait that she absolutely adored and that was becoming a more and more frequent event as their relationship developed.

It was a new experience for her to feel so contented and relaxed and dare she say it herself, but it made her want to be playful and more tender than she had been in any relationship prior to Brenda.

In her mind she pictured Brenda that evening.

She was walking slowly towards Sharon and smiling at her innocently, before she suddenly launched herself into her arms.

“I’m SO glad you’re finally home, baby ....... I mean here,” she hastily said.

“I missed you!” she declared and kissed Sharon soundly, her hands finally settling on Sharon’s bottom after a thorough exploration of her body first.

“So I can see,” Sharon responded, dropping a soft kiss on Brenda’s curls.

“I made dinner ...... for you ........ if you’re hungry?” she said, almost shyly, whilst regarding Sharon’s from beneath her eyelashes.

Sharon kissed her neck and bit it teasingly, before saying;  
“I’m hungry for YOU honey, does that count?”

“Hey! My cooking is not that bad!” Brenda replied jokingly, after regarding her carefully. 

She then stepped slowly out of Sharon’s arms and pulled her teal, floaty dress over her head, throwing it to the side.

She started to walk backwards towards the dining table as she removed her matching lace bra and panties.   
This time throwing them teasingly in Sharon’s direction.

As she had felt the dining table against the back of her legs she had perched on the edge and opened her legs seductively so that Sharon could see the glistening rosy pink lips that lay at her centre.

Not removing her eyes from Sharon’s face, she had then moved her hand up and into her curly hair, before sensuously sliding it down the side of her neck.

She used her fingertips to trace down between her breasts, before using both of her hands to cup her own generous breasts, moaning softly as she caressed them and lightly pinched her nipples.

Her left hand continued its path down her toned stomach until it reached her apex.   
And it stopped for just a moment, before she lightly touched her own clit teasingly.

Sharon’s pupils widened in pleasure, and she wished it was her own fingers that were exploring Brenda Leigh’s body.

Brenda smiled to herself at Sharon’s reaction.   
She knew how much the other woman enjoyed being the one to touch her, to feel her and to excite her.   
The intense gaze Sharon was sending her way almost felt like a physical caress.   
And it excited and turned Brenda on even more.

She circled her clit briefly, feeling a corresponding gentle flutter of pleasure low in her belly, before sliding her fingers lower and rubbing more fully over centre. 

Her body started to writhe rhythmically now on the edge of the table and she watched Sharon step closer, her nostrils flaring in arousal and her head tilting slightly, as if she was trying to get a better view of the decadent sight before her.

It made Brenda’s blood sing.   
She felt deeply desired.

Sharon’s intense gaze on the hand she was rubbing against herself made Brenda imagine that it was in fact Sharon’s hand that was caressing her.   
She immediately felt a gush of moisture against her questing fingers at the excitement that thought made her feel.

She leaned back slightly and brought her right foot up onto the nearby chair, allowing her leg to fall to the side, opening herself up completely to Sharon’s gaze now.

Sharon could smell her arousal in the air and she could see the moisture that Brenda’s explorations with her own fingers was creating.

As she watched, almost without blinking, she saw Brenda slowly push her finger past those rosy lips and into herself, her mouth opening silently with the pleasure it caused her. 

Just as slowly she pulled it back out and held it up for Sharon to see.   
It was now covered with her moisture and it glistened in the dim light enticingly.

Before Sharon could move, Brenda had quickly entered herself again, and again and again, adding another finger to increase the sensations.

If Sharon listened closely she could hear the noise her fingers made as they repeatedly entered and left her body and it made her panties increasingly wet.

Sharon’s eyes widened in arousal at the wanton display in front of her.   
She knew how sexy her Brenda Leigh could be.  
But as she watched her continue to pleasure herself whilst not taking her eyes from Sharon's face the entire time, she realised that she had well and truly met her match.

Brenda smiled a little naughty smile at her then as she removed her fingers from inside herself and used the moisture to cover her clit as she circled it rapidly with her fingers. 

Sharon could see the muscles in Brenda’s thighs start to twitch the closer she came to reaching orgasm. 

She could see her bite her lip, the moans of pleasure now stifled but still audible.

She could see her neck start to strain as she began to pant.

She could see the light sheen of sweat adorning her chest, highlighting the intoxicating curves of her full breasts and causing her pert nipples to glisten in the dim light.

She could see the pleasure causing Brenda to lift her bottom up repeatedly from the table as she continued her act of self pleasure for only Sharon’s eyes.

And then Sharon saw it happening. 

She watched Brenda’s eyes widen and her other hand, that one that she had previously used earlier on to caress her breast, was now behind her helping her lift herself up and down almost frantically into her own hand. 

She now used 3 fingers to plunge furiously into herself, whilst using her palm to grind firmly against her clit.

...... and then she winked at Sharon and moaned, long and deep and full of pleasure ....... as she came apart right in front of Sharon’s very eyes.

It was only then that Brenda broke their eye contact to lay back on the table as her body continued to lightly rise and fall in a post orgasmic haze.

She continued to gently push her fingers in and out of herself a few more times, before softly sighing in satisfaction and then resting her damp hand across her pelvis.

With Brenda now laying down, Sharon was then able to notice what was behind Brenda on the table.

It was a candle adorned table set up for two, with a small bouquet of deep red Roses on one of the place settings and a bottle of her favourite Reisling opened and ready to be shared.

Brenda then broke the silence, still having not moved from her reclined position on the table.   
“Baby, you may have to give me a minute or two,” she sighed tiredly.

She held up the fingers still covered in her come that she had used to pleasure herself with and said, whilst slightly chuckling,   
“I wasn’t planning to be your aperitif.   
I was more planning for dessert, but, I’m game to go for all 3 courses if you are!”

Sharon approached her swiftly, immediately taking her hand from its place in the air and placing those damp fingers into her mouth.   
She moaned at the flavour coating her tongue as she licked and nibbled them all clean of Brenda’s delicious come.

She then kissed Brenda’s wrist softly, before placing her arm beside her body as she quickly pulled Brenda’s hips forward. 

She bent down and swiped her tongue through her still glistening folds, feeling Brenda immediately raise her hips in surprise, but also quickly using her hand to pull Sharon’s head closer against herself.

Sharon immediately felt Brenda’s previous sticky moisture coat her chin and cheeks as Brenda grinded herself wantonly against Sharon’s face and she revelled in the sensations.

She opened her mouth wider, desperate to feel and taste more of her Brenda Leigh.

She immediately sucked at her firmly, making Brenda’s hips rise from the table, her back arch and a loud scream of pleasure leave her lips. 

Sharon felt an indescribable pleasure at having caused such a reaction in the intoxicating and sometimes confounding woman who now chanted her name in pleasure.

“Sharon ..... Sharon .... Sharon ....

oo-ooohhhh ......oh ..oh .. Sh .... shar-ooohh -n! D .. don’t stop ...o .. oh, baby .... don’t stop!”

Sharon smiled against her and then dipped her tongue past the fluttering muscles of Brenda’s entrance, an entrance which was still tender from her recent self induced orgasm, but which was also now hot and slick with new pleasure.

Sharon moaned loudly against Brenda as she felt her thick, hot moisture almost trickle onto her tongue.

It hit her then ...... the realisation that not only was this woman choosing to be here with her, but that she was letting her enter her body when it was at it’s most vulnerable and she was enjoying it because it was her!

Brenda’s body was pulsing repeatedly against her tongue with undisguised need and pleasure at the person that was using their tongue to push deeply inside her of her, again and again and again and again.

Sharon gently pulled her tongue out of Brenda’s body, hearing her lover moan in distress briefly before she immediately latched on once more to her clit, using her lips to cushion it and then sucking on it rhythmically and firmly.

Brenda started to pant, her hips started to twist erratically from side to side, but Sharon was relentless. She felt Brenda tense and then scream out her pleasure as her Sharon induced orgasm hit her hard and fast.

As Brenda started to come back to her senses, Sharon continued touching her, proceeding to thoroughly lick every inch of her still pulsing centre clean.

Only once her task was complete did Sharon trail her lips over Brenda’s pelvis, kissing her way to her navel and nuzzling the skin beneath it.   
She enjoyed feeling Brenda writhe in pleasure against her lips at her gentle touch.   
“Mine", she whispered, lightly biting the skin beneath her.

Her lips continued their journey upwards and settled for a moment, cushioned between Brenda’s generous breasts, which were still heaving in exertion from her intense orgasm. 

Her hand gently rested on Sharon’s head, caressing her now messy hair, but as she was still incapable of producing actual words, it allowed her to physically connect with Sharon.

Sharon smiled widely against the delicate skin and deeply inhaled the unique scent that adorned her lovers body, a scent now mixed with a hint of sweat.   
She couldn’t resist reaching out the tip of her tongue to taste the skin of the woman that she was hopelessly and irrevocably addicted to.

A woman she loved ferociously beyond words. 

A woman who had chosen to finally leave her unhappy and unfulfilling marriage in order to finally allow herself to become the sexy, enticing, happy, adorably playful and wanton creature that now lay beneath her.

She placed a single kiss before she soundlessly mouthed, “I love you, so much,” against her skin.

She then turned her head, kissing the curve of Brenda’s breast before latched on to first one nipple - licking, sucking and nibbling on it until Brenda was moaning incoherently in joy once more before moving on to the other to repeat the same actions.

She then reached for Brenda’s cheeks and held her still, before kissing her way to those smiling lips, and then kissing her thoroughly and desperately until she thought her lungs would burst with their need for air.

As their lips popped apart, Sharon stroked Brenda’s face and said;  
“that was a mighty fine vintage aperitif, my compliments to the sommelier!”   
before hiding her face in Brenda’s neck and laughing at her own silly joke.

Brenda laughed right along with her, pulling her body closer and wrapping her legs tightly around Sharon’s waist, wanting to hold on to their magical connection just a little bit longer.

“Did you really do all this for me honey?” Sharon asked her, slowly moving her face from her position against Brenda’s neck.

She felt Brenda nod, and say;  
“Well, I know you’ve had a busy day ...... and ...... well ..... I wanted to take care of you ...... so I made dinner"

As Sharon helped her to sit up and slide off of the table she couldn’t resist kissing her pouty lips once more.

Brenda bent to pick up her dress to put it back on as she felt a slight chill on her now rapidly cooling skin.  
She watched Sharon pout exaggeratedly as she shook her head ‘no'. 

Brenda laughed, sauntering over to her before, saying; “I wasn’t planning for a clothing optional meal – so, how about you let me put this back on and feed you ......

(Sharon opened her mouth, about to state that that was what she had planned again, as Brenda placed her fingers gently on her lips to stop her) 

....... and I DO mean FOOD, and then we can reconvene in the bathroom for a hot, soapy shower and maybe ....... some hot, soapy sex!”

Sharon begrudgingly agreed, but only if Brenda left both her bra and panties in Sharon’s trouser pockets, where she had placed them when Brenda had first thrown them at her.

After they’d eaten, Brenda had deposited herself in Sharon’s lap and rested her head on her shoulder, kissing the curve where shoulder met neck and placing her hand over Sharon’s heart.

“You make me so happy, baby,” she sighed contentedly.  
Sharon couldn’t help but smile, as she wrapped her arm more firmly around the back of Brenda’s waist and brought her other up to allow her to gently caress Brenda’s soft cheek.

Brenda had then dreamily declared to Sharon that right then and right there would have been a perfect picture opportunity.   
One that could serve as a reminder of not just the night, but of all the happiness they shared when they were together.

She felt Sharon tense automatically beneath her at the suggestion, and it made her pull out of her comfortable place within Sharon’s arms, stand and then turn to fully face her.

“Its what normal ....... couples ... well, ....... people do! she stated, with her hands on her hips defiantly when Sharon now made a verbal noise of disagreement.

“I think it’s a very sweet idea, honey, I do.   
But I’m just not sure that it’s such a good idea ........ with work ...... and everything,” Sharon had replied, offhandedly.

But Brenda couldn’t let it go.

“It’s not like I’m asking for us to hold hands around the office ..... or even (and she grinned, pretending to leer at Sharon) ..... to use a picture of you in your underwear as a screensaver, for goodness sake!”

Though, she added smirking, as an after thought: “If you’re offering I obviously wouldn’t say no!”

Sharon looked carefully at Brenda before reaching for her hands and guiding them onto both of her breasts, which were currently covered by a soft cream silk shell.

“How about we come to a compromise - and I let you see YOUR hands on MY body anytime you want to, hmmm?” Sharon murmured, leaning in to kiss her.

“But only in private Brenda Leigh,” she finished, before the kiss connected.

Brenda pulled her lips away.

“I know exactly what you’re doing Sharon – you’re trying to distract me!  
You don’t play fair!   
You know that right?” Brenda complained whilst now beginning to slide her hands underneath the silk shell to gently caress the breasts that she adored. 

“Hmmmm,mmmm – but I don’t see you complaining that much, or stopping, honey,” Sharon murmured, leaning to reach for her lips once again. 

But Brenda turned her head.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so unreasonable about this Sharon ...... I really don’t,” she sighed in defeat as her hands stopped their gentle explorations and she took a step back.

Sharon sighed loudly in frustration, raising her hands in the air before she shrugged and said;  
"I’m not a demonstrative person Brenda Leigh.  
I don’t like PDA's, I never have ......... and I don’t want to be locker room gossip if someone sees that picture on your phone.”

“Fine,” Brenda replied stonily. 

She turned away and started to clear the plates from the table so that she wouldn’t have to look at Sharon at all now.

But she couldn’t stop her mouth from saying;  
“Do you know what?   
Forget it!   
I don’t want a picture of you anyway, jerk!”

Sharon was shocked at Brenda’s response.

“Dammit Brenda! 

We’re not teenager’s, who need to start writing   
‘SR 4 BLJ’ on our desks.  
I don’t understand why you’re being so bloody melodramatic about it!  
I offered you a perfectly reasonable compromise, one which I honestly did not think you would refuse.   
But maybe that’s not ‘enough' for you anymore.  
Or is it just, that I’m not enough for you?”

Brenda remained silent, but her eyes widened in fear and she began biting her lip nervously. 

She put the plates back down and made her way quietly to the living room to try and find her shoes, because she planned to leave before the tears started – but, as usual her traitorous body wouldn’t adhere to the plan.

She wiped her eyes on her sleeve as she continued to look first under the coffee table and then in the hall closet for her missing shoes, before deciding that she just didn’t need them and she made her way to the front door barefoot.

She paused then, her hand resting on the door handle ready to open it ... and run.

But, instead of opening it and running away, she rested her forehead against the still closed door instead.

Sharon watched her silently from the hallway.

“Don’t run Brenda, don’t run.”

Sharon heard the words repeating in her head as she watched helplessly from the shadows.  
It took her a moment to realise that she wasn’t hearing those words just in her mind ......... Brenda was the one saying them out loud ...... repeating them ...... over and over.

Sharon held her hand to her mouth to mask her gasp of surprise and she slowly started to approach the door.  
She could hear a repetitive knocking the closer she got and saw that it was Brenda’s forehead gently banging the door each time she repeated the words.

“Don’t go,” Sharon whispered, afraid to speak loudly in case she scared her.

The banging and repetition stopped, but Brenda did not turn around.

“I’m sorry ..... it’s all my fault,” Brenda whispered, tears streaming down her face.  
“It’s always my fault ........ I should have stopped pushing it about a picture, in fact I shouldn’t have even suggested it ...... I think ....... maybe ...... I should leave.”

“No!   
Brenda, don’t go.   
Not like this,” Sharon requested quietly.

As Brenda lifted her head, her eyes were still full of tears but her voice now when she spoke was tinged with anger.

“So you don’t want me to go ‘LIKE THIS’, but you DO want me to go, is that right?” she said, enunciating each word like it physically pained her as she began to open the door, preparing to leave.

“Brenda Leigh ....... I don’t understand what’s happening right now, Sharon said, confusion and concern clear to hear in her voice.

I’m ‘asking' you not to go, honey.  
I’m ‘asking’ you to stay and talk to me ...... explain to me ..... what’s going on in your head ..... please ...... because I don’t know quite what has you so upset and angry.

Talk to me ........ please”, she begged, as she reached for Brenda’s hand and gently laced their fingers together before leading her slowly away from her means of escape and taking her into the living room.

“Talk to me,” she whispered again.

Brenda opened her mouth and ..... nothing came out ..... at first.

“I don’t want to fight with you Sharon,” she whispered in a hesitant voice, as she made her way to the couch and curled into a corner.   
She placed her arms around her legs, almost hugging herself and her cheek was gently resting on her knees.

“We’re having a disagreement, we’re not fighting, honey – why would you think that?” Sharon asked her, concerned at Brenda’s swift changes in mood.

She made her way over to Brenda and watched as Brenda almost shrunk even further into herself at her approach.   
So, she sat carefully on the coffee table in front of Brenda instead and slowly reached for her hand again as Brenda began to speak.

“I ..... It scares me, how I feel about you Sharon ........ I feel out of my depth ....... I feel like I never know quite where we stand.

Is it just about sex? 

I .... I ..... I let you watch ..... I wanted you ...... to watch me .... and then, oh god ..... I wanted .... you to touch ... me ....... so, so desperately..... and you did. And ....   
I lov .. - ed .... it.

But .... I ask ..... for an innocent  
(she sobbed in frustration)   
..... an innocent picture ...... because we have ..... no pictures .... of us ...... not since ..... not since our ....... not since ‘it' changed to, to, to a sex ..... sexual one,” she stuttered.

I’ve never wanted to do that before ...... I mean, I’ve gone along with it .... before, with Fritz .... well .... before.   
And it never ‘meant' anything to me.   
Sure, I smiled, when he had his arm around me, because that’s what you do, but ...... it wasn’t something I wanted ...... or something I would have ever asked anyone for ..... before you.

But I wanted 'this'.   
I wanted ‘this’, so badly. 

I wanted to have something to look at, maybe to even have something on display in my office, and think;

‘that’s me and that's my Sharon .... and I’m right where I belong ..... in her arms .... at last,” she said, as her eyes looked everywhere but at Sharon’s face.

Sharon pulled Brenda into her, burying her face into her honey gold hair and saying;  
“I didn’t know ...... I just, I didn’t think ..... not what it might actually mean to you ..... I’m sorry.”

Brenda tilted her head to the side, trying to make eye contact with Sharon.

“I want to be honest with people about us ....... I guess maybe that’s why I wanted a picture ...... baby steps and all that.” 

“We have this wonderful ..... lov- ....thing ...... and for once I’m not scared or feeling trapped ..... and I don’t want to keep that hidden Sharon.

But ..... it feels like maybe you do.

Like what we ..... have ..... can only exist between us in private ......” she trailed off before finally asking;

“Are you ......  
....... Are you ashamed of me?   
Or of us?”

Sharon shook her head repeatedly.  
“I think, maybe I was overly cautious about the picture and if that upset you, then I truly am sorry,” Sharon whispered.

I’m not ashamed of you.   
I’m not ashamed of us.   
I’m not.   
I promise!"

Brenda looked at her, as if to see if she was telling the truth, and it saddened Sharon that Brenda would have that doubt in mind about her, about them.

Brenda continued speaking softly, but she was nervously rambling now;

“I don’t want it to just be about sex between us ..... I mean, I like it when we .... I REALLY like it ...... but I don’t just want you for that ..... and I don’t want you to just want me for that.   
I don’t want another relation- ..... - ship   
(she gulped nervously)   
........ or, whatever we are ........ to be like that ....... and ....... I guess ..... I guess I just have to accept that ...... maybe ..... maybe that’s not the way you feel ...... and ..... I mean, well ..... that’s fine, it’s fine .....   
well, it’s not .... not fine ..... but, I’ll deal with it ..... and I won’t mention it again ..... I won’t ask .... for more .... than you .... want.

Look .....   
I think, .... maybe .... I should head home. 

I’m tired .... and I’m sure you’re, well, maybe you are .... tired, I mean, .... so I can leave ..... and give you .... some space.”

“Brenda .....   
if you really want to go, then I’m not going to stop you. You’re an adult and you can make your own decisions.

But you need to know that running away every time or any time we disagree is not a productive thing to do. 

Why is that we can disagree until we’re blue in the face when we’re at work, and sometimes you actually look like you want to throttle me until I’m blue in the face!   
-Because I dare to question your methods or push you to rethink your options.

But here, at home you’re hesitant to stand your ground or even explain your feelings to me?”

Brenda looked at her consideringly, before deciding to answer her question with absolute honesty;

“Because ... I'm confident in my workplace decisions. 

Even when you challenge me or tell me ‘no' I don’t ‘feel' threatened or scared that you’re doing it to ...... control me ..... to belittle me ...... or to deliberately hurt me ..... I know that I’m valid there.   
That what I have to say and what I think matters, because there you’re Captain Raydor and I’m Chief Johnson and I know the boundaries.

I just .... I just,.... I’ve never had that in my home life before.”

“What haven’t you had, sweetheart?" she asked

Validity? Honesty? Equality?”  
“You can always talk to me, honey.  
I’m here and I’ll always want to listen to whatever you have to say.

Even if I don’t agree with you, or understand your point of view, it’s important to me that you say how or why you’re upset ......   
........ because, you need to say it, sweetheart. 

You need to share what you feel and what you think. 

Because its valid ..... because you are valid .... and we’re equals honey, we are equals in this.”

Brenda nodded, and smiled shyly before softly saying;

“I’ve never had ‘balance' in my private life before.   
I've never felt an equal ..... and I want that with you, baby, I do .... I’m just, well, I guess I’m scared .... because what if I express my needs ..... and you .....don’t care?   
Or worse ..... well, .... what if you give up on me and leave?”

Sharon made sure Brenda was looking at her, so she could see the sincerity in her eyes, as well as hear it in her voice.  
“I want you to do that with me, honey, because I WANT you to know that I DO care.   
I will listen, I won’t judge you and I most certainly won’t leave you just because I may not always agree with you.”

“We’re in a ‘relationship’ Brenda ..... not necessarily a ‘conventional one,’ even for us ...... and that means we’re going to disagree or even fight sometimes ..... probably a lot .... because we’re both as stubborn as each other!   
But it also means that we’re in this TOGETHER.

“I’m not ashamed of you Brenda.”

“I’m just aware that you’re still technically married ..... to a man .... and that THIS .... is your first time ..... your first RELATIONSHIP with a woman ..... and I didn’t want you to think that I had any unrealistic expectations from you ..... or put any pressure on you ...... in case, you ...... well, ...... in case you changed your mind.”

Brenda cradled her cheek, before replying.

“I’m a lesbian Sharon. 

I have always been a lesbian and I will always be a lesbian.   
I’m not afraid of the word and I’m not afraid of what it means .....   
I may not have ever allowed myself to fully recognise that fact about myself before, but that was before I met YOU.

YOU showed me that I deserved more out of a partner. That I deserved to be my true self.   
\- But sometimes I’m going to struggle with that concept, at least in the beginning.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you or that I don’t want this relationship,   
(Brenda smiled at finally saying the word)  
because I do. I really, really do.

It may be my first relationship ....  
(she smiled again, unable to contain her happiness each time she said the word)   
..... with a woman, but it will also be my only relationship with a woman.”

Sharon began to tense again and fear ran through her blood at the words she was hearing, despite Brenda’s earlier reassurances to the contrary.

“It was always going to be with you, Sharon, because its only ever been you that I want.   
It will always, only, ever, be you for me.”

Sharon looked at Brenda and slowly leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, as relief relaxed her tense body.

“Well, it seems we’re both on the same page now, honey – and despite the upset, I’m glad you were able to talk to me instead of run.   
I know how hard that must have been for you.”

She felt Brenda tense in her arms.

“I know I run ...... I know I do.   
And I know I almost ran tonight.”

She paused before looking Sharon in the eyes and saying;  
“I promise I won’t run from you, or from us.   
Because I feel like I’ve been running my whole life and I’m so, so tired of it ...... of being that way ..... of being that person.  
But now, when I’m with you, I think maybe ....... maybe, all the time I was running away in my past, I wasn’t actually running to .... to only get away from something, .......  
but maybe ... I was ... running towards something ..... maybe, I was just finding my way to you.”

Sharon kissed Brenda with all the passion and love she felt for her at hearing those words in that moment.  
And her Brenda Leigh kissed her back with equal fervour and passion, before turning her head into her neck and kissing her erratically beating pulse.

“Do you mind if I take you to bed Brenda Leigh?, she heard Sharon ask her in a tender voice.

Brenda hesitated, Sharon could sense it. 

She was immediately reminded of Brenda’s earlier words and her fears about them only connecting sexually, and she wanted to reassure her.

“I want to hold you honey, I want to hold you in my arms all night and feel your heartbeat next to mine. 

This is about more than sex for me too, honey, though, I will always want to connect with you in that special way, always.   
But, for tonight, I want to fall asleep beside you and I want you to wake up tomorrow morning and see that I’m still there, right beside you – where I belong.”

Brenda kissed her tenderly, parting her lips and caressing the tongue that had just said the sweetest words she had ever heard.   
Then she pulled away and gazed in adoration at the woman in front of her, who currently had a serene smile on her face and who’s eyes were glazed with passion just for her.

“I want that too baby,” she whispered tenderly.

Then she leaned up to Sharon’s ear and breathed softly across it, watching the hairs rise against the side of her neck at the sensation and she whispered, “but we can be naked whilst we hold each other though, right?”  
And she giggled joyously against Sharon’s neck, lightening the mood immediately.

She could feel Sharon chuckle in response to her words against her lips.   
Lips that had remained resting against her throat and she reached for Sharon’s hand to pull her from the couch.  
As Sharon was following Brenda to the bedroom, Sharon lent down to her ear and whispered right back, “I’d be disappointed if we didn’t.”

When they were entwined, naked, in each other arms and Brenda was drifting off to sleep, Sharon carefully laced their fingers together on top of the covers. 

Reaching for her phone she took a couple of snaps of their joined hands and smiled as she looked at them, thinking how perfectly they fitted together.

Brenda shifted in her sleep then, pulling Sharon closer, sliding down from having her face pressed gently against the crook of her neck and now kissing the side of her breast as she nuzzled into it, against her side. 

She moaned softly against the delicate skin of Sharon's breast as she settled back to sleep and kissed her skin again, murmuring in her sleep ..... 

“mmmm, love .... you ... baby   
..... love you.”

Sharon initially froze, until Brenda let out a soft snore and then the breath she was holding left her lungs.

She looked down at their joined hands once again and tried saying the words that she felt in her heart and that she’d earlier mouthed silently against Brenda’s skin.

“I love you too .... so very, very much.”

And they felt right.   
As the words left her lips, they felt, so very, very right.

Unfortunately, Brenda was not awake to hear them.

\----------------------------------------------

Sharon was still looking at the picture on her cell phone, having lost track of all time.

Her one resounding thought was wondering why those words would leave her lips only when Brenda was blissfully unaware in sleep, or when she whispered it soundlessly against her skin in the throws of passion, but that she was unable or unwilling to say them in the harsh light of day.

Brenda had opened up to her. 

She hadn’t run that night.

And she hadn’t hidden her thoughts and feelings from Sharon, not in the end. 

She had made herself vulnerable because she LOVED her. 

She had told her many times and in many ways that she LOVED her ....... and Sharon had NOT ONCE told her it back! 

But, it wasn’t because she didn’t love her, because she did!  
She loved her so much it actually scared her, because she’d never felt that intensely about anyone before.

So, she’d been the one to run. 

To run from herself and her feelings.

To run from Brenda, instead of telling her she loved her too.

To run from leaving herself vulnerable to possible future hurt and heartbreak.

“What the fuck have I done!” she sobbed, regret flooding every inch of her mind and her body.

She activated the text message screen on her phone and started to type, hoping it wasn’t too late.

‘I'm so sorry for hurting you. 

I’m so sorry I pushed you away in the vicious and hateful way that I did.

I understand if you need time – take all the time you need.   
I’ll be here night or day and I’ll come anytime or anywhere, when or if you’re ever ready to see me again.

I made a mistake.   
A horrible, unforgivable and deeply regrettable mistake and I’m begging you to forgive me. 

Or just talk to me.   
Or shout and scream at me if that’s what you need to do.

It can all be on your terms Brenda Leigh.   
However and whenever you want.

I was so scared when you weren’t at work today.

I know how important your job is to you and I’m so sorry if it’s my fault that you feel you cant be here now.

I’ll stay away from you at work if that’s what you want.   
I will, I promise, if that’s what you need me to do - just say the word.

I know I have no right to ask anything of you anymore, but, please, I need to know that you’re ok Brenda Leigh.

Please.

I know I’ve ignored all contact up until now and I know what a hypocrite that makes me now .... but, please, I’m begging you.

Call me – or message me if you don’t want to hear my voice.   
Anything, please.

I know it’s too late now, and you deserved to hear these words from my lips in a moment much more suitable than this.

But, I love you Brenda Leigh.

I LOVE YOU 

I’m so sorry that I never had the courage to tell you that before now.

And I’m not saying it now to try and manipulate you into making a decision you don’t want to make.

I’m saying it because you deserve to know and because I should have told you EVERY single day we were together.

I love you, now and always. Xx’


	7. How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1
> 
> Brenda has made it to the cabin, but is feeling confused about so, so many things.   
She doesn't know how or what to feel anymore - all she knows is that it hurts.  
As she thinks about how she first met Sharon, she almost wishes their whole past away, because then maybe the pain would go too.

Part 1:

Brenda pulled off the road sharply and headed down the dirt track, following the map that would lead her to the cabin.

As the moonlight streamed through the windscreen she found herself briefly pondering how very different her life was probably now going to be.

But she was finding it difficult to focus on anything for any prolonged period of time, because it was always overshadowed by the pain she was constantly feeling in the here and now.  
So, because of that she had no real plans and no real destination in mind for her future.   
In fact, right now she had no real idea of how she was even going to continue to put one foot in front of the other – especially without Sharon beside her.

As she drove further into the darkness, along that tree lined track, she began to panic that maybe she had made the wrong decisions about a lot of things.   
And that left her both confused and conflicted. 

It was made worse because her mood seemed to erratically flit between remorse and sadness to anger and righteous indignation.   
And right now she didn’t know which one was the more appropriate response.   
She didn’t know which feeling to trust and follow.

\- She thought she felt remorseful about not trying hard enough to make Sharon listen to her.   
That she didn’t try hard enough, or tell her enough, or maybe didn’t make her feel enough ....... that she loved her.   
Because she did .... well, she had ...... loved her.

\- But then she couldn’t help but feel intense anger at how easily Sharon had torn their ‘relationship' apart. She struggled to understand how easily and viciously Sharon had belittled her and her feelings, before walking away ..... and not even bothering to look back.  
And allowing Sharon to do that, without so much as ‘fighting back' made her find that she was also incredibly angry at herself - for even bothering to try - for begging Sharon to talk to her, to understand her, or to take her back.

\- Then again there were more pangs of remorse and regret.   
This time about doing exactly what she had promised Sharon she would never do again – run from her or run from ‘them'.  
But she had.   
Maybe she hadn’t run straight away, but right now she was hundreds of miles away, in the middle of nowhere, hiding in forest.

But what other choice did she have?  
What else was she supposed to do?  
Get up? Shake it off?   
Eat some chocolate, do the dishes and then turn up to work and pretend that she was fine?   
That it hadn’t even so much as phased her?

\- The anger she felt at having been told that their ‘relationship' was nothing more than meaningless ..... that it was only bad sex - it made her hate herself.   
She felt like such a fool, for being so weak and it made her want to hate Sharon for making her feel this way.  
How could she not have seen it sooner?   
Where was her self respect?   
What else could she do but run from that farce of a life?

\- But she still couldn’t hold on to that anger for long.   
It was like water trickling through her fingers.

She felt such incredible sadness at failing.   
At finally being brave enough to change her life in the hope that she would find happiness ...... with Sharon .... and failing miserably at it.  
Because she thought that she had ......, even for a brief while ........, she honestly thought that she had found it ...... that THEY had found it ..... TOGETHER.  
But obviously not. 

So how could she be anything but angry at not realising earlier that perhaps Sharon wasn’t the one to feature in or complete her happiness.   
It would have saved her all of this upset and heart break.

She was just so, so confused that she didn’t know how or what to feel anymore.  
Her mind, body and soul was exhausted- almost to the point that it began to cause her physical pain.

Just as her brain felt like it was going to explode, as it sporadically jumped from one emotion to another and then straight back again, the cabin appeared in the darkness, and she sighed in relief as she parked the car.

It was close to midnight now and her body was just so exhausted that she was almost too tired to move.  
As she started to gather her last reserves of strength, in order to leave the car, she glanced at her still powered down cell phone, before she carefully picked it up from the passenger seat. 

She tapped it against her lip, briefly considering if she had any desire to turn it on to face the possible fallout of her earlier actions ...... or if she was being honest, to see if Sharon had bothered to return any of her many, MANY messages.   
– Her index finger actually twitched slightly in anticipation at turning it on.

But, instead she shook her head repeatedly, as if to clear those traitorous thought from her still racing mind.   
The idea of even seeing their matching screensaver picture of their clasped hands felt too much. She still felt too raw.  
So, she placed it in the glove box and firmly slammed it shut.   
Hoping that it would be, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ – ironically how she desperately wished she could feel about many things right now.

With that concept still swirling around in the recesses of her racing mind, she stepped out into the dark, cool night.   
As she turned slowly to stare at the small cabin and its surroundings, her body shivered in the cool breeze and her curly hair blew repeatedly against her tear stained cheeks.  
She felt almost paralysed.   
And as she looked out into the seemingly endless and empty darkness, she had the sudden realisation, ‘I’m completely and totally alone now ...... and ...... it doesn’t matter ..... I don’t .... matter.’

Although the thought that she was essentially all alone seemed to fit with her current frame of mind and depressed mood, perhaps that was more of a problem than she was currently able to recognise –   
the resounding fact that at this precise moment in her life, she didn’t care ..... not about anything, but especially NOT about herself.

She didn’t care where she was.  
She didn’t care where she was going.  
She didn’t care if she never saw or spoke to another person ever again.  
She. Just. Didn’t. Care.

The only one constant that she could count on now in this ‘new' life that was being forced upon her against her will, was this numbness and disinterest.   
It felt like it would always permeate and override every other thought and feeling she seemed to have.

As she tiredly made her way towards the cabin she focused on getting inside, locking it’s door from the outside world and then taking those sleeping tablets out of her bag and slipping into a long, deep and hopefully dreamless sleep.   
That was her only currently achievable objective.

– But, unlike ‘sleeping beauty’ or ‘snow white', there would be no ‘true love’ to save her.   
She would never feel those soft lips against her own again, because there would be no ‘true love’s kiss.’   
It simply didn’t exist.   
Not for her.   
Not any more.   
How could she be saved from the living nightmare that currently made up her waking life if the one person who could save her from her from it ...... couldn’t in fact actually tolerate her?

She grabbed her bags from the car, having to make two trips in order to bring it all to the small porch that surrounded the cabin.   
Her tired fingers fumbled with the keys, dropping them twice, before finally managing to open the door.  
Her arms ached, in fact everything ached – not just her heart - and her patience was starting to wear incredibly thin about all of it by the time she finally stepped through the doorway.  
She half carried, half kicked the bags inside, just wanting to escape the overwhelming sensation of feeling physically ‘exposed' the longer she remained outside.

She deliberately didn’t turn on the lights, relying on the moonlight to see her way – because what was the point?   
There was nothing or nobody that she wanted to see waiting inside for her.

Locking the door tightly behind herself, she rested her cheek against it, relishing the cool roughness against her weary skin.   
She turned her head slightly and firmly banged her forehead, just the once, before she continued turning around and slowly sliding herself down to the cold, hard floor.  
As she landed on her bottom, she raised her knees to rest her head upon them and placed her hands over her ears.   
She tried desperately to drown out the words that she didn’t think she would ever be able to forget.

“You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘love’ Brenda!”

“You throw that word around like you know what it means, like you know how it feels........” 

“You know NOTHING!!!"

“I HATE you!”

“I HATE how needy you are!”

“You cling to me, scared I’m going to leave you Brenda, and you don’t care that your weaknesses make me HATE you! You’re pathetic!”

“I should have NEVER even looked twice at you!”

“I cant believe you thought that it meant anything at all, because to me it wasn’t anything more a few meaningless...”  
“fucks,” 

“And they were that meaningless that they don’t even warrant a second thought, apart from regret at having wasted my time on doing them......on DOING you. In fact the only thing I will remember is having to pretend that you actually made me come!”

The tears that were never that far away began once more and they left her eyes without her permission, the same way that Sharon had left her heart and her life.

She didn’t have the energy to get up, so she simply sat – crying - in the dark -on the floor – in the cold – all alone.

It was ironic really, if she bothered to think about it ......  
It obviously wasn’t just men that she had perpetual shitty taste in – it also now seemed to apply to women too.   
Or A woman.   
The ONLY woman.

As she thought back to the very first few times she’d interacted with Sharon, she almost wished those meetings and their entire past away.  
Almost .....

\-------------------------------------------

As Brenda made her way to the hospital to find Gabriel, she knew that she would only have a limited amount of time before Captain Raydor would have figured out her deliberate attempt at subterfuge.

She’d never really seen the woman before, never having spoken to her, so she was more than a little curious about her.  
Sure, she’d heard the rumours about her ‘take no prisoners' approach to her FID investigations.   
She’d even caught fleeting glances of her around the building, but that was about it.

As a consequence, she wasn’t quite sure exactly what response to expect from the auburn haired Captain when they finally did come face to face.   
But she did know, if she was being honest with herself, that if someone had behaved the same way to her by deliberately misleading her, then she would have been royally pissed! 

However, it was too late to worry about that at the moment - she would just have to cross that bridge when she came to it.   
Because for now, she had one of her own to protect and protect him she would.   
Whatever the cost.

She had barely finished briefing Gabriel before she heard the unmistakable sound of stilettos rapidly approaching from the distance and she knew that her time was finally up.  
As she quickly braced herself, reminding Gabriel to keep his mouth shut until he got the union rep on site, she turned to confront the consequences of her actions. 

In preparation she plastered what she considered to be her most innocent and charming smile onto her face. Unfortunately for Brenda, that smile also happened to be her most insincere and obviously fake one.  
But, as soon as Captain Raydor had walked around that corner the smile, that had just graced her features, left her face and life as Brenda Leigh Johnson knew it was changed.   
Forever.

The first real thought she had, after 'oh shit, she’s really, really pissed at me!' was;  
'oh my god, she’s absolutely beautiful! I never thought she’d be ...... like .... that.'

Her gaze was drawn downwards, to those killer Manolo stilettos that had initially alerted her to her impending approach. 

Appreciating those shoes automatically led her gaze to then be drawn to THOSE legs.   
Those endless, endless, smooth and delicately shaped legs.

She let her eyes continue to travel upwards very, very slowly, taking in every inch, until she reached the hem of a very tight and no doubt VERY expensive black pencil skirt.   
The skirt reached to just above the knee, and had no right being as completely downright sexy and distracting for Brenda as it was.

Her eyes searched higher.

Above the hem of the skirt there was a dark, navy trench coat that was cinched tightly around a trim waist.   
She found herself almost ridiculously disappointed that because of that coat she wouldn’t get to see the woman’s ass when she eventually turned around. Because Brenda was absolutely certain that it could only be spectacular, especially in that tight fitting skirt.

Her eyes had now reached chest level and she paused, for what felt like hours, to observe the slight glimpse of cleavage that the open necked crisp white shirt afforded her.

As she was lost in her daydreams, she was dimly aware of hearing a polite cough, of someone obviously clearing their throat to gain her attention, but it couldn’t seem to deter her from her current desire to continue her leisurely and thoroughly enjoyable perusal of this beautiful and intriguing woman.

By the time she made her way up from Captain Raydor’s graceful neck, which seemed made for being gently kissed and caressed, and finally reached her face, - she was greeted by a tilted head, a perfectly sculpted raised eyebrow and the slightest hint of a somewhat clearly confused but mildly intrigued smirk at the intense perusal the other woman had obviously made of her body.

Brenda blushed furiously and immediately averted her eyes, shocked and appalled at her own blatantly obvious and inappropriate behaviour.  
It wasn’t that she had never thought a woman was beautiful before, because of course she had ...... that was normal right?   
Women could find other women attractive .... right?

In fact, she had always felt more attracted to women than she had to men.  
But, at this precise moment in time she felt confused, overwhelmed and completely at the mercy of her uncontrollable reactions to this woman.   
She had never felt as strongly attracted to ANYONE as she did this woman.   
But more than that, she had NEVER wanted to act upon it as desperately as she did now.

She felt driven to want to feel if that Auburn hair was as soft beneath her fingertips as it looked.   
She wondered how would feel if it fell onto her from above – would it tickle?  
Or what scent it would have as she inhaled deeply against the back of the woman’s neck, as she held her closely in her arms.

She wanted to trace those full sensual lips with the tip of her tongue, before kissing them softly.   
She wanted to feel them part beneath her own and grant her access to caress the silky smooth tongue that would be waiting for her inside.   
She wanted to kiss her until she thought her lungs would burst with the need for oxygen and then kiss her some more.

She wanted to see if those fathomless green eyes would widen in pleasure when she touched her.   
And oh my, she DID want to touch her.   
She wanted to touch her EVERYWHERE. 

Her eyes darted back to the woman’s chest and she noticed Captain Raydor had realised where her gaze had once again gone.

Extremely confused and now angry at her less than well hidden desires, what she actually did in response to Captain Raydor's non verbal response was to immediately become defensive, combative and downright rude.

Afterwards when she was sat in her car, she would try to rationalize it to herself.   
She wanted to convince herself that it was a normal response to a subordinate officer not addressing her in the correct manner.   
But she knew she was really trying to deflect from her not so subtle perusal and attraction to the woman who had stood so innocently in front of her.

She heard the other woman say in a silky, yet somewhat mildly frustrated and amused tone;

“Brenda Leigh Johnson, I presume?”   
“I see you also managed to find your way to the correct hospital – what a happy coincidence.”

Brenda couldn’t help it, she immediately went on the attack.

“I think you’ll find that’s Deputy Chief Johnson,” she had replied condescendingly, with her hands placed firmly on her hips.  
“And as your superior officer, Captain Raydor, I suggest you address me with the professional courtesy and respect that I am entitled to.” 

As soon as the words had left her mouth she had regretted them and she bit her tongue harshly until she could taste blood, as some sort of suitable punishment.

She watched silently, almost as if in slow motion, as the woman’s whole demeanour changed before her very eyes.   
The Captain’s beautiful green eyes had widened in surprise at the tone of contempt in Brenda’s voice, and her mouth had opened slightly in shock before her face quickly became an impassive mask and she responded coldly; 

“But of course ‘Chief Johnson’.”  
“And if you could cease from deliberately attempting to derail a FID investigation then I won’t be inclined to approach YOUR superiors, who I’m certain would at least garner YOUR professional courtesy.”

‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’ Brenda thought frustratedly.  
But it was too late now.   
There was just no way for her to make a graceful comeback from the horrific first impression she had just made.  
She had just felt so exposed, vulnerable and confused at the feelings that were coursing through her body, that she couldn’t stop her mouth from spewing that pathetic attempt at one up man ship in an attempt to regain control over the situation.

But even after that atrocious first impression, Brenda’s contentious behaviour towards the woman continued.   
If she so much as saw or heard Captain Raydor within the vicinity of her murder room she would exit her office, almost like a heat seeking missile, and she would demand loudly, petulantly and rudely, that she leave immediately.

It was getting to the point where even her squad were beginning to question her ‘intense dislike' of the woman – and they were not her greatest fans either.

But still Brenda couldn’t stop.

Each time the woman was near her, each time she could smell her intoxicating perfume, each time she spoke to her in that calm, but increasingly exasperated tone of annoyance at Brenda’s latest antics, she still pushed at the woman.   
She pushed at the unwanted feelings the woman invoked in her, she pushed against the woman’s attempts at professionalism and dare she say it, attempts at kindness ..... she pushed and pushed and pushed her away, as hard and as far as she could.......  
..... because if she stopped she would have to acknowledge that she didn’t in fact, ‘hate' the woman .... she didn’t even dislike her ..... not one little bit.   
And she wasn’t ready to do that.   
She couldn’t do that.   
Not without completely changing her life as she currently knew it.

And that is why she now found herself in Chief Pope’s office, wanting to get rid of her and her seemingly constant presence in her murder room ...... her thoughts ....... and her life.  
She couldn’t stop herself from complaining about having to share anything, let alone a crime scene with the Captain for any longer.

“She’s just so, SO pedantic .... and, AND bull headed ..... and, AND I refuse to deal with her any longer!” she stated in petulant defiance.

Chief Pope rolled his eyes as he picked up his phone, continuing to watch Brenda pace up and down his office, before finally seeming to exhaust herself and almost throwing herself into a chair.  
His attention returned to the phone in his hand and he heard the line pick up.   
Before the other person could even speak he simply said; “Captain Raydor, my office right now.”

As Sharon heard the call disconnect she sighed loudly, immediately knowing what, or more specifically, who, would be waiting for her when she got there.

She opened her desk drawer, removing a small compact mirror and quickly checked the state of her hair and make-up.   
The most recent ‘shared’ case she was currently having to ‘negotiate' with Chief Johnson had led to A LOT of sleepless nights and frustrated tugs at her hair in an attempt to keep calm.  
She sighed again as she regarded her tired and jaded reflection and shrugged her shoulders, thinking, ‘well, it’s not going to get ANY better than this,’ before she snapped it shut and rose from her chair.

She had a fleeting sense that perhaps her previous words could also be attributed to the tenuous ‘relationship' she currently shared with Chief Johnson. And she sighed again, this time wearily at the prospect of things not getting ANY better between them either.

Once she had reached the outer door to Chief Pope’s office she could already hear Chief Johnson complaining about her continuing unwanted presence in Major Crimes.  
She knocked softly before entering what she pictured to be the ‘lions den’.

From the moment she entered the room, Chief Johnson refused to look at her.   
She had stopped mid rant and had immediately turned her back on the Captain in an apparent and purposeful snub.

Sharon felt her hackles rise.  
She was getting pissed off at the way the Chief was repeatedly behaving towards her and she could not for the life of her see why she should warrant such treatment. 

“You wanted to see me, Chief Pope?” she asked, whilst trying to ignore the woman in front of her.  
“Take a seat Captain, this may take a while”, he replied, gesturing to the empty chair directly next to Brenda’s.

As she was sitting down and crossing her long legs, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Brenda twist her body in her seat so that she was now facing away from her direction yet again.   
Brenda then seemed to clasp her hands so tightly together that they began to turn white with the pressure.  
Sharon found herself wondering, not for the first time, what the hell Brenda’s problem was!

Chief Pope cleared his throat to gain both their attention before she could continue with that train of thought.  
“Right ladies. It appears that we have a problem right here.”

Sharon’s shoulders raised in surprise and she turned her body in her seat to look at the rigid profile of Brenda, who was still staring at her clasped hands.

“Deputy Chief Johnson has made it abundantly clear that she feels your continued presence in her murder room is unnecessary and it is deliberately and repeatedly hindering her ability to solve this crime in a timely and efficient manner.”

Sharon looked first at Chief Pope, who met her surprised gaze impassively, and then at Brenda, who would not even look in her direction, before responding to the outlandish claims.

“I fail to see how my presence, in a SHARED investigation is hindering any progress being made.”  
She paused to take a deep breath, wanting to remain calm.  
“The crime due to it’s nature falls directly under FID jurisdiction ......”

At this comment Brenda’s head snapped back to Sharon’s direction and her eyes were blazing in anger.

...... “and as such I am under no official obligation to allow Major Crimes to investigate until my initial findings and reports are completed......”

She heard Brenda attempt to interrupt, but she continued her monologue regardless.

..... “However, for the best interests of the LAPD, and for both professional courtesy and collaborative working, I allowed Major Crimes access to both the crime scene and evidence ....”

“You allowed!”, Brenda screeched, finally managing to get a word in.  
“You allowed?!   
Will, are you listening to this absolute steaming pile of .... bullshit?! Brenda ranted.

Chief Pope raised his eyebrows at Brenda’s outburst. He knew she had a temper and he knew how territorial she could get about a case but she very rarely, if EVER resorted to swearing, especially in the workplace.

However, it seemed that his input was not required at this point in time as Captain Raydor immediately let rip right back at Brenda.

“How dare you call my investigation ‘bullshit', she yelled right back.  
“YOU have deliberately and repeatedly belittled me in front of your squad, for what purpose?

Brenda straightened in her chair, holding on to the arms in an attempt not to launch herself at the other woman in order to throttle her.

“I have done NO such thing!”   
(But she knew it sounded hollow even to her own ears. She had done that. Repeatedly. And often without reason.)  
“I am the RANKING officer in this investigation ... and you, well you ...you’re just a Captain .... and you need to remember that!”

Sharon snorted at the superficial and pathetic explanation Brenda tried to use.

“Do you really feel SO threatened by my presence CHIEF, and my expertise, CHIEF, that you resort to behaving like a playground bully in order to get your way? .......”

Brenda rose from her chair, pushing it backwards behind her angrily.   
She looked like she was both ready to lynch the Captain and simultaneously burst into tears.

“Fuck you!” she shouted.

Sharon’s mouth dropped open in shock. As did Chief Pope's.

“You think you’re so much better, with your little rulebook, and your ‘I must go first’ attitude, but all you do is get in the way ..... you get in MY way..... in my head ..... and I’m fed up of it!   
I want it to stop!” Brenda ranted.

“I want YOU out of MY murder room!   
You don’t belong there and I don’t NEED you there.   
So why don’t you do us all a favour and slink back to FID where you belong and I’ll remain in charge, like I should have been from the start.”

Sharon rose from chair and stared Brenda down, before shouting right back at her;

“I must go first! My investigation MUST go first!   
So, you know what?  
Fuck you, right back!”

As they continued to almost growl at each other, Chief Pope finally intervened.

“Ladies, and I almost find myself unwilling to use that word in this situation, you need to sit down and calm down, right now!  
I have no idea how or why this escalated as quickly as it did ....”

Brenda opened her mouth to respond but immediately shut it at seeing the look on Will’s face.

“but it cannot and it will not continue. Do I make myself clear?”

Neither woman would answer.

“You will share this case, ....”

Both of their heads snapped up at this.

“and you will do so in the professional and courteous way our tax payers expect and pay you to behave.  
Because IF this behaviour continues then you will both find yourselves suspended, without pay, until you both find yourselves able to do so.  
Do I make myself clear?”

Again he was met with silence.

“I said, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”

They both answered in the positive, although, very, very begrudgingly.

“Captain, you’re excused.   
Brenda, I would like to have a word with you before you leave.”

“Will ...., I .... now's not a great time, Brenda murmured, making as if to stand and leave herself.

“It’s not up for negotiation Brenda, so please, stay right where you are.”

Sharon nodded her head stiffly at Chief Pope before leaving the office and as she passed Brenda she could hear her hold her breath as well as feel her physically flinch away as her hand fleetingly brushed against her arm.   
Why would she do that, she wondered.

As she was closing the door she heard the start of their conversation, with Brenda tiredly saying, almost to herself, “.... I can’t do this, I just can’t do this anymore.”  
“Brenda, have you thought any more about what I said? About having dinner with me ..... I really think we could make it work this time .....”

Sharon’s eyes widened in surprise, well, she reasoned to herself – maybe it’s not so much of a surprise after all.   
She’d heard the rumours about their affair, and it shocked her if she was honest – that Brenda would find herself attracted to someone like Pope.   
She wasn’t naive enough not to think that work place affairs didn’t happen – because they happened everyday ...... but she’d never pictured little Miss Atlanta ever being anyone’s ‘other woman’ ... especially for the second time.

As she was still contemplating her unexpected discovery, thanks to her little bout of eavesdropping, she suddenly heard Brenda’s unmistakable loud and angry voice and then a loud noise, almost like a, wait, no, it couldn’t be ..... like a .... slap.

As she turned on her heel and was almost at the door again, it swung open and she was almost bowled over by the little ball of angry energy, otherwise know as Chief Johnson.   
She reached out to stop herself from being knocked over and grabbed the Chief's arms to keep her balance and as the door swung shut behind Brenda she saw Chief Pope cradle his very red and obviously very painful cheek.

“Get offa me! Don’t touch me!” Brenda shrugged her off, almost making her fall again, as she marched her way to the elevator and pressed the down button furiously and repeatedly.

“That won’t make it come any faster ... Chief,” Sharon said as non-confrontationally as she could, concerned at what had just transpired in the office behind her.  
“Are you ok? I couldn’t help but overhear ..... what happened .... are you ok?”

Brenda continued pushing the button, refusing to look at her or answer Sharon’s question.  
As Sharon reached out her hand to touch Brenda’s shoulder in support and concern she was stopped by Brenda’s vehement tone.  
“Don’t touch me. I don’t need or want your pity.”  
She dropped her hand, but continued approaching, ending up standing next to her instead, acting as if she too were simply waiting for the elevator.

“This elevator will be full Captain.   
I suggest you take the next one.”

Sharon shook her head in frustration.  
“Just what the hell is your problem?   
What the actual fuck have I done to you to deserve being treated this way?  
You know what, I’m done!   
I’ll work with you because I have no choice, but for everything else .... you can just go ... to hell"

Brenda’s eyes widened and she glanced at Sharon through tear filled eyes, her hand now falling to her side and her fingers brushing against Sharon’s as they fell.  
All Brenda could think was:  
Why aren’t I happy?   
I’m getting exactly what I wanted   
– I wanted to push Sharon away, and I have.   
So why does it hurt so much?   
Why does seeing the look of anger and frustration on her face hurt me so much?

As Brenda was silently having this internal struggle, her hand had actually reached for Sharon’s and she gently laced their fingers together, as if using it to try and ground herself.   
She was completely unaware of both her actions and of how closely Sharon was actually observing her.

And Sharon saw everything.   
In that moment she it all.  
“Chief .... Brenda Leigh, I had no idea ...... I mean, I’m flattered .... of course I am ... and ...”

Her words seemed to bring Brenda back to her senses almost immediately.   
Her eyes widened in horror at what Sharon thought she had seen, at what she had said, and when she realised where her hand currently was, she snatched it back as if it was on fire.

“I have no idea what you think you do or don’t know and quite frankly I don’t care.   
I don’t like you.   
I have never liked you and I will never like you.  
I don’t want to work with you, but I’ve been given no choice in the matter, so how about you stay away from me and I won’t even spare a thought for you, huh?  
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a husband to get home to.”

Sharon was still staring at her hand, the hand Brenda had so willing held just moments before, as she heard the door to the stairwell open and then close, signalling Brenda’s hasty departure.  
Without even thinking about the consequences she followed her into the stairwell.   
She wanted answers, she wanted honesty and she wanted them now!

As she glanced first upwards, she then heard the sound of running feet below her and she turned to make her way towards that noise.   
But a sudden heart-breaking sob stopped her in her tracks, and as she peeked over the side of the railing she saw Brenda now stationary 2 floors below.   
She was clutching the railing with one hand, whilst the other was across her mouth, almost trying to stifle the sobs that obviously refused to stop coming from her body.

Sharon watched silently as Brenda sobbed, unsure if her first instinct, which was to go and comfort her would be welcomed.   
Especially if she was the cause of Brenda’s upset in the first place.  
She continued to watch, when Brenda suddenly kicked out at the railing in frustration, and Sharon must have made a noise, because the next thing she knew, Brenda was staring right back up at her, right until the pain in her foot registered and then she was falling to the ground in pain, shouting, “shit! Fuck! Shit!”

Sharon didn’t hesitate then – she quickly ran down the 2 flights of stairs and crouched beside a tearful and obviously in pain Brenda Leigh.

“Go away Captain! Why won’t you. JUST. GO. AWAY!”

“Brenda Leigh, you’re hurt. Let me ....”

“Chief Johnson, my name is fucking Chief Johnson to you! And I’m fine, I don’t need you or your.....”  
She was about to say help, but as she was trying to get up and put weight on her painful foot, she fell to the ground again in a frustrated heap.

She heard Sharon sigh deeply, before sitting down on the floor next to her and gently taking her injured foot onto her lap.  
“Yes, you’re Chief Johnson and I’m Captain Raydor ..... and ... blah, blah, blah ....... don’t you ever get tired of all this Brenda Leigh?   
Hmmmm?”

Brenda watched as Sharon carefully removed her sandal and tenderly caressed her foot, checking it for injuries and she immediately tried to snatch her foot away, but Sharon refused to let it go.

“Is it really that hard to accept my help, Brenda Leigh,” she murmured as she lightly touched her rapidly bruising and bent at the wrong angle little toes.

Brenda yelped in pain and hissed back at her, “I didn’t ask for your help.   
In fact I don’t want your help, Captain,” and she tried to pull her foot away again, not caring the extra pain it was causing her.

“Just quit it, ok!   
You’re hurt and I’m not leaving you.   
I’m not going anywhere.   
So the sooner you get that into your apparently VERY thick skull the better.   
Because quite frankly you are really starting to piss me off and you wouldn’t like me when I’m pissed off”, she stated with a hint of humour now lacing her last few words.

Brenda snorted, trying not to laugh, but still managed to say; “I don’t like you now, so what’s the difference?”

Sharon looked at her and laughed, shaking her head and continuing her task of checking Brenda’s foot, before almost conversational saying; “I think we BOTH know that’s not quite true, now is it, Brenda Leigh?”

“I really, really hate you right now.   
You know that right?” Brenda grumbled at her, but without any real malice now.

“Mmm, hmmm.   
Of course you do Brenda Leigh .....of course you do ....”  
Sharon hoisted Brenda to her feet and placed Brenda’s arm around her shoulders whilst she placed her own arm around Brenda’s waist to help support her.  
...... “but ask yourself this – where would you currently be without me, hmmmm?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be bloody half dead at the bottom of the stairwell that’s for sure!” she snapped.

“Let’s not exaggerate, hmmm, honey”

Brenda nearly choked at her words, before saying; “for the love of god, I’m NOT your Brenda Leigh, I’m NOT your honey, I’m Not YOUR anything!  
Stop saying my name, like you know me!”

Sharon purposely loosened her grip.

“Do you want me to drop you back down on your ungrateful ass?   
Because I will!  
I have absolutely no problem doing that, so just say the word, BRENDA LEIGH.   
Go on, HONEY, I dare you!”

“I hate....”

“Yes, I know Brenda, you hate me.  
It’s getting real old, real quick.  
So how about you quit your whining and help me get you to your office so you can, what was it?  
..... oh, right, get home to your husband .....   
You’re not the only one with a private life you know ..... and I would quite like to get on with my evening too.  
Because, every offence meant here, I do not want to have to deal with you off the clock as well as on.   
So let’s go, huh?”

Brenda bit her tongue, more than a little bit irrationally upset that Sharon didn’t want to spend any more time with her than strictly necessary.

As they made their way to her squads floor, she tried not to lean into Sharon, not wanting to feel the enticing curves of her body against her own, or smell her perfume mixed with the natural scent of her skin.   
If she EVER wanted to sleep again she had to get away from her.

Sharon grabbed Brenda more firmly in frustration at Brenda’s repeated wriggling and continued to appear completely unconcerned and unmoved in the slightest that the side of her breast was brushing against Brenda’s own.   
But it was ALL Brenda could focus on.   
The soft and gentle drag of clothed skin against clothed skin.   
If only those clothes would disappear... just for one .... delicious .... and sensuous moment.

Brenda felt her own nipple harden in response to the stimulation it was feeling and the images her wild imagination was producing, and she tried to stifle a quiet moan of pleasure.

Sharon only just managed to wipe the smirk off her face, because she knew what that moan was actually in relation to – she could FEEL it .... erect and firm against her own through Brenda’s thin cotton dress – but she asked with faux innocence and in a lot more of a sultry tone than was strictly necessary;   
“I’m sorry, honey.   
Did I hurt you, Brenda Leigh?”

Brenda couldn’t even manage words at this point, simply shaking her head instead.

“So, .... about what I overheard in the office .... do you need to talk about it?  
I know, well, I SAW how you dealt with it ......”

She heard Brenda inhale sharply.

..... “and although I have to say, I’m impressed with your strength, .....”

Brenda snorted derisively now.

..... “I’m not going to pretend that I’m not worried about how long these .... advances, well, his advances ... have been going on for.   
And as an officer and .... a friend, I can help you deal with this properly.   
If you want.....”

“I’m fine.   
It’s fine, and I can deal with it just fine .... by myself.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow and physically paused for a breather before starting the next flight of stairs.  
“Any more ‘fines' you want to add in to that statement? Hmmm?  
Cause I don’t believe a word that you say, just so you know!”

Brenda bristled and moved some of her weight away from Sharon again, as if the distance would help.  
“We’re not friends, Captain.   
So why do you care?” she asked bluntly.

Sharon grabbed her again before practically dragging her down the next flight of 2 flights of stairs in stony silence, before finally replying to Brenda’s question.  
“Maybe, because despite what you may think of me, I’m not a monster and I actually care.   
But heaven forbid you accept anyone’s help Brenda Leigh!”

Brenda stayed silent.

“The offer will always be there ... just so you know.”

And with that last statement she opened the door leading back into the main building and walked them back to Brenda’s murder room.

Provenza was the first to spot them coming from the stairwell.  
“Jesus Christ!   
She’s only gone and done it!   
Flynn, get the Pope!!   
Captain Raydor has obviously finally lost it and attacked the Chief!   
Tao!   
Get the camera!”

Despite being in so much pain, Brenda actually managed to laugh at the outlandish theory her boys were now running around like headless chickens believing.

“And these are your elite squad of detectives, huh?” Sharon whispered, shaking her head bemused at the scene unfolding in front of her.  
“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended at the fact they wouldn’t think me capable of actually finishing you off!”

Brenda turned in Sharon’s arms and looked her straight in the face, not sure if Sharon had meant those last few words how she taken them.  
But Sharon leaned forward and whispered, for Brenda’s ears only, “cause I’m pretty sure that I could .... just so you know!”

And that is the picture Tao got of them, their arms still around each other, Sharon whispering in Brenda’s ear and Brenda’s face going bright red at the innuendo being whispered to her.

At the flash of the camera Brenda came back to her senses, especially as Flynn and Sanchez were now hauling her out of Sharon’s arms and apparently ‘out of harms way'.

“Wait!   
Wait!   
What on earth are y'all doing?   
Stop!   
Stop right now!   
Y'all are hurtin me!”

Provenza was now blocking Sharon’s view of Brenda, but Brenda could hear Sharon almost growl in threat at Provenza for being in her way, especially when she heard Brenda yelling out in pain.

“Hey, y'all put me down and leave the Captain be.”

Flynn looked at Provenza for confirmation and Tao was still taking pictures of the Chiefs injuries, as they all continued to ignore Brenda’s request.

Sharon, more than a little annoyed with the circus by now, but more fed up by the fact they were still keeping her from helping Brenda, decided to take back control.... and right now.

“Right! Lieutenant Provenza move out of my way this instant before you really see what I’m capable of! 

Flynn and your little friend Sanchez can carry the Chief to the couch in her office ... and I DO MEAN CARRY!   
If I so much as hear a sharp intake of breath from her you’ll both be attending ‘compassion in the workplace' training for the next 6 months!”

She turned to Tao –   
“You can stop taking those photos and can make sure that EACH and EVERY SINGLE COPY is handed to me before deleting them entirely .... unless you’d like to be on charges for voyeurism of a senior officer.”

“Gabriel?   
You can get me a first aid kit, some ice, a can of some god awful disgusting sugar filled, genetically modified fizzy drink – in a flavour your Chief would like – and take them to her office.”

She turned then, to look at them all, before saying;  
“And then you can all skeedaddle back to your desks and get on with your actual jobs – and let’s hope you’re better at them than you are at whatever it is you want to call this response!”

They all stood in silence, even Brenda.

“Am I talking to myself?  
Or should I start making some calls for those course places, maybe miranda a few of you and then call for an ambulance for Provenza?   
Huh?”

Never had Brenda seen her boys move so fast, not in all the years she’d known them!

Before she knew it she was carefully placed on her small couch and Flynn and Sanchez were scurrying about looking for pillows and blankets, whilst murmuring about the ‘crazy Captain'.  
Brenda chuckled softly to herself – thinking that this was not at all how she had imagined her day to go.

Sharon closed the door to Brenda’s office and then stood next to the blinds.   
She saw Sharon make an exaggerated and fierce looking shoo-ing motion at her boys, who were obviously now lined up outside the window, before flicking the blinds shut on their fearful faces.

“Who knew you cared so much, Captain.   
Or that you had that MUCH of a mean streak!” Brenda mocked.

“I wouldn’t laugh too much just yet Brenda Leigh – because I’m pretty sure those toes are broken, if not dislocated at the very least and if you won’t go to hospital .....”

At this Brenda shook her head fiercely.  
“There’s no need Captain, I’ll be ...”

“Fine.   
Yes, I know Brenda Leigh.   
I heard you the first five ‘fines' in the stairwell – and I believe you even less now than I did then.   
So, how about a compromise?”

Brenda looked at her with mild interest, but did little else but pout in response.

“You have 2 options Brenda Leigh.   
One, I can take you to the hospital and obviously take full congratulations for finally knocking you on your stubborn southern ass ...”

Brenda glared at her now, but Sharon was not in the least bit bothered by it, not now and probably never again.

“ .... or two, you suck it up and let me help you by popping them back into place, real quick.   
Your choice.  
But be quick ....”   
and she glanced at her watch as if already bored,   
“.... because I do have a rather pressing schedule this evening,” She finished, smirking once again at her own humour.

“This is just an excuse to actually hurt me, isn’t it?   
I’m on to you Captain!   
How is that an actual choice?   
I ..... argghhhhhhhh .....   
........ what the fuuuucccckkkk!”

As Brenda was still in the middle of her rambling response, Sharon had taken it upon herself to pop her toes back facing in the right direction, to Brenda’s obvious surprise and apparent displeasure, if her screams were anything to go by.

Sharon didn’t even have to look at the door handle before she heard it rattle and she shouted;   
“if that door so much as opens an inch, I will audit this entire unit until the day you all retire – which granted, for Provenza will be a lot less time than for the rest of you – but I will investigate you so thoroughly I’ll find out how many times you wet yourself in kindergarten.”

The handle stopped moving immediately.  
“You really are a bitch, aren’t you?” she heard Brenda hiss, still in pain.

“I think the words you’re actually looking for are – thank you.   
But to answer your question – yes, I am.   
Completely and without remorse.”

Brenda lay back fully and closed her eyes then, murmuring; “glad we’re finally on the same page about THAT.”

Sharon squeezed her toes pettily in response, but smirked to herself whilst binding Brenda’s toes and then placing a tea towel full of ice on them.  
“All done!   
Would you like a lollipop for being SO brave?”

At the word lollipop, Brenda’s eyes immediately opened in glee, before realising that Sharon was mocking her.  
She stuck out her tongue and then laid back and closed her eyes once more, before sighing in despair at not getting a lollipop and then saying;   
“How about some painkillers instead? – and maybe you better open the blinds, so my team can see that you haven’t actually murdered me and no one can claim the prize money quite yet for the day we allegedly came to blows.”

“Way to take away all my fun, Brenda Leigh.”  
But she Sharon opened the blinds and the door and then walked straight out.

“Wait! Wait!,” Brenda yelled.  
“You’re just gonna go?   
Just like that?  
You’re worse than drive by!”

By the time Sharon returned, Brenda was pouting furiously and her arms were folded across her chest.  
Sharon rolled her eyes at the sight before her .... until Brenda looked up at her in genuine surprise and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of happiness.

“Here’s your painkillers ......and here’s your lollipop .....” she said, blushing at Brenda’s response to her presence.  
“Maybe, you should call ... your husband .... Agent Howard .... to come and collect you?   
Or I could ask one of your ‘mother hens' to give you a ride?”

Brenda’s smile left her face immediately, and she placed the lollipop down on the table next to her without even bothering to unwrap it.

“Thank you, Captain.   
I’ll do that.  
You best ... go.   
You have that ..... busy schedule .... and all.”  
And Brenda picked up her phone and dialled, now ignoring Sharon once again and just assuming that she would leave.

“Fritzi?   
Hi.   
I need you to come get me from work ...... I know .... I’m an inconvenience, I’m sorry ..... I don’t always do ... this.   
Don’t.   
Just don’t.   
Not now.   
Not again.  
Fine.   
No, it’s fine.   
Fine.   
I’ll be fine.”  
She closed her eyes again as she placed her phone by her side and then reached back up to wipe away a few tears.

She felt someone stroke her ankle and she immediately opened her eyes in shock, coming face to face with Sharon.  
“I thought you’d gone.”

“Obviously not, Brenda Leigh....  
Why are .... why are you crying?   
What’s happened?” Sharon asked as she wiped away some of Brenda’s tears.

Brenda immediately went back into defensive mode, ashamed that Sharon had witnessed her weakness ... again.  
“In case it escaped your notice, and I know you’re old so things like that are bound to happen, but I did severely dislocate a few of my toes, also your fault, so excuse me if I shed a few tears in pain .... we cant all be as PERFECT as you, now can we?

Sharon stood up and backed away, hurt at the unexpected way Brenda had spoken to her – especially after everything.  
“You’re right Chief, you’re more than entitled to a few tears.   
So if you’ll excuse me, I have ..... some things to take care of.   
I hope Agent Howard doesn’t take too long.   
Good night, Chief.”

And with that Sharon was gone and now Brenda felt like the ‘bitch' she had accused Sharon earlier of being. 

But, it stung that Sharon had stopped using her name and had reverted back to her title, no matter how much she had claimed that that was what she wanted.   
It hurt.   
More than it probably should.   
But it hurt.

And Fritz – well, he wasn’t coming.   
Shit!

She sat up and took her painkillers, letting the bag of ice fall to the floor.  
She’d just have to wait until her boys left and she’d hobble her way downstairs and take a cab home .... to face the music ... again.

Provenza knocked on the open door frame, before hesitantly popping his head inside and then declaring to the squad behind him;  
“it’s ok! She’s still alive!  
You can all head on home now and stop fussing like a bunch of hormonal old women!”   
Seeming to overlook, that not half an hour earlier, he had been acting exactly the same way!

“Fritzi is on his way Lieutenant, so please, head on home yourself.   
I’ll be fine until he gets here.”

Provenza could smell her lies from a mile away, but he would never embarrass her by calling her on it.  
“Sure Chief.   
I’m just going to finish my last report and then I’ll be out of here in the next 10 minutes.   
Why don’t you lay back down, close your eyes and rest for a few minutes .... before Agent Howard arrives.”

He watched Brenda nod her head and then do as he suggested, whilst he made his way back to his desk to continue with his work ..... and his watching over the Chief.

After about half an hour, he peeked in to her office, pulled the blanket up to her thin shoulders and switched off the lamp – trying not to wake her.

About 2 hours later he realised that that bastard wasn’t coming and he never had been.   
He tried calling him twice himself, leaving messages both times.   
When he tried for the third time, the phone had been turned off.  
As he was debating what to do Captain Raydor walked back into the department and at seeing Brenda’s office light off, made to turn straight back around to leave.   
It was then that she noticed Provenza still sat at his desk and she realised immediately why he was still there.

“She still in there?” she whispered to him sadly.

“Yup.”

“What are we going to do Lieutenant?”

“I have no idea, Captain .... except maybe something felonious against that prick of a husband of hers ...”

“So there’s trouble in paradise then, huh?”

“Captain .... to be blunt .... I don’t think it’s EVER been paradise .... especially not for her.”

Sharon walked to the office and watched Brenda sleeping peacefully for a few moments, before she realised that Provenza was now standing next to her.

“She gets under your skin, doesn’t she? he chuckled.

‘More than you know,’ Sharon thought, but she just nodded slowly instead.

“I’m gonna wake her in an hour or so, give those painkillers some time to work, and then I’ll take her home.   
I’ll just pretend I fell asleep doing the crossword again and she’ll be doing me a favour by going home so I’ll have some company to keep me awake on the drive home.”

“Your a good man, Louie.   
You hide it well sometimes, but, she’s lucky to finally have you on her side.”

“The same goes for you, Captain.  
Not get yourself out of here before she wakes up like a bear with a sore head if she sees us both fussing over her.”

Sharon took one last glance before she walked away.


	8. How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brenda wants to sleep.   
All she wants to do is sleep, and hopefully forget for a while.  
But all she can think about is Sharon, about them, about everything that just doesn't make sense anymore.

Part 2:

It was now 4.57am and Brenda had still not moved from her position on the floor.   
Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but they weren’t focusing on anything and she wasn’t fully aware of her surroundings or the comfort they may offer her weary body. 

All she could think about, all she could focus on were the words she had never expected to hear and that were spoken in such anger that night. 

“I HATE you!”

Those were the words that had left the lips of the woman who SHE had loved more than she ever thought possible ....... and who had ended up hurting HER more than she had ever thought possible.

“I HATE how needy you are!”

\- it made her want to second guess everything, every hug, every touch, every interaction they had ever had. Had she been too needy? Had she been too affectionate? Too demanding? Too co-dependent or clingy?

“You’re pathetic!” 

Oh, how that hurt, almost like a physical slap to the face.   
Even now, as she brought her hand to her own cold cheek, she found herself almost preferring to have felt that physical pain rather than hear those words shouted in anger and disgust at her by the woman who had once held her heart in the palms of her hands.

“I should have NEVER even looked twice at you!” 

All Brenda could think was how worthless she must be, ...... how used, how ugly she must be inside and out, what a loathsome and hideous mess she must be ...... and how Sharon had been right – Brenda had never deserved to be with her in the first place.

So far was she lost in her thoughts that she could actually hear Sharon's voice saying those words to her, and they felt as if they were still taunting her, even now. Those words went round and round in Brenda’s head – they just wouldn’t stop. 

She couldn’t MAKE them stop.  
And she WANTED them to.   
She NEEDED them to.

Because at some point she was going to have to let them go, she was going to have to let Sharon go .... and she was going to have to think about moving on with her life.  
And, whilst she was already trying to do that by putting a physical distance between herself and the situation that was causing her pain, she knew deep down that she would only fully heal when she had accepted and worked through the emotions that still currently held her heart like a vice.

Maybe when the pain wasn’t still so fresh, maybe when she could stop feeling so trapped in a cycle of confusion and self hatred she could think about accepting the realisation that even if their relationship hadn’t been perfect, even if SHE hadn’t been perfect, she didn’t deserve to be treated this way. 

If she was capable of thinking and feeling rationally at all, she would be able to recognise that Sharon’s behaviour had been so completely out of character, not to mention out of the blue, that maybe she would have questioned it more before making her hasty decision to run away and to try and leave that life behind her. 

Maybe she would be able to accept that she didn’t deserve to make herself feel this way – to feel the need to unrelentingly question her very existence.

But not today.   
Definitely not today.  
Maybe not even tomorrow....... 

The coldness in the air finally brought her back to the present as it started to seep into her bones, causing her teeth to chatter and her breath to leave her body as a fine mist.   
She held her hand up in front of her mouth to try and feel the sensation and the moisture against her skin, but, she realised that her hand felt numb – just like her whole body felt numb, only now it was on the outside too.

“You’re pathetic!” she heard echoing once again.  
– well, if only Sharon could see her now ..... because, right here and right now, she was.

As Brenda slowly got herself up from the wooden floor a sudden and sharp cramp pierced through the ‘fog’ in her mind and made her grab her thigh tightly in pain.   
In sheer frustration she went to scream out, she felt the unexplainable urge to physically lash out, but she suddenly stopped still, reminded instead of another time. 

She remembered a gentle hand caressing her injured foot, a sultry smirk sent her way when Sharon thought she wasn’t paying attention, the exquisite feel of a breast brushing against her own and the compassion and concern that laced those mesmerising green eyes when they gazed at her.

Distracted from her initial intention, and with the cramp starting to fade, Brenda allowed herself a moment to briefly wonder if she would ever look into those green eyes again .... even just in passing, or maybe now as just strangers on the street..... and she shook her head in resignation.   
There was no going back, no pretending, not anymore. They couldn’t be around each other, not now.   
It would hurt too much.

Now that she was finally up, she switched on the closest lamp, blinking rapidly as her eyes adjusted to no longer being in complete darkness.   
As her eyes finally focused and she looked around her surroundings she could see that even though the cabin appeared small, it was well maintained and even homely. 

In another time, maybe in another life, she could imagine being sat in front of that wood burner, toasting marshmallows and listening to the teasing tones and laughter of her lover as she burnt and dropped yet another of the sweet confectionary into the flames. She pictured leaning back into Sharon’s arms and feeling secure and loved in her embrace and relishing the warm breath upon her neck and the tender kiss that would be placed there.   
And for the first time in days she felt a sense of calm flow through her veins at the thought of Sharon, of them, and it gave her just a moment of remembering how it felt to be almost peaceful and content once again.

Perhaps they would have come up here for a long weekend she mused.   
Maybe to get away from the mayhem and craziness of their jobs and to just ‘reconnect’ with each other with no distractions.   
She imagined walking through the wooded trails, hand in hand.   
Of watching the sunlight catch on that beautiful auburn hair, and being teased for staring in entranced wonder and happiness at the woman standing before her.

She could see herself playfully pout at Sharon and pretend to sulk at being made to do ‘exercise’ on a holiday and then Sharon whispering enticingly in her ear about what other ‘exercise’ they could get up to later if only she would behave herself now.   
It made her smile, the feelings of love, happiness and a sense of belonging overwhelming and warming her senses ..... until reality hit .... and she realised that it was only ever going to be a dream now ..... and her smile faded.

She rubbed her hands over her face and made her way to the kitchen, picking up some of the shopping bags on her way.   
As she began to empty them, placing the items onto the kitchen table she hesitated, because putting them away meant that she was staying, at least for a while ........ and she wasn’t quite sure if that was what she wanted.  
She wasn’t sure if staying here was the right thing, just like she wasn’t sure if running away from her entire life had been either.   
Nothing made sense anymore.

It was only her stomach rumbling, echoing in the soundless cabin, that broke her melancholy train of thought and reminded her that she had barely eaten in the last few days.   
She didn’t want to eat, she had no appetite, but she couldn’t pretend any longer that she didn’t need to.

Looking at her options laid out on the table in front of her she had to admit that her foray into random gas station shopping had not been that successful.   
She had coffee but no sugar.   
She had cereal but no milk.   
She had bread, peanut butter, some crackers and apparently 4 packs of tampons, amongst other randomly grabbed and mostly useless things.

Sighing at her own stupidity, she noticed that on the counter by the sink was a welcome pack.   
‘Hope you enjoy your stay!’ was written neatly in bright purple ink on a flower shaped note resting against the basket.   
It was filled with expensive chocolate, a few scented candles, some gourmet snacks, more crackers and some patè, hot chocolate and marshmallows, some travel size toiletries and 3 bottles of mid range quality wine. 

Ordinarily she would have reached straight for the chocolate, her sweet tooth was legendary, but just looking at it turned her stomach.   
Instead she found herself reaching for the plain crackers and then going to fill a glass tumbler with cold water from the tap, before making her way to the living room and it’s comfortable looking couch.

She knew she needed to warm up, but, like with the food, it felt like she had to force herself to consider even her most basic needs and she had to fight against the continued desire to just ignore them.

The wood burner looked simple enough that it wouldn’t take too much effort to light it, so she did.   
As the flames rose and the heat warmed her hands, it made her think of her daddy and of camping trips and family vacations, full of laughter and fun.   
Most people would’ve been surprised that little Brenda Leigh and her floral skirts could actually out fish, out hunt, out track, out shoot and even out fight her older brothers from a young age, having spent most of her early summers honing her remarkably impressive survival skills.

“Born to survive, that one,” her daddy would always say, with a proud smile on his face.   
She wished she could hear him say those words to her right now.   
She needed someone to tell her that, that she would ‘survive' all of this, because then maybe, maybe, she could start to believe it .... and maybe the quicker her tears would dry.

It made her think of a song then.  
A song she had heard in the car when Sharon was driving her home from dinner one night. 

They had only recently started to develop their relationship to more than just friends, but not quite yet lovers.   
They were enjoying spending time together, getting to know each other and often sharing tender, heartfelt kisses and innocent, gentle caresses.  
It wasn’t that they didn’t want that physical connection, it was just that Sharon knew that Brenda wasn’t ready, not yet.   
She knew about the scars that been left from Brenda’s past and she was willing to wait, in fact, she was willing to do anything to help them finally heal.

The melancholy voice on the radio sang out;  
‘You must think that I'm stupid  
You must think that I'm a fool  
You must think that I'm new to this  
But I have seen this all before’

She could see Brenda tilt her head and listen intently, her breath seeming to catch in her chest at the poignancy of the lyrics.   
It made her incredibly sad to see her Brenda Leigh feel so insecure about anything, but especially about them. To see her fearing that they would fail before even really knowing what they could be together.   
She couldn’t stop herself as she reached out for Brenda’s hand to reassure her that she was there for her, with her.

As the next verse played Sharon regarded her carefully, concern in her eyes at her continued unexpected emotional response to the song.

‘I'm never gonna let you close to me  
Even though you mean the most to me  
'Cause every time I open up, it hurts

So I'm never gonna get too close to you  
Even when I mean the most to you  
In case you go and leave me in the dirt’

She had gripped Brenda’s hand tighter, before saying;  
“It’s equally beautifully honest yet absolutely heart-breaking, don’t you think, honey?”

And Brenda had looked at her then, stared intently at her profile whilst Sharon had continued to drive and speak to her.

“I couldn’t imagine ever feeling that way, how hard it must be to feel that resigned and closed off, to feel that hurt and afraid of loving someone and letting them get close in case they hurt you and leave..... that seems like a very lonely and unhappy way to live.”

Sharon paused then, wanting to tell Brenda that she wasn’t like her ex husbands or previous partners.   
But she didn’t want to belittle Brenda’s fears, or put any pressure on her whilst they were still navigating their way to, hopefully, a fully fledged and committed relationship.

“I think, part of wanting to be with someone is being brave enough to trust them ..... to learn to trust them ...... with your fears, your insecurities and your past, as well as with your dreams, your hope’s and your desires. 

However hard it is, it’s important to remember that not everyone is the same.   
That not everyone is going to deliberately try and hurt you or want to change you, or leave you when things get tough.   
Some people will stay, they will ..... and they’ll stay because they love you ..... completely and without restrictions.”

Sharon hoped that Brenda knew she was not just talking ‘hypothetically’ and that she was talking about more than just the lyrics to a sad song.

Whilst Sharon was now deep in thought she hadn’t noticed that Brenda had scooted over on her seat to be closer to her.   
It wasn’t until she felt Brenda’s hand gently caress her cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear and then resting her head hesitantly on her shoulder, that Sharon felt herself relax.

Brenda couldn’t speak, she wanted to, but instead she squeezed Sharon’s hand and nuzzled closer to her, wanting her to know that she understood what she had been trying to say. 

And it was at that specific point, that very precise moment in time, that she fell hopelessly and completely in love with Sharon ..... and it scared her.  
It scared her how much she wanted to trust her, to love her and to let her into her life.   
But she had been brave, like Sharon had said she could be .... and slowly, day by day she had let Sharon in, until she thought they were inextricably linked with each other forever.   
Both happy and content and .... in love .. with each other.   
Because even if Sharon had never said those specific 3 little words to her, she had showed her, every minute of everyday they were together.   
Until suddenly she stopped ....

It was then that Brenda remembered the last verse to the song.....

‘But every time you hurt me,   
the less that I cry

And every time you leave me,   
the quicker these tears dry

And every time you walk out,   
the less I love you

Baby, we don't stand a chance,   
it's sad but it's true’

Maybe it was sad, but it was also true.   
And she’d never wanted it to be true .... not for them, not ever for them.

From her vantage point in the open plan living room, she could just about see the bedroom off to the right, and she knew she desperately needed to sleep.   
But she just couldn’t bring herself to go in there quite yet.   
She didn’t ..... she COULDN’T ..... be in a bed without Sharon beside her .... at least, not for the moment, not until she felt stronger.  
It would bring back too many memories, it was ALREADY bringing back too many memories .... and she needed to them to stop.

– like times when they would just lay contentedly in each others arms, whispering softly, touching each other tenderly and kissing lazily whilst still hazy from sleep; 

\- times they would make love repeatedly through the night, unable to stop holding each other close, pleasing each other with tender caresses, all to the sound of endless sighs and gasps of pleasure; 

\- times of Sharon snoring gently, her head resting on Brenda’s chest, her hair tickling Brenda’s nose, her leg firmly placed between Brenda’s own and her hand resting possessively across her hips; 

\- times of ripping each others clothes off and tumbling to the bed, passionate and insistent kisses, desperate for the touch, taste and feeling of each other. 

For now she couldn’t face it, not tonight.  
....... but maybe, hopefully...... someday soon.

The crackers and water lay forgotten on the table beside her, her appetite once more lost.   
Instead she thought of a hot shower, about washing away the tear stains on her cheeks and feeling the heat on her tense and sleep deprived body.

She grabbed the toiletries from the welcome basket and made her way to the small bathroom.   
Her glance fell on the large bathtub immediately, it was big enough for two ...... she deliberately stamped down hard on thinking of the two of them, together, in that bath tub and decided that for now she would settle for a shower, a shower before taking those tablets and entering a dreamless and empty slumber.

As she turned the shower on and began to strip herself of her 3 day old clothes she remembered how she loved to sneak into the shower to be with Sharon whenever she could.   
How each and every time Sharon would exaggeratedly protest and pretend to sigh, before always making room for her and wrapping her in her embrace with an exasperated and whispered, “what am I going to do with you, hmmm?”

Her response to Sharon would always be the same, “Just love me, I guess.”

She tried to say those words now, out loud in the empty room, but her voice failed her.   
Just like those words had failed her, in the end.

Instead she stepped into the shower and refused to allow any further images of Sharon, naked, wet and welcoming, just waiting for her to join her.   
She scrubbed her body and her hair as hard as she could, almost until her skin felt raw, in an attempt to rid herself of the smell and touch of Sharon on her skin. She let the hot water almost burn her skin before she scrubbed her face one more time and finally relented, turning off the water and leaving the shower to now stand naked and shivering slightly in the cooler air.

She wiped the condensation from the small mirror and gazed at the reflection she no longer recognised for a moment, before she wrapped herself in a towel and made her way back into the living room to find her suitcase, dripping water all along the way. 

As she brushed her wet, scraggly hair from her eyes, she opened the case and looked for something suitable to wear.   
She grabbed some clean underwear, a worn thin, but soft vest top and a pair of bright pink pyjama bottoms decorated with lots of different chocolates.   
Clothes she hoped would comfort her. 

She dropped the towel, there was no need for modesty as she was completely alone.   
The air felt warm against her skin now, and she glanced at the glowing wood burner as she pulled first her white cotton panties and then the pyjamas up her legs and then the vest over her head.

Once she was dressed she turned back to her case, looking for her oatmeal coloured comfort blanket of a cardigan.   
Despite the warmth now permeating the cabin, she wanted the comfort and security it had always previously supplied her when she felt low. Unfortunately it was nowhere to be found. 

She emptied everything onto the floor, scattering it all over the place in her attempt to make it suddenly appear.   
She gave up searching, knowing it was a waste of her time and energy and she ran her fingers through her still wet hair and tugged hard in frustration.  
She ignored the mess she made on the floor and the fact her hair was still soaking wet and headed towards the couch, grabbing her handbag as well as a blanket from a nearby chair on the way.

As she sat down heavily, she noticed that the crackers and glass of water were still where she had left them earlier.   
She picked up the crackers and looked at them wearily before she slowly opened them, feeling nauseous at the thought and the smell of them.   
But, she forced herself to take a small bite, and then another and another, until it was all gone.   
It felt like sawdust in her mouth, tasteless and unappetizing as she struggled to swallow it, almost having to force it down.   
She couldn’t bring herself to eat another, she just couldn’t.   
The first one already felt like a brick in her otherwise empty stomach, instead she reached for the glass and took a few small sips, hoping it would help to rid her mouth of the debris.   
The water felt cold all the way down and she placed it carefully back down onto the table in front of her when she had finished sipping it.

She turned to her handbag resting beside her on the couch and reached inside, searching for that noisy bottle of pills that would help her to switch off her racing brain and allow her to finally sleep.  
As her hand found them she felt relief, relief that at least one thing would go right for her.

She struggled with safety cap at first, in her haste to open the bottle, but soon she was tipping them into her waiting open palm.  
She briefly wondered how many it would take ..... to make her sleep .... or to make her forget.   
So, being the responsible adult she didn’t feel like being, she read the label;

– ‘take 1-2 tablets half an hour before bed.   
Do not use for more than 3 consecutive days without consulting your doctor.   
If more are taken than recommended seek medical assistance.’

Brenda snorted at the instructions, knowing full well that she had no intention of following the rules, and then she kept 5 tablets in her hand before returning the rest to the bottle and placing it back inside her handbag.

She picked up the glass of water as she placed the tablets in her mouth, taking a large gulp of the still cold liquid, before setting it back down again.

She was just so tired, her body was exhausted but her mind just would not switch off to allow her any rest from the upset that had entered her life again.   
She needed to sleep, she had to sleep.   
She had to try and forget, even for an hour or two, because it was all too much, too painful and too raw. 

Noticing it was starting to get light outside, as dawn was coming, she rose one last time to close all the curtains and switch off the small lamp.   
It left the room only with a gentle glow from the wood burner and she watched the flames for a while, before she pulled a cushion from behind her and used to it lay her head on as she lay down on the sofa.   
She pulled the blanket securely around her body and continue to watch the flames dance and crackle in the distance.

Her eyes felt heavy, her whole body felt heavy and as she slowly blinked, the only thought she had was – ‘I just want to sleep.  
Just sleep ...... just sleep   
..... sle........


	9. The day that never comes part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 1 - Part 1:  
It's been 3 days since Brenda left.  
Sharon is in turmoil and reflects back on those 3 days - how her life went from practically perfect to the horrific and empty mess it now seems to be.  
She's made mistakes, she knows that. She just hopes it's not too late to learn from them and make her way back to Brenda..... if that's what Brenda wants.....

3 days.

It had been 3 days ....

.......... and Brenda had still not replied to her message.

The message where she had tried to make amends.

The message where she had all but begged her to come back.

The message where she had finally and openly declared her love for the other woman. 

According to the little ticks that had yet to go green on the bottom of the message, it looked like Brenda hadn’t even opened it, yet alone read it.  
– For a fleeting moment Sharon briefly wondered if Brenda was screening her messages and was actually choosing to actively avoid communicating with her. 

The thought made her breath catch painfully in her chest.

But how could she blame her?   
Sharon had done exactly the same thing to Brenda when Brenda had tried to reach out to her in the aftermath of Sharon’s unexpected verbal tirade.   
What kind of a hypocrite would she be now if she expected an immediate response?

However thinking of what, if any, response she would eventually get reminded her of the last voicemail Brenda had left her.  
She choked back a sob as she remembered the sound of pure anguish that came from Brenda’s soul destroying sobs.   
They were playing on repeat, echoing over and over in her mind. 

Her stomach clenched painfully and repeatedly with unrepressed anxiety and regret.   
Even now Sharon didn’t think it would ever be something that she would be able to forget hearing ....... or ultimately ever be able to forgive herself for. 

She just hoped that maybe Brenda would be able to, if not forgive her, ...... just be willing to eventually talk to her ...... or just to listen to her .... 

Because anything would be better than this purgatory of not even knowing if she was ok.   
The lack of information at the moment left her feeling helpless, useless, empty – and completely overwhelmed by her emotions, as well as utterly confused.

Usually she always prided herself on being able to control her emotions and her responses, much to the anger and annoyance of those she was in conflict with. In fact, it used to drive Brenda completely insane that after their first few big blowout arguments at work, that Sharon would never so much as raise her voice to her again.   
Instead Sharon prefered to remain calm and let Brenda vent relentlessly at her or about her, before calmly intervening to say her piece and then walking away to let Brenda reflect.

But this whole mess had been caused because Sharon had gone against her very nature.   
Instead of remaining calm and level headed about her ‘discoveries’, she had let her emotions overtake her common sense and she had lashed out in anger, in fear ..... and out of hurt. 

Her mouth wouldn’t stop its vicious tirade and she continued, saying things so downright nasty that she knew Brenda wouldn’t be able to forgive her even she stopped then and there.   
So, her justification was, if she couldn't take her words back and be with Brenda, then she would make it so Brenda never wanted to come back to her. 

Perhaps it was stupid.   
It was most definitely wrong.   
But at the time she felt cornered and it seemed like it was a necessary action for her self preservation.  
But she had to admit that she didn’t like what she did or who it made her become.   
Not one bit.

It wasn’t even the fact that Brenda had deliberately chosen to hide things from her that had bothered her so much.   
It was more why. 

After everything they had been through Brenda couldn’t seem to trust her with such information.   
Did Brenda think she wouldn’t accept her thoughts or reasons for the matter?

It bothered her more than she even wanted to let on.

She covered her mouth with her hand, wishing that she could turn back time and take back the traitorous lies that she had used to build a permanent wall between them – because now she had to accept that it was due to her own actions that she was where she was now, and it made her feel like she was being torn in two.

A part of her had wanted to leave and let it be— Brenda had obviously made her choice to deceive her and so Sharon had chosen to do the same …   
However, she found the other part of herself wanted to stay with Brenda forever, for as long as she would allow, regardless of the inevitable pain she would come to feel. 

But she knew that she just simply could not do that. She had responsibilities.   
She had Sophia to think about.   
Sharon was driven by duty and right now she had to take comfort in the fact of knowing that at least some of those she held close to her heart would be safe and happy.   
Her own needs had to be ignored, because thanks to her selfish son she was needed elsewhere. 

These were things that Brenda had simply not signed up for when she had entered into this relationship..... and it didn’t seem fair to push them on to her or demand anything of her now.  
So, in the end it just seemed easier to push her away and tell her that she was never what Sharon had wanted or needed in the first place. 

But it all seemed to suddenly fall into place.   
Fear.  
Sharon was afraid. 

It was everything she was never supposed to be – she was a cop.   
Professionally she could face down anything, but personally she was deeply afraid that she would end up all alone – and she didn’t want that.

The lump in her throat grew bigger, making it even more difficult to swallow through her emotions.   
She tried to rationalise it to herself - that she had been just fine before Brenda had entered her life and a part of her almost wished that she had never let her in to begin with.   
But she knew she would be lying to herself.   
Because fundamentally she was selfish.   
She would have endured all of it again, and again, and again, just so that she could have her time with Brenda over again.

It left her head and her heart in constant conflict over what to do for the best. 

\------------------------------------------

Day 1:  
\-----------

That first night after Brenda not coming in to work, Sharon had stayed in her office all night procrastinating.   
She was just waiting for daylight so that she could sneak down to Major Crimes to see with her own eyes that Brenda was safe and that she was actually finally there. 

She had finally ventured down around 5am. 

The corridors and offices were all mostly empty and cast in shadows.   
She was thankful that there was no one to witness her out of the ordinary behaviour or question her unusually dishevelled appearance. 

Realistically she knew that it was too early for anyone to be in, but as soon as daybreak had almost arrived she was unable to stop herself from covertly heading to Brenda’s office.   
Especially since she was unsure if she would ever be welcome in there again once Brenda was finally back in just a few hours.

With those thoughts still on her mind, she took a deep breath before she walked in to the department. 

The lights were still low and none of Brenda’s team were currently in sight.   
She gazed around the room, taking in the chaos and paperwork that littered Brenda’s little kingdom and for the first time in days she felt close to her again. 

The whole room was Brenda.   
The empty chocolate wrappers that still lay in the unemptied bin, the subtle hint of her perfume that still lingered in the air and her handwriting still gracing one of the whiteboards.   
The only thing missing was Brenda herself.

Before she knew it Sharon had found herself with her hand on the door handle to Brenda’s private office and the door was already halfway open.

Despite immediately feeling like an intruder, her feet continued on their journey and she closed the door softly behind herself before resting her back against it and closing her eyes.   
Her fingers reached blindly for the cord to close the blinds, wanting to block out the outside world for just a little longer.   
Only then did she open her tear filled eyes and move further into the room.

She switched on the desk lamp and tried to remind herself that ordinarily Brenda would be fine with her being there, and that provided her with the courage needed to continue.

The first thing that caught her eye was the beige cardigan that Brenda favoured laying over the back of her desk chair.   
For a moment Sharon felt sad that Brenda didn’t have it with her for comfort right now. 

She trailed her fingers across the soft, bland coloured wool, wishing fervently that it was actually Brenda’s skin she was touching instead.  
Her hands then suddenly clenched at it, pulling it up and into her face.   
She inhaled deeply, finding comfort in Brenda’s unique scent and using it to help to relieve both her sobs and her tears. 

She had once hated that damn cardigan with a passion.   
Often telling Brenda vociferously many times how much she abhorred it.   
But Brenda would always shrug playfully and wrinkle her nose humorously before snuggling even deeper into it, as if to prove a point. 

She had asked Sharon once what it would actually take to make her like it and Sharon had laughed at her.   
She had informed her that there was nothing on this earth that could make her look at it with anything but disdain.

But Brenda had taken great delight in proving her wrong, as always.   
And it was only a few days later that she had answered the door to Sharon in just her lace panties, with the cardigan loosely tied around her waist and just barely covering her nipples. 

“How'd you like my cardigan now, huh?” Brenda had smirked at her, before letting her in.

Almost immediately it had made Sharon reconsider the beauty of that same ugly piece of beige wool.  
It seemed to caress Brenda’s nipples causing them to become pebbled and Sharon desperately wanted to feel them beneath her own fingers.

Before Brenda could even blink, Sharon had firmly closed the door behind herself and her hands were reaching to remove the only barrier between herself and Brenda’s magnificent breasts.   
Her fingers had barely traced their curves before she was met with Brenda’s teasing shaking of her head.   
So she stood still and watched as Brenda removed only her lacy panties, kicking them to side, without breaking eye contact and biting her lip coyly.

Sharon could barely restrain herself.   
She pulled Brenda to her by the ties of her cardigan, leaning in to gently bite her ear lobe before whispering; “I’m going to fuck you now.   
And I’m not going to stop until you’re screaming my name ....   
....... and maybe not even then ....”

Brenda shivered at the sultry tone and sexy declaration, revelling in the warm breath that tickled against her ear.   
Sharon’s nimble fingers traced a feather light line from her throat and down between her breasts, before teasing at her apex and meeting the moisture that was always present for Brenda whenever Sharon was in close proximity.

“Mmmm, I’d like to see you try, Captain!” Brenda whispered back in challenge.

Her last word caught in her throat and immediately turned into a soft sigh, as Sharon’s finger slipped between her folds and entered the heat of her awaiting body.   
She pumped her finger in and out, in and out, in and out, repeatedly and with purpose, before adding a second finger into her tight, willing and deliciously wet body.

Brenda’s hips tried to chase Sharon’s insistent fingers, wanting to increase the pressure against her inner walls, craving the fullness that only Sharon could provide her.   
Sharon’s palm grazed against her clit and then retreated, as she was deliberately being a tease.

“Patience, honey. Patience.”   
She smiled, at Brenda’s growl of frustration.

Brenda continued to growl with lust as she unsteadily and clumsily pulled Sharon down to the ground with her, kissing her soundly, deeply and repeatedly. 

She was met with a loud sigh of satisfaction between kisses, and a muffled,  
“oh, oh, Brenda Leigh, honey,”   
and she couldn’t help but say;   
“and here I thought it was YOU that was going to make ME say your name!”

Sharon immediately stopped and raised her head, noticing the mischievous glint in Brenda’s eyes.   
Brenda had always enjoyed gently poking and prodding at Sharon in jest, until she hit the other woman’s limit and she would receive the stern, sexy glare that she loved.   
If she was being honest with herself, Sharon enjoyed it too. 

It was how it always was with them.   
They were both powerful, strong, sexual women and so at times it became almost a competition between them.   
It always came down to how far they could let the other push back before one of them caved ..... and this time it would be Sharon.

Sharon pinned her against the floor, her lust filled eyes boring into her own as she drove her fingers deeper into Brenda using her hips and thigh firmly against Brenda’s soaking core.   
One palm was resting flat against the floor by the side of Brenda’s head allowing her the power to move repeatedly and passionately against her.

“What.   
Do.   
You.   
Want.   
From.   
Me.   
Honey?”   
she said as she drove her hips and fingers in and against her after each word.

She could feel Brenda’s moisture trickle onto her palm and soak through her pant leg.   
She enjoyed seeing Brenda writhing and sobbing in pleasure beneath her.   
She’d never wanted anyone as much as she did her Brenda Leigh.

“You.   
Just you, baby.   
Oohhhh .... the only thing I’ll ever ..... ooh...oohh....oohhh....want is you.   
Nothing more, nothing less.   
Mmmm, mmm, uh ... uh... oohhoohhhhh ... however you want me, whenever you want me.   
I’m yours.   
Just yours.   
Always.”

Sharon’s eyes closed of their own free will when she heard the beautifully honest words Brenda had spoken. She paused the movement of her hips, removing her glistening fingers covered in Brenda’s come, choosing to gaze down at her lover and place the faintest touch of fingertips along her delicate cheekbone, leaving a sensual trail of her lovers desire in her wake.   
She leaned closer to her, lowering her chest to touch Brenda's, and replaced her fingertips with her questing tongue, licking the enticing and glistening trail on her cheekbone and savouring the delicious and sensual flavour of her lovers most intimate delights.

She then used her hand to undo the buttons of the suit jacket and shirt she still wore.   
Brenda immediately grabbed the intrusive fabric, helping her to rid it from her over heated and tingling body. Sliding it down her arms and around her waist to pool around lower back.

“Off! Off!”   
growled Brenda impatiently as she reached for Sharon’s bra, needing to feel her skin against her own before she went crazy with desire. 

Sharon laughed throatily at her impatience, but encouraged her by pulling down the strap, causing the cup to also move and release just a glimpse of the rosy nipple that lay beneath. 

Brenda’s mouth watered at the thought of taking that bud between her lips and tasting it with her tongue before latching on to it firmly and driving Sharon to distraction with her ministrations. 

She reached out to gently tweak it, feeling Sharon move further into the touch and Brenda knew she needed to feel the full weight of Sharon’s now heaving breasts in the palms of her hands sooner rather than later.

Her hand reached around Sharon, tiptoeing down her back before undoing the garment that was keeping her from her prize.

Their noses brushed, sending a jolt up and down her spine.   
She dug her nails lightly into Sharon’s lower back at the sensation, hearing her lovers breath come out in a soft gasp and seeing her eyes close in pleasure.

Brenda whimpered in response, tilting her head a little more and parting her lips slightly.   
They were so close they were breathing the same air.

She let her thumb slide along Sharon’s jaw in a tender caress, repeating it again and again and again. Sharon’s eyes opened slowly, watching Brenda as Brenda watched her.   
It felt like she was seeing her again for the first time and her heart felt like it skipped more than a beat. 

She found herself whispering softly to her;   
“I’ve never completely trusted anyone the way that I know I can trust you.   
I’ve never wanted anyone as much ...... or cared for anyone as much as I do you…   
Brenda Leigh, you’re my everything.” 

And once again, her lips fell gently onto hers, peppering her with soft but passionate kisses.   
Needing to feel Brenda’s tongue caress and duel with her own.

Brenda’s hand had found it’s way to Sharon’s chest during her declaration, resting tenderly just over her heart.   
But now she gently moved it up, wrapping it around the curve of her neck as she pulled them closer together, needing their physical connection more than words could say at that moment in time. 

Their bodies pressed together, soft and pliable and gyrating against each other in a rhythm only they could find.   
Sharon felt Brenda’s fingers firmly rub against her centre, the seam of her pants causing a delicious friction against her already pulsating clit.   
Those fingers were insistent, pausing only to undo her pant button and zip, before sliding inside to find the wetness that she knew would be waiting for her. 

Brenda felt the slip of damp silk beneath her fingers, felt the heat that Sharon was generating leach through the garment and her fingers pushed the silk to the side, wanting, no needing, to feel the silky softness of Sharon’s shaven folds beneath her dextrous and desperate fingertips. 

She sighed in satisfaction at the pure heat and moisture she found there and just for a moment she was content to cup Sharon completely, feeling her juices saturate her palm, feeling the pulsing and quivering that Sharon’s highly sensitive body was already exhibiting at the sensations Brenda was eliciting in her.   
Brenda could have quite happily have stayed that way for hours. 

In fact, sometimes when they slept, her hand would find it’s own way between Sharon’s legs, and it would gently curl around her, as if wanting to protect and cherish what was usually hidden there.   
Sharon would tease her mercilessly about it, calling her an 'insatiable sleeping sex machine', but she never once removed Brenda’s hand if she awoke to find it nestled tenderly there.

Sharon hastily removed the pants and panties that were keeping her from finally feeling Brenda’s body naked beneath her own.   
She moved to straddle Brenda fully now, her hips above Brenda, silently begging for more, wanting her to keep going in her exploration of her body. 

She needed this.   
She needed her to enter her body.   
To fill her so fully and completely that the pleasure would make her feel like she was flying.   
She needed her in this way, she always needed her in this way.   
These were the most intimate feelings she had ever experienced and she couldn’t bear it if it were to ever stop being this way.

Brenda’s fingers moved to rub against her clit, tight, firm circles, mixed with fleeting touches which had Sharon writhing on top of her in pleasure.   
She slid her hand down, using the heel of her palm to continue the pressure against Sharon’s clit as she slid her fingers down to toy with the tight band of muscles that were now contracting rhythmically in response to her presence.

Brenda raised her knees, planting her feet firmly on the floor to help support Sharon’s gyrations, as she pushed just the pads of her fingers into Sharon's heat, using the moisture she encountered to slide gently back and forth incredibly slowly. 

Sharon almost whined in frustration, and she reached between them, grasping Brenda’s hand, pushing Brenda’s fingers fully inside of herself and then dropping her head forward, her mouth open in pleasure, as she raised herself up and then lowered herself again, and again and again, circling her hips each time she came down.

Sharon leaned back, her arms reaching to hold Brenda’s ankles as she continued to gyrate and ride Brenda’s fingers.   
Her pleasure growing second by second.

Brenda marvelled at the wanton and sexy woman she had in her lap.   
She watched with eyes heavy lidded in passion at the breasts which were proudly pushed out due to the arch of her back.   
They swayed sensually in relation to the movement of her body. 

Her eyes followed a bead of sweat as it ran down Sharon’s chest, glistening against her heavy, full breasts, as it continued its journey to where Brenda’s hand was joined with her body. 

For a moment Brenda was completely mesmerised at the image of Sharon riding her hand so passionately. She watched as her fingers appeared and then disappeared from view.   
It was almost hypnotic.   
She could see, as well as feel the moisture that Sharon’s body was releasing and if she listened carefully she could hear the noise her fingers made in that moisture as they penetrated Sharon’s body, beneath the soft pants that Sharon was making. 

Brenda wanted to taste the flavour on her tongue.   
She wanted to bury her face between Sharon’s legs and lick, suck and taste every inch of her beautiful core.

Brenda used her palm to grind against Sharon’s clit in rhythm with her movements.   
Her other hand reached to first caress her face, wanting to make eye contact and see the pleasure dancing in her eyes, before she curled her palm around the back of her neck and kissed her as passionately as Sharon was riding her fingers.

Sharon moved her arms, resting her hands on Brenda’s breasts as she massaged them, rubbing her thumbs over her sensitive nipples, as she returned Brenda’s passionate kisses.   
Using her tongue to mimic what her fingers longed to do between Brenda's legs.

She pulled back from their intoxicating kisses, needing air desperately as her lungs were burning and her throat ached with the ever louder pants and groans that were leaving her body. 

She sat up again, her hands still resting on Brenda’s chest for leverage, her fingers still holding and moulding Brenda’s breasts, her thumbs pushing against the delicate pink buds that were rock hard due to Brenda’s arousal.

She rocked herself harder against Brenda’s hand, feeling Brenda add another finger inside of her.   
She felt so full.   
She felt so whole.   
She felt so loved.

Her body tensed as she rose and she knew that when she lowered herself again she would explode in pleasure.   
And she did. 

She screamed out;  
“ohhh, oooh, honeeeyyy.   
Oooh, ooh ... oohh .... mmm, mmmm....don’t stop, Br ...Bren ..da Leigh ... don’t ever stop ... touch- ...ooh...oohh....oohhh.... -ing me!”

Her body fell soundlessly against Brenda’s chest and Brenda smiled softly, kissing her neck and smoothing her hand down her now sweaty back, caressing the curve of her bottom, before starting all over again.

“I’ve got you baby.   
I’ve got you.”   
She cooed into her ear.

She could feel Sharon’s still quivering sex against her lower belly, the heat and the come trickling onto her skin... and it aroused her beyond belief.   
She found herself wondering if it was always this intense for everyone else.   
If all these years she had been missing out on the best sex of her life.   
But she quickly came to the conclusion that it was this intense because of WHO she was sharing this with. Because of who she was MAKING LOVE with and her heart filled with love for the spent woman still laying above her.

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispered.   
“You’re incredible and passionate and sexy as hell ... and I love you so, so much, baby.”

She tilted Sharon’s head, kissing her tenderly and pouring all of her love and emotions into that kiss.

Sharon broke the kiss this time, pulling back only a whisper as she swallowed back the overwhelming feeling that threatened to spill from her lips.   
She wanted to shout from the rooftops that she loved her too.   
Completely.   
Totally.   
And without restriction. 

But the words wouldn’t come.

She lowered her head and placed her lips above Brenda’s breast, over her heart, and she mouthed the words she wasn’t able to say out loud, lips kissing the skin softly at the same time.

Brenda could feel the movement.   
She could sense the words that Sharon was so obviously struggling to say to her face, and she smiled serenely, running her fingers through Sharon’s auburn locks and caressing the head that still rested over her heart.

Brenda reached down and hooked her hands behind Sharon’s knees, pulling her further up her own body. Sharon’s centre created a delicious trail of moisture against her torso and when the cool air reached it, it cause Brenda to shiver uncontrollably.

“Honey?   
What are you doing?”   
Sharon asked amusedly.

But Brenda didn’t answer, she just kept moving Sharon determinedly up her body, until Sharon’s had to use her hands to brace herself behind Brenda’s head as her hips were under Brenda’s chin. 

She looked down at Brenda and raised her eyebrow, finally having gotten Brenda’s intentions. 

“You.   
Are.   
Insatiable.   
Honey,”   
she said wiggling her hips teasingly and watching as Brenda’s eyes were drawn to the movement of her still glistening folds.

“Only for you baby.   
Only for you,”   
she sighed, licking her lips and not moving her eyes from her intended destination.

Sharon rolled her eyes, chuckling softly at her lover.

“Are you at least going to remove that ... that .. cardigan now?   
Huh?   
I’m not sure I can concentrate with that in my line of vision,” she laughingly joked.

Brenda leaned in to quickly lick between Sharon’s open legs, before looking up at her and pouting comically.  
Sharon gasped and unintentionally rose, her hips following Brenda’s tongue of their own accord.

“Oh!   
I don’t know baby ... I think you’ll be just fine.   
And anyway, I think it’s pretty lucky.   
Look what I got on top of me and what I’m about to t.....”

Sharon had prevented Brenda from smugly continuing by placing herself firmly over Brenda’s mouth and settling herself comfortably before rising slightly and saying;   
“sorry?   
What was that?   
I think I was promised another orgasm for having to feel that wool against my bare ass!”

Brenda grabbed her firmly and pulled her down fully, immediately penetrating her with her rigid tongue. Pushing it in as far as she could, then pulling it out, before retreating and lapping lightly at her still sensitive clit.

“Mean!”   
Sharon gasped.

Sharon could feel Brenda smiling beneath her before she cushioned her soft, pliable lips around her clit and gently pulled it into her mouth, using her tongue to tease it and caress it.

“Ok, you’re forgiven!”   
she sighed in pleasure.

Brenda was tender but relentless as she continued to lick, suck and caress every inch of her still sensitive and rosy pink centre.   
It seemed that she couldn’t get enough of Sharon’s scent or flavour and it made Sharon feel like a resplendent goddess being perched above her like this.

Sharon ran her hands through her sweaty hair, lifting it briefly from her neck to help cool herself down, before she noticed Brenda watching her intently from below.

She smiled at her lover naughtily before lowering her hair and allowing her hands to inch down her neck erotically, before grasping both of her breasts and running her thumbs repeatedly over own nipples.

Brenda’s eyes widened in appreciation at the sight above her and she could feel a gush of moisture coat her tongue and mouth at the pleasure Sharon was getting from Brenda being a voyeur. 

Sharon threw her head back in pleasure, her hands tightening on her own breasts as Brenda made a voracious suck on her clit and entered her swiftly with 3 fingers, finding that little rough patch that was going to be her swift undoing. 

Sharon’s body began to spasm around Brenda’s mouth and fingers.   
Brenda had to use her other hand to hold Sharon’s hip firmly to prevent her from sliding off in white hot pleasure.

Brenda rubbed that spot again as she licked tight, firm circles around Sharon’s clit and Sharon screamed out as she came;  
“oh Brenda Leigh, oh , my oohhhhh ... mmmm, mmmm...yes ... yes....yyyeeeessss!”   
before she slid off Brenda’s moisture coated face and curled up against her side.

“You’re going to kill me!   
You know that right?”   
she panted, still out of breath.

Brenda placed her fingers over Sharon’s centre, still able to feel the rhythmic pulse as she was coming down and she couldn’t resist dipping her fingers in once more to feel it fully.   
It immediately triggered another more gentle aftershock to flood through Sharon's body.

Sharon gasped in pleasure and threw her arm over her eyes, unable to cope with the onslaught of more pleasure.  
Her body rose slightly and then fell back to the hardwood floor as she felt Brenda remove her fingers, but replace them again with her mouth.

“Honey ..... honey ... I can’t.   
Oh my god!”   
she sobbed as Brenda lapped gently at her folds, cleaning all her juices and placing soft kisses everywhere she went. 

She raised herself up and gazed down at Brenda, who had her eyes closed, lost in the simple pleasure of caring for her lover in her afterglow and Sharon felt her heart swell with love for this selfless, incredible woman who was still between her legs.

“Mmmm,mmmm, baby, you taste so good.   
I don’t think I want to move from right here, ever,” she mumbled against Sharon’s still sensitive centre.

“Well, too bad honey.   
Cause I want you and me in the bath, surrounded by heat..... and I mean hot water this time,”   
she clarified as she felt Brenda push her tongue lightly inside her again at the word ‘heat'. 

“I want to relax with you, surrounded by bubbles and I want to rub your, what I’m sure must be an aching back.   
So what do you say, huh?   
Honey?   
For me, please?”

Brenda looked up at her with her big brown eyes, before sliding her body against Sharon’s and placing a gentle kiss by the side of her mouth. 

“Why do you have to be all sweet and sensible when all I wanna do is ravish you again?   
Huh?   
It’s a good job I love you, baby.”

Sharon smiled at the petulance Brenda was pretending to portray and she lifted her head to kiss her gently. 

“Well, maybe its MY turn to ravish you!   
Did you ever think of that?”

Brenda pulled her up excitedly, saying;   
“well, there’s all the motivation I need right there!   
Race you to the bathroom!”

Sharon clasped her hand before she could turn to scurry through the house and Brenda looked at her questioningly.

“Why don’t you go run the bath and I’ll go put this ....” .

and she plucked at Brenda’s now wrinkled and sweaty cardigan, 

“..... in the wash.   
Because we wouldn’t want your ‘lucky' pulling cardigan to be ruined, now would we!”

Brenda whipped it off, then kissed her soundly before rushing off to start their bath, wiggling her bottom in Sharon’s direction, blowing her a quick kiss and shouting over her shoulder,   
“now THAT is why I love you!   
Don’t be long!”

Sharon smiled sadly at the memory before she shrugged off her wrinkled suit jacket and replaced it with Brenda’s cardigan.  
She tied it tightly around her waist and imagined the warmth it provided came from Brenda’s arms themselves.

The desk chair made no sound as she rolled it back before sitting down in it heavily.   
She was assaulted with images of them both kissing and innocently caressing each other in various stolen moments during their hectic work days.   
Whispers of;   
“miss you.   
Needed to see you.   
Needed to feel you" echoing in her mind.

There were also some not so innocent moments - images of straddling Brenda in that very chair and having to shimmy her very tight pencil skirt up indecently high to accomplish it.   
Of having to remind herself, that despite having already ruined her panties due to Brenda’s dextrous ministrations, that they were still at work and that as much as she wanted to she had to fend off Brenda’s more than amorous advances and constantly wandering and insistent hands.  
Luckily they both knew it would always lead to passionate and explosive sex when they finally got home. 

As she was lost in those thoughts her elbow had jogged the computer’s mouse and Brenda’s computer screen came to life. 

Sharon let out a strangled gasp.   
Right before her eyes and in full view of anyone who chose to see it was the black and white picture of their clasped hands as the computer screensaver. 

Her throat tightened involuntarily and she rested bonelessly against the desk, her hand clenching as she felt as if the air was being sucked from her lungs at the realization of what her actions had caused her to lose.   
She felt her eyes welling with tears and she bit her tongue, tasting the metallic flavour of blood in an attempt to fight them off.

It was then that she also noticed a framed child’s drawing next to the screen – belonging to not just any child, but drawn by her own grandchild, Sophia.

It was a colourful simple picture consisting of 3 stick figures, all holding hands.   
One with red straight hair, one with blonde curly hair and one with little red pigtails.   
Underneath the figures and written in Brenda’s handwriting were the names;   
mee-ma, bebe and ‘phia.

Only now did it fully hit Sharon that perhaps it was just her who had insisted on them remaining discreet, a secret, and that she’d unfairly transferred that blame on to Brenda to deflect from her own questionable reasons. 

Brenda had always been the more vocal of them and she wasn’t interested in trying to hide what they shared.   
She never had been. 

She would declare her love for Sharon on an almost a daily basis, expecting nothing from her in return. Sharon knew that historically in her former relationships Brenda had always been made to feel like she had never deserved love.   
So, instead of showering Brenda with all the love and tenderness she felt for her, Sharon had always kept those words hidden away.

Brenda had embraced Sharon’s chaotic home life, never questioning it, but making it her own. 

She seemed to take it all in her stride, meeting her children and granddaughter, who was beginning to practically live with her due to her son’s inability to take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. 

But Brenda had stepped up without even being asked. 

She had attended paediatrician appointments in her place when Sharon couldn’t get off work, she had sat up all night with Sophia when she was poorly and cranky and Sharon was tired beyond belief and she had all but picked out Sophia’s preschool and completed all the paperwork in order to make Sharon’s life just a little bit easier. 

She had even spent, from what Sharon had found out later, a terrifying hour at a soft play centre.  
Having to chase after a rambunctious toddler who was insistent on going down the biggest slides and belly flopping into the ballpit, disappearing completely from sight and causing Brenda, the former trained CIA specialist to go into complete panic mode. 

Apparently she had ordered everyone around like she was about to commence a full on tactical raid and failed to notice that said toddler was already out and running towards the climbing wall at high speed. 

Brenda had vehemently stated she would never go back .... forgetting to mention that the owners had actually requested that she didn’t!

Brenda had even unquestioningly kept up the initial pretence that they were just ‘good friends’, as she knew that was what seemed to make Sharon feel most comfortable and would lead to fewer questions with her family. 

She remembered all the quiet conversations they’d shared over the past year, how Brenda had always been there and how close they’d gotten, and it was then that she let the tears fall for the loss of a woman that had also become her best friend as well as her lover throughout all this. 

Although at first she hadn’t wanted to accept that there had been something between them, because she could never seem to sort out what exactly ‘it’ was.   
She simply couldn’t seem to comprehend what it was that kept them coming back to seek out comfort in the other.   
But it was simple in the end – it was love.

But Sharon had continued to hide and side-line the most important relationship in her life because she had been afraid to say the words she knew to be true  
– that she loved Brenda with every part of her being and that they were ‘together’ in every sense of the word.

Her head was now resting in her hands, the screen having gone dark again due to inactivity, and she took several deep breaths.

Her fingers ran through her hair, to almost try and self soothe, and it felt knotted and greasy beneath her fingertips.   
Her make up had long since been mostly cried or wiped away during the night and as she saw her reflection in the now dark computer screen her insecurities all came crashing back. 

All she could think was;  
how old she was,   
how unattractive she was,   
how much baggage she had in her life,   
how selfish she was .....   
....... and how Brenda must really hate her now.

She was just so hurt and completely empty inside without Brenda.   
She felt like she had lost her whole family after one misguided slip of judgment, because she thought that what she was doing was for the best.

But maybe in retrospect there was no right or wrong in this situation.

A decision was made based on what she had found and what she thought it meant.   
At the time she was so blindsided by it that she stood by her reaction without question.   
But now it deeply bothered her that her choice had taken her to such extremes. 

It left her wondering where the compassionate and loyal woman she used to be had gone.   
Because this new Sharon was calculating and hurtful and she didn’t like it one bit.

She reached once again for the desk lamp, preferring the darkness to the constant reflection of her inadequacies.  
She rose from the desk, deciding to retreat back to her own office to hide once more.

She had to get herself together, because she felt truly alone now.   
She would be forever, because there was no way she was going to ever allow herself to get that close to anyone ever, ever again.   
All it did was cause pain, to herself and to the person she tried to love.

As she made her way to the door her phone ‘pinged’ with an incoming message.

Sharon paused and grabbed her phone as she made her way to the small couch in Brenda’s office, pushing the blanket and cushion to the side as she sat down.  
Her hands were shaking as she unlocked her screen and she took a deep breath before activating her messages, hoping that finally Brenda had responded.

Instead she read;

‘Hey   
Japan is on.   
I cant turn it down, I’ve worked so hard to get to where I want to be.   
You know I never wanted to be a dad.  
It was a one night stand at college, nothing more, nothing less.   
Even her own mother didn’t want her, but it was too late, so she signed her rights over to me, and we both know I only did it to make you happy. 

Because let’s be truthful, I’m not really any sort of dad to Sophia, am I?

And I can’t turn down this chance to start my life, the life I want, even if that means disappointing you.

Gavin has drawn up the papers giving you full legal guardianship, all you have to do is sign.   
She loves you and you love her – you can give her the life that, well, that I don’t want to. 

I don’t know what to say mom.   
If you don’t want her then I’ll ask Gavin to find a relative of her mothers or look at other options, maybe outside adoption.

I’ll get Gavin to forward the papers to you.  
This is a positive thing for me mom, I hope you can see that.’

“Fuck!”   
She muttered out loud, as she threw her phone down beside her.

She wasn’t going to break down again because of this, she just couldn’t.   
If she couldn’t be strong for Brenda then she had to be for Sophia.   
Breaking down over her thoughtless son would serve absolutely no purpose other than to let her self respect crumble all that much more.   
Of course she would take Sophia.   
There was no question. 

She laid back on the small sofa.  
Tiredness closed her heavy eyes and her heart was just begging the day to dawn that little more quicker than all the other days before, because then Brenda would be back.   
She was so lost in her prayers and begging that she didn’t realise she had fallen asleep, curled up in Brenda’s cardigan.


	10. The day that never comes - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> Sharon is dreaming.  
She's dreaming of their life - before it all went to hell and she threw away the person she loved most in the world, almost like they meant nothing to her.  
Her dream wife. Her dream life.  
All of it was gone now - the cold light of day had seen to that.
> 
> *** Please note that this super long chapter has triggers for emotional and physical abuse, as well as extremely anguish and upset.  
**** Apologies for the delay in updating - bereavement is always hard...... but seems like a kick in the teeth during festive season. 😔😥

Day 1/Day 2 part 2

Sharon was dreaming.  
Again.

At the moment, her life almost felt like groundhog day - unfortunately there wasn’t the guarantee of a happy ending after she’d found love, like in the film.

As she shifted on the small sofa in Brenda’s office she unconsciously burrowed deeper into Brenda’s cardigan in her slumber, seeming to take comfort from inhaling the unique scent that only came from Brenda herself.

Recently she had found herself desperate to stay in the comfort of her dreams.  
They offered not just a brief respite from the harsh reality of her current situation, but sometimes they helped to give her some perspective too.

The dreams she’d been having recently were so incredibly vivid.  
They felt so real.  
It was like she was reliving the entire event again, only now with a clarity and perspective that she had woefully seemed to lack back at the time. 

Her favourite dreams however, remained the ones where Brenda was still her lover, where Brenda still smiled at her, where Brenda still held her, where Brenda still wanted her and most of all, where Brenda still loved her.

The trouble was, it was extremely easy to forget that the life she spent her nights dreaming about, was no longer her reality.  
So every morning, when she finally had to open her eyes to face yet another day, she had to get used to living without Brenda all over again. 

And it hurt. 

Every.  
Single.  
Time.

Although she couldn’t control her dreams, this time they revolved around a memory full of mixed emotions. 

It was one of the biggest hurdles they had faced so far in their relationship - their first ‘family trip’ together.

Originally it was a trip that had started out with Brenda being the only necessary attendee.  
But it quickly escalated.  
Culminating in Sharon also agreeing to attend, despite having some serious reservations about whether she felt ready for a visit with Brenda’s entire family. 

Brenda had initially tried persuading her with promises of how much ‘fun' it would be and what a wonderful break away they could have.  
When that was met with silence, she offered new la perla lingerie, and was met with a questioning look and a, “for who?” from a speculative Sharon. 

“Er, both of us?” she’d replied hesitantly, keeping her fingers crossed behind her back at seeing Sharon in the expensive and sexy underwear that already lay hidden for her at the bottom of her half packed suitcase.

When that response earnt her only a half raised eyebrow in interest, she then continued to up her offer.  
– a promise of a spa weekend.  
Including treatments, a suite with a jacuzzi tub, champagne and a four poster bed. 

But Sharon had continued to feign disinterest, not even raising her head from reading and highlight her latest FID report. 

So Brenda went to her last resort. 

She climbed on to Sharon’s lap, threw the report over her shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on the lips of her shocked face.  
Brenda then batted her eyelashes, twirled her a curl of hair around her finger and said, not so innocently;  
“do it for me?  
Please, baby?” 

And Sharon had relented.  
Just.  
Like.  
That.

So now, she had a long weekend celebrating Brenda’s parents wedding anniversary with the whole of Brenda’s family to look forward to. 

What made it worse was that there would be little chance for them to ‘connect’ or have any ‘private time', despite Brenda’s insistent claims to the contrary.

It would be especially challenging because, despite generally being unable and more than unwilling to keep their hands off of each other, they had to yet ‘define' to anyone exactly ‘what’ they were to each other.  
So, on top of everything else, trying to fend off Brenda’s insatiable need to touch and tease her whenever possible, sounded like a headache waiting to happen. 

Just thinking about all the potential questions, the awkwardness and no doubt the sexual frustration made Sharon’s anxiety levels spike uncomfortably.

Pondering the potential fallout of the trip, Sharon glumly stared down at her empty suitcase, as she wriggled her mauve painted toes, which dangled over it from the end of her rumpled bed. 

The case had been sat next to Brenda’s half full one for the past 5 days now and not once had she so far been inclined to put even a single thing inside it.

For the majority of the week, whenever she was alone, or even just laying in bed beside Brenda, she found herself cynically wondering if those contrasting suitcases were in fact a harbinger, a symbol of the futileness of her even attempting a ‘proper' relationship. 

– she pondered if maybe Brenda was only half invested in it, in them, therefore obviously meaning that she, herself, wasn’t even invested in it, or them, at all......

She hated herself for feeling that way, because deep down she knew it wasn’t true.  
She loved Brenda.  
She did.  
But her mind wouldn’t stop placing those sorts of barriers in front of her heart. 

What made it worse was that she wanted to hold Brenda accountable for making her feel that way, for not considering how insecure she may feel about attending such a party.  
Because doing that would mean that she wouldn’t have to acknowledge her own flaws or fears out loud, despite knowing that thinking and feeling that way was a disservice to Brenda herself.

Because, even despite her initial reticence, Brenda had thrown herself into their relationship with gusto.  
She was tactile, kind, selfless, caring, compassionate, a considerate and incredibly passionate lover (much to Sharon’s delight) ...... and ..... she was incredibly and dedicatedly loving.  
It was intoxicating and surprising, but it was also so, so perfect.

In contrast it made Sharon question her more reserved nature, especially in public, and consequently what she therefore actually brought to their union.  
Would Brenda feel the same way about Sharon if she had to describe her commitments to their relationship?  
Probably not.

She hated having these doubts creep in to her thoughts.  
Doubts that Brenda had never even knowingly contributed to – as Sharon knew that the doubts she was having weren’t even directly related to what they were, or what they could be together.  
Those traitorous doubts were actually the unfortunate remnants of her toxic heterosexual marriage, further reinforced through several unfulfilling, inadequate and brief liaisons. 

She knew she had issues with commitment.  
All of her previous partners had unequivocally stated that to her, either as she, or they were walking out the door, never to come back.

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in monogamy, which was ironic considering her husband had been a philandering and verbally abusive, alcoholic prick. 

What she actually struggled with was the emotions attached to it all;  
letting people get close to her,  
making herself vulnerable  
and opening her heart and home to someone without the fear of recriminations. 

More often than not she would keep her dalliances casual.  
It suited her. 

Since her divorce she had spent a lot of time alone, so much so, that she almost lacked the skills to socialize outside of work.  
The personal ‘relationships' she did pursue were based solely on sex, and the sex was always to satisfy a craving.  
But it was emotionless. 

The eternally casual dating/hooking up lifestyle had felt safe and familiar, and for a long time Sharon found comfort in its simplicity.  
It was more important to her than conversation or dinner, because she found herself to be aloof and distant when they tried to push beyond what she was prepared to give.  
She didn’t want to share personal stories or meet each others families.  
She craved her independence and protective barriers too much to risk anything else.

Perhaps that was why she felt so conflicted over what she shared with Brenda - because it was the complete opposite.  
How they were went against every rule and boundary she had ever set for herself.  
Because with Brenda, she wanted it all.  
She wanted that illusive ‘happy ending' that came with all good love stories.  
She wouldn’t have shared a bed with her every night, handed her a set of keys to her house, or trusted her with her granddaughter if she didn’t. 

But at times, when she was alone, she was scared at how needy and out of control felt.  
She knew without a doubt that Brenda would never intentionally hurt her – in fact, even at work Brenda was her biggest advocate.  
She would verbally destroy anyone who dared to speak ill of her, almost to the point it was a running joke around the station that FID must have bribed her to behave that way. 

And Sharon found it endearing.  
She did.  
But her anxiety about what would happen to their relationship when people found out about them would sometimes override the feeling of contentment and peace she now had in her life. 

She would find herself getting frustrated at Brenda for being ‘too obvious' about her feelings for her at work.  
After she had calmed down, she would always apologise for her inappropriate response, scared that her flaws would ultimately push Brenda away. 

But Brenda would always simply respond with;  
"It doesn't matter, baby.  
It really doesn’t.  
When you love someone you overlook those flaws.  
In my eyes, you’re perfect.  
I love all of you, including the parts you don’t love about yourself."

Although it wasn’t easy for her, Sharon would mull over Brenda’s heartfelt words, trying to work through why she wasn't able to be fully comfortable with anyone having that much faith, love or dedication for her. 

The constant reason was simple – it was because she’d never had anyone feel that way about her before. 

People were flawed, she knew that.  
Both she and Brenda had their scars and there was no easy way around that.  
Just like there would always be disappointment and heartbreak in life.  
But it didn't mean that she had to leave herself vulnerable to it.

Her past experiences had taught her that when you put all your trust, hope and love into someone you were bound to get hurt or disappointed.  
And so, at some point she’d just stopped trying. Finding that, in the long run, it was better for everyone involved if you didn't even bother to open yourself up to that kind of disappointment and heartbreak. 

It’s just that however hard she tried to keep Brenda only in her bed and not in her heart, she had found her way in there from the very beginning.  
She had somehow managed to bypass all of her defences without even really trying or being pushy about it at all. 

She just seemed inclined to care for her.  
She wanted to put her needs, wants, hope’s and dreams first – without malice or agenda driving it.  
And as a result their relationship had developed and deepened.  
In fact, her relationship with Brenda had been her longest and most intense yet, not counting her ill advised marriage - and if it weren’t for it bringing her 2, mostly wonderful, children she would quite happily wipe that period from her history entirely.

It felt like almost the first moment she became aware of Brenda, she knew it had to be her.  
She felt driven to want to be around her, to interact with her, to touch her, to see her smile.  
She HAD to be with her.  
She’d never felt that way about somebody before.  
So consumed, entranced and enamoured by them. 

Their relationship had initially been a working one – which had started out fractious and combative.  
But the shared, intense attraction and desire had always bubbled just below the surface.

Brenda challenged her.  
She intrigued her.  
And she knew without a doubt that Brenda desired her.  
Even as Brenda tried to fight against her own feelings and attractions by pushing her away, it was always half hearted.

It was an intoxicating dynamic to be in - but Sharon had never had any intention of simply walking away.

At first Sharon wasn’t thinking of, or looking for, a ‘forever’ thing.  
She initially had the mind-set of wanting Brenda ‘right here’ and ‘right now', not thinking beyond that, as she sensed that physically they would be explosive together.  
Even though they weren't technically a couple yet, in fact they weren’t anything yet - as Brenda was married and they had yet to even kiss - they had still shared so much. 

As far as she knew, neither one of them had been with anyone else or was interested in anyone else since they had started gravitating towards one another.  
She felt like it was kind of a big deal, especially for her.

Though she had never asked, she assumed that Brenda had never been with another woman.  
Based on how she had observed Brenda react and respond to her advances, she knew that she would have to be the dominant one – at least at first.  
Brenda would want someone experienced, someone who could give her pleasure, as well as teach her, and Sharon was confident that she could do that for her.  
And it suited her.  
She could compartmentalise her feelings and concentrate on leading the physicality of it instead.

However, the closer she grew to Brenda, the more concerned she became that she couldn't give her what she needed, least of all what she actually wanted. 

Sharon's usual selfish and carnal driven persona in her private life, instilled in her that she would always struggle with what came after the sex.  
Because Sharon believed that she was unable to commit to anything more than a ‘fling' and she wasn't quite sure that she was capable of opening herself up to see what they could be beyond just sex.

........ But, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing Brenda. 

And if she ended up pushing for just a physical short term connection, then she would likely lose her completely after it was all over. 

...... And it terrified her.

Knowing that, she would much rather have a platonic friendship than not have the blonde woman in her life at all - even though she knew that, if push came to shove, she would give up everything she believed in to be with Brenda. 

“What if I’m not what you really want," she randomly asked Brenda late one night at the office.

Brenda had looked up at her from the case notes she was browsing, trying to read her eyes from across the meeting room table. 

She pushed her paperwork aside and removed her glasses from covering her eyes so that Sharon could see her clearly and without any barriers.

"Sharon, you're everything that I want.  
For me, you always have been.  
I've just kept my feelings to myself for so long, because I’ve never felt this way about anyone – let alone another woman.  
But I cant help but think that we've found each other for a reason, like fate or something keeps trying to push us together.  
I don't want to ignore those feelings anymore, I can’t ”

Sharon was completely silent for several moments. She was not expecting such a raw and honest response, and she felt like her heart was pounding in her chest as she contemplated having everything she had ever desired.

"Oh," she finally said.

Brenda tilted her head in confusion.  
“Oh?” she repeated.  
“Was that not the answer you were expecting Sharon?” she calmly queried.

Sharon felt frustrated at her own response, and her body felt like it was burning up from the inside out at the reality that Brenda wanted her.  
She.  
Actually.  
Wanted.  
HER.

“The question is ....,” Brenda continued, “... what do you want Sharon?”

As Brenda spoke Sharon felt her reach across the table tentatively for her hand.  
Before she even realised what she was doing, Sharon pulled it away in panic, watching in slow motion, as the rejection caused Brenda’s face to drop, almost like she had been physically slapped.

She knew she needed to act fast.  
"I only ever think about you," she whispered across the table to a surprised Brenda.

“Every day, every night.  
Even in my dreams.  
I want you in my life.  
I need you in my life.  
I just worry that I won’t be enough for you.  
That I can’t be enough for you.”

She cringed slightly as tears started to blur her vision.  
But she couldn’t stop now.  
She needed to get this off of her chest in order for Brenda to understand and so that they could move forward.

This couldn't hang over them anymore, it was slowly destroying them – the intimacy without intimacy.  
If they had even the slightest chance of something, at happiness, then she needed to be completely honest and not base their future on unstable foundations.  
Despite her mind still spinning, Sharon took some deep breaths to get her tears under control, reaching for the hand that she had rejected just moments ago.

Her brain was frantically trying to piece together everything that had just occurred.  
More or less, they had both just confessed something extremely profound – they had confessed to wanting something more.

Brenda watched Sharon continue to struggle, like she could barely form a single coherent thought because her brain was trying to run in several different directions at once.

Brenda knew definitively how she felt about the other woman in front of her, and she couldn't find it in herself to be mad at her for her response.  
Despite tiptoeing around each other for months now, coming ever closer to crossing the line that would mean no way back, they had never been so honest with each other as they had been now. 

At present, they had no real claim over each other as far as relationships went – but laying out their feelings like that, with such bold declarations, still didn’t clarify where it put them at now. 

Were they together?

Would they just be exploring the physical aspect of their desire?

Was that all it was?  
All it could be? 

Because surely, it couldn’t be love yet?  
Could it?

Brenda knew her marriage had been dead for a while now, physically and emotionally, but she still had yet to clarify that to Fritz.  
She hadn’t let him touch her in a sexual way, well in ANY way, for longer than she could remember – because it wasn’t his hands she wanted caressing and mapping her body.  
And she most definitely hadn’t been in love with him for even longer than that ..... if she ever truly had been to begin with.

But would Sharon be willing to wait for her whilst she dealt with it all?  
It would messy and time consuming and not the best of foundations on which to build a future.

That was if Sharon even wanted more than just a fling. 

Brenda couldn’t help but wonder if it was perhaps just something that Sharon wanted in the ‘here’ and ‘now’. The thought that Sharon would only want a physical connection, sex, sent Brenda spiralling, because she knew, that for herself, it would never be enough.

She had no idea what to expect and the longer it took Sharon to respond the more her mind jumped to the worst of conclusions.

She curled her hand around Sharon’s, entwining their fingers, like she had often dreamt of entwining their bodies, and she settled down to wait. 

Finally Sharon spoke, "I want to kiss you," she said confidently, staring into Brenda’s eyes so that she could see the truth in her words.

Brenda’s eyes widened.  
She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but that definitely hadn't been it. 

"Why?"  
she asked immediately and without thinking.

Sharon chuckled softly, "Are you really going to question it?"

Brenda thought about that for a moment, and then shrugged, "I guess not.  
I just wasn’t expecting it.  
Not that I don’t, really, really, REALLY want to....." she trailed off, smiling shyly, a faint blush tinting her cheeks at her exuberant response.

A small smile played on Sharon’s lips in anticipation, and she moved around the table to be closer to Brenda, taking her time and swaying her hips with each step that she took. 

Brenda was mesmerised by the woman in front of her, entranced as though she were already under her spell. Her eyes followed every move Sharon made as she walked towards her.  
She felt her whole body tense in anticipation, the undercurrent of excitement and a long standing desire was about to come true ... and she could not wait for her life to change.

Sharon’s breasts drew her attention as they glided across her own chest through her silk shirt.  
For such a simple caress it enflamed her body, making it tingle and her crave the exquisite touch of skin on skin.  
She found herself letting out a low moan of pleasure at the thought, as well as at the pressure that was created when Sharon’s nipples fleetingly crossed her own.  
Brenda’s body arched into the touch, as Sharon slowly brought their lips together for the first time, but hopefully not for the last time.

Her eyes had closed automatically at the first contact and she savoured the feeling and taste of Sharon’s lips on hers.  
It was beyond anything that she had ever imagined, so soft and tender, and so, so right.

Sharon moved softly at first and Brenda found herself more than content to let her take the lead .... for now. 

She was delighted to discover that Sharon was a very attentive and demonstrative kisser.  
She seemed to take her cues from how Brenda responded to each brush of her lips, listening to her sighs and moans on where she wanted to take this kiss before complying.

When Sharon finally slipped her tongue into her mouth, Brenda moaned deeply and met it immediately with her own, sighing as their tongues softly caressed each others, but with purpose.  
Brenda couldn’t help but wrap her arms around her, needing the closeness and the connection that she had only ever found with the woman now finally in her arms.  
Without a second thought Sharon tugged Brenda closer to her, encouraged by the passionate yet tender response she was eliciting in the younger woman. 

She placed one hand against Brenda’s cheek and the other around her neck, using it to help tilt her head so that the kiss could deepen in intensity.  
She found herself tickling the hairs at the nape of Brenda’s neck with her nails each time their tongues touched.  
It was as if Sharon thought Brenda might disappear if she didn't hold onto her in her every possible way.  
And she didn’t want to let her go.  
Not now.  
Not ever.

Brenda responded to every single move Sharon made, not ever wanting to stop kissing her now that she knew how it felt.  
She ran her hands up and down Sharon’s spine, hesitantly lowering her hands to gently grasp the ass that had led to many an inappropriate thought on a quiet day in the office.  
She needed to feel more; more of the incredible and enticing body beneath her fingertips, more of the tingling sensations flowing throughout her body and more of the sensuous lips and wandering hands that had still yet to fully explore her aching and tingling body.

Kissing Sharon was so, so much better in real life than it had been in her dreams.  
They both reluctantly pulled their lips away, drawing in deep breaths as the need for oxygen had finally forced them apart.

"How was that?" Sharon asked shakily, not releasing her hold on the other woman.  
Brenda smirked, "Mmmmm, so much better in real life than in my dreams," she admitted.  
"How was it for you?" she asked shyly.

Sharon chuckled and instead of responding she immediately pressed her lips to Brenda’s once more, for a much quicker but much more intense kiss.  
When she pulled away again, she rested her forehead against Brenda’s and ran her fingers lightly up and down her arms, before clasping and entwining their hands. 

She couldn’t resist pressing another soft kiss against Brenda’s swollen, pouty lips and she found herself humming in pleasure, as Brenda let out a contented sigh.  
“Is it always like that?”

Sharon raised her eyebrow in question, still lost in the moment, and Brenda felt the need to clarify. 

“Is it always .. so erotic ..... and intense?  
.... I mean  
... I have nothing to compare it to, well, not LITERALLY. But ... wow!”

Brenda shifted backwards and sat back down in her chair, her legs unable to support her.  
She instinctively pulled Sharon onto her lap, wanting to keep her close to her body.  
She came willingly, smiling widely at Brenda’s earnest honesty and sharing her mutual desire for continued closeness. 

Brenda used her tongue to lightly tease the outline of Sharon’s lips before she tilted her head, opening her mouth to hers, allowing her entrance.  
Their tongues danced sensually, teasing, touching and tasting each other.  
Sharon felt Brenda’s breathing grow shallow, matching her own, and she wondered if Brenda’s panties were as wet as hers were now becoming, as her body responded so intensely to her and only to her.

Sharon had somehow managed to manoeuvre herself to straddle Brenda without breaking their kiss.  
Her skirt was now raised high, exposing her stocking clad thighs.  
Brenda couldn’t help but touch them, her hands drawn to the smooth fabric and skin beneath her fingers.

They slowly inched up.  
Higher.  
And higher.  
Until her fingertips were toying with the lace trimmed top of the stockings, before she caressed the silky, smooth, sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

Sharon moaned and writhed on Brenda’s lap.  
She ran her fingers through Brenda’s loose curly hair, pulling her head back slightly, before she moved her lips to Brenda’s neck, sucking and nibbling rhythmically on her pulse point. 

She desperately sought more friction, her core already tingling, yet demanding more.  
She rolled her hips, her damp panties touching Brenda’s warm apex though her clothing as she pushed them down firmly and repeatedly against the woman beneath her.  
She felt Brenda tense and pull her neck away, moving to bury her face against Sharon’s neck as she moaned deeply, “oh ..... my ..... god,” and her hips pushed upwards as if trying to encourage Sharon’s own to move again.

Sharon tenderly brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear.  
“I’m sorry honey, was it ...., was I too much?” she asked achingly, automatically worried that she had been to forward due to the strength of her desire.  
Brenda’s head shot up and she stared deeply into Sharon’s now troubled eyes.  
“No!  
No!  
I just, oh, my!  
I just never knew that kissing .... could be THAT good. THAT ..... sexual.  
I cant go back from this, baby.  
I can’t.  
Not now I know.  
I want more" she whispered desperately, as she began to reach for Sharon’s lips once more with her own.

They were rudely interrupted when Brenda’s phone began to ring - the name of the caller flashing incessantly on the screen - ‘Fritz'.

Both Sharon's heart and stomach dropped simultaneously and she knew she had to ask about the man she had loathed for a long time now.  
She didn’t want to ruin the moment, but they had to discuss it, because he wasn’t going to suddenly disappear – however much they both fervently hoped that he would. 

“What about Fritz?  
What happens now?  
Is this it?  
Back to reality and to our ‘normal' lives?”

Brenda looked away to briefly glance in frustration at the still ringing phone, before returning her gaze to Sharon and simply ignoring the annoying noise altogether.

“I'm not using you Sharon, I’m not, I swear.  
My marriage is over.  
It .... well, it has been for a while.  
I couldn’t..... I can’t bear for him to touch me, and I haven’t let him in months.  
All I want is you.  
And I’ll do whatever it takes.  
I’ve had the paperwork for the divorce drawn up for a while now.” 

Sharon regarded her sceptically, wanting desperately to believe her claims and Brenda must have seen the flicker of doubt cross her face.  
She gently moved Sharon from her lap, helping her rearrange her skirt, so that she could go to her desk. When she turned back, she saw Sharon had remained where she was, leaning against the edge of the table, her head down, her hair covering her face and her hands clutching the against the edge. 

Brenda walked slowly back towards Sharon, holding out the divorce paperwork to her in her hand for her to see.

“I would never lie you, Sharon.  
I know it must look like I do – a lot – especially at work, but it’s not something I will ever do with you, I swear. Fritz and I are over.  
It’s done.  
I should have told him a long, long time ago, but I’m going to tell him tonight at dinner...... which I’m already late for.”

Sharon took the offered paperwork, but did not look at it, placing it behind her on the table and reaching for Brenda instead.

“I’m not asking anything of you, Brenda Leigh.  
You know that right?  
Don’t destroy your entire life for me, over a few kisses because I’m not worth it.  
I don’t know what I can give you.”

Brenda looked at her sadly, using her hand to tenderly caress her cheek, until Sharon would meet her eyes once more.  
“You really think that you’re not worth it?” she asked her.  
Sharon nodded slowly in response.

“You are worth it.  
To me you are everything.  
I would rather have one minute with you now than a lifetime without you.  
Trust me, please. 

You say you can’t stop thinking about me and you ... you kiss me like .... that, and you ..... touch me with your pretty hands, making me feel things I’ve never felt before.  
I know what I want.  
I’ve told you already, but I’ll tell you every single day if I need to – I just want you.  
Only you.  
Always you.”

Sharon was speechless.  
She searched Brenda’s face for signs of dishonesty and found nothing but affection and sincerity staring straight back at her. 

Sharon took a deep breath and nodded her head, in consent to whatever was to come, seeing the joy and happiness sweep over Brenda’s features at her simple, yet positive response.  
Brenda hugged her tightly, whispering in her ear; “it’s ok, we’re going to be ok, I just know it.”

Brenda didn’t want to spoil the moment but she knew she needed to go, especially when Fritz started blowing up her phone again.

“Go" Sharon said wistfully, “you know you have to.”  
Brenda nodded her head at the other woman in resignation, but she refused to release her hold on her just yet.

“Can I call you?  
After?” she asked.

Sharon smiled tightly, frustration showing at having to be the ‘other woman’, at least for the moment, and as she went to speak, Brenda interrupted her.

“What I mean is – I want to call you.  
Is that ok?  
I want to hear your voice just like I do at the end of every day.  
I know you usually call me every night, but I want to call you.  
I don’t want to lose what this is.  
I don’t want to lose you.  
I want you to know that I’m fully invested in ‘this’, in us.”

Sharon felt her whole body relax and she nodded again, before a sudden idea entered her mind.

“I could ... I could come with you.  
If you want?  
I know what he can be like ... and I don’t want you to have to face that alone.”

Brenda leant forward and kissed Sharon softly, still awed by the fact she was now able to do that whenever she wanted, without fear of rejection. 

“I love the fact you would do that for me, for us.  
Who knew the ‘fearsome Captain Raydor' had such a soft side!  
Don’t worry baby, I’ll keep all your secrets!  
But, I think I need to do this on my own. 

I need Fritz to understand that this is just about me and him.  
He needs to know that I’m leaving him because I deserve to be happy and I can’t do that if I’m worried about him upsetting or attacking you instead.  
I couldn’t handle that, you getting hurt.  
Especially as I’ve only just gotten you.”

“I understand Brenda Leigh, I do.  
I just don’t like the thought of you being alone with him when he’s so volatile...... maybe I could just be at the restaurant?  
.... I’ll just sit at a table, like a coincidence... if he even notices.  
Just so I’m nearby if you need me.  
Would that be ok, honey?”

Brenda hugged her again, kissing her temple and nuzzling the soft hairs there.  
“If you’re sure, that would be ... I would really appreciate it.  
Thank you, baby.”

\-------------------------------------

Her musings were interrupted swiftly by the woman herself, entering the house in her usual whirlwind of activity.

“Honey! I’m home!” Brenda yelled from the doorway, removing her keys and kicking the door softly closed behind herself.  
Sharon rolled her eyes fondly at Brenda’s favourite phrase, but she also couldn’t help but smile at the sense of happiness it brought her every time she heard it.

“Seeing as we’re going to be in a house full of my family in only a matter of hours .... with little chance of much privacy..... I just don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off your pretty body or out of your sexy panties for all of that time.  
So what do you say to fooling around for a bit now ..... or even for the rest of the night?”

Sharon’s whole body trembled in anticipation of the pleasure she knew Brenda would no doubt bring to her body.  
When Brenda had Sharon’s body on her mind it was difficult to distract her with anything else until she had had her fill – not that Sharon EVER complained!

“I’ve been thinking incredibly naughty thoughts about you all afternoon, baby, I’m going to use my mouth first, I want to taste you so bad, baby!

– I think I scared my boys with my desperation to get out of the office on time today, so I could get home to you!  
Hmmmm, the things you make me want to do, baby ....... and the things I plan to do to with you .......to you! ....... starting right now!” 

Brenda smiled saucily as she undid her shirt, seeing Sharon enter the hallway, ideas on how to get her naked already taking shape in her overactive imagination.  
– until her eyes widened in surprise when she realised that Sharon was carrying a grumpy looking Sophia in her arms.

“Hey sugar!” Brenda cooed at the little girl, blushing brightly and hurriedly rebuttoning her shirt.  
She was eternally thankful that Sophia was too young to fully understand either her earlier declarations or her state of undress.  
She raised her eyebrow in silent question at Sharon, already knowing that her son was supposed to have picked his daughter up over 5 hours ago now.

Before Sharon could respond, Sophia had immediately launched herself at Brenda.  
She burrowed herself deeply into her neck and began blowing raspberries against her skin, whilst softly giggling and babbling to herself about ‘bebe being home'.

Brenda instinctively hugged the little girl closely to her chest, relishing their bond, as she lent towards Sharon for a tamer version of their usual greeting kiss.  
Leaning over, she pressed her lips to Sharon’s softly, once, twice and then a third time.  
Before she could fully pull away, Sharon let out a deep throaty moan and her hand snaked around the back of Brenda’s head, pulling her closer to her and deepening their kiss.  
Sharon teased her tongue into her mouth before kissing her deeply and slowly, so that when they parted, Brenda was very breathless and very, very flustered. 

Sharon merely raised her eyebrow and smirked at her, looking very satisfied with herself.

Brenda narrowed her eyes at the woman before her, but she wasn't really mad.  
Not when she had everything she ever wanted, right there in front of her.

"That was mean”, she pouted fiercely, her accent more pronounced than ever.  
"I was going to let you cuddle me ... and maybe touch me up some after ‘Phia went to bed, but since you did that..." she shook her head solemnly before pausing for effect, a twinkle in her eye at the statement they both knew she would never be able to hold to - because Brenda was as enamoured and addicted to Sharon’s body as Sharon was to hers.

Sharon silenced Brenda once again by taking control of her lips with her own.  
Her hands came up to gently cup Brenda’s cheeks as she kissed her with everything that she had.  
Her hands then moved and teasingly rubbed her skin through her clothes, unable to fully reach the good parts, but still pulling her closer, focusing on her ass instead.  
Brenda felt herself growing flush with arousal, her centre clenching each time Sharon’s hand moved.

“How’s that for mean?”  
She asked Brenda teasingly, as she finally pulled herself and her hands away.

Brenda’s eyes were still closed, her mouth still partially open, as if awaiting another kiss, and she breathed; "I need to feel you.”

Sharon’s eyes darkened as they finally met Brenda’s now open ones.  
The depth of her desire blazing brightly in her eyes and coursing through her veins.  
A silent understanding passed between them before Sharon grabbed her by the hips and turned her, so that she could shift her own heated body to bring it flush behind Brenda’s own.  
Her hips cradled the ass she had earlier been caressing and she pressed her now sensitive breasts firmly against Brenda’s back, before grinding her hips into her ass lightly and running her fingertips up and down her sides.

Brenda hummed in appreciation at her closeness, the heat of Sharon’s body transferring itself to hers.  
She found herself tilting her head to the side to encourage Sharon to nuzzle against her always sensitive neck.

Just as Sharon moved Brenda’s curly hair to the side, to place her lips to the neck she longed to kiss, she saw two curious little brown eyes watching her intently from her vantage point in Brenda’s arms.

“We have an audience!” Sharon chuckled, as she winked at her granddaughter, who was continuing to watch them interact.  
Her little giggle and wave made Sharon’s heart melt and she wrapped her arms around the pair of them, reaching over Brenda’s shoulder to kiss Sophia’s little button nose, as Brenda raised her slightly.

Sophia patted Sharon’s face before she nuzzled herself back against Brenda’s chest.  
She always used one breast as a sort of pillow and the other to rest her little palm on as she rubbed her cheek repeatedly against the soft material of Brenda’s shirt.

“Well, someone takes after mee-maw, don’t they!” sassed Brenda, at Sophia using her breasts as a pillow once again.

“Is this a Raydor trait?” teased Brenda.

“Well, honey, they ARE very, VERY enticing,” Sharon chuckled in response, watching her granddaughter continue to make herself comfortable.

Sophia repeatedly rubbed her cheek against Brenda’s soft shirt, the texture of the material comforting her, and her eyes began to droop sleepily.  
“Do you want some bedtime milk?  
Huh, baby?” Brenda murmured gently into her auburn hair.  
Sophia nodded her head tiredly and hastily took the bottle Sharon offered her, settling herself comfortably in Brenda’s arms and tugging gently on Brenda’s hair as she drank her milk greedily.

Brenda turned to face Sharon and she tenderly caressed her face before tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.  
She looked into Sharon’s tired and listless eyes and whispered confidently;  
“it’s ok baby, we’ll be ok.  
We can deal with this,” motioning at the content child in her arms.

Sharon seemed to deflate before her very eyes.  
She watched as Sharon shifted her shoulders in a noncommittal shrug, like in defeat, words appearing to escape her.  
She seemed to need Brenda’s strength though, and keenly sought physical comfort from her partner by resting her head on Brenda’s shoulder and wrapping her arm around her waist.  
Sharon squeezed her in affection, watching as Sophia continued to drink her milk, oblivious to the anguish that was occurring within her grandmother. 

She sighed with acute resignation to the situation her son had once again left her in.  
His selfish nature, though more and more common, still shocked her to her very core – especially when it affected Sophia.

“Maybe I should just stay home with ‘Phia .....” Sharon began to state, just as Brenda pulled her closer, sensing her conflict.

Brenda shook her head to try and interrupt what she knew would only continue to be a negative monologue.

“Hey!  
We’ve just got one more person to join in the fun, that’s all.  
And they’re going to love her, just as much as I love you both, I promise,” Brenda replied, deeply disappointed at Sharon’s persistent desire to isolate herself when things got tough.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Brenda Leigh......”

She felt Brenda physically tense before she then pulled herself away, and Sharon immediately missed her.  
Brenda tried to swallow the burst of anger she felt at Sharon’s irrational behaviour, choosing to focus her attention on the toddler in her arms instead.  
Hoping it would help to calm the storm of emotions she felt surging within her.

Unperturbed, Sharon continued, her eyes downcast and her tone now hesitant and achingly hollow.

“I just think .... that maybe ... its .... too much.  
It’s too much ..... and its ... too soon.  
And I’m just, .... I’m just SO tired, Brenda Leigh.  
And ‘Phia is really clingy at the moment.  
And I’m so, SO ...” 

and she angrily whispered the next part for Brenda’s ears only, 

“..... fucking angry with Andrew for doing this!  
He’s supposed to be her father!  
And it’s like he just doesn’t care!  
Phia deserves so much more than this, I know that. ..... And it’s not your responsibility ...... what on earth would your family think?”

Brenda smiled ruefully.  
"Well, this wasn’t how I thought this evening was going to go .... at all,” she murmured, the sarcasm in her voice only thinly masked by the hurt and sadness her words conveyed.

She found herself unable to look into Sharon’s eyes, scared at what she may find there and how in turn she would react.  
So instead she continued to focus on the little girl she still tenderly cradled in her arms.

In need of some comfort herself, she lent down and kissed the chubby cheek of the toddler now milk drunk and gurgling happily.  
It gave her time to think carefully about how she wanted to respond. 

She knew Sharon was trying to pull away from her, but what she couldn’t fully understand, was why.  
Although Sharon struggled to communicate at times, she would eventually talk to her about how she was feeling.  
But recently that had all stopped, and as a result, Brenda felt like a piece of her heart was missing at the distance it was causing between them.

She knew she had been looking forward to properly introducing Sharon to the rest of her family and as far as she was concerned, Sophia was a package deal – a happy, unexpected, but practically permanent addition to their life together. 

She’d never questioned Sophia’s presence.  
She’d been scared at first - the fear of loving someone else who may be taken away from her if things didn’t work out had almost paralysed her.  
But she had worked hard to get through that.  
Brenda had never been a parent, but she knew she loved that little girl fiercely and completely, and as if she were in fact, her own. 

She’d opened her heart and her home to the two of them and they had quickly become the two most important people in her life...... and that made her happier than she had ever thought possible. 

It was no secret to her that Sharon had always seemed a bit reluctant to commit to coming out to Atlanta with her.  
Sharon had already met her parents – granted, it wasn’t officially as her significant other, but they had gotten along wonderfully.  
She just didn’t know why, and more specifically why now, Sharon was behaving this way. 

She deserved the truth, it’s what they promised they would try and be with each other, always.  
But she wasn’t sure that now was the right time to demand any answers.  
It never seemed to be ‘the right time'.  
And that was their main problem.

She took a deep breath before she replied, shifting Sophia to her other hip, painting a tight smile on her face and making a concerted effort to keep her tone light and judgement free.  
She just didn’t have the courage or confidence to converse with Sharon directly, instead choosing to use Sophia to address the situation.

“So sugar,” she trilled, wiggling the gurgling little girl in her arms, “you and mee-maw are gonna have so much fun this weekend!  
Huh?  
And Bebe will see you again when I get back, ok?”

Brenda could see Sharon watching her from the corner of her eye – the look of relief on her face at Brenda’s ‘get out of jail free card' made her struggle to quickly swallow back the tears of frustration and hurt that were threatening to fall.

“I’m gonna put ‘Phia to bed, finish packing and then grab a few hours sleep.  
Ok, baby?”

Sharon paused before responding.  
Not sure if she even wanted to say the next words to leave her mouth – but unable to stop herself.

“Maybe ....  
maybe it might be best if you ..... well, if you go home tonight Brenda Leigh.  
You have an early flight to catch .... and ‘Phia will just get confused and upset at you leaving......”

Even as she said the words, Sharon knew they would put another barrier up around Brenda’s already bruised heart.  
But she couldn’t seem to stop herself from saying the selfish, hurtful words.  
Words that she didn’t even really want to say, let alone make become a reality.

Brenda still couldn’t look at her.  
She felt her heart almost beat it’s way out of her chest at the anxiety Sharon’s words were creating for her.  
But she figured that if Sharon wasn't making a big deal out of this, especially in front of Sophia, then it would be easier for her in the long run to get over the disappointment of not having Sharon by her side, by ignoring the elephant in the room. 

She wanted to stay.  
She desperately wanted to stay, here, with them. Sharon and Sophia were as much her family as the one she’d been born into.  
But it seemed that Sharon was desperate for her to leave .... and that in itself was highly unusual.

Usually Sharon always preferred spending their nights together when possible, enjoying the comfort and company.  
But now Sharon was trying to push her away – coincidently just as she had after Brenda had first told her that she loved her.  
The difference now, was that Brenda wasn’t sure what to do to stop her shutting down this time....... and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to continue to fight against both of their insecurities anymore. 

Even pretending not to mind that Sharon was bailing on her once again, without even being truthful about why, made her feel like perhaps nothing she could do would be enough.

But Brenda wasn’t going to beg.  
She couldn’t.  
She wouldn’t.  
Not again.

“Sure. That sounds like a sensible idea, doesn’t it Sophia, huh?  
You don’t want me waking you and mee-maw up, do you?  
Huh?” she continued in her light and bubbly tone, encouraging the child to shake her head in agreement with her, even though Sophia didn’t really understand what was happening. 

“Give me a kiss, sugar, and then Bebe needs to go night, night.”  
Sophia’s eyes widened in recognition at that phrase, realising that Brenda was going to leave.  
She immediately started to fuss.

She clung onto Brenda’s neck, shouting; “no bebe, no bebe leave!” as big, fat tears started to roll down her cheeks  
Brenda looked at her sadly, thinking; I know how you feel baby girl, I don’t want to leave and I feel like crying right now too.

She tried to hold her out to Sharon, whilst simultaneously attempting to appease the little girl who, like the woman in front of her, held more than just a single piece of her heart.

“Hey, hey, hey!  
Come on ‘Phia!” she cajoled, rubbing her back, whilst gently removing her fingers from the vice like grip they held on her neck. 

“Let’s give mee-maw a big hug and kiss, huh?  
You love mee-ma's kisses!  
Yes you do!  
They don’t tickle like bebe's!” she said, as rubbed her face into her neck and blew a giant raspberry against the now giggling little girl.

Sharon took her now distracted grandchild, noting how Brenda was continuing to refuse to make eye contact with her throughout this little exchange.

“Kiss!” babbled Sophia and Sharon obliged, distractedly kissing the little girls chubby, rosy cheek exaggeratedly.  
“No mee-maw!” she giggled.  
“Kiss bebe!  
Mee-maw kiss bebe!”

Sharon noticeably tensed and glanced at Brenda, right as Brenda lent forward and placed a gentle kiss by the side of her lips, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  
And it was ..... or at least, it used to be.

“There we go ‘Phia.  
Everyone’s had a kiss now,” Brenda said, a little tonelessly now and her smile starting to slip.

“I need to go,” she said, as she walked straight past Sharon through to the bedroom.  
She intended to grab her half packed case from the end of their bed and leave, with as little further interaction as possible.  
She wasn’t bothered about collecting anymore of her belongings, she would manage without them.  
She needed to leave as fast as possible, to make this as pain and tear free as she could, for all of them – most of all, because Sophia didn’t deserve to deal with that.

Sharon pursed her lips and nodded briefly, not able to reply verbally as she was attempting to keep a tight rein on her emotions. 

She wanted to tell Brenda not to leave, not to go to Atlanta.  
It was selfish but she wanted to ask her to stay.  
To stay there with them, as their own little family, in their own little bubble.  
Safe.  
Happy.  
Together. 

But she knew how much family meant to Brenda.  
If she was honest with herself, that’s what scared her most about this trip - that blood would always be thicker than the family they had started to create for themselves.  
Because what if Brenda’s family hated her?  
What if they looked at her and saw someone too old and unsuitable for their daughter/sister/aunt/cousin/niece?  
Someone with too much baggage – thanks to a son who palmed his own daughter off EVERY chance he got.  
What if they made Brenda realise what a mistake she had made in pursuing this relationship?  
But most of all – what if she lost Brenda as a result of it?

Unaware of Sharon’s inner turmoil, Brenda heaved a tired sigh, trying to keep the tears at bay as her eyes noticed Sharon’s still empty suitcase next to her own. Only now did she recognise that the emptiness of it was a stark contrast to the half filled content of her own - and it hit her that Sharon had never wanted to be a part of this trip.  
Not at all.

All week Brenda hadn’t even batted an eyelid when she saw that her case remained empty.  
She’d watched Sharon putting away her clean laundry and never once placing anything into that suitcase. She’d convinced herself that Sharon was just a last minute packer – ignoring the niggling in the back of her mind - that it wasn’t in Sharon’s nature to be that way.  
The woman usually planned everything well in advance and annoyingly, always to the very last detail.

Brenda knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was going to get hurt again, but it was like she was a glutton for punishment.  
She couldn’t stop coming back for more, because she could never verbalize to Sharon how much her ‘hot and cold' approach to their relationship affected her.

Brenda didn’t like confrontation in her personal life - she avoided it like the plague and often to her own detriment.  
She knew that it was not the sensible or healthy thing to do ........ but historically it was the only way she could cope.  
But now it had led to this purgatory, this stalemate in their relationship.

As much as she wanted to stay strong, she just couldn’t, and she silently cursed herself for her weakness as tears began to trail slowly and steadily down her cheeks.  
She tilted her head back, the tears still falling, despite her eyes closing and she willed her breathing to return to normal.  
But the tightness in her chest didn't dissipate like she hoped it would.

Brenda reached out a trembling hand for Sharon’s empty case, tugging it towards herself.  
Her mind wandered as her fingers absentmindedly played with the zipper, pulling it open and then closed, finding some comfort in the monotonous repetition.

Unbeknownst to Brenda, Sharon had followed her, to the bedroom.  
She made no move or speak, not knowing what to say, or how to make things better, just knowing she needed to be near Brenda – even though emotionally they might as well have been miles apart.

It seemed that whatever she did only made it worse, like her brain to mouth filter had disappeared and in its place she was saying and doing things she didn’t want to instead of just telling her the truth.

Sophia wriggled in her arms at seeing Brenda again, so Sharon placed her gently down on the plush carpet, knowing in whose arms she wanted to be.  
She watched as the child toddled her way over towards Brenda, dragging her empty bottle with her.  
She handed it to Brenda, did a little wobbly dance as she tried to manoeuvre herself and then plopped herself inside the empty suitcase.

Sharon silently watched Brenda swipe at her eyes before opening them to acknowledge the little girl that was currently trying to zip herself into the bag.  
“I wish you could come with me sugar.  
But it’s ok, baby girl.  
We’ll be ok.  
Take care of her for me, ok?  
Give her lots of love from the both of us, alright?”

Brenda ruffled her hair fondly as she finally pushed herself up from the floor.  
She sensed Sharon watching her from the doorway and briefly she wondered how much she had heard, but for her own sanity she couldn’t bear to contemplate that for long.  
She closed her messy case and picked it up, blowing a kiss to a thankfully still distracted Sophia. 

As she made her way towards the door, she deliberately brushed her hand against Sharon’s, pausing to gently squeeze it.

“I don’t understand what’s happening right now.  
I really don’t.  
But maybe, some time apart will help you decide what you want.

You’re not the only one who’s tired Sharon.  
Sometimes I just don’t know how to reach you ...... and I worry I’ll never truly be able to.  
I love you, I do, I’ve never doubted that .... not even for a second, but maybe that’s never been enough for you.  
I don’t know.  
I just don’t know .... and you won’t talk to me anymore.

I’ll miss you both, I hope you know that.  
Kiss ‘Phia goodnight for me.”

Sharon heard the front door close in the distance before she even realised Brenda had gone.

“Bye, bye, Bebe, bye, bye,” came the innocent voice of Sophia, as she waved from the suitcase she was still sitting in.

Sharon looked at her, hoping the little girl would soon be greeting Brenda again – but secretly worried that this may be the one time she had pushed her away for good.

\---------------------------------

Less than an hour later, after Sophia had finally drifted off to sleep, Sharon sat on her bed, back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chest.  
She looked at Sophia, sleeping soundly whilst nestled and snuggling into Brenda’s cardigan like it was her own personal binkie.  
She was almost jealous of the comfort that garment seemed to bring to her, even in her sleep.

She looked at Brenda’s pillow and thought of the way Brenda’s brown eyes looked in the morning after a night entwined in each others arms, sleepy and loving. She thought of those little twitches of her lips in her sleep, how they would almost turn upward into a smile in one corner, before relaxing into peaceful slumber once more.

Suddenly, the wrong choices she had made overwhelmed her, and she felt the familiar prick of tears in her eyes.  
She silently berated herself for her weakness, because she deserved to feel the repercussions of her actions.  
She forced herself to continue her train of thought, her eyes darting once more to the tiny girl beside her, knowing that Brenda belonged beside them.  
It was just how it was.  
It was meant to be.

She remembered what Brenda had said to her right at the beginning of their relationship:  
\- ‘something is giving us chances to be together.  
We keep gravitating back towards each other, but never take that final step .... so let’s … let’s just be together, baby.  
Let’s just be together.’

So when had it stopped being like that?  
When had they stopped it being that simple?  
When had it stopped being about JUST being together, instead of allowing all the worries and irrational fears to take over?

She didn’t want to lose Brenda.  
That much she knew.  
But she wasn’t sure that Brenda would always want what she knew she would eventually be asking of her – to become a parent and commit to raising her granddaughter fulltime.

So far they had never been a ‘normal' couple - the deep emotional scars they both had influenced their decisions and responses.

So it wasn’t like they would ever casually ‘date’, then maybe Sharon would buy her a diamond ring a couple of years later, and then they would spend the rest of their lives bickering over who’s turn it was to take the garbage out. 

It was like they had bypassed all of that already.  
– though the ‘friends' aspect of their relationship, had started out slowly, the rest had moved at almost warp speed and they had jumped straight to being a ‘family'.  
But it felt right.

They practically lived together, they spent all of their time together, both in and out of work, and Brenda was the first and only person she had ever considered fully giving her heart to ....  
...... so maybe she was making it harder than it needed to be. 

Brenda wasn’t running away from the responsibilities involved with Sophia, she didn’t ignore or begrudge her place in their lives and she never made Sharon feel like she had to ‘choose’ between them.  
So maybe, all she had to do was let go of her anxieties and just do what Brenda suggested; ‘just be together.’ 

Quietly and carefully Sharon manoeuvred herself from the bed, not wanting to wake Sophia if she could help it.  
She reached for her empty suitcase and started to do what she should have done from the beginning – pack it.

She placed a variety of clothes in, not knowing exactly what they would be doing or where they would be going – but wanting to be prepared for every eventuality.  
Her guilt struck again as she realised that she had never thought to ask Brenda, because she had never really had any interest in the arrangements for the trip. Brenda had probably realised her ambivalence, yet had never called on it, obviously feeling unable to share her needs.

“Oh god!  
Please don’t let me be too late,” Sharon thought out loud.

As she made her way from the closet she noticed the dress she assumed Brenda had planned to take with her, obviously forgetting it in her haste to leave.  
She ran her fingers over the soft royal blue fabric and imagined standing beside her, Sophia in her arms ..... and ..... it didn’t seem as scary as she thought it would. 

She knew Brenda would be attentive to them both, not wanting them to feel uncomfortable or unhappy for even a second if she could help it ..... and she knew that was what love was supposed to be like ..... what it was supposed to feel like.  
She wanted to do the same for Brenda.  
She wanted Brenda to feel that same way, and if having them both by her side would do that, then Sharon would try.  
For Brenda, she would try.

She carefully packed the dress next to one for herself, picking out a pretty coloured one for Sophia.  
She had to remind herself to take Sophia’s light pink bunny tights.  
\- Knowing that the little girl had been desperate for a pair to match Brenda’s soft pink, bunny covered pajama bottoms she had been so entranced by. 

She shook her head, amused at the fact she was letting her often poorly dressed lover influence her granddaughters wardrobe choices.  
But Sophia idolised her and she had from the very first time they met.

Once she had packed everything she thought she needed, including a variety of snacks for both her girls, she went in search of her laptop, intending to purchase another ticket for ‘Phia.

She logged into their account, drumming her fingers whilst waiting for the password to be recognised.  
As she clicked onto their booking information she immediately noticed that there was already a ticket booked and paid for in Sophia’s name.  
– and as she looked in more detail, she could see that it had been purchased at exactly the same time as Brenda had purchase both of theirs.  
She double checked just to be sure that she wasn’t imagining things, but sure enough it had already been arranged.

She clicked ‘print tickets' on the screen, her mind somewhat unable to comprehend that Brenda had obviously pre-planned for her son’s consistent ineptitude.  
The fact that Brenda had not thought to mention the additional booking to her made her wonder if Brenda had no concerns about what assumptions her family may make about it all.  
– making her own fears now seem even more irrational in comparison. 

It appeared that once again Brenda was not hiding anything.  
Sharon wanted to be that brave too, she did, and maybe turning up at the airport at 5am in the morning was her first attempt at trying it.

\----------------------

Brenda was staring out of the window, her head resting against the cool glass as she stared out into the early morning light, not even noticing the lights of various airplanes, when she heard light footfalls approaching behind her.

"Hey."  
She heard Sharon say quietly.  
“Is there room for 2 more on this trip?”

Brenda turned around in shock, not believing the reflection in the glass, never imagining that Sharon and Sophia would be there.  
Her surprised expression softened immediately, and she instinctively stepped closer towards them. 

Brenda could never stay mad at the older woman, especially as she now resembled a lost puppy standing there, waiting for her to say something to put her out of her misery.  
Sharon looked as though she were hanging on her response, almost ready to flee, even though Brenda had yet to say a single word.

The sudden concerned look on Brenda’s face conveyed to Sharon that her eyes must be welling up, because Brenda could never bear to see her cry. 

As Sharon continued to remain silent, Brenda began to shift slightly, looking torn – like she wanted to both comfort Sharon as well throw herself into her arms seeking some comfort herself. 

Sharon smiled shyly at her lover, silently rejoicing in the fact that Brenda was like a shining beacon of light in the darkness - always wanting to comfort and protect her.  
She was her one constant and, along with Sophia, she knew they were the only truly good things she had in her life.  
As her nerves continued, she began fiddling with Sophia’s stroller to keep her hands from shaking.

"Hey" Brenda replied, repeating Sharon’s words right back at her when it became apparent that Sharon was struggling for further words.

The corner of Sharon’s mouth twitched upwards, starting to form a lopsided grin.  
She felt an incredible wave of affection overcome her - it had only been a matter of hours since they had last seen each other, but she realized that, in that moment not once had she felt more at ease, than she did when Brenda was by her side.

"I'm sorry,” she finally said, barely above a whisper.

Sharon struggled to meet her eyes, the remnants of her guilt still clinging to her despite her apology.  
Instead, her eyes scanned the flight gate details, noticing it was due to commence boarding momentarily. 

“Sharon..." she heard Brenda breath, her fear slightly abating at the tender tone of voice she used.  
Though her body didn't relax fully, she did raise her gaze to stare into the eyes of the woman who held her future happiness in the palm of her hand.

A heavy but comfortable silence floated between them now.

Brenda's eyes never left hers, though both of them were dimly aware that somehow, she had moved closer to her than she was before.  
All Brenda wanted was to press herself against Sharon, throw her arms around her and tell her how glad she was to see them both, how everything had suddenly gone back to making sense in her life again.  
But she hesitated slightly, the events of the night still weighing on her mind.  
Instead, she settled for: "I'm glad you both came."

Sharon tilted her head and regarded her with curiosity, before her gaze dropped to the tiny space still left between them.  
She shifted, moving closer, noticing that Brenda too, had also inched closer.  
She chuckled at how they always seemed to gravitate into each others orbit, and she saw Brenda looking at her in confusion now.

"You okay?" Brenda asked her, seconds later.

Sharon couldn't lie.  
Not about this.

Wordlessly, she curled her fingers around Brenda’s hand and gently coaxed her, until she was able to press the gentlest kiss against the corner of her mouth.  
Before verbally responding, Sharon slid her arms around Brenda, encircling her waist and placing her face against the curve of her neck.  
She revelled in her warm scent, letting it envelop her like a warm blanket and finding comfort in it, just like Sophia did when cuddling Brenda’s hideous cardigan.

"I am now.  
But after everything that happened last night, I understand if you don’t want us to come with you Brenda Leigh.  
I do.  
But we’re here and we’re all in.  
I just hope it’s not too late.”

Hearing those words nearly broke Brenda’s heart. 

“It’s not too late, baby.  
It will never be too late ........ but we need to talk, really talk, about ALL of this.

This can't keep happening.  
It hurts too damn much, for the both of us – not to mention how it must affect ‘Phia too.”

Sharon nodded in acceptance at Brenda’s statement.

“Honey, I’m... not, it’s not the best time .... now? ... Is it? 

She gestured at the public area they were in, secretly praying that Brenda would just overlook her latest aberration, like she had all the others.

Brenda hesitated.  
She knew she wanted them with her, without question, but they definitely did need a long, overdue talk – however, the fact that Sharon had taken the risk of coming to the airport, still fearing that Brenda may reject her, only made her current decision marginally easier.

“Ok.  
It can wait, for now.  
But our flight can’t!  
And just so you know, I’m not going anywhere without either of you again!  
EVER!  
You belong with me ..... we belong together,” she stated emphatically, kissing Sharon soundly for the rest of the departure lounge to see once she had finished speaking.

Sharon re-hid her face in Brenda’s neck, kissing it softly and resting her lips against her steady pulse, trying to hide her blush and recurring shyness at public displays of affection.

Luckily, before Brenda could notice, Sophia chose that exact moment to make her no longer sleeping presence known.  
“Bebe!” she squealed in sleepy excitement, immediately trying to get free from the straps holding her into the stroller.  
She struggled indignantly against the restraints, as Sharon rolled her eyes affectionately at the head strong little girl.

Brenda chuckled as she released Sharon from her arms to pick the sleepy little bundle of joy up, kissing her three times, before cradling her close.  
Sophia curled into Brenda’s body like it was second nature, and one pudgy hand tugged on a loose, soft, curly strand of Brenda’s hair. 

Brenda smiled radiantly as she lifted the toddler and blew a giant raspberry in the middle of her stomach, causing her to erupt into uncontrollable giggles, before reaching for Brenda’s face, to pull her in for a big wet kiss.  
“Mmm, both my girls, right here with me” she smiled happily, meeting Sophia’s kiss with several more loud ones of her own.

“You do know that now you’ve woken her, you’re the one dealing with her on her first ever plane ride!” Sharon exclaimed, wrapping her arms around the pair of them.  
Brenda pretended to pout at that prospect, until she finally noticed what ‘Phia had tightly clutched in her hand.

“Hey, sugar!  
What’re you doing with that? Huh?  
How about bebe takes that ..... and we swap it for .....” 

she looked about, hastily pulling a soft pink elephant from the bag on the back of the stroller,  
“...for this!” she exclaimed with faux excitement.

Sophia looked at her with the exact same put out, fierce looking, but adorable pout that had been on Brenda’s face just moments before.

Sharon chuckled against Brenda’s ear;  
"that’s all you honey!  
She definitely didn’t get that from me!  
Good luck trying to pry it away from her – you’ll probably be as successful as I am when trying to swap your chocolate cookie for an oatmeal one!” 

Sophia glared at her mee-maw for daring to mention ‘oatmeal' in the same sentence as ‘cookie' – wearing a matching look of distaste on her face to that of Brenda’s.

Brenda regarded Sophia affectionately, and watched as she rubbed the sleeve of her cardigan/come binkie softly and repeatedly against her own rosy cheek, the little girls eyes slowly drooping again.

“I don’t mind sharing,” she whispered, “and it looks like I have the magic touch!  
So let’s get on that plane before she wakes up again!”

She felt Sharon shaking her head before saying, “it’s good cop, bad cop all over again, isn’t it?”

“Mmmm,hmmm, I sure hope so baby, but only in private. ..... and maybe not until we get back home ..... alone!” she winked saucily in response to her.

“You.  
Are.  
Insatiable!” Sharon loudly whispered to her, pinching her bottom before she took charge of the empty stroller and headed for the boarding gate.

“Only for you, baby, only for you!” she heard teasingly behind her.  
She couldn’t help the indulgent smile that found it’s way onto her face, as she handed over their boarding passes.

\-----------------------------------

Sophia slept soundly the entire flight, continuing to clutch Brenda’s cardigan whilst snoring softy against Brenda’s chest, with a little puddle of drool going unnoticed on Brenda’s shirt.

Sharon dozed lightly, her hand held securely in Brenda’s own and her head resting gently against her shoulder, needing the contact to help her relax.  
She was so sleepy that she almost missed it when the air stewardess stopped by them to smile and comment to Brenda;  
“you have a beautiful wife and daughter.” 

Sharon had to school her features to remain neutral, watching covertly as Brenda smiled proudly, before replying;  
“I know. I’m so very, very lucky”  
\- taking the cookie offered for Sophia for when she eventually woke up.  
It amused Sharon when she noticed that Brenda had appeared to bypass the chocolate one for the healthier oatmeal version.  
She laughed inwardly at the brief look of regret that crossed Brenda’s face as the basket of chocolate cookies walked out of sight.

Sharon filed that little observation and conversation away to ponder over later.  
But she did acknowledge that hearing Brenda not bother to correct the woman’s assumptions that they were married, or that they were a family, filled her with a sense of joy and contentment that she had never felt in her first marriage. 

However, her silent musings were swiftly interrupted.

“I know you’re awake, baby.  
So you can stop pretending and lean over here and give me a kiss!” Brenda sing songed, whilst softly squeezing her hand.

“Shhhh!  
Your ‘WIFE’ is trying to sleep!” she replied, keeping her eyes closed and burrowing further into Brenda’s shoulder for warmth.

“Oh ..... you heard that part, huh?”

“Mmm,hmmm – not that I’m complaining honey, but I seem to be missing the big ring and the tropical honeymoon.  
Just saying.”

She peeked at Brenda’s face, silently laughing at the flummoxed expression and gaping mouth that awaited her. 

“I also noticed how you turned down a chocolate cookie!  
Never thought I’d live to see that!  
But don’t worry honey, I’ll let you eat as many as you want when we land!”

Brenda licked her lips before replying, leaning in and breathing, “I can think of ... other ... much tastier things I’d rather ‘eat' if you’re offering ....”

Sharon’s eyes popped open in surprise, but not shock, knowing what a terrible tease Brenda could be at times.

“How can I resist such a ‘romantic’ offer from my ‘wife’?  
Hmmm?  
However, until I at least get the tropical escape, I’m afraid all you’re going to be eating ....” 

and she picked up the oatmeal cookie that lay forgotten and handed it back to Brenda, winking, 

“.... is this.”

“What happened to ‘conjugal rights'?” Brenda murmured sulkily, regarding the cookie with the same disdain she knew Sophia would.

“What happened to ‘romance'?” Sharon countered back.

“If you want romance, baby, you’ll have it!  
The suite we have at that spa resort is going to make you eat your words about romance....... and then maybe......maybe, I’ll get to ‘eat' what I want, when I want, however much I want!” Brenda smugly replied, licking her lips.

Sharon looked at her in confusion.  
“You mean you actually booked it?”

Brenda nodded her head, still smiling.

“But, but I thought it was all just talk - to get me to come to Atlanta with you?”

“A promise is a promise, baby.  
And I think some me and you, quality time  
....quality, naked time, is long overdue!  
Did I say naked?  
I did say naked, right?

I want to treat you.  
I want you to be pampered and treated how you deserve to be.  
So yes, I booked it! 

Just to be clear, we will be mostly naked.  
N-a-k-e-d.  
Naked.”

“Did you buy the underwear too?” Sharon asked coyly.

Brenda nodded fervently, and motioned her head towards the bags stored in the overhead locker.  
Sharon laughed at her eagerness, “someone was awfully sure of herself, wasn’t she!”

“If you think I’d pass up a chance to see your incredibly beautiful body ...”  
Sharon rolled her eyes at the compliment, not at all as happy with the state of her body as Brenda seemed to be.  
“and IT IS an incredibly, sexy, enticing and utterly gorgeous body......” Brenda reiterated, her eyes widening in pleasure as if imagining it.

“......... in the beautiful and delicate lingerie that will only highlight its amazing beauty, then you are crazier than I thought.  
If we weren’t on a plane right now ......mmm,mmmm ...... and i weren’t perfectly happy with this little peanut sleeping in my arms and the love of my life sitting next to me, .... well, I’d be taking that lingerie off of you with my teeth and then licking and kissing every single inch of the incredible body it uncovered.  
Just saying!”

Sharon glanced around them, worried that perhaps the other passengers may have heard Brenda’s words, before she lowered her voice and replied, “and I would let you, honey, without a shadow of a doubt.  
So how about a rain check?  
Because if you continue I’m going to need a change of underwear ...... right now.....”

Brenda smiled and moved her hand to squeeze Sharon thigh, wishing she could do more, but knowing it wasn’t the time or the place.

“Get some sleep baby, I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself .... for now!  
But when we land and I get you alone, all bets are off!”

Sharon closed her eyes, placing her hand over Brenda’s and before she drifted off she managed to say;  
“if you think Sophia is going to give us any private time this weekend then maybe you’re the crazy one.  
She’s not going to leave your side and you know it – she’s just another Raydor that’s fallen under your spell.....”

\------------------------------------

Sophia had slept her way through the landing and baggage claim, her warm little body still clinging tightly to Brenda’s, even in sleep.  
Sharon raised her eyebrow at Brenda, in an ‘I told you so' way, and took control of the wobbly luggage trolley as they made their way slowly towards the exit.

“Jimmy should be outside waiting for us.  
Don’t worry he’s brought our nephew Randall’s old car seat for Sophia to use.”

Sharon just nodded, her nerves beginning to overwhelm her the closer they came to leaving the airport and the closer she came to Brenda’s family.

Brenda paused, almost causing a distracted Sharon to plough into the back of her, before she turned and approached Sharon, holding her chin tenderly and looking straight into her eyes.

“Baby, I love you.  
Both of you.  
You have absolutely nothing to worry about, I promise. Nothing is going to change this ..” 

and she gestured between them, 

“..... I just want my family here in Atlanta to meet the other half of my family.  
And I know they are going to love you, both of you, simply because I do and because they’ll see how happy you make me.  
Ok?”

Sharon nodded.

“So, give me a kiss, take my hand and let’s go show them how adorable this little peanut is........ and I’ll try not to look like I want to rip your panties off at the earliest opportunity.  
Deal?”

Sharon rolled her eyes both in affection and mock annoyance at the woman in front of her.  
But she kissed her soundly, laced her fingers with her outstretched hand, before she wiped the drool from Sophia’s chin and tugged them both towards the exit.

“Hey Be-leigh!” Jimmy hollered from the large truck parked just outside the doors.  
A wide smile graced his lightly tanned skin and his curly blonde hair and chocolate coloured eyes matched his younger sisters.

Brenda smiled happily at seeing her brother and she squeezed Sharon’s hand in silent encouragement before starting to walk his way. 

“Hey Jimjam!” she said, giving him a gentle hug, so as not to wake ‘Phia.  
Jimmy grimaced at his childhood nickname and rolled his eyes at his little sister before gently hugging her back.

Sharon almost did a double take at their physical similarities, especially when they were side by side, and she noticed Jimmy watch her closely, then laugh, before he leaned over and said;  
“I know, its uncanny right?  
I got the better legs, but she definitely got the better rack!”

Sharon covered her mouth before laughing heartily at his statement.  
Her laughter only increased as she watched Brenda smack her brother in the arm, apparently outraged at his less than stellar first impression.

“Jeez, be-leigh, ease up!  
Not all of us are CIA trained, as easily offended, or as young as you are!” he said whilst rubbing the tender spot on his arm.

Brenda felt Sharon immediately tense beside her at his words.  
She knew it was because Sharon was sensitive about not just her age, but also their slight age gap.  
It was never something that ever bothered Brenda, but she knew how worried Sharon was about what other people would think.

“And is THAT the latest Hermès bag I see, Sharon?” he exclaimed, coming closer to touch the soft and supple leather of the bag currently gracing her shoulder.  
She nodded and smiled at his excitement.  
“I’m glad there’s at least one person in your family so far that appreciates my fashion tastes,” she smirked in Brenda’s direction, pointedly ignoring her, ‘who me?’ expression.

“Well, let’s hope you start rubbing off on her then Sharon!” Jimmy smiled, finally letting go of her bag and taking charge of their trolley.

“Oh, she ‘rubs off' on me alright!” Brenda snickered, “ALL the time in fact!” for Sharon’s ears only, earning her a glare back in warning.

“What was what be-leigh?” jimmy queried, trying not to crash the ridiculously wobbly trolley into the side of his hire car.

“Hmmm, nothing much.  
Just that I hope so!  
That’s all.”  
She replied, struggling to keep the innuendo out of her tone and unable to look at Sharon in case her semblance of innocence crumbled and then earnt her a sleepover by herself in the family den and not where she wanted to be – which was beside the woman who was currently miming shooting her.

“You are in so much trouble!  
You know that right?!” Sharon whispered, glad that Jimmy was still distracted.

“Well I ain’t lyin, am I?” she retorted, adjusting Sophia as her arms were starting to go a little numb.

“No, I guess not ..... but you might be only 'rubbing' against yourself, if you carry on letting out all our secrets!”

Brenda smirked, but nodded and held out her pinkie as if to promise she’d behave from now on.

Jimmy continued talking, oblivious to the almost silent conversation he had inadvertently caused.  
“However be-leigh, I have to say you have fantastic taste in the ladies!  
I’m impressed!  
Much better than your former awful taste in men!  
In fact, if I wasn’t gay, and neither was she, you would totally have a run for your money on dating this auburn haired beauty!”

Sharon smiled tightly, still smarting from his earlier innocent comment about Brenda’s age.  
She wasn’t quite sure what to make of the playful banter between the two of them, but it amused her to see such a different and carefree side to her lover.  
She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed Brenda snapping back;  
“well, luckily Sharon has ‘fantastic' taste too!  
And she’s mine and I’m hers!  
So back off, or as well as kicking your ass, I’ll tell your significant other how you’re trying to hit on my VERY taken lady!”

Jimmy smirked at his younger sister, intrigued by her newly acquired possessiveness, and her no nonsense approach to her feelings about the silent woman by her side.  
He also had not failed to notice the way she allowed an auburn haired toddler to cling to her like it was an everyday event.

“You pick up something extra in duty free, be-leigh, or are you going to properly introduce this adorable, little sleeping limpet?”

He continued watching his sister intently as she instinctively caressed the child’s back and gently brushed the hair away from her forehead, as Sharon looked on, obviously enamoured at her actions.  
“This little peanut is Sophia, well, ‘Phia. And she is Sharon’s granddaughter.”

Jimmy reached out and stroked Sophia’s hair before looking at Sharon quizzically.  
“Ok, I'm not convinced my little CIA trained liar of a sister isn’t pulling my leg.  
Because IF this is your granddaughter then surely your kids must still be teenagers!”

Sharon smirked slightly, “well, my son, her father, certainly acts like a care free teenager most of the time, but no, unfortunately not.”

“Well, whatever your secret is, I want to know!” he said, as he took Sharon’s arm and escorted her gallantly towards the truck, turning back to Brenda and saying;  
“don’t even go there be-leigh, unless you want me to tell everyone, including great aunt audrey, that you claim you’re that good in bed that it stops the ageing process!”

“How?  
What?  
You wouldn’t!” Brenda blustered at the two figures in front of her who were continuing to laugh at her obvious discomfort.

\-------------------------------

It wasn’t long until they were pulling up into the driveway of a beautiful, old and extremely large house. There were rose bushes in the garden, a bird feeder and a neat green lawn that was bisected with a cute stone pathway leading up to a large porch that held a comfortable looking swing and various other bits of white wicker furniture.  
It looked like a wonderful place to grow up.

On the journey Sophia had started to slowly wake up, and she was not happy with her new and unfamiliar surroundings, or being separated from Brenda by her car seat. 

Once they had pulled up in the driveway, manoeuvring around all of her siblings cars, Brenda had swiftly started to change Sophia’s soiled diaper in the back of the truck.  
Much to Sharon’s amusement, she watched Brenda taking great joy in the gagging noises that came from her brother when she tossed the dirty diaper bag at him to deal with.

“She’s good at that,” Jimmy noted to Sharon, as held the soiled diaper bag away from his face.  
“Considering all her dolls either ended up stuck in trees, used for target practice or buried in the garden, much to mama’s dismay – and despite all her claims that kids hate her - she’s always been like a magnet to them.”

Sharon smiled softly as she nodded at Jimmy’s words. She continued to half listen to him, as her gaze remained on Brenda.  
She watched her murmur nonsense to Sophia as she changed her diaper and then snuggly redressed her back in her elephant onesie, eager to appease the grumpy little girl who could wind Brenda around her little finger without ever even really trying.

Jimmy continued, watching Sharon closely now for her response;  
“she loves you.  
The both of you.  
You know that right?”

Sharon’s head snapped back to look directly at Jimmy, not expecting such direct statements so quickly after first meeting him.  
It left her more worried than ever about what was to follow from the rest of the family.

“I’ve never seen her act this way with a partner before. She glows when she’s around you.  
She cares deeply about what you think and how you feel.  
In fact, I don’t really think she’s ever been that way with anyone, not even her ex husbands – who were both complete arrogant assholes from the onset...... it’s just a shame she chose not to see it.

I know I was probably supposed to wait until you guys told us formally that you’re 'together' but I know my sister.  
It was just the way she would talk about you that gave it away – it’s always about you - she adores you.  
It’s kinda sweet to see her moon over you – especially because I’ve never seen her do that before either..... and it suits her.  
She looks happy.  
Peaceful.  
And in love.

And I see how you look at her too.  
Just be .... gentle with her.  
She’s been hurt before, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting for a minute that you would do that!  
But what kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t look out for my baby sister?  
Just so you know though, I’m rooting for the three of you.”

Sharon nodded slowly, not entirely sure what to say, but knowing she needed to at least try to convey her concerns. 

“Are you .... I mean, will .... they, the others .... in there .... I mean, I’m a lady....” 

What she wanted to say was;  
‘I'm an older, more experienced lady, will they think I’m taking advantage of her?  
Or that she’s making a mistake?’, 

“... Is that going to cause her any problems or upset anyone?  
I don’t..... I would never want to do that to her, to cause her any pain.”

Sharon watched as Jimmy wrinkled his nose, and noticed that it was because he saw Brenda wrap Sophia back up in her awful beige cardigan again.  
She rolled her eyes at him and mouthed;

“I know!  
Don’t get me started about that offence to fashion!”

Jimmy smiled in solidarity and continued;  
“It was hard when I came out.  
But ultimately, they love us and want us to be happy. Brenda Leigh is the baby ...... and the only girl, so she’s always had more pressure on her.  
She’s always had everyone wanting her to behave a certain way .... but they’ve seen how hurt she’s been trying to do what she thought was expected of her.... 

......Until she met you and she finally decided to do what she wanted to do to find happiness.  
So, as long as you love her and treat her well, they’ll love and adore you just as fiercely as she does.”

“Mee-maw!" Sophia wailed from the backseat, conveniently interrupting their intense heart to heart.

Sharon stepped out of the truck, glad for the brief reprieve and found herself needing to take a few gulps of fresh air to clear her head.  
She heard the toddler call for her again and she opened the back door to take her granddaughter from Brenda’s outstretched arms, their fingers briefly grazing each others and a tender smile shared.

“It’s ok, baby girl.  
What’s the matter with you, huh?  
You had enough of Bebe?” her lips murmured against her little ear. 

Sophia immediately quietened down, smiling and content at having Sharon’s lips pressed softly against her skin.  
As Sharon continued to hold her, Sophia leaned in and hugged her tightly, her little arms wrapped securely around her neck.  
The little girl then smiled angelically up at her, reminding her a little of Brenda, before she placed the biggest, wettest and loudest raspberry she could against the side of Sharon’s neck. 

Her little eyes widened in happiness and she giggled loudly at Sharon’s surprise and shock.  
She then looked over her grandma’s shoulder directly in Brenda’s direction, with a beaming grin for her partner in crime.

“Oh my God!” Sharon said, turning and piercing Brenda with a stern gaze.  
“You are such a bad influence on her!” she shook her head and sighed frustratedly, purposely wiping the dribble from her neck with Brenda’s beloved cardigan in revenge.

“Hey!  
No fair!  
What did I or my cardigan ever do to you?”

Sharon raised an eyebrow in warning to silence the words that she knew would leave Brenda’s mouth once she got her brain in gear and recalled the night that she, in JUST her cardigan, had given her more than a few intense orgasms on the hallway floor.

Brenda smirked naughtily, immediately knowing what that raised eyebrow was in relation to and she nearly laughed out loud at the shock on Sharon’s face when Jimmy intervened with;  
“oh my god!  
Is that a ‘sex story’ related eyebrow raise?  
Oh, do tell!” he said, clapping his hands in unrestrained glee.

“I continually live in hope that my little be-leigh is no longer a closet sex kitten as well as no longer a closet lesbian!  
Wait till I tell the gang – they’re going to love this!”

Sharon’s eyes widened imperceptibly, as she choked out, “the gang?”

“Don’t blame me baby!  
I can’t help it that all my brothers obviously need to get a satisfying sex life of their own!” Brenda winked, making her way out of the truck, with a newly added swing to her hips.

Jimmy scowled briefly, before relenting by laughing and high fiving his sassy sister for her quick witted comeback.

As he passed them by, he winked at the little girl still giggling in Sharon’s arms and then jabbed Brenda in the ribs.  
He walked onto the porch to open the front door and yelled out; “Mama! We’re home!” into the large house.

“Well, I see where you get it from now Brenda Leigh!” Sharon said cheekily, as she bumped their hips, planted a quick kiss on her pouted lips and then walked past both her and Jimmy through the front door.

Sharon hadn’t been sure what reception to expect when she entered the house - but after less than a second, it was apparent that any fears she had about potentially being ostracized were completely unfounded. 

Both her and Sophia were engulfed in Clay seniors big arms for bear hug that almost lifted them both from the floor.  
“Here they are!” he exclaimed in his deep voice, squeezing them once more before finally letting go, his eyes quickly searching the room for his little girl who had yet to enter the house.

“We thought you’d gotten lost!  
Or that Brenda-leigh wasn’t done keeping the pair of you to herself yet!” he grumbled in good humour, smiling goofily at the wide eyed little toddler in front of him.

Sophia stared at him in open mouthed amazement, confusion in her chocolate coloured eyes at being hugged so enthusiastically by a stranger.  
As Sharon tried to keep a firm grip on the wriggling toddler, she found herself wishing that Brenda was beside her.  
“Thank you for inviting us.  
Happy wedding anniversary Mr Johnson.”

“Call me Clay, please.  
You’re family now Sharon, even the little wriggler in your arms!  
I got me another grandbaby!” he crowed happily to the little crowd still gathered in the hallway.

Sharon just nodded, not sure what the appropriate response was.  
She and Brenda had not discussed any of this beforehand – more Sharon’s fault than Brenda’s.  
She wasn’t sure if she should let the Johnson’s claim them as part of their family, and Sophia as a granddaughter.  
She wasn’t sure if it was appropriate, but she also wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted to correct them on it either.

Willie Rae wasn’t far behind her husband, tapping him lightly to move aside, as she removed and handed her flower applique apron to him, the smell of baking cookies permeating the house.

She smiled warmly and her melodious voice chirped; “Where're my newest girls?”, as she clapped her hands in anticipation.  
“I’m so pleased you could make it Sharon, it just wouldn’t be the same if you two weren’t here!” Willie Rae hugged them gently but no less enthusiastically than her husband, patting Sharon’s arm comfortingly afterwards, as if sensing her mild discomfort.

Sophia could feel her grandma tense beneath her and she immediately wriggled her little body around until she could find her Bebe in the crowd of new faces now surrounding her, knowing that she would help comfort her grandma.

Just as Willie Rae was about to reach for Sophia, the little girl spotted Brenda still standing in the doorway and immediately bellowed out; “Bebe!!” startling everyone around her.

They all simultaneously turned to the doorway to be greeted by both Brenda and Jimmy still jostling each other to be the next through the door.  
Just like when they were kids. 

“Here we go again!” Bobby nudged Clay junior.  
“My money is on Be-leigh!”

“I’ll take that bet, cause I think jimjam might actually take her this time!” 

Willie Rae rolled her eyes at all their familiar antics.  
She crossed her arms and cleared her throat in an official warning to all of her children to immediately stop their childish trip down memory lane. 

Sharon and Sophia just stared at the spectacle, finding the sight of Brenda reverting to her childhood type both humorous and endearing.

Willie Rae regarded Sharon closely, seeing the smile on her face as she wore her heart in her eyes for her only daughter, and she whispered to her;  
“are you sure you know what you’ve let yourself in for in joining this crazy family?  
...... Not that Brenda Leigh will let either of you get away!” 

Sharon blushed, hiding her face in Sophia’s hair, as she placed a gentle kiss on the wriggling toddler who was chanting happily for Brenda to win.

They continued to watch the scene at the front door unfold.  
Clay whispered to Sharon, “Jimmy doesn’t stand a chance.  
Let’s hope little miss Sophia isn't taking notes or you two are going to be in all sorts of trouble keeping up with her.  
Trust me .... I’m talking from experience here!”

After briefly pausing in response to their mothers non verbal warning, Brenda Leigh turned and smiled angelically up at her brother.  
She then batted her eyelashes, lulling him even further into a false sense of security, before shoving him unceremoniously out of the way and entering first in triumph and then taking a bow.

“Mama!  
Be-leigh’s being mean!” Jimmy hollered, as he trailed in the house after his still smirking sister. 

Bobby held one hand out for the five bucks he had just won from junior, as he high fived his little sister with the other.  
“I never doubted you for a second be-leigh!  
Now come here and give your best looking brother a hug!”

Willie Rae shook her head at her wayward children, but couldn’t help but smile as she watched Brenda Leigh first hug Bobby, and then her eldest brother Junior.  
It made her heart sing to see Brenda so carefree and happy – it was something she had sorely missed. Because every time Brenda had ever visited with her first two husbands, she had seemed detached and distant – that’s if she even visited at all.

She couldn’t help but watch in amusement as Sharon crooked her index finger at her daughter, encouraging her to come closer and Brenda all but ran to her in her eagerness to be by her side.  
After seeing the pout and hands on her hips stance from her little shadow Sophia, Brenda chose to quickly introduce them.

“Ok boys.  
These are the newest members of our ‘gang’.  
This is MY Sharon and this little madam right here, this is little miss ‘Phia!” she exclaimed, a clear tone of pride in her voice.

As Brenda met Sharon’s eyes, she saw her bright smile at being referred to as ‘MY Sharon’, and Brenda couldn’t resist placing a gentle kiss on her glistening pink lips.  
As the kiss lingered, her brothers wolf whistled loudly in the background and jibed;  
“back in the day that woulda got little be-leigh a grounding for sure!  
Now she’s making out in the hallway with mama AND daddy watching, like she ain’t got a care in the world! ...... that’s favouritism that is!”

Brenda snarled at her brothers before she reached out to try and appease the still pouting Sophia.  
She tickled her gently and blew her a kiss, but the little girl emphatically shook her head at Brenda’s tardiness, not accepting being appeased in the slightest.

“Oh my Lord ‘Phia!  
I wasn’t gone but a minute!  
You’re worse than your mee-maw for having no patience!”  
Sharon snorted in indignation at Brenda’s comments, then laughed at her obvious frustration;  
“guess I’m not the ‘bad cop’ this time, huh, honey!? How’s it feel to not be the favourite for once?”  
Brenda mock scowled at her before feeling her mother grasp her and turn her so she could tightly hug her only daughter.

Willie Rae caressed her hair and then kissed her forehead.  
“I missed you, baby girl,” she whispered for Brenda’s ears only.

Brenda squeezed her mama, relishing their special bond, deeply thankful to be back in her arms once again.  
They were quickly joined by Clay Sr as he wrapped his arms around the pair of them, kissing Brenda’s blonde curls.  
“There’s my baby!  
Glad you’re home sweet pea.”

The boys all scoffed at the familiar sight of Brenda being molly coddled by their parents.  
“And ‘princess' Be-Leigh is back in the building!  
It’s ok mama, we know where we stand and who’s the favourite!”  
They laughed and jostled each other, pretending to sob at the inhumanity of it all.

“You’ll be standing with sore behinds if you don’t stop your sassing!” Willie Rae threatened them, just as she did when they were kids.

But the moment was quickly shattered by a little voice shouting angrily;  
“No Bebe!  
Bebe MY Bebe!” 

Earning chuckles of;  
“seems Be-Leigh’s not just irresistible to our parents, but to ALL the ladies now too!” from Brenda’s brothers and then a stern, “Sophia Elizabeth Raydor, you stop that right now!” from Sharon.

But Sophia would not back down.

“Want Bebe!  
My Bebe!” she cried, wriggling frantically to get loose, so that Sharon had no option but to place her down on the floor.  
Before her little feet could even properly support herself, she had launched herself in Brenda’s direction and grabbed onto her legs.

“Be-Leigh junior right there!” Jimmy laughed, nudging his brothers as they watched in amusement as she tried to climb Brenda’s legs like a little spider monkey.  
“10 bucks says ‘Phia can make it!" Bobby challenged Clay Junior.

“Now boys!  
How about you hush up and mind your business!” came the stern voice of their mother.

“Yes, ma'am!” they both chorused, as Brenda stuck her tongue out at them from behind her mother:  
– earning her a; “and don’t think I can’t see what you’re doing back there either, little miss Brenda-Leigh!”

“What!?!  
I didn’t do nothing, mama!” Brenda replied in what she thought was her most convincing voice, as she picked up the child still tugging on her leg.

“What kind of example are you setting my little granddaughter, huh?  
And what must Sharon think!”

“Now junior, you go get the girls cases from the truck and take them up to Brenda’s bedroom with Sharon. 

There’s a crib all set up for ‘Phia in there.  
– and junior, for the love of the lord, maybe try and make a better impression on the newest members of the family, before you scare them off and Sharon has to witness your baby sister kicking your behind from here to kingdom come.”

Sharon saw Brenda glare menacingly at her eldest brother and she hastily swallowed her laughter.

“But, mama ....”

“No ‘buts' young man.  
Get to it!”

“Yes mama!” he replied walking out the door to the smirks and nudges of the other Johnson children.

“Bobby, you go get that bbq lit with your daddy, so we can all eat before my newest granddaughter wastes away!  
Off you go!  
Scoot!

Jimmy, you go check on the others by the pool and let them know we'll all be out shortly.  
– and dig out some extra floaties for ‘Phia whilst you’re at it, so she can play in the pool with the others..... once we’ve had a little ‘grandma to granddaughter chat.’

Now Brenda Leigh, you hand that miniature version of you over to me for some grandma hugs, chocolate chip cookies and a nice little ‘chat' about sharing and southern manners .....  
.......and then you go visit with Charlie in the den. She’s been like a bear with a sore head all morning.  
...... and she has something to ask you.

Everyone clear on what they have to do?” she asked, taking a now silent and slightly shell shocked Sophia from Brenda’s arms with ease.

“Yes ma'am" they all chorused - even Sharon.

\----------- --------------------

As Junior carried her bags and led Sharon up the stairs he began to talk.

“mama always did love a good plan!  
Daddy may have been the one in the army, but mama is the Sergeant Major in this house!” he winked over his shoulder.

“So I guess you’re the one who’s stolen our be-leigh's heart, the elusive and amazing Sharon that she’s always gushing about!  
It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow, then realised that junior would not be able to see her non verbal response from behind.  
“Gushing?” she queried lightly.

“Oh! You have no idea!” he chuckled, turning left at the top of the stairs to head towards Brenda’s old bedroom.

“She loves you, you know that right?  
Adores you in fact.  
And Sophia!  
Well, that little miniature version of Be-Leigh downstairs seems just as smitten as she is!  
You make a nice family.  
It’s great to finally see Brenda so happy and settled. 

Just .....  
\- she'll give me a dead arm if she ever finds out I’ve said this to you, and boy can she punch!  
\- .... be kind to her Sharon.  
She’s the toughest, feistiest and no nonsense little sister the world has ever seen ...... but she’s also human .... and well, she’s been hurt .... so many times before. 

And I haven’t always been able to protect her like a big brother should.  
But I feel like .... maybe .... that’s your job now, Sharon. She’s given you her heart, completely, so please protect it.”

Sharon nodded.  
Words escaping her once again.

\-------------------------------------

As Brenda finished watching Sharon make her way up the stairs she heard her father cough lightly behind her to get her attention.  
She blushed at being caught mooning over her partner, but as she met her fathers eyes she saw only love and pride shining back at her.

“You’ve got yourself a lovely family right there, sweetpea.  
She loves you baby girl.  
Your Sharon, she loves you something fierce, any fool can see that.  
And that little girl!  
Well, she just adores you! 

I hope you’re planning on making an honest woman out of her!  
Sooner, rather than later!  
She’s part of this family now.  
They both are.  
And we’re not giving them back.  
No way, no how!”

“Jeez daddy!  
Calm down!” Brenda laughed. 

They’re not going anywhere, I promise.  
And anyhow, I still have to finalise the divorce with Fritz ..... I don’t know why, but he’s fighting it all the way. Plus ..... well, we’ve never even discussed ..... marriage or the whole shebang!”

“Well, heed what I say young lady!  
Your mama might think I don’t pay attention, but I have eyes Brenda Leigh, and I know love when I see it.  
I’ve known it for quite a while, I just wanted to give you time to realise it too.”

“Really daddy?  
You’re not upset at me .... for well .....”

“I believe it’s called ‘being a lesbian,' Brenda Leigh,” Clay interrupted, matter of factly,“and no, I’m not.”

Brenda choked on her laughter at his blasé attitude, but hugged him tightly, revelling in the unconditional love, as her daddy continued talking.

“But lesbians can get married too .... just so you know, baby girl.”

She rolled her eyes at his tenacity.  
“I know daddy, but how about we see how they cope with the first visit with the Johnsons before we ask them to commit for life, huh?”

Brenda felt her daddy’s laughter rumble through his body as he still held her in his arms.  
“Deal!  
Now go see what’s got that darned Charlene all het up, whilst I go sort that bbq out before your mama has my hide!”

\-------------------------------------

“Hey sugar!  
How you doing?” 

Brenda moved through the comfortable den, planting herself down beside her eldest niece and pulling her into a side hug.

Charlie immediately started crying.  
She buried her face in Brenda’s neck and clutched at her tightly, as sobs began to wrack her small body.

“Hey, hey, hey!  
What’s goin on?  
Talk to me sugar,” she gently encouraged her sobbing niece.

“Whatever it is, whatever has happened, I’m here and I’ll help, you know I will.”

She felt Charlie nod against her shoulder and whisper, “you promise, Aunt Brenda?  
You promise you’ll help me?”

“Tell me, sugar, just tell me.”

“I’m ...... I’m..... pregnant,” she sobbed.

\---------------------------------

As Brenda entered her old childhood bedroom, she briefly glanced at her lover who was diligently unpacking their cases, before walking over to her old queen size bed and falling face first on to the familiar soft pink comforter.

“That good a ‘chat’, huh, honey?” Sharon asked as she continued with her task, thinking of the ‘chats' she too had also endured so far today.

“Mumphh, you  
....mmmhh.... have  
.....mhmhmh ..... no  
....mmmhhpp... idea!” she mumbled, not bothering to move her face from its position before answering. 

Charlie’s words were still echoing around in her head .... along with the request she had made of her aunt. 

Despite being lost in thought, she still sensed Sharon approach her way before she felt a gentle hand rub her back and the bed dip slightly beside her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Brenda shook her head, not quite knowing yet how to explain it all.  
She turned her head to finally look at her lovers concerned face before she spoke again.  
She felt her breath leave her body as she gazed open mouthed at the woman she loved most in the world.

“You’re so beautiful,” she breathed, still staring at the woman in front of her and not even answering the question she had been asked.

Sharon blushed at Brenda’s words, but couldn’t resist teasing her for them.  
“Honey, did you maybe asphyxiate a little whilst you were face down on that polyester nightmare of a bedspread?  
Because I see this face everyday and ‘beautiful’ is not necessarily how I would describe it, even at the best of times!”

Brenda grabbed for her hand and then kissed her wrist softly.  
“Hey, you big jerk!  
If I say you’re beautiful then you best believe it’s true! 

You take my breath away – and not because I’m suffocating against this perfectly reasonable POLYESTER BLEND bedspread!  
You are beautiful and I love you ...... even if you do get on my last nerve sometimes!”

“And just like THAT the romance is gone!” Sharon laughed as she snatched her hand away, ignoring Brenda’s protest.

“So let’s try again, IF you can concentrate on more than just my ‘beautiful face,’ she said whilst rolling her eyes in humour.

“Do you want to talk about how your chat with Charlie went?  
I haven’t had a chance to catch up with her yet, but if there’s something up – maybe I can help?”

“I love that you wanna help baby, I do.  
I just have a few things to think about first, but I wouldn’t say no to a hug ..... and maybe some lovin?  
If that’s on offer too?”

Sharon smiled and lay on her side, waiting for Brenda to turn so that they could embrace.  
What she didn’t expect was for Brenda to roll her onto her back and then straddle her, before fully covering her torso and hugging her tightly whilst placing her head in the crook of her neck.

She caressed Brenda’s hair, enjoying their closeness. She could feel Brenda’s breath lightly tease her neck and she felt those soft lips press gentle kisses to her throat.

“Are you going to fawn over me again and tell me how be-a-utiful I am?!” Sharon snickered.

“Nope!  
But can we stay like this forever?” Brenda finally asked, dreamily placing a soft kiss behind Sharon’s ear.

“You mean with you on top?  
Or do you mean in your hideously and completely TOO pink, childhood bedroom?  
Cause to either, it will be a no!  
Honey, we both know I’m usually on top ...... though, in this case I may make an exception so I don’t get put off by having to look down at that god awful pink comforter!”

Brenda shoved her gently, before making to move away from her.  
“Well ..... I meant, in each others arms!  
But if you’re gonna be mean about my teenage interior decorating skills, then maybe I need to find someone nicer to spend forever with!” and Brenda stuck out her tongue, before pouting and folding her arms across her chest.

Sharon quickly rolled them over, reversing their positions and smothering Brenda’s face with sloppy kisses, reminiscent of the ones Sophia favoured, as she adamantly stated;  
“no way, no how, Brenda Leigh, will ANYONE else take my place in your arms ....except maybe ‘Phia ...... cause YOU are mine!”

Brenda smirked up at her, capturing her lips again and again and again before intensifying their kiss and duelling her tongue with Sharon’s.

“Good to know baby.  
I love it when you get all possessive!” she wiggled her body in happiness. 

“How about we lock the door ...... and you show me ..... exactly .....how much I belong to you?” she seductively suggested.

“Deal!”

“Bebe!  
Mee-maw!  
Bebe!!”

Sharon’s head fell to Brenda’s shoulder, as she muttered;  
“that little girl just has the absolute worst timing!”

They didn’t even have time to pull apart before Willie Rae walked into the room, not even batting an eyelid at their compromising position.  
She placed the little girl down on the floor and then sat herself beside them on the bed, smiling at the sight before her.

“Little miss ‘Phia and I have had a nice little chat,” she said as she lent down and wiped the remaining chocolate from the little girls chin.  
A clear indication of all the cookies she had obviously devoured during this little ‘chat'.  
“And we’ve come to a nice understanding, haven’t we sweetheart?” she smiled at the little girl as she nodded.

“So, before daddy and Bobby finish up grilling the meat, maybe you could take her out for a little swim and introduce her to the rest of her family, starting with her cousins and aunties?”

Willie Rae watched as ‘Phia made her way to the bed, obviously intending to try and climb her way up.  
She rose and patted Sharon gently on the shoulder, before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to Brenda’s forehead;  
“once you’ve untangled yourselves I’ll see you girls outside in a few minutes.”

“Bye bye Nana.  
Bye bye!” Sophia waved at the retreating figure before tugging on Brenda’s leg that was hanging off the side of the bed.

“Nana, huh?” she said, picking up the little girl once Sharon had moved from on top of her.  
She found herself looking for Sharon’s reaction to what had just happened.  
But her face remained blank.

She began to change the little girl, putting her swim diaper on first and then her little purple daisy coloured swimsuit.  
The little girl wriggled and giggled the entire time, excited beyond belief to go swimming.  
Brenda handed her over to Sharon and picked up her own swim stuff before making her way to the ensuite to change herself.

“Do you want me to talk to them?” Brenda asked, through the half closed door.

“Hmmmm?  
Talk to who?  
About what?” Sharon replied, distracted by the babbling little ball of energy barely sitting still in her lap.

“My family.  
The whole ‘full on’ thing.  
I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable baby, either of you.  
And I know my family can be a bit .... full on .... at times.  
I think they’re just excited is all.”

She came back out of the bathroom, now wearing a simple two piece blue halter neck bikini and tying a matching sarong around her waist.  
She could feel Sharon’s eyes almost physically caressing her and she smiled, doing a little spin before saying; “see something you like?”

“Maybe ......” Sharon replied, “but I may need a closer look!” as she beckoned Brenda forward with her index finger.

“Maybe later, baby!  
When you least expect it,” she winked at her lover.

“Anyway....” she said as she picked Sophia up and made her way to the door, “ do you want me to talk to mama and the gang about being a bit less full on – you know with the whole ‘Nana' and grandbaby/aunts/uncles etc?  
Hmmm?”

“Its fine Brenda Leigh.  
It was perhaps a little strange at first ..... but Phia seems happy enough and it’s nice that she has a whole family now to love her.  
It makes a change from it being just me and you..... because we both know her d-a-d-d-y is mostly MIA....... like this weekend!”

“Baby, you BOTH have a whole family around to love you now, and trust me, they do!  
We’ll see you downstairs in few?  
Ok?”

As Brenda left the room, carrying an excited Sophia, Sharon was left pondering if she really was ok with it after all .....

\---------------------------------

The afternoon sun glinted off the large child and ball filled pool, Brenda wished she had remembered to put her sunglasses on before she left the house.  
She shaded her eyes with her spare hand and walked across the patio. 

Sophia clapped her hands as soon as she spotted the water, “splash! splash! splash!” she happily chanted, bouncing in time in Brenda’s arms.

“Aunt Brenda!!  
You’re here!  
That’s so cool!  
Moooommm!  
Aunt Brenda’s here!  
Moooooommmm!”

“Randall, hush it down, young man!  
Even the neighbour’s can hear you!  
I can see perfectly fine that she’s here!”

Jennifer walked towards her sister in law, after having plucked her youngest child Betsy out of the pool and sitting her comfortably on her hip, before handing her a bright blue ice lolly.

“Good to have you home Brenda,” she said, kissing her on the cheek and lifting Betsy up to do the same despite the sticky mess she’d quickly made of herself.

“Hey sugar!  
How’s my favourite girl doing?  
You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!”

Betsy smiled toothily at her, and reached out to be cuddled, her sticky hands grasping for Brenda.  
What she was actually met with was Sophia pushing her hand away and declaring loudly;  
“my mama!  
Bebe my mama!”

“Oh dear,” Jennifer said, with a slight grin;  
“looks like someone is marking their territory!” as she watched Betsy’s face fall at not being able to hug her favourite aunt. 

“Be thankful she didn’t do it the canine way and pee on you to let the others know you’re hers!” came Roger’s voice as he walked over to greet his partner Jimmy’s sister.

“Helpful as ever Roger.  
Remind me why we’re related again?!?” Brenda mock sneered at him, before her hidden smile quickly found it’s way out and she hugged him to her.

“She’s a little spitfire!” he said, nodding at the little girl who was still eye balling Betsy.  
“Jimmy reckons it’s karma – you’re reaping what you sowed during your childhood!”

“Well, jimjam needs to hush his gums .... unless he wants me to remind him again about WHO was the boss during OUR childhood!”

They were so distracted trading familiar teasing barbs, that they didn’t notice Betsy try to reach for Brenda again, until they heard the squabble escalate.

“I wanna hug my Aunt Brewenda!”

“No!  
No!  
Noooooo!  
MY MAMA!  
My!  
My!  
My!”

“Sophia Elizabeth Raydor!  
Do you need to have a time out, young lady?” came the stern voice of Sharon, as she walked across the patio towards the commotion she had heard from upstairs.

“Meeeee-maawwww!  
Mooooommmyy!” she called, looking again at Betsy in case she tried to make a move on Sharon now.  
Sophia shook her head, her eyes filling with big tears as she saw the angry look on Sharon’s face.

“I really don’t know what’s gotten into her today!” Sharon said as she plucked her from Brenda’s arms and quickly introduced herself to the group of new faces who were all looking on in great interest.  
She deliberately chose to overlook Sophia’s change in their verbal designations, hoping that the others would too.

Sophia, do we need to have another ‘chat'?” Willie Rae asked the little girl as she continued on her way to the picnic table with the potato salad.  
The little girl shook her head petulantly, earning a chuckle from the rest of the Johnson children.  
“At least she learns fast, be-leigh" Jimmy stated, giving the little girl a thumbs up.

“Mommy!  
Sowry mommy!” the little girl cried, burying her face in Sharon’s chest.

She saw Brenda shrug her shoulders, completely baffled at Phia's behaviour.  
But she used her distraction to quickly hug her niece, not wanting to upset either little girl.

“Hey!  
Aunt Brenda!  
Did you have a baby with your girlfriend?” Randall yelled from the pool, ignoring the pointed look both his parents, Junior and Jennifer, sent his way.

“Oh, wait!  
Momma and daddy say you have to be married before having babies...... did you get married again aunt Brenda?”

“She’s a lesbian, doofus!  
Lesbians can’t make babies together – they don’t have the right ‘bits' to fit each other!” came his elder brother Clayton’s smug response from the slide. 

“But they can get married!  
Moooommmm, tell Clayton that lesbians can get married!  
Moooomm!”

“Oh my lord!” Brenda stage whispered, “kill me now!”

“Where would the fun be in that, huh?”

“Thanks for the support Susan.  
Nice to see you too!” Brenda replied sarcastically to Bobby’s now laughing wife.

“If we WERE married – THAT, right there, is perfectly acceptable grounds for a divorce,” Brenda grumbled, regarding her still bickering nephews and shaking her head at their comments.

She saw Sharon smile at her words, before watching Susan pat her on the arm, leaning in conspiratorially; “hey, we all fall for the Johnson charm, Sharon. However, .... the crazy ......and the inescapable family just comes as such a surprise!”

They were interrupted by Willie Rae joining in the debate.  
“Randall and Clayton, lesbians CAN have babies, do you think Sophia fell from the skies or something?  
Now don’t make me come over there!”

Brenda mimed shooting herself in the head at the continuous embarrassment her family was causing her, earning her a supportive wink and a chuckle from her lover.

Sharon sat herself by the side of the pool, her long legs sliding into the sun warmed water.  
Sophia was perched on her lap, itching to get into the pool and she smiled as Bobby handed her the spare set of floaties.  
He watched as his sister jumped straight into the pool, thoroughly splashing both her nephews and chasing them around, before helping Betsy to get back into her rubber ring in the shallow end. 

When he was sure Brenda was out of ear shot, he sat himself down next to Sharon and placed a chilled glass of sweet tea beside her.

“How're you finding it all?” he casually asked, still watching the mayhem in the pool and helping to stop Sophia from jumping straight in.

“Hmmmm, it’s been interesting.......” 

“Everyone is just so excited to meet you both, even Charlie ..... when she finally shows her face! 

You’ll have to excuse our nephews – they’ve never seen their aunt so carefree around a partner before and they do like to ask LOTS and lots of inappropriate questions – like most kids!”

Sharon smiled as she continued her task.

“She loves you.  
Brenda loves you.  
You know that right?  
You must do, cause to put up with our crazy lot, you must love her back!  
And she clearly adores Sophia.... they’re so alike in temperament, it’s scary! 

You make a nice family, Sharon and we’re so pleased you’re both now a part of ours too.  
....... Just  
..... well, I’m her big brother and, well ..... take care of her, ok?”

Sharon smiled and nodded, thankful that it now seemed all of the Johnson brothers had managed to have their ‘big brother chats’ with her.

She caught Brenda’s eye from across the pool and she held Sophia out for her to come and collect.  
“Mama!” Sophia squealed as she saw Brenda swim towards her, obviously still trying to make it clear that she was Brenda’s number one girl.

Sharon shook her head, knowing she needed to correct Sophia, but not knowing exactly what to say to make her understand.  
Brenda pushed herself out of the water and planted a kiss on Sharon’s cheek and then her lips;  
“don’t worry, we'll figure it out.  
She’s just finding her place in the group, that’s all.  
Try not to worry.  
Ok, baby?”

“Cooties!” they heard her niece and nephews chorus.

“Aunts Brenda and Sharon sitting in a tree,  
k-I-s-s-I-n-g!  
First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes Sophia in her baby carriage!” continued her nephews.

Brenda growled at them, as Sharon whispered;  
“go defend your wife’s honour, tiger!” and she watched as Brenda thoroughly splashed them again, threatening them with ‘cooties' if she caught them.  
And as she placed Sophia in the pool she encouraged her to do the same.  
The backyard was immediately filled with squeals of indignation and laughter and she was proud to see that Brenda and Sophia were clearly winning the fight.

Sharon moved herself, deciding to avoid the fall out from the water fight, trusting Brenda implicitly to take care of their girl and she made her way over to the bbq to see if Clay needed any help. 

“Good choice avoiding the pool,” he smiled, turning over the perfectly browned ribs.  
“Johnson water fights can get pretty serious, pretty quickly – especially when my little Brenda Leigh is on the attack.”

Both Junior and Bobby had now joined in the fun and Willie Rae was watching on in amusement.

“She loves you.  
My Brenda Leigh loves you.  
Both of you.  
You know that right?” he asked.

Sharon smiled softly before replying.  
“So I’ve been told and not just by Brenda!”

“Ah!  
Say no more - the 3 big brother speeches, eh?”

He added the weiners onto the grill and then reached for his bottle of beer - holding it out for Sharon to tap with her own glass of sweet tea.  
“Cheers to that!”

“However, don’t be worrying none about them boys. Brenda controls their little ‘gang’, always did, and if she says you’re in ..... well, they sure ain’t gonna argue with her!  
Cause if they did that .... then their mama would have their hides!”

They both chuckled at that image.

“Just take care of my baby girl, that’s all I ask...... and something tells me you’ll do that Sharon. 

How about you go tell that motley crew that the food is ready and I’ll set aside a hotdog especially for the littlest and newest member of the Johnsons.”

\--------------------------------

Sharon felt a pair of hands pull her backwards into the laundry room and Brenda’s voice whispering, “don't speak, just feel,” as she turned her around slowly.

As Sharon tried to guess what was going on with her, Brenda lightly brushed her lips across hers, effectively silencing any further thoughts.  
Sharon felt her breath catch at the touch of Brenda’s tongue on hers and she desperately tried to reach for Brenda’s body, needing to feel more. 

Brenda firmly backed her up against the dryer and quickly stepped between her legs, taking Sharon’s questing hand and placing it between them at her apex.  
That was the precise moment Sharon realized that Brenda wasn’t wearing any goddamn panties beneath her floral sundress.

"You.  
Can.  
Move.  
Now!"  
Brenda punctuated her statement carefully, rolling her hips against Sharon’s hand with each word she spoke.  
Sharon didn't think she had ever heard Brenda use that tone with anyone except her before, and every time she did, it got her unbearably wet.

"I want to be inside you,” it almost sounded like Sharon was begging, as her fingers toyed with Brenda’s slit, delving slightly deeper after each caress.

"Mmm, if ..... if you're very good ..... then I'll let you touch me ..... everywhere," Brenda purred sexily, before moaning loudly in surprise as she felt 2 fingers firmly enter her. 

She ground herself against them, drawing them in deeper, her muscles clenching against them, her centre becoming wetter by the second.  
Sharon pulled back, knowing that she was the one in control now and she ‘tsked’ softly at her wanton lover, who was still trying to ride her hand. 

"We're going to have to find a way to keep you quiet, honey.  
Otherwise the whole house will know what we’re doing on top of your mama’s laundry pile!” 

Sharon slid her hand from between Brenda’s legs, licking the moisture that covered her hand, savouring the flavour, when she heard the other woman whimper both at the loss both of Sharon’s fingers and the erotic sight before her. 

“Lift your hips, honey" Sharon instructed as she turned them so now Brenda’s lower back was against the dryer.  
Brenda immediately obeyed, using her hands to grab the sides of the dryer so that she could lift herself on top of it.

Sharon wasted no time in lifting her dress up and tucking it into Brenda’s mouth, taking a moment to admire the woman in front of her, before lowering her head and taking her centre deeply and repeatedly into her mouth.

Brenda bucked against the dryer wildly, her feet banging against it in rhythm with the gyrations of Sharon’s insistent tongue.

“Do you want to cum honey?"  
She asked, briefly removing her mouth and staring up into the eyes of the woman she loved.

Brenda mumbled, gasping incoherently behind her mouthful of dress.  
She used her hand to tug Sharon’s head back to her centre, pushing her hips up to meet every sensation and frantically wondering how long she could hold out with Sharon working her like she was. 

.......... But, she didn't get to find out because Sharon stopped just as suddenly as she had started.

“Do you hear that?” Sharon whispered, now stationary between her legs, her hands resting gently on Brenda’s damp inner thighs.

Brenda growled around the floral dress that was still effectively gagging her, before pulling it from her lips. She tried to slide forward on the dryer, towards Sharon, to encourage her to continue touching her.  
But Sharon continued to remain still, listening again for the sound she thought she’d heard earlier. 

“Baby!  
There is NO ONE there!  
I swear I’m going to go insane if you don’t finish touching me!”

Sharon smirked at Brenda’s desperate tone of voice as she knelt down and ran her tongue repeatedly over and around Brenda's clit, sucking it firmly between her lips after each pass.

Now Sharon had her full attention she was clearly taking advantage of it.  
She ran one of her hands up Brenda’s body, slipping it inside her sundress, placing it over her breast and massaging it firmly, feeling her nipple harden beneath her palm.  
She slid her other hand down until she quickly pushed 2 fingers into her mound, pumping them repeatedly, whilst her tongue focused it’s attention on Brenda’s moisture covered clit.

Brenda spread her glistening thighs further apart in invitation, resting them over Sharon’s shoulders and using her heels to draw her in closer, Sharon’s hair tickling the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

Curving her fingers inside of her Sharon began to stroke the rough patch that usually made Brenda shatter in moments.  
She felt so wet, so warm and slick against her hand that Sharon easily added another finger, making Brenda moan out loud again at the pleasant stretching sensation. 

She felt so full, her muscles softly clenching the fingers that were bringing her such pleasure.  
Sharon felt the trickle of Brenda’s excitement and it was one of the single most hottest things Sharon had ever felt in her life. 

“Don’t stop.  
Don’t stop.  
Don’t stop" Brenda chanted, her hands struggling to hold her pleasure filled body upright for much longer, as she continued to try and ride Sharon’s hand and face, overcome with the anticipation of her release.

Just as she could feel the familiar tingle begin at the base of her spine, she heard the pitter patter of a toddler’s feet on the tiled kitchen floor and her brothers voice not far behind it.  
“Hey Sophia! I’m sure bebe and mee-maw won’t be long, let’s go play, ok?”

They both paused, Sharon looking up at her from between her legs, her eyes wild with passion, her hair mussed, her lips and chin covered in Brenda’s sheen and a look of trepidation to match the one on Brenda’s face.

“Don’t stop baby, oh god, pllleeaassee, don’t stop!  
I’m so close!” Brenda begged, clenching the fingers now still inside her to encourage Sharon to move them once more.

The door now rattled. Loudly. And repeatedly.  
Sophia’s tiny fists pounded on it.

“Holy shit!” Brenda whispered, her head falling back, “she’s like a heat seeking missile!”

Sharon struggled not to laugh, not wanting to alert Sophia to the fact that they WERE actually behind the door.  
She removed her fingers reluctantly from Brenda, as she got up from the floor and patted Brenda’s thighs before she lowered her dress and helped her now sexually frustrated lover off of the dryer.

“Welcome to parenthood,” Sharon said dryly, reaching into the clean laundry pile, pulling a pair of panties out and throwing them to Brenda, before heading to the sink to wash her hands and rinse her face.

“Its a good job she’s cute!” Brenda muttered, pulling up the panties, wincing as they encountered her tender and uncomfortably wet centre.

Sophia was pounding again on the door, shouting now. “Mama!  
Mommy!  
Mama!”

They could hear jimmy laughing at her tenacity, with his comment of;  
“if I didn’t know we weren’t related, I’d swear you were a miniature version my sister!  
Although, peanut, I don’t think you want to see what’s going on behind that door right now!  
I don’t think I want to see!!  
I guess you’re a little young for the birds and the bees chat ....... although, I guess in this case, it’s more like the ‘birds and the birds!”

Sophia kept up with her banging – about 30 seconds away from a full on tantrum.

“Jimmy!  
What’s my little granddaughter getting all mad at?” they heard Willie Rae ask.

“She just reminds me of a little Brenda Leigh, all indignant and demanding and never backing down,” they heard Willie Rae further chuckle.

Inside the laundry room, Sharon had to physically hold Brenda back and cover her mouth with her hand to stop her from opening the door and answering back.

“Mama!  
Mama!  
Mama!” continued Sophia.

“Are they in there?” they heard Willie Rae whisper. 

Sharon lowered her head to Brenda’s shoulder in mortification.  
“This is ALL your fault Brenda Leigh!  
You pull me in here, wearing no panties and then seduce me....”

“My fault?!?” Brenda practically screeched.

“You didn’t take much seducing, did you!  
You can’t keep your hands to yourself at the best of times!”

“Fine! I wanted you as much as you wanted me!  
Happy now??”

“Happy?  
Of course I’m not happy!  
Your pretty hands aren’t touching me anymore!  
And!!  
And!  
I’m pretty sure I’m wearing my mothers panties!”

Jimmy couldn’t stop laughing at what he was hearing from behind the door.  
“Well, I don’t think they’re doing the laundry, mama, but my guess is yes.”

“Out you come girls.  
Right now,” Willie Rae demanded, leaving no room for negotiation.

They opened the door carefully, aware that Sophia was probably still up against it, and turned to face the music.  
They were immediately startled by a bright flash and a round of applause from all of Brenda’s brothers.

“There’s one for the family album, right there,” boomed Clay Jr, as he bent down to scoop Sophia up from the floor.

Once Sharon’s vision had cleared of the spots the flash had caused, she glanced at Brenda to gauge her reaction and to follow her lead.

But Brenda simply kissed her cheek sedately, turned to the others with her hands on her hips and stated;  
“I have no idea to what you are referring!”, before turning and hastily leaving the room, to continued howls of laughter.  
\- especially once they realised she had tucked her dress into the back of her borrowed pair of her mother’s panties in her haste to get dressed.

Only the shouts of, “Mama! bebe! Mama!” brought her back into the room, to take the shouting toddler from her older brother’s arms and then stalk back out the way she had came, panties still on show for all to see.

“How about a cup of tea, dear?” Willie Rae asked Sharon, clutching her elbow gently and leading her back to kitchen, leaving the laughing men behind.

A very embarrassed and confused Sharon sat herself at the counter whilst Willie Rae pottered about the kitchen making tea and attempting to make small talk.

“Now, don’t you go paying no attention to them boys Sharon.  
They’ve been waiting years to get their own back on Brenda Leigh and hopefully now that they have, it’ll all quieten down.”

Sharon looked at her, more than a little confused. 

Willie Rae took pity on her and began to explain.

“When they were younger, with Brenda Leigh obviously being the baby, the boys would bring their dates home and well, they would, what do the kids say?  
\- ‘make out' - in the laundry room for some privacy.  
But nosy little Miss Brenda Leigh would always tell on them and then, when she got a camera for her 6th birthday she would try and catch them out, always shouting;  
-'and that’s one for the family album’ before running away before they could catch her.”

Sharon’s shoulders shook in laughter as she easily imagined a curly haired, pigtailed little Brenda Leigh doing such a thing.

“What a minute!” Sharon started to say, waiting until Willie Rae turned around before continuing. 

“Are you seriously telling me that it’s taken them well over 30+ years to get their own back on Brenda Leigh?”

Willie Rae’s eyes twinkled with mischief, “guess that must make you one special lady then, huh, honey?”

Sharon could still not believe what she was hearing.

“You mean, she and fri ....,” she almost choked on his name in disgust, “...fritz .... never.....?  
Or her first ... husband?”

Willie Rae continued shaking her head, “nope, no one. Before you that is.”

“Oh.  
Oh!” Sharon replied, finally accepting it.

“You know she loves you, right dear?  
Both of you.  
In fact, I’d go as far to say that she adores the pair of you.” 

Willie Rae nodded towards the refrigerator door where a picture of Brenda, Sharon and Sophia was placed behind a Mickey mouse magnet.  
Sharon couldn’t help but get up, to take a better look at the picture that Brenda had thought to send to her parents. 

It was Sophia’s first trip to Disneyland.  
They both had their arms wrapped around each other, Brenda’s head was resting on her shoulder, whilst Sophia sat beaming on her hip, and they were all wearing the obligatory Mickey mouse ears.

Sharon’s hand covered her mouth in surprise as Willie Rae lay her hand on her shoulder and tapped the photo lightly with her index finger.  
“She called me that weekend to tell me all about it.  
I think we musta been on the phone for nearly 2 hours,” she chuckled, lost in the memory.

“She said it was one of the happiest days of her life.” 

She saw Sharon turn to her in surprise at the words she was hearing.

“She told me every little detail.  
What you wore, what you said, what you ate, what you did ... and how much fun Sophia had with the both of you.  
– Do you get the running theme here, honey?  
Brenda never had to tell me you were together, because I could tell from how she spoke about you.  
It was always about you.  
She told me she loved you .... even when she was still with that big oaf!”

She turned to hug Sharon tightly.

“Try not to hurt my baby girl, Sharon.  
She might like to think she’s tough, but she’s been bruised pretty badly in the past.  
But the fact that she’s still opened her heart to you, and she has completely, gives me hope that she has finally found the love she deserves.”

Sharon sobbed soundlessly onto Willie Rae’s shoulder, feeling the older lady pat her back in comfort, as she contemplated everything she had been told.

\------------------------------‐---

As Sharon entered the bedroom she could just about make out Brenda’s sleeping form laying on the bed, the covers having been pushed into a messy pile by her feet in her sleep.

Sharon carefully climbed onto the bed and in the darkness she searched until she located each of Brenda's hands.  
She wanted to make this quick and take her by complete surprise, like Brenda had done to her earlier that day in the laundry room.  
Tit for tat, she thought smugly.

Quick as a flash, Sharon perched herself on Brenda’s hips and had one of her wrists pinned above her head on the bed, as Brenda opened her eyes, pupils wide and shining in the darkness. 

Sharon quickly grabbed her other wrist and placed it next to her other, securing them both within one hand. Before Brenda could even speak, Sharon placed her other hand over her mouth, moving her face in close to hers.  
"Shhhh," she cautioned, "We wouldn’t want to wake Sophia!"

Brenda nodded silently and then licked the palm of the hand covering her mouth suggestively with the tip of her tongue.  
Slowly Sharon removed it from her mouth as she encouraged Brenda to tilt her head to side so she could lick the entire length of her neck.

"What are you doing, Sharon?"  
She moaned lightly, torn between desperately wanting her to continue with whatever it was she was planning to do and fearful that Sophia would wake up in her crib to disturb them once again.

"Don't act like you don't remember your lil' stunt this afternoon, Bren-da Leigh.”  
Sharon smirked, mimicking her southern accent as she heard Brenda curse lightly under her breath.  
"It's payback time."

Brenda wiggled her body against the woman still perched over her crotch, her lightly clothed body brushing teasingly against Sharon’s own. 

"Payback?"  
She whispered in faux confused innocence.

The little minx was trying to distract her and Sharon found herself struggling not to grin at her typical Brenda Leigh actions.  
Luckily Sharon was already incredibly turned on, so Brenda brushing against her didn't make matters any worse for her, it just didn't make them any better either. 

Leaning slowly forward Sharon closed the distance between their torsos and faces, stopping when her lips just barely grazed Brenda’s.  
She smirked as she could feel Brenda’s breathing deepen and she watched as Brenda seemed to unconsciously lean forward, trying to close the tiny distance still keeping their lips apart.

Brenda made a small noise in the back of her throat and without further thought Sharon bit down on Brenda’s lower lip, harder than she would have intended had she first thought out the idea.  
She teasingly, but firmly pulled it with her teeth, before soothing it with her tongue and finally letting go.  
She then tilted her head and bit her own lip as she waited on Brenda’s reaction.  
She was more than thoroughly surprised when Brenda looked at her in passion and let out a soft but deliberate moan of pleasure.

“Well,” Brenda huskily moaned, “you've got me here, right where you want me,” and she tugged lightly at her still restrained hands, “Question is...whatever are you going to do with me now?"

"Mmmmmm, I've got more than a few ideas," Sharon replied, rolling her hips.

"Like?"

"Well, like you not talking unless I tell you to for one," Her tone was stern, unforgiving even, and she waited to see how Brenda would react to it.  
Her lips parted in surprise, but her pupils darkened in pleasure and Sharon knew that she had surrendered control to her tonight.  
The thought of having full control made Sharon’s whole body thrum with desire.  
She could see how Brenda had gotten off on it that first time. 

She slowly began to slide herself backwards and forwards on Brenda’s pajama clad thigh, thankful when she instinctively raised it to give Sharon a better angle at which to grind her clit.

She sighed breathily as she looked at the woman beneath her and felt Brenda’s tongue snake out to first lick and then suck her nipple through her silk camisol as Sharon continued to lean over her to keep her hands restrained. 

“Wanna touch you baby!” Brenda moaned around her mouthful of silk and nipple.  
The contrast of textures and heat added an urgency to Sharon’s movements on Brenda’s thigh.

She lent down as Brenda released her nipple with a ‘pop’ and she kissed her until they were both breathless. 

“And I want to find out if you’re still wearing your mother’s fetching pair of panties!”

Brenda couldn’t help it.  
She barked out a loud and continuous stream of laughter and Sharon paused her movements as she too joined in.

“Way to kill the mood baby!” Brenda finally managed to get out through her laughter.

“At least it wasn’t Phia interrupting this time though honey!  
..... Now  
.... where were we?”

She released Brenda’s hands and immediately felt them on her waist, pulling her back into the rhythm that would inevitably push her over the edge.

“Mmmmm,mmmm, that’s....soooooo....gooooodd!” she quietly moaned, briefly lowering her forehead to Brenda’s and panting hotly across her lips.

“Mama!!” came the voice in the darkness.

They both stopped moving – later Brenda would explain her reasoning as being similar to the one in Jurassic park.  
Whereby they could only be seen by the t-rex/aka Sophia IF they were moving...... and Sharon had subsequently banned her from picking any more future movies.

“Mommmmmyyyy!!”

They heard Sophia trying to climb her way out of the borrowed crib and both simultaneously chirped, “your turn!”

“Baby, you’re on top, where you claim you belong ...... so it make’s more sense for you to go and fetch lil miss demanding, before she wakes the whole house and Junior bursts in here to get the second shot for the family album!”

“I really hate you sometimes, you know that?” Sharon grumbled as she removed herself from the thigh that was SO close to making her cum.

“Course you do baby, course you do,” Brenda replied, not taking offence in the slightest as she moved across the bed to make room for their uninvited guest.

Brenda felt Sophia clamber onto the comforter, but wasn’t quite expecting to be launched at – barely managing to stop her from going straight off the other side of the bed.

“Mama night night,” she heard the little girl whisper as she settled herself half on top of her and half on top of Sharon.

“Mommy kiss" and Brenda heard the unmistakable sound of a Sophia special smooch.  
She found herself smiling into the darkness as she searched for Sharon’s hand and linked their fingers.

“I know you’re smiling honey.”

“What?  
How?  
I’m just happy that’s all.  
I have my 2 girls in my arms, what could be better than that right now, huh?”

“An orgasm...” she heard Sharon whisper and they both chuckled, desperately trying not to wake Sophia again.

“What did you say to me before baby?  
.......Welcome to parenthood!”

\-----------------------------------

As the next day dawned in the Johnson house, Sharon felt movement and heard giggling from the other side of the bed.

She groaned and buried herself deeper into the pillows, even going so far as to pull the comforter she claimed to despise over her head.  
The static electricity from the polyester made her hair stand out in all directions, making her grumble; “I KNEW it was polyester,” as she aimed her foot at Brenda’s calf to make her point.

“Moooommmy! Milk! Pwease!” she heard her decidedly too chirpy granddaughter demand and the subsequent snicker from Brenda at her request.

“Ask ‘mama’, baby girl,” she replied, feeling more than seeing Brenda’a pout at her unexpected response.

“Seeing as ‘Mommy' obviously hasn’t found the right side of the bed to get up out of this morning, how about I take you downstairs and we see if nana has made pancakes, hey?”

Sharon heard Sophia clap in excitement and found herself saying;  
“great – the 2 of you sugared up before 8am is exactly what this day needs!”

She felt the comforter being pulled away from her face, the early morning light causing her eyes to squint.  
The next thing she knew Brenda was kissing her ...... and kissing her....... and kissing her.  
Heedless of morning breath or the little voyeur that was happily clapping at sight before her.

“How’s that for a better start to the morning?” Brenda asked her flustered lover.

“Mmmm, well now I’m grumpy and h-o-r-n-y!” she sighed, unable to keep the smile of happiness from her face despite her words to the contrary.

“Love! Love! Love!” clapped the little girl, climbing onto Sharon and giving her a morning kiss too.

“How can you be grumpy at that?  
Huh, baby?”

\------------------------------------

As Sophia and Brenda were steadily working their way through a shared plate of pancakes, Sharon sipped slowly at her coffee.

It was easy to imagine what a wonderful childhood the Johnson children must have had.  
Willie Rae was happily humming at the stove as she cooked her latest batch of pancakes, Clay was reading the morning paper and secretly making faces at each of his grandchildren...... and Brenda and her brothers were currently engaged in a pancake eating competition, egging each other on and trying to out do each other with their fanciful topping concoctions.

It was everything she wanted for Sophia.  
It was the childhood she deserved to have.  
And Brenda appeared to be doing everything in her power to make her a part of the family sat around that large, worn kitchen table.

She felt Brenda’s hand squeeze her thigh under the table and she looked at her partner in adoration before she leaned forward for a slighty sticky, but syrup sweet kiss.

“Mama!  
Be-leigh’s cheating!” claimed jimmy.  
“She’s trying to psych us out by making out with her ‘wife’ at the table!”

“Or maybe,” chipped in bobby, “she’s secretly passing her bites of pancake under the ‘pretence' of kissing!”

“Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!” they all started chanting.

Willie Rae turned around from the stove, her spatula held menacing in the air.  
Just as she was about to tell her boys off for picking on their sister, not that Brenda wasn’t more than capable of defending herself, Sophia turned and looked straight at her new ‘uncles' and stuck her tongue out at them as if defending Brenda’s honour.

The laughter from all sides echoed around the kitchen.

“That’s right baby girl, you stick up for your mama,” came Clay’s reply from behind his paper.

Sharon watched Brenda cuddle Sophia closer and smiled as Brenda wiped the child’s sticky chin and then whisper in her ear.  
Whatever she said earnt Brenda a toothy grin and sloppy kiss, before they both went back to eating.

She couldn’t help but notice Charlie intently watching their whole exchange, a look of what could only be described as longing on her face.  
Charlie pushed her single untouched pancake around her plate, but her eyes continually returned to Brenda and the little girl happily chattering away on her lap. 

After Sharon shook her head in mock horror as Willie Rae deposited yet another platter of steaming chocolate chip pancakes to the still ravenous hoard, she saw her pause by Charlie and place her hand on her shoulder, before kissing the side of her head and smiling at the sight Charlie couldn’t seem to take her eyes from. 

“I’m going to go shower,” Sharon whispered in Brenda’s ear as she made to leave the table.  
She could see the longing in Brenda’s eyes and couldn’t help but say, “maybe your mama could help Phia finish up and you could join me?”

Brenda’s eyes lit up at the prospect of some one on one naked time, even if it was only in the shower.

“Maaaaammmmaaa,” she began, “how about you come and help Phia finish up her pancakes whilst I go get showered and dressed ....... with Sharon,” she whispered the last part, blushing furiously.

Before her brothers could even pipe up a comment, Charlie immediately volunteered to sit with the little girl.  
Brenda smiled gently at her niece, whispering in her ear discreetly that she didn’t need to if it would upset her. But Charlie simply smiled at her aunt, whispering back that it was the least she could.

As Sharon left the kitchen and made her way back to their bedroom, Brenda only said 3 more words to her niece. “I’ll ask her.”

\----------------------------------

Sharon nearly shrieked at the arms that suddenly wrapped themselves around her waist from behind. 

She felt Brenda smile against her bare shoulder and so she deliberately rotated a distracted Brenda to ensure she got a face full of shower water in retaliation.

“Love you too!” Brenda spluttered indignantly, pushing her lightly and reaching for the shampoo.  
Sharon deliberately blocked her way, pushing her wet hair back from her forehead before pulling her in for steamy kiss instead.

“Mmmm, that’s better,” she sighed, running her hands thoroughly over Brenda’s body, as if doing a physical inventory of all her favourite places.

Brenda rested her head against Sharon’s damp breasts, watching the water trickle and glisten on her rosy nipples.

“Before you get too distracted, honey, I think we need to decide what to do about Sophia.”

“We giving her up for adoption?  
Buying her a puppy?  
A pony?” Brenda joked as her fingertip traced the rosy bud in front of her.

“Hey!  
Eyes up and stop trying to seduce me again!”

Brenda smiled, but did as she was told, moving to stand directly behind Sharon and starting to wash her hair for her.

“You have my undivided attention.”

“How do you feel about being called ‘mama’ all of a sudden?  
Don’t you think we maybe need to start correcting her? It’s never come up before – so why now?”

Brenda continued to massage the coconut and lime shampoo through Sharon’s hair, pondering on how best to answer her concerns.

“Well .... I think we’re her main care givers and I think she doesn’t have any other influential women in her life on an almost daily basis.  
We both know her real m-o-t-h-e-r was never interested in being a part of her life.  
I think she’s trying to connect some dots and the whole new environment, new people and Betsy helped her to come to her own conclusions. 

Am I worried?  
No. 

Am I bothered about her claiming me as one of her mamas?  
No. 

Should we correct her?  
Well that I just don’t know.

Maybe the real question here is, how do YOU feel about being potentially called ‘mommy’ and not mee-maw anymore?”

Brenda reached for the conditioner as she waited for Sharon to respond.

“I don’t know.  
I just don’t know Brenda Leigh.  
I don’t want to confuse or upset her.  
Maybe it’s like you said – she’s just reacting to a new environment and finding her place in a new family.  
But what if it’s more than that?  
What if it becomes a permanent thing?”

“What if it does?” Brenda shrugged nonchalantly.

“She’s not your daughter though Brenda....” Sharon stated firmly.

“Well, she’s NOT yours either!” Brenda replied hotly.

Sharon pulled her forcefully into a hug, burying her face in Brenda’s neck and clutching at her naked back. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she kept repeating, refusing to let her go and ignoring the soap still streaming from her hair.

“It’s ok, baby.  
We’ll figure it out.  
We love her and she knows that.  
We’ll figure it out.”

“How?” Sharon asked her sadly.

In a sudden flash of inspiration, Brenda moved Sharon so she could look her in her eyes before saying;  
“what about that shrink?  
The pretty one at work who banned me from working after that shooting?”

Sharon regarded her with a look of confusion gracing her beautiful features and clouding her emerald eyes.

“You know!  
That pretty woman shrink!  
Brownish hair, brown eyes.  
That one!”

She watched as jealously contorted Sharon’s face and the woman pulled back from her to place her hands on her hips. “Dr Leonard,” she hissed between clenched teeth, as she continued.

“Let me get this right.  
You want me to ‘ask that pretty shrink' – ‘that pretty woman’ – ‘brownish hair, brown eyes'  
– Is.  
That.  
Right?

WHAT exactly am I asking her for?”

Before Brenda could even begin to understand where this had started to go wrong, Sharon continued on her bizarre rant.

“Oh, excuse me, but my horny partner would like another ‘one on one’ session with you?  
Or maybe, I should suggest a ‘threesome'?  
Huh?  
With the ‘pretty’ shrink?  
Huh?”

“Oooooookkkkk.......” Brenda slowly responded, more than thoroughly confused.

“Ok?  
Ok?  
O-fucking-K!?!?!”

“I have no idea what’s happening here, baby!?!”

Sharon looked fit to burst in anger, and opened her mouth to begin again.

“Ok, as in – that’s enough!” Brenda demanded, stopping her.  
Sharon blinked in surprise at Brenda’s no nonsense tone, never having heard Brenda talk to her outside of work that way before.  
But she closed her mouth.

“What I meant, before you had your little ‘mental moment’, was that MAYBE, maybe we could ask her advice.  
About Sophia.  
Together.  
As partners.  
Because WE ARE a family!”

Sharon’s anger appeared to disappear in a heartbeat, but Brenda continued.

“I want what’s best for Sophia, just like you do.  
I may not be her ‘mama’ and you may not be her ‘mommy’, but we’re what she has.  
Let’s find out what a ‘professional’ has to say on the matter and then go from there.”

Sharon nodded mutely, her head hung in shame.

“And as for anymore ‘one on one' sessions”, Sharon’s head shot up at those words, “or your proposed ‘threesome' with the ‘pretty shrink’ ....... the ONLY ‘one on one’ I ever wanna have is WITH YOU!  
You are beautiful, stunning, incredible, not to mention endearingly neurotic, and I LOVE YOU.  
I ONLY WANT YOU!

....... unless they clone you  
......and then I’d most definitely be up for the threesome!  
..... Or foursome!  
BUT ONLY WITH YOU!”

Sharon couldn’t stop the tears falling from her eyes, a contrast to the indignant laughter that also fell from her lips as she regarded the woman before her.  
“You wouldn’t survive 2 of me, let alone 3!  
But god does love a trier!”

Brenda snorted, “so say you!” before bringing their lips together.

“How did we go from being naked in a shower, to arguing about a woman who’s name I couldn’t even remember and who you thought I wanted to .... well, you know....” Brenda giggled. 

“I’m sorry. I just lost my head for a moment, that’s all.”

“Hhmm,mmm.  
Course you did baby!” Brenda sing songed as she started to soap up her body, taking great delight when Sharon’s eyes immediately started following the line her soapy hands were taking across her own body.

“I think someone was J-E-A-L-O-U-S!” she continued, ignoring Sharon’s glare.  
“And you know what baby?  
It’s kinda hot!  
So how about you help me out over here with all this soap and just lil ole me to use it!” she winked.

Just as Sharon made her move, thankful that Brenda understood her motives more than she did herself, they heard the pounding of feet on the hardwood floor of the bedroom and an out of breath Charlie yell;  
“Sophia!  
Get back here!  
I swear, you move faster than the speed of light!”

“Mooooommmyy!  
Where maaammmaa?” 

“Maybe at the same time as asking for advice on the name situation we should also ask how to turn off her ‘stop mommy and mama getting lucky button!’ snorted Brenda as Sharon simply shook her head at their little homing pigeon now rattling the door.

\------------------------------------

“Did you speak to Charlie yet, baby girl?” Willie Rae asked, as Brenda sashayed through the kitchen, on her way to sample one of her mothers newly baked cookies, leaving Sharon and Sophia still watching a film in the den.

As Brenda took a bite of the triple chocolate and fudge cookie, she mumbled an affirmative and looked at her mother with suspicion.

“Ok mama, spill!  
What do you know?” she asked, regarding her mother with more than mild curiosity.

“Brenda Leigh!  
Why must you always underestimate your mama?  
Just because I’m not like you - a bull in a China shop when I want answers – doesn’t mean I don’t get results.  
Of course I know!  
Who do you think told her to talk to you?”

Brenda finished her cookie and started to reach for another.

“Uh, uh, uh,” her mother uttered, smacking her hand away and ignoring the pout that now formed on Brenda’s face.  
She rested her elbows on the kitchen island, continuing to fold her dish towel, as she waited Brenda out.

“What do you want me to say mama?  
It’s a bit of a big ask, dontcha think?”  
She plopped herself down on one of the stools and spun slightly, just like she did as a child.

“I mean, do Bobby and Susan agree?  
Do they even know?  
Why don’t they want to?”

Willie Rae shook her head.  
“No, not yet.  
But they will, before the weekend is over.  
Charlie wanted to speak to you first.”

“Mama!  
You can’t be serious!  
Surely you can see how this is going to cause problems.  
What if they want it?”

“It’s not about what they want.  
This is about Charlie.  
It’s what she wants and hopefully you do too .... that’s all that matters.  
The rest will all fall into place, you mark my words.”

Brenda shook her head in amazement at what she had just been told, the stool she was sitting on still moving from side to side as she continued to think about the potential fallout from this whole debacle.  
Willie Rae placed her hand on Brenda’s knee, halting her repetitive movement and then slid the plate of cookies back towards her.

“Bribery mama?  
Really?”

“No!  
Not bribery, for goodness sake!” she replied shaking her head as her daughter took not one, not two, but three more additional cookies.

“What?” she exclaimed, “I’m a growing girl!”

“Hmmm, that mighta worked when you were 10 Miss Brenda Leigh, but not now!  
You best share em with my granddaughter!”

“Mama ..... about that” she said, scratching her head, her blonde curls becoming mussed. 

“Maybe you should stop with all that.  
We think it might be confusing her ..... and well, it’s not fair, is it?  
Because we’re not those people to her, are we?  
None of us are.  
What if Sharon and I don’t last?  
What happens then?” She said a little sadly, looking away.

She heard the dish towel slap down on the countertop and when she finally looked up she saw her mother standing with her hands on her hips and her eyes ablaze with unrestrained fury.

“What did you just say, young lady?” she demanded, her tone leaving no doubt that Brenda was in for a definite verbal spanking.

“I said .... it’s not fair mama.  
What if it just ends up hurting her?”

“Do you love her?”

“What’s that got to do with anything, mama?” she asked in exasperation.

“I said;  
Do.  
You.  
Love.  
Her?”

“Of course I do.  
We do.  
But surely that means doing what’s best for her.  
And maybe, maybe THIS isn’t what’s best for her – did you ever think about that?”

“Brenda Leigh, I love the very bones of you, but I honestly thought I raised you better than this.”

Brenda looked up sharply at her mother, a pang of hurt settling in her stomach at the hurtful words she had never expected to hear from her own mother.

“SHE'S your family, baby girl.  
YOUR FAMILY!  
MY FAMILY!  
OUR FAMILY!  
They both are.  
If that little girl wants to call me Nana, kitty, winnie the pooh or even Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, then she can........ because I love her and I want her to feel secure in that love.  
If she eventually decides to call me Willie Rae, then that’s fine too – because it wont change one iota of what I feel for her.  
Being a part of someone’s life, whether that be as a parent, a carer, a guardian, a ‘step- grandparent' or whatever, means putting their needs first.  
And it seems to me that that little girl NEEDS a family around her more than anything.  
So let us be that for her, Brenda Leigh, for both her and your Sharon.  
Because, let’s face it sugar - if she’s anything like you .... and, temperament wise, she’s basically your clone .... pout and all, - then she’ll soon let us know if she’s not ok with it.”

Willie Rae sat down heavily on the stool next to Brenda, seemingly now out of steam.

“You really think that mama?  
You think it’s what she wants?  
What she needs?”

“I do, Brenda Leigh, I do.  
You didn’t ask her or tell her to call you mama ..... but its obviously how she feels about you.  
And as for Sharon, ....... well a blind man could see how she adores you.  
She may not say the words Brenda Leigh, but that woman loves you.  
Probably more than either of you quite realise.  
So if you think she doesn’t see you as ‘forever' then your daddy musta dropped you on your head as a child when I wasn’t looking, because I sure didn’t raise no fool!”

“I guess Sharon and I have more to talk about than I thought....” she mused, spinning on her stool once again.

“Does that mean you haven’t even asked her yet?  
Oh, Brenda Leigh!  
About either thing?  
Are you at least planning to?” 

“Asked who, what?  
Asked me?” came the smooth and velvety voice of the woman in question.

She walked through the sunny and cheerfully decorated kitchen, drawn in by the wafting smell of cookies and carrying an excited looking Sophia on her hip.  
Her eyes were filled with warmth and happiness as she caught sight of her lover, and she couldn’t help but send her a naughty little wink when her mother wasn’t looking. 

But it didn’t take long for Brenda to panic, worried in case Sharon had picked up on anything suspicious.  
Her days of being able to lie to Sharon were long gone, even the little white ones!  
At work she even struggled to keep up the now facade of their former combative relationship, she just couldn’t help it, her feelings for the woman were so very different now and it seemed unnatural to pretend otherwise - even though it was what Sharon claimed would be easier and draw less attention to them.  
It just wasn’t what Brenda wanted.

Sharon tilted her head questioningly at the deer caught in the headlights look on her face, and just as she was about to call her out on it Willie Rae quickly stepped into the breech.

“I just need you girls to pop to the store for me to pick up a few things before the party tonight.  
I thought it might be nice for Brenda Leigh to show you a little of our town, is all.  
I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mammaaaaaa! Ma. Ma. Ma!” smiled the little girl in Sharon’s arms, trying to wave her legs that were covered in her favourite soft pink bunny tights at her. 

The little girl had a completely new outfit on from the one she had previously worn that morning.  
She now wore little dungaree denim shorts with a soft pink t-shirt to match her tights.

“I see them, sugar!  
Don’t you look pretty!  
Someone’s gotten changed since I last saw them, didn’t they, hey?”

Sophia nodded happily as Sharon rolled her eyes in pretend exasperation, coming to stand between Brenda’s legs, ready to hand the little girl over.  
“She's not even a teenager yet!  
Goodness knows how we’ll cope with her then!” she declared, kissing Brenda soundly.

Willie Rae smiled knowingly at her daughter, conscious of the discussion they had just had about Sharon and her feelings.

Brenda smiled softly, before chuckling and accepting the little girl onto her lap for a cuddle.  
She tried discreetly to hide all the cookies she had taken during the chat with her mother under the now abandoned dish towel.

However, she was distracted from her futile attempt at her covert mission by the insistent clicking of fingers next to her face.  
As she turned she was greeted by Sharon holding out her hand for the cookies in question.

“How many of those have you already had?” she demanded, not even waiting for a response before levelling her question at Willie Rae instead.

“Not as many as you might think, dear – but I did tell her to share them with you both,” Willie Rae smiled, as she watched Brenda carefully hand one to the little girl and then the others begrudgingly to Sharon. 

The look on her face at the loss of her snack was comically morose.

“Ta mama. Ta! Ta! Ta! Cookie. Cookie. Cookie!” Sophia happily sang as she shoved practically the whole thing straight into her mouth.

“You know what I said about her being like you in temperament,” ... began Willie Rae, pausing to beam at the little girl who was thoroughly making a mess on her daughters lap,..... “I think she takes after you in your cookie eating habits as well!  
Good luck not going broke keeping these two in baked goods Sharon!”

“Humph!  
So much for being on my side, mama! Brenda bemoaned to her mother, but still opening her mouth for the little hand that now wanted to share some of her partly chewed cookie. 

“Good job, someone loves me!” she exclaimed dramatically, making exaggerated noises of delicious enjoyment to amuse her little Phia, who was happily giggling away to herself.

Willie Rae shared a smile with Sharon, “whatever are you gonna do with our girls, huh, Sharon?” as they watched the pair of them pull chocolatey faces at each other, oblivious to the conversation happening around them.

“You wanna go for a ride with,”... and Brenda hesitated as she first looked at her mother and then at Sharon, ... “with mama and mommy?”

She tensed as soon as the words left her mouth, not entirely sure what Sharon’s response would be, but bracing herself for the worst.

As the little girl clapped happily at being given $2 from her Nana for the store, Sharon slid her arm around Brenda’s shoulders and kissed the side of her head.  
“I think she’d love that .... and so would ‘mommy’.”

\--------------------------------

As they pulled into the parking lot in the car they had borrowed from Brenda’s parents, Sharon reached for Brenda’s hand, noticing that Sophia was still happily babbling away to the disney CD that was playing softly in the background.

“Oh my!  
You sure know how to treat your ‘favourite girls',” she joked, as she gazed at the generic superstore they were parked in front of, earning her the stink eye from her lover.

“What can I say?  
Only the best for you baby!  
You should know that by now.  
Today a superstore, but tomorrow the world!  
However, if you’re VERY good I’ll treat you to a ride,” and she smirked at her innuendo before continuing, “.......... on the merry go round and MAYBE I’ll even let you push the trolley!”

The sound of Sharon’s rich laughter filled the car and warmed Brenda’s heart.  
“Best save your pennies for that little ones turn on the merry go round ...... because I think I’d prefer a more .... ADULT ride” she said, whilst licking her lips suggestively.

Brenda couldn’t help the words that fell earnestly from her lips.  
I love you ....” she sighed, “so, very, very much.”  
And she lent forward to gently press her lips to Sharon’s. 

“Just 3 weeks to go baby and we’re not leaving that hotel room the entire weekend!  
In fact, I wouldn’t even bother packing any spare clothes because you’re not going to need them!”

“Hmmm, not that I’m complaining.... but is there a reason for this little impromptu declaration of love and .... completely inappropriate early morning smut?  
.... wait a minute!  
Exactly how many cookies did you actually eat Brenda Leigh?”

“Not as many as you might think,” she replied, deliberately mirroring her mothers earlier vague response, in case she inadvertently let anything slip about their earlier conversation.

“In your haste to get me naked and alone, you seem to have forgotten about our little addition" she said, nodding her head in Sophia’s direction"

“Oh baby!  
You wound me!”  
She dramatically mimed taking a shot to the heart and then playing dead, immediately getting Sophia’s attention from the backseat.

“No! Mammmmmaaaaaa!”

“Hey sugar! It’s ok! Bebe is fine. See?!?!”

Sophia immediately tried to copy Brenda’s previous dramatic display – earning Brenda a slap on the thigh from Sharon and a silently mouthed, “WTF!”

As Brenda finally stopped laughing, she continued to respond to Sharon’s earlier comment.

“The spa we are staying at has an extra large bed ......” 

earning her a frustrated eye roll but not enough to stop her, 

“..... and a crib has already been requested in the room, just in case.  
For your further information, it also has an extremely highly rated crèche; complete with evening babysitting options, an indoor AND outdoor play area, early morning toddler yoga, a dedicated swimming area .....aaaaaannnnnnddddd organic snacks and meals prepared by top chefs.  
I thank you!” she finally ended, taking a small bow.

“You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you” Sharon whispered softly.

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again – only the best for my girls.”

“Your ‘girls' eh?”

“Yes! You heard me. MY. Girls.”

Before Sharon could ponder on that definitive answer for too long, Brenda had already left the car and was now opening her door for her.

“Ok, I’m really worried now .... what did you do?!”

Brenda rolled her eyes as she held out her hand to Sharon.  
“I’m courting you the southern way!” Brenda replied, kissing her hand once it was in her own before helping her from the car,  
“...... and obviously .... you’re really old and probably need the help!” she snickered, moving out of harms way before Sharon could retaliate.

“Well, I was going to say that there was no need, because we’ve already gone ‘all the way.’  
But I think maybe you’ve been too spoilt...... so I’m definitely going to make you work for it now!”

Brenda regarded her suspiciously, contemplating if she was actually serious or not about her little offhand threat.

“Baby, we both know you’re a sure thing......” she winked, “...... but you said on the plane that you wanted romance .....” she shrugged., trailing off.

Sharon’s sudden burst of laughter echoed around the semi empty parking lot.  
She wiped the tears from her eyes as she bent over the hood of the car to support herself whilst she continued to laugh.

“You think that’s romance? Seriously?!?  
Have I taught you nothing?”

Brenda looked bewildered but half nodded, then shook her head slowly, a little defensive and a lot confused.

“Oh honey!  
Calling me ‘old’ and then saying I’m a ‘sure thing' all in the same breath is not the most romantic thing to ever happen to me! ..... but it is possibly the funniest!  
..... especially because it’s going to well and truly backfire even more on you!”

Brenda stood with her hands on her hips, regarding the woman still wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes. 

“I’m glad you find me so funny,” she petulantly replied, biting her lip and nervously wondering if Sharon really meant what she said about it backfiring on her.

“What am I going to do with you?  
Huh?” she asked, as she slowly and deliberately approached Brenda, a twinkle in her green eyes.

She quickly placed her fingers softly over Brenda’s open pink lips, stopping the very descriptive account of what she knew Brenda would allow her to do to her, before she could actually say it out loud.

“That was a rhetorical question, honey....” she said, kissing her tenderly and internally revelling at the completely love struck expression her kiss had left on Brenda’s face.  
She couldn’t resist leaning in and kissing her again. Brenda was a more than willing participant, getting herself lost in the love and tenderness that always flowed between them.

Sharon reluctantly pulled away and wiped Brenda’s thoroughly smudged lipstick from her top lip, still waiting for Brenda to come back to earth.  
She readjusted her handbag on her shoulder before finally poking Brenda in the side to bring her back to reality. 

“Come on Casanova, we have shopping to do!”

Brenda grumbled good naturedly, but got Sophia out of the car, placing her on the ground so that she could toddle between them, holding both of their hands.  
She couldn’t stop the joyous grin that lit up her entire face as she strode happily towards the store with her ‘family'. 

Even when Sophia gave up walking less than half way to the doors and stubbornly plopped her little behind down on the asphalt refusing to move any further, Brenda simply scooped her up and then clasped Sharon’s now empty hand firmly in her own.

“Are you really this happy to traipse around your old local store .... or are you just really that pleased to see me?” Sharon joked, swinging their hands between them, as if they were childhood sweethearts and not mature, gun toting ladies of a certain age.

“I’m happy is all. Life is good. Dontcha think?”

She tugged Sharon towards the trolleys, shooting her a sly smile at remembering the offer she had made her earlier.

“This...” she said, gesturing at the trolley, “.... is yours m'lady, I believe,” kissing her hand again before resting it on the handlebar.

She then looked down at Sophia and smiled, saying; “your chariot awaits!” as she made to lift her to sit her in the front of trolley ready for Sharon to push.

“No! No! No!” Sophia chanted, shaking her head and clinging on to Brenda by the neck, as her legs could not quite reach all the way around her.

Sharon chuckled as she strode past them with the easy to manoeuvre and Sophia free trolley, “pretty sure I got the best deal out of this,” she said, as she made her way towards the fresh produce section, not looking back.

“Mooooommmyy!  
Mooooommmyy!  
Wait me!  
Me! Me! Me!”

The other shoppers around them smiled, finding the little girl both incredibly amusing and adorably cute.

“Mooooommmyy!”

“Were you trying to ditch us, baby?  
Gotta try harder than that!” Brenda said, sashaying up to her, as she then put her mothers shopping list into Sharon’s hand. 

“We’ll be in the candy section .... via the toy one.  
Have fun, baby!” 

After about 15 minutes and with a trolley already half full, Sharon went searching for her girls, already knowing what she would inevitably find.

She trailed round the toy section first, following a trail of what to the untrained eye looked to be randomly dropped toys, but she knew better.  
She found them not long after, and they were indeed still loitering where Brenda had said she could finally find them. 

Sophia was holding a bag of organic white chocolate buttons, a purple teddy bear with a silver bowtie under one arm and a 3ft multi coloured mermaid under her other.  
Meanwhile Brenda was trying to balance a multi pack of my little ponies, a pair of sparkly pink boots, a princess dress, a my first safari animal set, 4 packs of hoho's, a multi pack of reese’s pieces and a half eaten pack of milk duds, as well as a now chocolate covered Sophia.

“And THIS is why you can’t be left alone for even a minute!  
Either of you!”

They both looked guiltily at each other.  
Not even the chocolatey grin of her pigtailed granddaughter could help plead their case.

“I swear, I don’t know why I’m even surprised anymore! I’m pretty sure the $2 your mother gave her isn’t going to cover any of this  
....... and you do know that technically I could arrest you for shop lifting as you haven’t even paid for those milk duds yet!”

“Did you bring your cuffs, baby?” Brenda whispered saucily, as a little old lady and her husband strolled past them, smiling at the sight of Sophia’s chocolate covered face.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer, Brenda Leigh.  
But considering we're ONLY ‘courting' now, you’ll be lucky if I even let you kiss my hand after this little stunt,” she huffed, pulling a reluctant Sophia from her partner in crimes arms and depositing her stash in the trolley, before heading towards the closest restroom to clean her up.

As Brenda made to follow her, Sharon stopped her with a single finger to the chest.  
“Uh, uh, uh,” she smirked, shaking her head.  
“You can continue with the shopping.  
I’ll have you know that I’m not that ‘sure of a thing' that you could possibly think I’d let you follow me into a confined space.  
Now scoot!  
We’ll come find you in a bit.”

Brenda mooched off stubbornly in the opposite direction, and Sharon could hear her grumbling all the way.  
Clearly making out the ‘not fair' and ‘what did I do' from the next aisle.  
She chuckled to herself as she tried to avoid both chocolatey hands and even chocolatier lips on her way to find the family restrooms.

As Brenda searched for the last remaining items on her mothers hastily drawn up list, she remembered why she abhorred any kind of shopping.  
Especially shopping that didn’t involve solely candy, ice cream or baked goods. 

She leaned over the trolley as she pushed it, dragging her feet like when she was younger and had gotten roped into grocery shopping with her mama. 

The trolley was now mostly full of Sophia’s bounty of treats, but she couldn’t help picking up a new bedtime reading book, some brightly coloured crayons, a new pair of bunny tights in blue, a purple dinosaur onesie and then as a joke for Sharon, she couldn’t resist picking out a brand new pair of old lady flowered panties like the ones she had ‘borrowed' from her mother just the other day.  
Satisfied with her haul Brenda now headed for the flower section, hoping to do a little damage control just in case Sharon really was upset with her.

The store was getting crowded now, and Brenda was getting bored wandering around all alone as she deftly manoeuvred the cumbersome trolley around multiple families and people inconveniently blocking the aisles. As she walked past the bedding section she picked up a super soft oatmeal coloured blanket, hoping she could fool Sophia into swapping it for her own beloved cardigan that was still currently being held hostage by the little girl. 

As she picked up a few more random things she briefly wondered if Sharon was deliberately taking her time ..... but remembering the chocolatey state of Sophia, she knew Sharon had her work cut out for her tidying that up in a public bathroom.

She sighed wearily, wondering if she could get away with eating her hoho’s by claiming she had low blood sugar if she got caught.  
As she wandered around looking at the flower selection her hand had automatically started to reach into the trolley for them, when she spied the perfect bunch of deep red velvet Rose’s.  
They were surrounded by lush foliage and had beautiful little white budded flowers that accentuated the elegant beauty of the simple red roses.  
They were perfect for her Sharon.  
Beautiful. Elegant. Fragrant.

She brought them up to her nose, closing her eyes as she savoured their exotic scent, imagining the softness of Sharon’s lips against her own as she thanked her for her gift.  
It was only the sound of a person deliberately clearing their throat that brought her back to herself. 

As she opened her eyes, the flowers still clasped in her hands, she came face to face with the person she had hoped to never in her life see ever again.

“Not going to say hello for old times sake, Brenda Leigh?” they said, approaching her.

Brenda swallowed the lump in her throat, desperately looking for Sharon in the crowds of people milling around her – but at the same time she didn’t want Sharon or Sophia anywhere near them.  
She placed the flowers carefully on top of the shopping and tilted her head, the look of disgust on her face clear to see.

“You’re looking good – even the nose.  
But then you always did ..... especially naked as I recall. I don’t suppose you’d like to give me another free show?” he leered suggestively.

At his words, Brenda’s hand automatically flew up to her face and she watched as his eyes followed her hand and his face broke out in a nasty smirk, as he apparently also recalled the damage he had inflicted to it the very last time they had been alone.

“Grady, what are you doing here?  
You’re not supposed to be here!” she hissed, the anger and disgust clear to hear in her tone and body language.

“You don’t tell me what to do Brenda Leigh, or do I need to remind you of that?  
You always were a feisty little thing, especially in the bedroom.  
And I don’t see no ring ..... so how about we make some new memories .... just you and me.”

She felt her skin crawl as his eyes raked over her body, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of showing any weakness in front of him.

“I. Don’t. Think. So” she spat out and watched as his face contorted in anger. 

He continued to come closer.

“Maaaaaaammmmmmaaaaa!” she heard from behind her.  
She didn’t want to turn around.  
She didn’t want it to be Sophia.  
Not now.  
Please god, not now!

But the child was insistent.

“Maaamma! Maamma!” and she felt Sophia collide with the side of her legs in her haste to reach her.

Without taking her eyes off the man in front of her, she bent down and picked her up.  
“Hey, sugar” she whispered, kissing her softly and holding her tightly to her chest, before moving her round to her hip, as far away from him as she could.

She risked a quick glance behind her and saw Sharon’s auburn hair disappearing down an aisle, obviously satisfied that Sophia had safely reached her intended destination.

As she turned back, she saw Grady's brief stunned expression, before it returned back to his permanent malicious one.

“No ring and no daddy,” he said, making a show of looking around behind her.

“Mama Johnson must be so proud!” he snarled.

“But we all know what a slut you are Brenda.  
Do you even know who her father is?  
I mean, she has your eyes, I guess, but let’s face it her daddy could be anyone the way you used to just open your legs.”

Brenda snarled in anger, wanting to shield Sophia from the monster in front of her.  
But the little girl had other ideas.  
She may not have understood the words coming out of his mouth but she could feel how upset her mama was getting because of the man in front of her.

She wriggled and wriggled, managing to make Brenda return her to the floor in order to appease her. 

“I see she got all your shitty traits too .... nice temper the little brat has.  
I guess that’s what happens with no masculine authority figure in her life to put her in her place” he said menacingly, clenching his fists threateningly.

Brenda was ready to lynch him.  
She didn’t care how many witnesses there were around, or how it may affect her career to attack the hideous and evil excuse of a man standing in front of her, but no one would mess with Sophia and live to tell the tale.

Before she could even move, Sophia had launched herself at his legs and kicked him as hard as she could before then trying to bite his leg through his trousers. 

As he shook her off she fell squarely onto her well padded and diapered bottom, but her scream of shock and upset was still loud and piercing.

As Brenda flew into action, Grady made to grab Sophia by her arm and a loud voice from behind her shouted at him;  
“don’t you dare try and touch our daughter again!”

Brenda shoved him away as hard and as far as she could, revelling in the fact he had obviously underestimated her strength.  
She then quickly picked up and tried to console a distraught Sophia.

“Hey lady!  
I don’t know who the hell you are but that kid just fucking attacked me.  
She’s feral!  
Obviously takes after her slut of a mother!”

Brenda heard the tell-tale click of the safety being removed from a service weapon and as she half turned she saw Sharon with her gun trained on her now visibly nervous ex husband.

“How dare you talk about MY wife and OUR child like that!  
I could shoot you right now for assault on a minor.  
Get down on the floor.  
Right now!  
Or are you going to ignore an order from an armed Police Officer?” she barked.

She then softened her voice and asked;  
“are you ok honey?  
Is Phia ok?”, not taking her eyes from the man in front of her.

“We’re fine baby.  
She just got a shock is all.”

Sophia was still sniffling into Brenda’s neck, but the tears had thankfully stopped.

“YOUR wife?  
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” he exclaimed, as he rushed forward, sharply slapping Brenda’s face and making her head whip to the side as a result of the force of it.  
He then tightly grabbed her arm to stop her from getting away, spitting in her face before repeatedly shaking Brenda to try to reach Sophia, but meeting her resistance every step of the way.

“What?  
You fucked your way through all the men you’ve now turned dyke all of a sudden?  
Guess that gives you more people to spread your legs for........ doesn’t explain THIS little bastard though does it” he said, roughly shoving at Brenda again to try and get to the little girl, who was now screaming again in fear.

“Maybe you need a reminder of what a real man is like!” he threatened.

Sharon intervened immediately;  
“I will shoot you, if you do not back away from MY wife and OUR child.  
Do you hear me?!”

He glanced back towards her and watched her mockingly as she aimed her service weapon directly at his head, before sneering at her;  
“I reckon I’m in with a chance!  
Considering she don’t wear a ring I wouldn’t count on her being faithful.  
Once a dirty whore, always a dirty who......”

He didn’t get a chance to complete his sentence as Brenda reared back to release her still tightly grasped arm and once free she then punched him clear in his face.  
Knocking him out cold.

Sharon lowered her weapon and reached for the cuffs she had in her bag.  
Using them to securely keep him restrained before he could fully come round and try anything else.

Fortunately the stores security team had arrived by this time and after both Brenda and Sharon flashed their badges, they quickly called the local PD.

As Grady came round, he began spitting out a mixture of blood and teeth, wincing at the pain from his split lip and obviously broken nose.  
“You fucking bitch!” he roared, looking at Brenda and trying to kick out at Sharon to get free. 

“I’ll fucking kill you this time!  
You can’t hide from me! Daddy Johnson won’t scare me off this time and nor will your whore of a wife!” he screamed, trying to kick out at Sharon again, to dislodge her.

Sharon barely managed to contain her temper, but she held him down forcefully as she began to miranda him, only letting him go when the Head of Security insisted he take her place so she could be with her family.  
Once she had fully read him his rights, she ignored all further interaction with him, leaving the security team to haul the still screaming and ranting man away until the local PD arrived.

As she heard Sophia continue to wail and Brenda’s soft voice whispering words of comfort to her, she knew she wanted that asshole to be punished to the full extent of the law for his atrocious little stunt today.  
Her heart constricted in her chest as she recalled a conversation with Willie Rae about the man in question and the previous damage, pain and hurt he had inflicted on the woman she loved.  
And he had tried to do it again!  
And to Sophia too!  
Never again!  
NEVER!

She wrapped her arms around the both of them, kissing them repeatedly, never wanting to let them out of her sight or arms ever again.  
She stroked Brenda’s loose curls, brushing them back from her forehead and trying to get her to look her in the eye so that she could be certain she was actually ok.  
The bruise was now starting to come out through the redness on her cheek and she brushed her fingertips over it gently, feeling Brenda’s tears flow onto her fingers.

“I’m sorry baby.  
I’m so SO sorry,” Brenda sobbed. 

This is all my fault.  
He almost hurt Phia ....” she choked, beginning to hyperventilate “..... and I didn’t protect her.  
I shoulda protected her!  
I shoulda ....”

Sharon tried desperately to calm her, knowing that she needed to get Brenda somewhere private and fast, before she either had a complete breakdown or passed out.  
She tried to take Sophia from Brenda’s arms, noticing how she winced when the arm both Grady had tightly grabbed and then subsequently been punched with was touched, but Brenda refused to let her go and the little girl obviously did not want to be parted from her either.

As she continued to hold and physically support Brenda, the store manager discreetly offered them a quiet room, away from prying eyes, that they could use until the police and ambulance arrived.  
Sharon thanked him and started to lead Brenda and Sophia away, until she suddenly remembered their trolley full of shopping.  
She paused to rummage through her handbag, before handing him her credit card to pay for it all.  
But he hastily declined it, and assured them that it would be taken to their car and loaded for them free of charge, as he took her car keys instead. 

Before they walked away again he pulled out the purple teddy bear and half eaten box of milk duds and handed them to Sharon with a reassuring smile, before pointing carefully at the little girl still cradled protectively in Brenda’s arms.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, Brenda collapsed to the floor, her legs buckling, but her arms still protecting the little girl now quietly nestled in them.

Sharon lowered herself beside her, trying to pull Brenda into her arms, wanting to comfort her, but she refused to move.  
Instead she handed an exhausted Sophia to her, who was now reaching out slowly for the purple teddy bear that Sharon discarded on the floor in her haste to comfort Brenda.

“Go” Brenda whispered, her voice broken and empty.  
“Take her and go.  
Please.  
I need you to go.  
I don’t deserve to be around her.  
She needs to be safe.  
She needs to be safe from me.”

Sharon shook her head, in shock at both the words and the actions of the obviously distraught woman in front of her.

“Go!  
Please!  
Don’t make me ask again..... I can’t..... I can’t......” she choked, as she curled up in on herself.  
Her head fell to her knees, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and her hair covered every inch of her face that wasn’t already hidden.

Sharon made sure Sophia was fully distracted by her new teddy bear and snack before she slowly reached out her hand to touch Brenda’s shaking shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.  
Don’t touch me.  
Don’t touch me!” she repeated, rocking back and forth on the spot.

She had never seen Brenda this way, not even the night she’d come to her after being assaulted in her own interview room.  
She didn’t know how to help her.  
But she knew she wasn’t going to give up on trying.

..... If she wouldn’t let her touch her, maybe she would at least listen to her.

“Brenda... honey... this wasn’t your fault.  
You’re not to blame for him or his actions” she said calmly, despite the fear raging within her that the other woman would forever blame herself.

Brenda didn’t say a word.  
She continued to rock, but the minute she heard ‘him’ mentioned, she slammed her hands over her ears, mindless of the pain in her hand and she refused to listen any longer.

She saw Sophia glance over at Brenda and then back at her before crawling over to the still rocking woman – her teddy bear and milk duds still in tow.

“Mama” she said, resting her chocolatey hand on Brenda’s still moving calf.

Brenda froze the minute she was touched.  
Sharon knew she would never hurt the little girl in front of her, but she also knew how very broken and detached Brenda currently was, so she tried to pull Sophia back to her lap.

“No mommy!” she declared indignantly, pulling herself away.

“Want my mama!” and she crawled and wriggled her way beneath Brenda’s arms and fitted herself to Brenda’s chest.  
Her head was now nestled against Brenda’s neck, her little chubby legs straddling her waist and her back resting against Brenda’s thighs, thanks to her still bent legs.  
They looked almost like one being and Sharon found it difficult to tell where one began and the other one ended.

“Bad man. Bad man" she heard Sophia whisper, seeing her little hand move towards Brenda’s face that had raised slightly but was still shielded by her wayward curly locks.

“Ouchy" Sophia pointed at the bruise and redness on Brenda’s still mostly hidden face.

“Kiss betta. Me kiss betta.”

“Love mama. Mama love me” she said simply, holding Brenda tight.

“Teddy love mama. Mommy love mama. Nana love mama. Me love mama" she continued babbling, until Brenda’s arms moved and she cradled the little girl and her purple teddy bear tenderly, still not saying a single word.

Sharon let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the emotional healing that was taking place at the hands of the little girl they both loved beyond compare.

She heard Sophia plant a wet kiss on Brenda’s cheek and saw Brenda wince slightly at the pressure she had used, but she remained still when Sophia went in to do it a second time.

“Mommy kiss mama betta” she babbled, trying to turn in Brenda’s arms towards her.

“It’s ok honey, you’re doing such a good job for the both of us!” she encouraged, smiling through her tears.

She watched as Brenda retreated into herself again at her words, and immediately feared that Brenda had seen her response a thinly veiled rejection.

It was the last thing she wanted.  
She slid herself slowly closer until her leg was barely brushing Brenda’s own, wanting to be close but not infringe on her protected personal space.

As Sophia started kissing her teddy bear in the same place on its face that Brenda was hurt, she gathered up her courage and whispered;  
“I’m here.  
Please don’t push me away.  
I need you.  
WE need you.  
Please, honey, this isn’t your fault, I swear.  
I trust you with our lives.  
Always have, always will.”

She watched Brenda’s hand slide slowly across the carpeted floor towards her open palm.  
Just as their fingers were about to lightly touch there was a soft knock on the door, before it opened to reveal both the police and the paramedics.

“Ma'am?  
We need to take your statements and let the medics take a look at your wife and daughter.

Her gaze returned to Brenda who was now back in her trance and not attempting to communicate with anyone but the girl she continued to cuddle in her arms.

“Ma'am? 

“Can you give us a moment, please?  
Then Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the LAPD and I, Captain Sharon Raydor, will be more than happy to assist in your investigation.  
I need to make sure my girls are ok – and as you can quite clearly see, my wife is not ready to deal with anyone quite yet.”

They nodded, leaving the room to take statements from the abundance of witnesses still waiting in the store itself.

“Honey? Honey?  
I need you to listen to me. Ok?”  
Brenda still hadn’t moved.

“They need to check you and Sophia over.  
You know that. It’s procedure.”

Brenda dropped her head to rest against the top of Sophia’s.

“Help me honey.  
Tell me what I can do.  
Please!  
How about I call your mother and after they check out Sophia she can take her home and I can stay with you?”

“No” came her solitary response.

“No? What do you need honey?  
What do you want?”

“We stay together” Brenda sobbed.

“Ok. Ok, honey.  
We stay together, I promise, we’ll try.  
We both know how this works though, honey.  
They will need to speak to us separately...” she saw Brenda tense, “....but I promise I will be right outside that room. I swear.  
We need to do this right though, honey.  
We need to make sure he gets put away for a very long time.  
We need to protect you.  
You and Sophia are everything to me.”

She saw Brenda nod.

“I’m going to call Andrea, ok honey?  
I want to get her take on this.” 

The look Brenda gave her was of complete betrayal.

“Gavin is out of the country, otherwise it would be him. I know you trust him and I’m sorry he’s not available. But you also know and trust Andrea and she’s a Deputy DA, honey, she knows her stuff.”

Brenda’s head dropped again in defeat.

“I’ll keep it brief, I promise.  
I won’t even mention you if you don’t want me to.  
But we need to know what sort of a case they could make against him, to put him away for good.”

Sharon moved to stand and make her way to the door to inform the Officers that they would be ready to talk shortly, and also to make her call.  
But Brenda’s shaking voice stopped her.  
“Don’t go. You promised not to leave me. You promised" she whispered forlornly.

“Ok, honey. I’ll call in here.  
I just didn’t want you upset any further.  
But I wont go, not if you don’t want me to.”

She waited for the call to connect, watching Brenda closely as she kept a now sleeping Sophia still close to her, softly kissing her face and trying to erase the little knot of frustration on her little forehead.

“Hello, Andrea Hobbs, Deputy DA speaking.”

“I guess you didn’t look at your caller id again, huh, Hobbs?” she replied, slightly taken aback at her formal tone.

“Oh! Hey Sharon!  
How’s the weekend going with Miss Atlanta?  
Did the munchkin tag along too?” she asked fondly, referring to Sophia.

“About that ......” she paused briefly.

“Has she finally decided to leave you .... for me?” she joked.

The silence on the other end of the line immediately stopped that line of conversation.

“Sharon? Talk to me!  
She hasn’t left you? Has she?!” she squealed, in high pitch shock.

“We need your advice – professionally speaking that is.....”

She gazed at Brenda, as if to confirm her agreement to what was to follow.  
Brenda nodded and turned away.

“We’ve had a bit of ... an incident.  
The Police and paramedics are outside and before we speak to them I need your legal expertise.”

She could hear Andrea breathing heavily through the phone.

“Tell me everything. Don’t leave out a single thing.  
If the Police come back in, let them know you’re taking legal advice and say nothing more.”

As Sharon began to fill her in, she was certain that Brenda had heard Andrea’s gasp of shock at what had occurred, and she had most certainly heard her angry tone of voice at the actions of Brenda’s former husband – even if she couldn’t make out the exact words.

She tried to make the phone call as quick as possible, but she could she that the longer she was on the phone, the more agitated Brenda was becoming.  
She began to hyperventilate again, only just managing to rest Sophia carefully down on the ground before she had a full blown panic attack, struggling desperately to catch her breath before passing out completely.

“Help me!” Sharon screamed, rushing to her side, not even bothering to disconnect the call.

“Help me!” she yelled again, checking for Brenda’s pulse and finding it incredibly weak and thready.

Both the Police Officers and the paramedics burst into the room, pushing Sharon to the side and moving straight into action.

By this time Sophia had woken up and was petrified at the strangers now surrounding and poking and prodding Brenda, obviously having flashbacks to the earlier attack.

“Mama!” she cried, trying to reach her, but being pulled back into Sharon’s arms, so that they could work unobstructed on the woman still unconscious on the floor.

“Sharon? Sharon? Are you there?” came the tinny voice of Andrea still on the phone and scared out of her wits at what she was hearing on the other end of the line.

“Mama!” Sophia continued to wail pitifully into Sharon’s shoulder.

“Andrea, I have to go. Brenda ... she’s collapsed.  
I have to go....” and she promptly hung up.

“It’s ok darling,” she consoled Sophia, “she’s going to be ok. Mama’s going to be ok.”

“Ma’am, we need to take her to hospital to get her checked over.  
She’s stable, but we can’t seem to bring her round.  
We need to check over her daughter too, just to be on the safe side, ok?”

Sharon nodded, watching as they placed an oxygen mask on Brenda’s face, attached monitor’s to her chest and fitted a cannula into her hand, attaching an iv.  
As they lifted her onto the stretcher and made to leave, Sophia still sobbed repeatedly for her ‘mama’.

They followed closely behind, not wanting to let Brenda out of their sights for even a moment.  
Sharon vowed to herself that she would make him pay for the harm he had tried to cause her family.  
A part of her almost wished she had just pulled the trigger when she had the chance.

She sat tentatively beside Brenda's stretcher in the ambulance, Sophia now safely in her lap, despite her frequent attempts to lay down closely with her mama. Sharon couldn’t take her eyes away from Brenda’s face, but she had no choice when she heard Brenda’s phone start to ring in the depths of her large black bag that was resting by her legs.

As she retrieved it she saw the name ‘jimjam’ flash repeatedly on the screen, and when the call connected his frustrated voice immediately launched into;  
“Hey be-leigh!  
Not cool that you’re all MIA and leaving us to do all the prep work!  
You know how mama worries too, she’s practically ready to call out the National Guard you’ve been gone so long!  
When're you getting back, huh?”

“Jimmy – it’s Sharon.”

Before he could respond from his surprised silence, Willie Rae had flown into the room, as if knowing something was not right with her daughter.  
She snatched the phone away from him and spoke instead.

“What’s happened? Where’s Brenda? Is Sophia alright? Talk to me! What’s going on with my baby girl?”

In the background Willie Rae could hear the sounds of Sophia calling repeatedly for Brenda, along with the ambulance siren and paramedics talking, and immediately she started to panic.  
“Why are you in an ambulance and what’s happened to Brenda?”

“She’s going to be fine.  
She had a .... panic attack and .... she ...... passed out when we were at the store.  
She hasn’t come round yet and so we’re on our way to the hospital” she replied, trying not to say exactly what had happened, as she didn’t want to betray Brenda’s privacy.

“We’re all on our way" Willie Rae declared, obviously about to send jimmy off to fetch the others.

“No!” Sharon shouted.  
“I mean, no, please don’t tell the others” she sighed.  
“I don’t know how Brenda’s going to feel about everyone else knowing what’s happened ....” she sobbed now, clasping her hand over her mouth to try and stop them, but failing miserably to mask the sound.

“What exactly happened Sharon?  
You tell me right this minute!” demanded a stern Willie Rae, leaving no room for argument.

“Grady.  
Grady happened ....” she whispered, not able to say anything further.

The line went deathly silent, as Willie Rae quickly read between the lines.

“I’m on my way. Alone.”

Sharon thanked her, barely managing to get the words out.

“Just take care of our girls. Ok? You hear me?”

“Yes ma'am, I promise” she replied with conviction.

As Willie Rae hung up Jimmy’s phone, she saw his look of complete shock but determination to find out what was going on with his sister.

“Jimmy, you listen to your mama and you listen good. You hear me?”

He nodded immediately.

“I have to go out. Now.  
And you are going to cover for me. You got that?”

He nodded again.

“If your daddy asks where I am - then you say I went to meet Brenda, Sharon and Sophia at the airport with their bags.  
You say Brenda and Sharon both got called back by Chief Pope and they had to leave straight away. 

I then want you to go up to Brenda’s room, pack their bags and then place them in the boot of your hire car before your daddy can think to check.  
Then you take Roger and pick up the groceries they got from the store and my car at the same time. 

After that I need you to drop your hire care off at the local hospital and leave your keys with reception. Knowing Brenda Leigh, half the shopping will be things for Sophia....... and obviously chocolate,” she said, rolling her eyes a little.  
“Now that stuff you can also leave with reception.  
Can you do that for me? For Brenda?”

Jimmy was now staring at her, open mouthed once more.

She clicked her fingers at him to get his attention back and he nodded quickly.

“Is she ok mama? Is be-leigh ok?”

“I don’t quite know, son.  
But she has Sharon with her and if anyone can look after your sister it’s her.”

She pulled him into a quick hug, before she grabbed her keys and bag.  
“Go on! Scoot! And remember what I said.” 

And then she was gone.

Across the other side of town the ambulance was now pulling into the designated hospital, the doors immediately opened and Brenda removed as quickly as possible.

“Ma’am, just stay back and let us get her inside, ok? I believe you’re both Police Officers?”

At that, Sharon nodded, still distracted by Brenda’s swift departure.

“Then you know how this works, right?  
Give us time and room to get her inside and settled and then follow with that little lady in your arms, to get her thoroughly checked over too.  
We take care of our own ma'am – remember that.” 

It had been close to 45 minutes now, and Sharon was pacing the waiting room, like a caged lioness by the time Willie Rae arrived.  
Sophia had been given a clean bill of health, along with a bravery sticker, a bright red lollipop and some meds for if she struggled to sleep later that night.

Willie Rae took one long look at Sharon before she set her bag and coat down, reached for Sophia to take her from her arms and then stated;  
“tell me everything" as she patted the seat beside her.

Sharon held nothing back, not even her tears, as she recounted the events of the day.  
Willie Rae said nothing as she listened attentively and continued to fuss over Sophia by admiring her brand new teddy bear and his silver bowtie.

“Nana? Mama ouchy" Sophia interrupted, again solemnly rubbing her teddy bear where Brenda had been hurt.

“She saw the whole thing,” Sharon whispered, her head falling back to hit the wall behind her chair in frustration.

She heard the door to the waiting room open and watched warily as the Police Officer entered, again requesting her to go give her statement of events. 

Despite being in FID and knowing the procedures and policies inside out, having written most of them herself, she still found herself incredibly frustrated at their unrelenting persistence.  
She gritted her teeth in anger at their intrusion, feeling Willie Rae place her hand gently on her arm in an attempt to restrain her.

“Ma'am, we have a room down the hall, so you don’t need to leave the hospital and we also have your attorney on the line, a Gavin Baker, calling from out of the country.  
As an Officer of the law, and having pulled your weapon on a civilian, you must know that we have to follow procedure – especially if that .... well, the other person involved makes an excessive use of force complaint.”

The Officer obviously anticipated her burst of anger and indignation that the man who had viciously attacked both her wife and child, as well as verbally and physically attempting to harm her, could possibly claim she or even Brenda had over reacted in their response to his unprovoked reaction.

“Ma'am I understand your frustration, I do, but this needs to be done and it needs to be done right.  
We protect our own ma'am – you know that.”

“Go,” Willie Rae said, “I’ll stay right here with her, I promise.  
And the sooner you get it done, the sooner you can be by Brenda’s side when she wakes up.”  
Sharon nodded, wiping her eyes and then kissing Sophia on the head as she left the room.

By the time she returned a Doctor was now speaking softly to Willie Rae in the corner, whilst Sophia was sitting on a chair eating a cookie and drinking juice from a sippy cup that a nurse had kindly given her.

“What’s going on?” Sharon demanded.  
“When can I see her? I need to see her.  
I promised her I wouldn’t leave her alone!”

“This is her ... wife” Willie Rae explained to the Doctor, placing a comforting hand on Sharon’s arm to try and calm her down.

“As I was saying to your mother in law, Mrs Johnson is still unconscious - but she is stable and comfortable. 

Her cheek is badly bruised, but an x-ray has confirmed that it’s not fractured, which is good news. 

As for her arm and wrist – that’s slightly more difficult to deal with.  
There may be some ligament damage to her bicep and tricep, as well as there obviously being significant bruising.  
We will investigate further when she is more alert. 

Her wrist however is more complex.  
It’s not just severely sprained, there is also a small hairline fracture on her scaphoid.  
Due to the current amount of swelling we’re reluctant to put a firm cast on it - so at present it has a temporary long arm bandage on to keep it immobile until the swelling subsides.  
I do have to inform you that she may require surgery on it in the very near future, depending on how it heals, but that is something we can discuss with your wife when she wakes up.”

“When will that be Doctor?” Sharon found herself asking, shaking at the list of injuries he had catalogued.

“It’s unclear at present.  
But I must inform you that the longer she remains unconscious, the more difficult it may be to bring her round. 

She has obviously been through a very traumatic physical and emotional experience, and tests have confirmed that her blood sugar levels, along with her blood pressure and heart rate were severely low when she was first admitted. 

Our brains can make our bodies do some very irregular things when it feels at risk – we believe that Brenda is in a severe state of shock and that is what we are treating her for right now.  
We’re keeping her hydrated via drip and we are continuing to closely monitoring her blood sugar, blood pressure and heart rate levels on a regular basis.”

“When can I, can we ... see her?” Sharon demanded, having heard enough for now.

“I have no objections to you going in, though obviously it may be distressing for your daughter to see her mother that way.  
But having said that, we usually find that it’s beneficial for patient’s like Mrs Johnson to have contact with loved ones as soon as possible, as it can help to bring them round quicker.”

“Thank you Doctor, thank you so much,” Willie Rae said, shaking his hand firmly.

“Go,” she encouraged Sharon.  
“Go see our girl, I think you need to more than me right now, honey.  
I’ll come through with Sophia in a little while.  
The Nurse who’s assigned to Brenda has said a ‘delivery' has arrived for her, so she’ll be along with that shortly.”

Sharon barely managed to nod before she rushed from the room in her haste to get to Brenda.  
But despite her haste, she couldn’t help but pause outside her room clutching the door frame, needing a moment as the world seemed to spin off its axis, leaving her feeling dizzy and light headed.

She lent her head against the frame, trying desperately to even her breathing as the events of the afternoon kept replaying over and over in her mind.

Her whole world was inside that room.  
A woman she loved more than life itself – ironically a woman she had yet to still say those 3 little words to. Even now, even after nearly losing her, she still hadn’t said them – not even when she was trying to comfort her straight after the assault.  
And it wasn’t because she didn’t love her – she did! Completely.  
Totally.  
And without regret...... she just couldn’t say them.  
The more she wanted to, the harder it was.  
But she prayed that Brenda knew.  
She tried to show her every day that she loved her – she just hoped Brenda could realise that.

As she made her way slowly into the room her gaze was drawn to the pale and unconscious woman that was laying silently in the hospital bed.  
A bed that her violent and irrational ex husband had put her in .... once again. 

Instinctively she wanted to climb on that bed with her, she wanted to take her place, to remove every trace of the hurt and trauma she had ever endured – but she settled for caressing her bruised face and placing her lips softly against her temple.

They had removed the full face oxygen mask and replaced it with a nasal one now.  
There was a heart monitor bleeping constantly in the corner and a blood pressure cuff, along with several drips attached to her iv. 

She traced Brenda’s fingers tenderly across the bandage that covered the majority of her arm – thankful that at least it wasn’t her dominate hand, the hand she carried her gun in that was damaged and possibly needing surgery.  
She knew what an additional blow that would have been for Brenda on top of everything else.

Wake up, honey.  
You need to wake up” she whispered softly into her ear, hoping her voice would encourage her to open those beautiful brown eyes that she loved so much.

“I know you want to probably sleep, but I need you to wake up.  
Please!” she sobbed.  
“I can’t do this without you ... I feel like I can’t breathe without you, honey.  
Come back to me .... to us.  
Phia misses you like crazy.  
I swear she’s practically cleaned out the entire nurse’s station of cookies and candy since we’ve been here ..... and she didn’t even have her partner in crime to help her!”

Willie Rae was watching and listening silently from the doorway, thankful that Sophia was too engrossed with the lollipop she held in her hand to notice who was laying in the bed.

“I know I should have protected you better!  
I do! I know that!  
And I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry!” 

Her tears were falling thick and fast now, and she fell, more than sat in the chair that was beside Brenda’s bed.

“I’m not going anywhere.  
I’m going to stay right here until you open your eyes.  
Do you hear me?”

The sound of movement behind her caught her attention, as Willie Rae finally made her way into the room.

“Mama? Maaammmaa! Wake up! No night night!” Sophia yelled, causing them both to jump at the sudden loud volume of her voice.

“Well, I guess I know who wears the pants in your house!” Willie Rae joked, trying to ease the tension filled room.

“You have NO idea!” Sharon muttered as she watched Willie Rae lower Sophia to the ground.

“She looks peaceful. Doesn’t she?” Willie Rae commented, trying to stop Sophia from scaling the bed to get to Brenda.

“Want mama! Want mama! Want mama! Now! Now! Now!” she bellowed, earning a chuckle from the nurse who was then walking in with Brenda’s not so little ‘delivery'.

“Hey pickle!  
We need to be quiet, cause mama is sleeping right now so that she can get better. Ok?  
Do you think you can be quiet for mama?” the nurse asked, placing the large store branded bag, along with 2 more and the bunch of Rose’s that Brenda had picked out down on the side.

Sophia regarded the nurse carefully, still wary of strangers, especially ones who came near her mama, but she nodded slowly.

“Want mama,” she sighed sadly, dropping to her bottom on the floor by Brenda’s bed and throwing her lollipop down beside her.

“May I?” the nurse asked Sharon, indicating she’d like to pick Sophia up.  
“Of course.”  
The nurse gathered up a protesting Sophia, who quietened down immediately when she realised where she was being taken.

“Now, if I place you right here...” and she carefully placed her by Brenda’s side, moving Brenda’s injured arm across her chest and out of harms way, rather than place the child on her other side where the iv lines were attached, “..... I need you to be real careful with mama.  
No jumpin or bouncin – ok, pickle?” 

Sophia nodded solemnly as she nestled herself beside Brenda, pulling her teddy bear with her.

“Are you sure that’s ok?” Sharon queried, concerned for both Sophia and Brenda.

“Are you planning on leaving them alone ma'am?”

“What? No, of course not!” Sharon replied, a little indignantly.

“Then it’s fine, it will do her good. In fact....”, she said looking at Brenda’s monitors and noticing their positive change, “.... it looks like mama is appreciating it too.”

She left the room as Willie Rae took her place watching over a content and completely still Sophia.  
Willie Rae gazed at her daughters bruised and swollen face, having flash backs to the last time she had to see such similar injuries and she felt rage flow throughout her body.

“Is he gonna pay for this?  
He is going ta jail for this, right?  
Cause Lord knows, he shoulda gone the first time!”

“Gavin and Andrea thinks it’s a pretty definite thing – the Police are treating it as a hate crime, as well as assault against both a minor and 2 Police Officers.  
All the witnesses, and there were several, verified his homophobic language and saw his unprovoked attack .... and despite little Miss ninja .....” 

and she paused before nodding in Sophia’s direction, 

“.....now laying there next to her mama like butter wouldn’t melt - attacking him and then Brenda knocking him out cold, Gavin says it will clearly be defined as ‘acting in self defence’.”

“Wait! What?  
Little miss Sophia did what exactly?!  
And Brenda knocked him out?”

Sharon sighed, not quite believing Sophia’s actions herself, having not witnessed it, until finding it out from the Police Officers during her statement.

“Apparently......” she continued, “....... Sophia launched herself at him, trying to protect Brenda from him shouting at her, they think.  
She kicked him clean in the shin .....”, 

she paused, trying not to giggle a little as she said the next part.

“..... and then she tried to bite him through his pant leg!”

Willie Rae turned and stared in amazement at the little girl in question, who was now gently playing with Brenda’s curls.

Sharon drew her attention back by saying; “I don’t know whether to be proud of her for her attempt at bravery ...... or ground her until she’s 35 for daring to be so reckless!  
But either way, she’s obviously more of a Brenda’s girl than we ever realised.”

Willie Rae nodded her head in a mix of amusement and shock.  
“You sure they’re not ACTUALLY related?” she queried, “cause I’m pretty sure my Brenda Leigh woulda done the same thing at that age ....... but probably would have done more damage!” she finally chuckled.

“But he didn’t hurt her though? Did he?!!!” she asked in alarm, knowing how vicious the man could be.

“No, at least not physically.  
But it wasn’t for a lack of trying.  
Hence why Brenda’s arm is so bad and he managed to get a pretty good hit in to her face. 

She put herself between them, every single time he tried - not even contemplating the danger to herself. And when he wouldn’t back down..... she knocked him out cold .....” she gazed at Brenda’s bandaged arm, “..... and you can see from the damage how far she was willing to go to protect her...... I just wish she’d realise that there was nothing else she should have or could have done in those circumstances.....

However, for the emotional damage .... well, see for yourself. She barely left Brenda’s side before all this .... but now I think we’ll be lucky if she doesn’t find a way to permanently attach herself!”

“That’s a perfectly normal response Mrs Johnson,” came the warm voice of the treating Physician.

They had been so engrossed in their chat that they hadn’t noticed him enter the room until he spoke.  
He smiled as he approached Brenda’s bed, picking up her chart and going to physically examine her, when they all heard Sophia growl at him.

She then stood herself up on the bed and placed herself between him and Brenda, as if trying to protect her.  
Her little face grew angry and she threw her teddy bear at him before shouting, “bad man! Bad man! No hurt mama!”

“You were saying?” Sharon asked him dryly.

They watched as he held his hands up in surrender to the little girl.  
He tried and struggled to keep the smile from his face at her continued determined little stance and he backed slowly away.

“She’s a feisty one, isn’t she!” he chuckled, as she still refused to sit back down or take her eyes from him the entire time.

“Sophia Elizabeth Raydor!  
You stop that right now or you’re coming down off that bed and going home with Nana.  
Do you hear me?” Sharon declared to her, though her voice had an underlying tone of pride running throughout it. She couldn’t help but think that Sophia was now mirroring what Brenda had done for her – protecting her at all costs.  
How could she be, or even stay mad at that logic?

The little girl widened her big brown eyes at Sharon and she instinctively knew that they could be in for a tantrum to end all tantrums if Sophia honestly thought she would be separated from Brenda right now.

She held her hands up, trying to placate the highly strung and obviously very emotional little girl.  
“Ok. Ok, honey. Sit down. Carefully! Sit down carefully and take care of mama. Ok? Can you do that?”

They all watched as she nodded and promptly dropped herself back down to the bed, snuggling back up against Brenda like nothing had happened – except she was now minus her teddy bear!

The Doctor had carefully retreated back to the corridor and was now visible in the doorway talking quietly to the nurse, before he raised his voice to address them again.

“I’m going to recommend that a colleague of mine take over.”  
He immediately sensed their alarm and tried to reassure them.  
“Mrs Johnson is doing fine, I assure you.  
But I feel it may be more beneficial for the little lady in there if we were to keep all the staff that attend to your wife female for the time being.  
Perhaps they will seem less ‘threatening' to her.”  
He watched them both nod in understanding and appreciation at his gesture.

“I’m also going to give you the name of a counsellor back where you live that you may want to consider taking her to in order to discuss this perfectly natural initial behaviour.  
Her name is Dr Leonard, I’m not sure if you’re aware of her?  
She does infact work for the LAPD, but she also has a very successful private practice as well.  
In fact, it may also be beneficial for your wife to schedule an appointment or 2 for herself – Dr Leonard has extensive experience in treating victims of domestic abuse.”

Sharon nodded, remembering her unfounded squabble with Brenda un the shower earlier that morning about the woman now being reccomended.  
The irony that Brenda may in fact now require more than just the one ‘one on one’ session with the woman now in question wasn’t lost on her.

“If you want to stay with your wife over night, and looking at that little one, I don’t think you have too much choice, then that is absolutely fine.  
We’ll do everything we can to make you all comfortable" he said, before completely leaving the room.

Willie Rae clutched her hands anxiously.  
It was getting towards early evening and her absence would surely have been noticed by now. 

It seemed that Jimmy though had done as she’d asked. The bags that had been brought up clearly indicated that, along with the keys for the car that was now parked outside with their suitcases securely in the boot.

“I smell food!” she declared, opening one of the bags the nurse had delivered.  
Inside she found 4 different types of Happy meal with four different choices of drink.  
“I think Jimmy musta brought these for Sophia, obviously trying to cover all the bases,” she mused, looking in all of the boxes at the options and then stealing a fry.

Sharon glanced up briefly at the array of fast food and muttered;  
“it’s a good job she’s unconscious right now, because otherwise your son may have ended up in the room next to her for daring to feed her little Sophia that garbage.  
That and the fact that she’s still a little too young for food like that.”

Willie Rae raised her eyebrow in surprise, knowing Brenda’s predilection for chocolate and fast food.  
Sharon saw her bemused expression and quickly began to explain.

“Brenda just happens to be the very strict, but VERY two faced, bad cop on the food and snack front in our house!  
That there,” 

and she motioned at all the fast food and now chocolate that Willie Rae had uncovered in the other shopping bags, 

“she’ll happily demolish all that by herself ... with room to spare......  
.....however, anyone gives Sophia anything that isn’t ‘organic' or ‘nutritious’ and she goes absolutely crazy! I’ve seen criminals less scared of her than the server at our local deli as she interrogates him when shopping for Sophia!”

Willie Rae chuckled in delight at her daughters antics. “Hang on a minute?  
I saw her share a plate of pancakes with Sophia this morning and a cookie ..... and what about all the snacks she’s had since we’ve been here?” she queried lightly.

“Sophia had less than HALF a chocolate chip pancake. For the rest of them Brenda took the chocolate chips out and replaced them with sliced up banana and strawberries.  
It seems no one noticed because they were all too distracted competing over their lavish toppings and trying to out eat each other!  
But she ALWAYS makes sure Sophia eats healthily and soda is a definite NoNo.  
She said that Sophia could make her own bad food and drink choices when she was an adult – but until then she would eat her greens and drink her milk, just like her mama had taught her at that age.

And as for the ‘cookie' – again, she only mostly ate half, as she’s used to oatmeal organic ones, and then she shared the rest with Brenda..... that’s their thing, that’s what they do – they ‘share'.  
Its kind of sweet really..... although when Sophia gets a bit older and wiser to Brenda’s antics she may not want to share quite as much!

But the snacks she’s had since she’s been here..... well, that’s all on me I’m afraid.  
Like I say..... Brenda’s the bad cop, which makes me the, ...... maybe not the ‘good' cop ...... more like the ‘soft touch' cop – especially after today.  
Like I said before....it’s a good job she’s unconscious or I’d be in for a serious lecture right along with jimmy. And woe betide us if Brenda wakes up and Sophia is now addicted to sugar!”

She paused to catch her breath;  
“Don’t even get me started on her policies on bedtimes and ‘suitable’ educational tv shows” she said, rolling her eyes, but in obvious endearment.

Willie Rae was amused at the little titbits of information that Sharon had shared about their home life.  
They were little innocuous things that perhaps Brenda herself wouldn’t necessarily think was important enough to share with her mother, but they were the things that she found herself craving to hear more of – especially because Brenda had NEVER been so invested in either of her former marriages.  
And the fact that Brenda also seemed to have utilised a lot of the parenting skills that she herself had tried to instil in her children, warmed her weary heart.

“Well, what’re we gonna do about all that food then?” Willie Rae mused, as she took another fry for herself. She could hear Sharon’s stomach rumble from across the room and see the slight blush in her cheeks at it being so obvious.  
“I think you and my daughter also share an interest in ‘bad food’, dontcha,” she smiled, pushing a couple of the boxes over to Sharon, who decided on the one with the cheeseburger in.

They sat in comfortable silence as Sharon finished chewing a mouthful of her burger, and she grinned as she watched Willie start eating the chicken nuggets, getting an insight into where Brenda had gotten some of her food tastes from.  
The irony of both of them now covertly trying to hide their bad eating habits from an oblivious Sophia and an unconscious Brenda Leigh, like a pair of criminals, was not lost on them.

“I’m going to head down to the canteen and get Sophia something a bit more nutritious, or Brenda Leigh will never forgive me,” Sharon said, moving to get up from the chair.  
“Maybe afterwards you should start thinking about heading back for your party, huh?” she asked Willie Rae, not wanting to seem like she was pushing her out, but knowing that the other woman was obviously procrastinating about it.

“I know you’re right dear, I do. I just ....  
Maybe we should cancel it.”

Sharon nodded in understanding, but tried her best to reassure her.  
“I’m going to stay here with her all night.  
In fact, as long as it takes for her to wake up .... which shouldn’t be too long when she starts to smell all the food she’s missing out on!  
She tried to joke, not wanting either of them to continue to dwell on what had led to this situation.

“I just don’t feel very much like going to a party right now .... not even my own” she sighed wearily.  
“And what do I tell Jimmy?  
Or more importantly, Clay?!  
I don’t think I can keep this from him, Sharon – not after what Grady did the last time.  
I just don’t know" she sighed, shaking her head sadly.

Sharon approached her slowly, sensing her turmoil but needing to comfort her.  
So she pulled her into a loose hug.  
“Brenda would be devastated if you missed your own party.  
You know that.  
In fact, she'll be devastated that she missed it – especially the cake!  
I can’t tell you what to do, I know that, especially about your own husband .... but I do know that if anyone should be the one to tell him what happened, then it should be Brenda herself.  
And we both know that even though she can’t do that right now, we have to give her the time and space to do it – and she may not even decide to do it next week, next month, or even next year – but that is her choice..... and I have to support her, and I will support her, every step of the way.”

Willie Rae nodded in acceptance of Sharon’s words, her heart still in pieces for her daughter laying silently in that bed.

Just before she reached the door Sharon turned. “Maybe, when all this has settled down a bit you and Clay could come out for a visit.  
I know we'd all love that – especially Sophia – and you’re always more than welcome.  
You’re family.  
I hope you know that.”

Willie Rae tried to smile through her tears.  
“I would just love that! We both would.  
We barely saw hide nor hair of our Brenda Leigh during her other marriages and it near broke our hearts.  
It was like she just cut us off .... emotionally and physically.”

Sharon quietly stepped back into the room.  
“I’m not sure it’s my place to say this..... but Brenda and I have spoken at length about how she wants you to be a part of our lives" and she glanced again at Sophia who was still playing with her my little ponies by Brenda’s bedside, “all of our lives.  
She was desperate for you to meet Sophia and I think she wanted you to see how happy she was now, so that you wouldn’t worry as much about the past.”

“It’s my job to worry about my baby girl,” Willie Rae grumbled.

“Of course it is!  
I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. .....  
I’m saying it wrong,” Sharon swallowed, running her fingers through her hair and deciding that Brenda would forgive her for what she was about to disclose.

“It was never Brenda that didn’t want you to be a part of her life.”  
This caught Willie Rae’s attention immediately.

“I don’t know much about her time with .... well, her first husband,” she said, refusing to say his name out loud.  
“But I know after playing the doting husband for a while, he quickly became jealous of the time she tried to spend with you..... and he made it difficult for her. His behaviour would be .... unpredictable..... and she didn’t want you all to have to deal with that.  
Not when she felt it was her fault.”

Willie Rae nodded, not yet able to form any words to the revelations she was hearing.

“As for Mr FBI, well .... I wasn’t really around for the beginning of that – but she did tell me that she felt he’d betrayed you and by default so had she.”

Willie Rae’s eyes widened in shock at that statement.

“She knew he wasn’t what she wanted, but he seemed to have won both you and Clay over - and she wanted you not to have to worry about her anymore – and when he changed, again she felt to blame.  
You’d already been through it all with ... the first one .... and it seemed like it was happening all over again.

The parts I did see, the antagonistic and verbally abusive behaviour, was easy to dismiss to the untrained eye.  
He would make her out to be lazy, inconsiderate, ungrateful and unworthy of his time – he tried repeatedly to undermine her relationship with her family" she paused then to gauge Willie Rae’s reaction.

She looked heartbroken and dare she say it, a little guilty.

“He would make all these grand sweeping gestures, picking you up from the airport, showing you around town – and at the same time he would vilify her to anyone and everyone for not doing the same – even to her own parents.  
What he failed to mention was that he made it so that Brenda wasn’t able to do those things for you and he wanted it to drive a wedge between you.  
He would hide her evidence so she couldn’t leave her case, he would book your flights when he knew she was busy and wouldn’t be able to pick you up herself. He wanted her beholden to him and only him.  
He wanted her to feel like a useless daughter, a useless wife, a useless cop .... because then he could control her.”

Sharon wiped away her tears of anger at the behaviour she was remembering having witnessed.

“After her past ...... well, it wasn’t hard for her to start believing his lies. But his cruelty really went up a notch when he encouraged you to attend her Gynaecology appointment with them.  
Brenda only found out recently that he had already spoken to her Doctor beforehand and so he already knew what would be discussed – that Brenda would struggle to conceive, if at all, without significant medical assistance and that was something she had already stated that she would not do. 

But he manipulated her into agreeing to the procedures because he ensured that she would now be told that she was infertile and basically inadequate as a futurebwife and all in front of her own mother. How could she possibly say no to it now?”

Willie Rae was struggling to hold back her sobs.

“I believe it was that day and in that office where he also chose to propose to her .... again manipulating her in the worst kind of way.”  
Willie Rae nodded at Sharon’s statement, remembering how excited she had been for her daughter and how pleased she had been to be a part of the proposal story. Only now could she see Brenda’s hesitancy and obvious discomfort during the whole event, before she quietly accepted.

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty.  
And I’m certain Brenda would tell you the same thing. Fritz was very good at what he did - and what he did was perpetually paint himself out to be the ‘good guy', the guy who was benevolent enough to ‘put up with' Brenda Leigh.  
He just failed to mention that he was also the guy who;  
\- made her cry  
-tried to ruin her career on more than one occasion  
-tried to force her into high risk medical procedures because he wanted a child .... and she didn’t  
-tried to turn her squad against her so that she would quit  
-lied to her parents that she was ‘too busy' to take the time to see them  
-lied to her by not telling her he was a ‘recovering’ alocholic  
and  
now won’t leave her alone after she finally found the strength to leave him.”

Sharon squeezed her gently again before slowly walking away to complete the task she had been intending to do.

“But, all of that is in the past now.  
Brenda Leigh is stronger, more confident and is determined to have you share in our lives.  
And I’m so proud of her for that, especially because nothing would make me happier than seeing her happy and content – and having seen her around her family, I know that’s where we belong.

I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t have my reservations about this trip .... about meeting you all properly as Brenda Leigh’s official partner ....... because I did.  
But they were my insecurities, not Brenda’s.  
And you all showed me how false they were.”

“I’m so glad she has you Sharon.  
Both of you” Willie Rae declared.  
“She loves the bones of you and we do too.  
You’re both part of our family now and you always will be.”

\----------------------------------------

By the time Sharon had returned, the mood had lightened considerably and Willie Rae had conscientiously changed Sophia’s diaper and had dressed her in the purple dinosaur onesie that Brenda had picked out for her at the store. 

After checking on Brenda and running her fingers softly against the side of her face, just needing their connection, she smiled at her content granddaughter.

“Where did that come from" Sharon couldn’t help but ask, smiling again at the adorable little girl, and not recognising it as one of Sophia’s own.

It was then that she saw the 3ft mermaid, the my little ponies and the various other toys and items that Brenda had picked out for Sophia during her time shopping solo around the store.  
Though Brenda was strict about food, bedtime and tv – she couldn’t control herself when she saw something Sophia might like at the store.

As she continued to gaze around at all of Brenda’s purchases, she found herself entranced by a beautiful and elegant bouquet of roses that Brenda must have also chosen, but this time especially for her.  
As she brought the flowers up to her nose she automatically inhaled their deep and sensual scent, and her eyes welled up once again with intense love for the confounding, yet intoxicating woman who continually held her whole heart in the palm of her hand – even when she was unconscious. 

Willie Rae then interrupted her thoughts as she made a clear noise of disgust, holding up both Brenda’s notorious cardigan and the new, exactly the same coloured soft blanket that she had found in the shopping bag.

“Who knew God could create 2 such ugly coloured pieces of material,” Sharon declared, rolling her eyes as she watched Sophia still choose Brenda’s cardigan over the substitute Brenda had obviously had in mind for her.

As she scooped the protesting little girl up into her arms she watched Willie Rae reluctantly put her coat on and pick up her purse.

“Down! Down mommy!” Sophia half bellowed, half wriggled, trying to escape her and return back to Brenda’s side.

“Now, little Miss Phia,” came Willie Rae’s calm voice “you need to eat up you dinner so that you can show your mama when she wakes up what a good girl you’ve been.”

Sophia didn’t hesitate, she stopped moving immediately in Sharon’s arms and opened her mouth obediently in anticipation of her first mouthful.

“Johnson children don’t easily give up on their food, or their mama’s influence,” she chuckled to Sharon, as she watched her hastily feed her a mouthful of sweet potato and butternut squash.

“Mmm, mama share!” they heard the little girl mumble, around a mouthful of her dinner, trying to pull Sharon’s hand with her next spoonful towards Brenda.

Sharon couldn’t help but hold her a little closer, whispering;  
“soon, baby girl, soon mama will be sharing with you again. You’ll see.”

Willie Rae nodded in solidarity with Sharon and her assertions, as well as in grandmotherly pride at the little girl who obviously adored the woman she was desperate to ‘share' with.

“I have to go, dear. I hate to leave you both – I really do.”

She stopped and kissed Sophia on the top of her head, wiping a smudge of sweet potato from her chin and popping it into her mouth, making Sophia smile at her declarations of its deliciousness.

“We’ll be fine. All of us.  
I’ll call you when anything changes, I promise.”

“Please do. Not matter what the time” Willie Rae requested of her, as she slipped quietly from the room.

“It’s just me, you and mama now” Sharon told the little girl, who has finally finished her dinner and was now chomping happily away on her sliced banana.

Sharon moved back to the bed, placing Sophia back in her designated spot next to Brenda.  
The little girl began babbling away to her, as if she were actually awake and if Sharon hadn’t have been watching as attentively as she was, then she may have missed the fluttering of Brenda’s eyelids.

She reached slowly for Brenda’s hand, tracing her fingertips over the back of her hand.  
“Come back to us honey, please come back to us. We’re right here.  
Just open those pretty eyes – even if you just want to tell me off for letting Sophia eat unhealthy food!  
Please honey! Please open your eyes!” she sobbed.

“Shhh, mommy! Mama sleeping!” Sophia stated, covering Sharon’s lips with her sticky banana covered little hands.

“She’s got a point" came the raspy voice from the bed, a voice Sharon had irrationally feared that she would never hear again.

She couldn’t help the loud, heart rending sobs that escaped her – just like she couldn’t stop touching Brenda; her face, her hands, her lips .... any part of her that she could reach. 

“Don’t you ever, EVER do that to me again!” she sobbed, kissing her softly and brushing a curl from her forehead. 

“If I get a welcome back like this every time..... then it may be hard to resist!” she joked, wincing in pain at the movement.

“Mama! Maaaammmaaa!” came the little voice before its speaker launched herself at Brenda’s torso.  
“Kiss mama, kiss, kiss!” she demanded, forgetting to be mindful of her injuries as she clambered her way to where she wanted to be.  
She kissed Brenda soundly before snuggling herself up to her and refusing to move again.

“Hey sugar" Brenda whispered, her throat still raspy and dry.  
“I’m here, baby girl, and I’m never going anywhere again.”

“You better not!” Sharon declared, her fingers still not having left Brenda’s body the entire time.

“I’m sorry if I scared you baby” she replied sadly. 

“I cant be without you Brenda Leigh.  
I don’t ever want to be without you again!”

“Well...” Brenda said, trying to shift slightly in the bed, “how about you climb up here and hold me for a while then.  
There’s room for one more, baby.”

“Welcome back Mrs Johnson!  
You had your wife and daughter worried for a while there!” came the voice of her nurse, who was also carrying a little bottle of bedtime milk for Sophia, who waited for Brenda to nod at her in encouragement before accepting it.

Brenda glanced at Sharon in confusion at being referred to as a wife and a mother by a complete stranger.  
The delicate blush on Sharon’s cheeks grew and she made to explain, when Brenda quickly interrupted her.  
“I like to keep them on their toes” she joked.  
“But I ain’t never leaving my wife or daughter again, let me tell you!”

“Good to know, honey" Sharon whispered, for her ears only, as she kissed her softly once more.

“I’m just going to check your vitals and speak to the doctor, but all being well, I can remove your cannulas and drips and then you can have that family sleepover I just interrupted.  
How does that sound, huh pickle?” she smiled at Sophia.

“Sounds perfect to me,” Brenda declared, not giving Sharon a chance to intervene with concerns about her injuries being made worse by her added presence in the bed.

“How about you come with me for a bit pickle, huh?  
We can go for a little walk and maybe give your mama’s a minute of two to themselves,” the nurse offered, opening her arms for Sophia.

“No, no, no!” she replied indignantly, not even bothering to move from her reclined position.  
“You go now” she continued, trying to pull Sharon’s arm over both herself and Brenda.

“She’s a demanding little thing, isn’t she!” the nurse chuckled, continuing to check Brenda’s vitals, before removing her cannula, obviously satisfied with what she saw.

“You have no idea!” Sharon replied.  
“And I just can’t think who she picked that up from" she pretended to ponder, as she stared straight at Brenda.

“Kiss me!” came Brenda’s response, “how’s that for a demand!”

Sharon didn’t stop to think, let alone reply, before she lowered her lips to Brenda’s as requested.

“Mmmm, see Sophia, there are perks to being so demanding!” she smirked, through half lidded eyes that were still staring at the woman she loved.

“Aannnnndddd, on that note, I’m going to leave you all to it" the nurse chuckled.  
“Just holler, or press the buzzer if you need anything. We’ll be checking on you throughout the night, but I did just administer your latest pain relief whilst you were occupied ... with your wife" she smiled, disposing of the needle no longer containing its medication.  
“It will probably knock you out in around 30 minutes, so best get yourselves comfortable ladies. Night.”

“Eurgh, I don’t wanna sleep, baby.  
Not again! Not yet!  
It doesn’t even hurt that much” she murmured sulkily, but immediately wincing as Sophia accidentally jostled her whilst continuing to drink her bottle.

“Looks to me like you need it though honey.  
And we’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

“Of course you will" Brenda told her, “because you’re gonna be right here beside me,” she said, moving to accommodate her.

“Story pwease" 

“Well, baby – you heard her.  
Story time and snuggles .... that’s what I need right now.  
Everything can else can wait.”  
Her eyes pleaded with Sharon to allow her this moment of normalcy before the repercussions of what had happened today came tumbling down around them. 

As usual, Sharon could never say no- to either of her girls, but she knew she had a few things to do first..... like call Willie Rae as promised.

“Give me 5 minutes honey, and then I’m all yours” she said, lifting Sophia from the bed to change her, having smelt her butt from the other side of them bed.  
“Good call!” chuckled Brenda, waving her bandaged arm in the air and then verbally rejoicing at the fact she was off diaper duty, at least for a while.

As Sharon looked at her, she could see her eyes begin to take on a glassy sheen – and she knew that the drugs were obviously starting to take effect.

“Do you want to talk to your mother, she asked, as she placed Sophia back next to her and then placed the new blanket over the pair of them, watching them both close their eyes in appreciation at its softness.

“I know I need to .... but, not tonight baby.  
I just want my 2 girls, that’s all ... just my girls ...” and after a prod from Sophia, she added; “and our bedtime story,” indicating the book she had bought that was resting on the side.

Sharon nodded.  
She kept her call brief, hearing the party in the background as she reassured Willie Rae that Brenda was now conscious and would be fine.

She would have agreed to anything Brenda had asked of her at that point .... and she was thankful that Brenda hadn’t been able to pick up on that in her drugged state, as they would have probably have ended up with sveral kittens, a puppy, a candy floss machine, matching beige cardigans..... the list would be endless!

Brenda and Sophia were still snuggling, and apparently having a very in depth discussion, based on Sophia’s mostly unintelligible babbling and Brenda’s exuberant and mostly nonverbal responses.  
She shook her head in amusement, as she climbed slowly and carefully on to the bed.

“I’m not sure we’re going to fit" she fretted, almost losing her balance when Brenda hugged her fiercely, refusing to let her get down.

“We can. We can so fit!  
Don’t go baby. Please”

“Yeah! Mommy stay!” came the voice of her little partner in crime.

“What am I going to do with you 2, huh?” she said, affection clear in her tone.

“Just love us?” Brenda replied, drowsily.  
As Sharon’s stunned silence continued, Brenda broke the deadlock.  
“Or failing that,” she said, poking Sharon in her side, “read us the story that was promised!”

“Stowry mommy. Pwease mommy.”

Before Sharon even made it 5 pages in, both her girls were fast asleep.  
She sighed in contentment and rested the book on the table behind her as she then lent on her elbow and stared for a moment at the sleeping and peaceful face of her lover.  
She then carefully tucked Sophia’s hair out of her face, and removed the mostly empty bottle of milk from her loose grasp, as she reset the blanket to cover them both more fully, in case they got chilly in the night.  
Her heart felt fit to burst with depth of the love she had for the 2 people beside her.  
She wasn’t planning to sleep, she wanted to stand guard over her little family.  
She wanted to keep them safe.

She tensed as her mind darted back to the those terrible events, and she felt Brenda turn her head towards her in response, trying to bury her face against her neck.

“Hmmm, wife..... mama.....” she mumbled, obviously still deeply asleep.

Sharon stayed silent, not wanting to wake her, but also not wanting to miss what she was mumbling in her drug induced slumber.

“My wife.  
My....my....my" her lips were moving against Sharon’s throat every time she spoke.

“I’m gonna marry you. Marry you.....”

Sharon tensed again.

“My wife.... our.... daughter..... love....”

Sharon felt her own eyes grow heavy, Brenda’s soft mumbling and even softer lips had started to lull her to sleep.

“You will marry me.... right?” she heard Brenda say, clear as day, and as she lowered her sleepy eyes and rested her head against the top of Brenda’s she found herself instinctively but sleepily replying.

“I love you ..... of course .... I’m going to marry ....you.....”

As daybreak came, Sharon heard movement around them in the room.  
She struggled to open her eyes, but her instincts immediately took over and her need to protect her family became her main focus.

“It’s ok Mrs. Johnson we're just doing out early morning checks – everything is fine, go back to sleep.”

It must have only been less than an hour later when Sophia awoke, crying as Sharon’s ringing cell phone woke her up.  
She sobbed half heartedly, the events of the last day obviously still leaving her sensitive and raw.

Her fidgeting also quickly woke Brenda, who swore softly under her breath as the pain of her injuries made themselves known.  
But the thing that made her grumble the most was the fact that Sharon was no longer beside them in the bed.

“Sharon! Sharon!” she shouted, sitting bolt upright as she tried to simultaneously comfort a still exhausted Sophia and search the room for the woman in question.

The relief on her face when she spotted Sharon in the corner on her phone was palpable and if she didn’t already have her arms full she would have launched herself out of bed to get to her.

Sharon turned, holding her finger to her lips as she tried to continue with her call, rolling her eyes a moment later at Brenda’s look of outrage at being side-lined.

As she finished up the call, she held the phone out to Brenda and took Sophia now wrapped in the blanket out of her arms.  
She watched as recognition dawned in Brenda’s eyes once she heard the voice of her mother on the line and Sharon smiled before drifting away to seek out the doctor in order to find out when they could leave.

\---------------------------------

Brenda was tired.  
Her face ached, her wrist itched in the full length bandage and all she wanted was to curl up in bed next to Sharon and sleep for decades. 

Their bags were neatly placed on the floor of their hotel room, a room that Willie Rae had booked for them after the earlier discussion with Sharon and then Brenda at the hospital.

It had taken several hours, but Brenda had finally been discharged, after agreeing to come back in 2 days time for a follow up before being allowed to finally fly home if all was well.

From the moment Sharon had driven them to the hotel, Brenda had fretted. 

\- She worried that Sophia would be traumatised.  
\- She worried that Sharon would get in trouble at work for having to take extra unplanned time off – not caring that she herself also had to do the same.  
\- She worried about if or when to tell her daddy what had happened.  
\- She worried about bumping into Grady in the street – despite constant reassurances that he was currently behind bars, where both Andrea and Gavin were planning to keep him.  
-She worried that Sharon was overtired.

She just worried ..... 

It was only when they were safely ensconced in their room and getting ready for bed that she could fully start to relax.  
And her exhaustion struck immediately.

But it seemed like Sophia had other plans as she spied Brenda climbing carefully into the bed, clearly mindful of her fractured wrist and her multi coloured and bruised cheek. 

As Brenda went to carefully spoon Sharon and wrap her arms around her, she was greeted with 2 sparkling little brown eyes peering up at her from in front of Sharon.  
She heard Sharon try to smother a laugh, before she then tried to encourage Sophia to lay back down and go to sleep.  
But the little girl placed her hand over her mommy’s mouth as if to shush her, as she then clambered over to get to Brenda, repositioning herself practically on top of her before she would settle. 

After everything that happened Sophia barely left Brenda’s side – even following her to the bathroom, and when she wasn’t always allowed inside she would sit impatiently outside the door waiting for her.

“Well, someone’s still the favourite!” she heard Sharon snicker in the semi darkness of the room.  
“Do you want me to move her?  
I know you’re still in pain honey, and she may grumble, but she’ll also be perfectly fine snuggled next to you, rather than on top of you!”

Sharon made as if to move her from her current perch, but paused when she saw Brenda softly shake her head.  
“She’s fine for the moment, baby.  
And she’s not always gonna wanna snuggle with me, so maybe I should just make the most of it whilst I can.”

Sophia let out a loud snore, breaking the magic moment and causing Brenda to struggle to contain her laughter in case she disturbed her.

Sharon also laughed, reaching over to kiss Brenda on her full, pink lips.  
“Only another 18 years to go, honey!  
They’ll fly by though, trust me.  
....Unless you didn’t sign up for forever.....” she half joked.

Brenda grabbed her hand, wincing slightly at the pain it caused her.  
“Oh, I’m staying forever!  
Don’t you ever doubt that for a second – but I mean, don’t get me wrong .... the going to the toilet with a permanent little shadow and trying to pee with someone trying to sit on my lap ..... now that I won’t miss!  
.....That will stop..... right?” she laughed.

“Don’t hold your breath on that one, honey!”

Brenda mock glared at her as Sharon continued.  
“Maybe we should think about taking her to see Dr Leonard....”

Brenda immediately raised both eyebrows in surprise and listened intently as Sharon repeated the advice from the doctor at the hospital.  
She couldn’t help but pick up on Sharon’s tone, jealousy in her voice when she so much as mentioned the other woman’s name – especially when she recalled the doctors suggestion that maybe Brenda should have some ‘one on one’ sessions with Dr Leonard as well.

Brenda couldn’t help the grin that broke out on her face at the doctors suggestion, immediately knowing she had no intention of doing such a thing, but unable to resist teasing Sharon a little about it.

“Mmmm, maybe he’s right baby.  
I could definitely do with some ‘one on one' sessions .... right .... about .... now" she mused sultrily.

She covertly watched Sharon’s nostrils flare in undisguised jealousy and anger, before she appeared to try and school her features in a more a neutral look. 

“Perhaps I should come with you .... you know, .... for moral support ...” she trailed off, not realising that Brenda had easily picked up on her attempt to not let her be alone with the woman she was for some unknown reason, irrationally jealous of being around Brenda.

“Oh, I don’t know baby ..... wouldn’t that kinda defeat the object?  
You know .... it’s supposed to be .... just... the.... two... of ... us.  
ALL alone.  
Together.  
In a room, by ourselves – that’s what ‘one on one’ implies to me"

She watched Sharon swallow convulsively before nodding her head and she couldn’t keep her laughter at bay any longer.

“Oh baby!” she declared.  
“When are you going to get it into that beautiful..... and extremely HARD head of yours, that I only want a ‘one on one’ with you!  
In fact I want multiple ‘one on one’s’ with you!  
Only you! A  
lways you!” she finished, kissing her soundly until she felt Sharon’s angry pout at her little game start to soften against her.

Sharon glared at her, “that was mean!  
Just for that I’m going to make you go and talk about your feelings!  
– and how you ‘feel' about your feelings!  
– and how THAT in turn makes you ‘feel!’"  
She took delight in the way Brenda’s eyes widened in horror at her threat, knowing that that would be Brenda’s absolute worst nightmare.

But Brenda’s demeanour quickly changed to a naughty one as she licked Sharon’s lips that were still hovering above her own with the tip of her tongue to get her attention.

“How about we compromise?” she said, watching Sharon’s eyebrow raise as if in interest at her proposition.  
“How about I just ‘feel' you instead? Huh?” she whispered suggestively. 

Sharon struggled not to laugh at her very enticing offer, instead reminding her of why they had failed to be ‘intimate' that entire weekend .... and probably for at least a little while longer.

“I’m not going to say I told you so ..... but, I did say we'd get no time to christen that lingerie or have any proper ‘private time’ when your little shadow won’t leave your side! Especially at the moment .....  
Not to mention you’re down to only one hand now!” 

She couldn't help teasing Brenda, and after all they’d recently been through they both deserved the far too few moments of light heartedness.  
Not to mention the fact that she enjoyed the way that Brenda’s cheeks blushed a faint pink and finding it incredibly sexy when she would get slightly irate.

“I cant help it that I’m irresistible, I guess.  
Or incapacitated. Can I?” Brenda grumbled, rubbing the fidgeting little girls back.  
“I was just hoping that you’d be the one who'd always be unable to keep her hands off of me!”

Sharon laughed heartily at Brenda’s comment, watching as Sophia repositioned herself again so that she now covered every inch of Brenda’s torso.

She moved herself closer towards Brenda, purposely not disturbing Sophia, as she continued to snore lightly from her perch on Brenda.  
Sharon leaned forward, her lips almost grazing Brenda’s ear as she whispered;  
"And you know how very good .... and VERY willing I can be with my hands!"

Brenda cursed lightly under her breath, pulling away from the light breaths that were tickling her ear, "Stop,” she desperately whispered, despite knowing that it would only encourage Sharon more.

“And I don’t mind doing the ‘hard work’ for a while, or sharing ..... which considering, with your face and arm mostly out of action, that may be a necessity .....

I may even relent and let you be ‘on top' for a while .... at least when you’re not bent over, ready and waiting for me....!!”

Sharon chuckled, loving the way Brenda could seem so promiscuous on minute and yet be so shy at the next. Brenda gave her ‘the look’ – which was a cross between irritation, amusement and unbridled arousal.

Brenda turned her head, the faint light from the moon casting a glow over Sharon’s peaceful and beautiful features.  
Softly she brushed her lips over Sharon’s in a kiss that wasn't meant to arouse, but to portray all of the emotion that she felt for her in that moment.  
Sharon immediately surrendered to her kisses, as she always did, as she always would, until Brenda finally pulled away, leaving her breathless. 

“I’ll never not be sorry for what happened, honey.  
I know you say it wasn’t my fault....” 

she paused to place her fingers over Sharon’s lips to silence the rebuttal she knew was coming. 

“..... and maybe, with time, I’ll come to accept that.  
But I was supposed to protect her.  
I was supposed to protect you....and instead, I make it all about me.  
I don’t know how you can lay here and not hate me .... I really don’t...”

Sharon's eyes shone in the moonlight with unshed tears, her eyes searching Brenda’s in the darkness.  
She kissed Brenda’s fingertips that had remained over her lips and whispered against them;  
“this was never your fault.  
Never!  
And I don’t know what I would have done .... if..... if I had lost you.  
I can’t lose you.  
Promise me. Promise me!”

Brenda moved her hand and wiped her thumb tenderly over a tear that escaped down Sharon’s cheek as she smiled at the woman beside her.

"I love you Sharon and I love Phia too, always and forever.  
Wherever you go, whatever you want to do, I'll be right there by your side.  
I know there’s not much in this life that is guaranteed, but I can promise that I won't stop loving you or Sophia, no matter what, and I’ll also do my best to protect you both with every single breath I have in my body.  
Always and forever" she whispered.

Their foreheads gently rested against each other, their breath mingling in the humid air of the Atlanta night, as their lips remained inches apart.  
Almost naturally, the beating of their hearts seemed to align and no more words were needed between them. 

Even though they were in a strange hotel and city surrounded by strangers, they only needed each other and at the end of the day, that was enough.  
It would always be enough.

Brenda manoeuvred her body so that Sharon could spoon against her side and bury her face against her neck, where she liked to sleep.  
She felt a gentle kiss pressed just behind her ear, and a whispered, “night, honey,” swiftly followed by another gentle kiss to her still tender and bruised cheek.

Brenda smiled into the darkness.

“Night, Mrs Johnson.”

“That’s Mrs. Raydor-Johnson to you!” 

“Good to know. Night baby.”

\---------------------

“Raydor! Raydor!”

Sharon’s eyes struggled to open as she mumbled;  
"I told you already honey, its Raydor-Johnson!”

She was greeted with a moment of silence and then a, “what the hell?  
Wake your ass up, Captain Raydor and explain to me what the hell you’re doing asleep in the chiefs office!” she heard Provenza grumble.


	11. The boys are back in town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brenda's squad stand up to Fritz and Provenza needs an ally.
> 
> Apologies for the massive delay - hope people still want to read xx

As soon as Provenza entered the squad room he couldn’t help but notice the Chief’s blinds were closed. 

He immediately felt immense relief at knowing that she must back...... along with a burning desire to give her a piece of his mind for causing him to worry.

He muttered to himself inaudibly as he made his way towards his desk.   
His cup of filter coffee from the local diner scalding his hand before he placed it gingerly amongst all the overdue paperwork that littered his usually immaculate desk, before making his way to the Chiefs office.

He knocked lightly before he entered, not wanting to give her a chance to ignore him or escape out of the backdoor.  
As he opened the door the room looked empty.   
He lowered his head in resignation and disappointment. 

It was then that he heard a soft sigh off to the side of the room. 

As he glanced over, expecting to see his Chief, what he actually saw was Captain Raydor.   
She was fast asleep and wearing what looked to be the Chief's ugly beige cardigan. 

He couldn’t help but creep closer, almost transfixed on what he was seeing.   
Even in slumber she looked exhausted.   
Her cheeks were covered in tear tracks, her make up smudged and her usually perfect salon hair in complete disarray.

He wasn’t a stupid man, far from it.   
In fact, he quite quickly surmised that based on her reactions to the Chief’s earlier absence and her current location and choice of wardrobe, that more was going on between the two of them than perhaps even anyone could even guess.   
And maybe, just maybe, perhaps, that was actually why the Chief was currently MIA, and the Captain was acting as if she was in mourning.

He was still lost in thought as he heard the hustle and bustle of the other members of the squad beginning to arrive.   
Flynn’s voice suddenly became louder than the rest. 

“Hey fellas!   
Looks like the Chief is back!   
Thank god for that!” 

Without conscious thought, Provenza immediately made up his mind to shield the Captain in her current state.   
He justified it as only being out of respect for his Chief...... but in truth, he had never seen the Captain look so vulnerable and broken – not in all his years of working on the force with her – and if she was indeed ‘involved' with whatever was going on with the Chief right now, then he knew she may be his only way of finding out the truth.

Mind made up, he exited the office swiftly, closing the door firmly behind himself and leaving the sleeping woman continuing to slumber.   
He deliberately blocked the doorway to the office as he saw Flynn continue to approach, a confused expression now gracing his features.   
Luckily he was saved from having to explain anything further when Fritz marched into the room anger rolling off him in waves.

“Right! Where the fuck is my wife?” he practically shouted, turning his furious gaze erratically around the room in an attempt to catch sight of her.

Provenza raised his eyebrows at that and caught Flynn’s eyes as he saw him do the same.   
It was then that Gabriel made his move, signalling to Tao to covertly record Fritz’s continuing outburst on his cell phone.

Not wanting to play his hand, Provenza found himself taking a deep breath – hoping to somewhat calm the myriad of emotions that radiated throughout his entire body at just the sight of the poor excuse of a man.   
But despite his best efforts, he could feel his own rage bubble within himself, from simmering to explosive as the memory of what had transpired less than a week ago between his Chief and her soon to be ex-husband.

“We warned you yesterday Howard.   
You’re not welcome here anymore,” Flynn snarled, his jaw tightly clenching his toothpick throughout the muttered words.   
Provenza could almost see the steam coming out of Flynn's ears at the damn cheek of the man who was currently attempting to stand toe to toe with him.

“Not that you ever were!” chimed in Julio menacingly, who had silently found a place residing next to a now very surprised Fritz.

Fritz glanced around Flynn, at the office his wife would usually frequent, noticing the closed blinds and before he could think any better of it, he started to shout again.

“Brenda!   
Brenda!   
You get the hell out here right now!   
Don’t make me come in there.   
You wouldn’t want your ‘boys' to hear or see ALL your dirty laundry now, would you?!”   
he jeered, hoping to ignite a response from the woman who would no longer give him the time of day.

Whilst Provenza had to physically hold back an apoplectic Flynn, a firm shake of his head was enough to stop a furious Julio from using his fists in order to defend his Chief’s honour.

“Brenda!   
For fucks sake!” Fritz continued to fume.

“I’m still your husband!   
You may be putting it about all over town, to anybody who’ll have you, but by god, we are still legally married and YOU belong to me until I say otherwise!   
You can’t keep getting your hoodlums to keep me out of this murder room – I’m the fucking FBI liaison to this precinct and I deserve some goddamn respect!”

Gabriel chose this moment to intervene, effectively drawing Fritz’s attention his way.

“Lieutenant,” he began, addressing Provenza and completely ignoring Fritz himself.  
“I don’t believe we have any ongoing cases that require the FBI's service, do we?” he enquired as he casually picked up the phone on his desk and pretended to start dialling.

“Nope, we most certainly do not” Provenza replied, immediately catching on to Gabriel’s plan.

“I mean..... I could check with Chief Pope if you like,” Gabriel offered, looking directly at Fritz and maintaining a blank and disinterested expression at the task at hand.

Fritz responded exactly as planned.

“That’s right,” fritz blustered indignantly, “trust her little pet project to defend her honour ..... if you can call it that.   
She sleeping with you too?   
Teaching you the ropes that way?   
You must be desperate to want to stick it to her – come on, admit it, – she’s an awful lay, a goddamn cold fish – but a filthy one – she’ll let you put it anywhere and anyhow!   
That why you’re so quick to jump to her defence?   
Trust me .... well, I guess now you’ve had a ‘taste' you know as well as I do, - that she’s simply not worth it” he exclaimed.

“Now just you hang on a minute!” Flynn interrupted, now beyond anger.

But before he could intervene much further, Fritz continued on his obnoxious diatribe.

“You too, huh?” he leered at Flynn.   
He peered around at the rest of the shocked squad. “Guess you’ve all had a ride on her then at some point. Makes sense.   
But let me tell you, all she wants is loyalty and she’ll do whatever it takes .... and I do mean WHATEVER and moreover, WHOEVER it takes to get it.   
She doesn’t care about you, about any of you.   
She doesn’t even care about the bodies down in the morgue that she’s paid to care about.  
The only thing she cares about is herself.”

Tao was silently recording every poisonous word that left his mouth.

Gabriel interrupted again, pretending to be connecting to Chief Popes office.

“Good morning, this is Detective Gabriel, is Chief Pope available?”  
He paused, as if waiting for a response on his ‘fake' call.   
"No, that’s ok, I’ll hold, thank you...” 

Fritz approached his desk.   
“That’s cute.   
Call the guy who’s dick she sucked and ridden the most – how did you think she actually got this job?   
It wasn’t her credentials, but how keen she was to get back down on her knees for the interview!   
Hey, maybe we could share stories, you know, or commiserate each other on what a pathetic but willingly filthy lay she was.   
I even have some videos on my cell ..... and these are only the edited ones, phew!   
You should see the others, she’d put a seasoned street Walker to shame!   
The guys at the FBI loved them, helped to put her in her place if you know what I mean!”

“Sounds to me like you’re just bitter and twisted that she finally got some sense and left your bullying and abusive ass!” Julio snarled, unable to control his anger.

Provenza didn’t think Fritz could get any more irate, but he was proven wrong.

“I’m bitter?   
Me?   
You have got to be kidding me!   
MY wife ‘puts it about' all over town, fucks anything and everything that moves if it will further her career because she doesn’t have any other way to progress and yet I’m the bad guy?”

“The Chief’s not like that,” came Buzz’s strident reply.

Fritz didn’t even bother to turn around to address him directly before responding.

“She is.   
Even if you’re too blind to see it.   
I’m sure the commissioners would love to know that the whore is back fucking the Chief of Police and that he’s knocked her up and she’s probably given him the same STI she did me!”

Provenza laughed heartily at that, not caring if it further angered Fritz.   
In fact he was counting on it, knowing that their little recording of his erratic and unprofessional behaviour would help rid the Chief of his presence in her murder room and hopefully her life – for good.

“Oh that’s a good one!   
Tell another!” he begged of Fritz throughout his laughter.

“Flynn, you hearing this?” he chortled.

“Seems to me like a case of sour grapes to me. Wouldn’t you say, guys?” Flynn replied, moving his toothpick from side to side in his mouth before continuing.

“So, just cause she doesn’t want your sorry excuse of an ass any more, she must be sleeping with what?   
The whole precinct?” he jeered at that man. 

“That lady, and I do mean LADY, is one of the best interrogators this department, state and force has ever seen.   
She got this job based on her incredible skill set and she has kept it due to her dedication to the job and her squad.”

Flynn heard Fritz attempt to interrupt him, but he bulldozed right over him.

“She has more integrity in her little finger than you have in your whole pathetic body.   
Maybe you should consider the fact that MAYBE you only got the liaison job because of her being able to work with your sorry ass when no one else wanted you!”   
He turned to walk away before his fist connected with Fritz’s now shocked face, but he couldn’t help his last retort.

“And just for the record, she has our loyalty and RESPECT because she has earnt and deserved it.  
So for you to insinuate otherwise and attempt to besmirch both her professional and personal reputation is downright low and malicious.   
She doesn’t want you.   
Get over it and stop coming here to try and cause trouble.”

He turned to Gabriel, who still held the silent phone to his ear.   
“Perhaps you should call Captain Raydor after you speak to Pope about this punks behaviour.”   
He watched Gabriel’s face transform in recognition at Flynn’s latest play, knowing that no-one wanted an angry Captain Raydor on their case. 

“You know how she feels about misogyny and inappropriate behaviour towards female officers in the workplace, especially FALSE accusations.  
She’s like a heat seeking missile when she is on the case.   
And she does NOT take prisoners.”

Provenza found himself tensing and had to force himself not to glance back at the Chief’s office in case he gave something away.   
So he glared at Fritz and chimed in, “sounds good to me, maybe you should start that conversation with this weirdos stalking obsession and then maybe mention the allegations of labelling the Deputy Chief a ‘whore' in the workplace to get Raydor on her way.”

Fritz launched himself at Provenza, but Julio was prepared and caught him in a choke hold.

“Raydor!   
You can fucking call that dyke all you want – chances are Brenda’s fucking her too, or whatever it is that dykes do to each other.   
Maybe she gets off on having brenda on her knees in front of her too – cause trust me, Brenda could suck a dick with the best of them, so doing that ice queen of a Captain to save her own hide would be like water off a ducks back.   
Maybe she could ask Pope for a reference or rating of Brenda’s abilities ...... hmm, but he might not be into sharing as much as Brenda seems to be.   
So fuck her trying to claim ‘irreconcilable differences' for our divorce, she’s getting served with ‘multiple infidelities' and ‘physical and emotional abuse’ for giving me chlamydia and who knows how many other poor rubes....... you may want to get yourselves checked out boys, maybe pass that on to the dyke too, if those sort can catch it.....Pope too ....wait, maybe I should put it up on the bulletin board for everyone to have the option!   
Maybe it will help her figure out who the baby daddy is! Or maybe I might go for custody just to fuck her over that little bit more!   
Whoever did it has my condolences, especially if the ring I found is anything to go by.”

He paused, as if running out of steam.

“So call whoever you like.   
I’m the FBI, no one is gonna believe you assholes over me.   
So I’m here to stay.   
And that whore hiding in her office had better get used it and fast!”

Provenza nodded for julio to drag Fritz out of the room, ignoring the sputtering and indignation that spewed forth from him throughout the short journey.

He nodded for Julio to release him and had a quick moment of doubt about letting julio hear what he was about to say next...... but he knew how close julio was to the chief, especially after the unwavering support she gave him over the death of his brother, so he knew that julio would want in on this protection detail of the Chief.

“I seem to recall telling you multiple times that you are not welcome in this office anymore..... and yet here you are .... continuing to turn up like a bad penny.”

“I can do what I like and go where i like and there’s Jack you can do to stop me!   
She is STILL legally MY wife and I work here as FBI liaison.   
My bosses ain’t gonna believe shit about what you pricks say, so do your worst, because I’m not going to stop until I’ve destroyed her both professionally and personally.   
And I’m going to enjoy every goddamn second of it!”

Provenza grabbed him by the lapels of his generic FBI issued suit, content in the knowledge that they were in a ‘Blackspot' not covered by cameras.

“You and I both know I could call the courts and get you arrested for breaking the terms of the TRO that’s in place.”

Julie’s ears pricked up at this statement.

“I gave you the benefit of the doubt yesterday, but that will not happen ever again.”

Fritz just rolled his eyes, as if in boredom.

“You seem to have forgotten that I walked in on what you did to her last week.”

At least at that statement Fritz’s pupils widened.

“I heard the verbal abuse, I saw what you did to her house and I saw you assault her.   
I saw the bruises, the blood and at the hospital the broken bones.   
In fact, it’s all been documented.”

Julio had started to growl in anger now, his eyes boring into Fritz’s, causing the man to begin to lose his once cocky stature.

“We also called our friendly ADA, who took her statement, as well as mine, and a temporary restraining order was issued by a very friendly and concerned judge.   
Need I go on?”

Fritz gulped in shock, but only for a moment before his smugness returned.

“Is that so?   
Cause I haven’t received anything ..... so maybe little miss attention seeker didn’t follow through cause she knew it was all bullshit!”

Julio held back no longer.   
He swiftly punched Fritz hard in the stomach and flipped him around so that he was pinned and his face was now pushed harshly against the wall. 

“You laid hands on our Chief?” he questioned in a low and deadly tone of voice.  
“You laid hands on a woman, a woman who wanted a better life and a shot at happiness.   
An innocent woman who wanted to get away from your belligerent, bullying and abusive ass?”

He continued to push Fritz’s face harshly against the wall.   
“If you go near her again, I will rip you apart.  
If you so much as look at her again or speak to or about her again I will make you disappear...... you do know I used to work ‘gangs’, right?  
I know people who owe me favours ..... and let me tell you, I would happily trade them all in if I had to, to get you away from her once and for all.   
You get me?   
He menacingly demanded in his ear.

At the same time he had found Fritz’s phone and tossed it to Provenza.   
There was no way he was going to risk Fritz revenge posting whatever, if anything, he had on his cell concerning the chief.

Fritz nodded once and Julio finally released him.

“You’re gonna regret this he shouted as he made his way hastily out of their sight.

Julio turned to Provenza.   
“He hit her?” he whispered in disgust.

“Something like that, yeah.”

“So, where did the TRO go?   
Maybe he’s lying about not getting it?   
We should just call and get him picked up – hopefully right in front of his bosses!” Julio smirked.

Provenza frowned before he answered Julio's questions.   
“I think I know where it is ...... but why it is still there is the $100 million dollar question.”

“Do they know?” Julio asked, whilst tilting his head towards the office where the rest of the squad was still residing.

“No.   
And she didn’t want them to.  
I had to promise her....... but ye gods, I can’t keep an eye on her all the time – because look what’s happened – she’s gone!”

Julio looked shocked.   
“What do you mean, she’s gone?   
We thought she was just ill..... I mean, that in itself is weird enough.... but you’re telling me you think she’s gone because of that asshole?”

Provenza seemed to consider his answer carefully before responding.   
“I think he’s part of the problem .... but I also think that Pope plays a part.   
Think about it Julio.   
We all know that the Chief would disappear to the other side of the building just to escape a visit from our illustrious and obviously lecherous leader.   
And he’s been trying for months to corner her now, especially now it’s common knowledge she’s single again.”

Julio nodded in recognition that it was almost an unwritten office joke and rule, that they would all try and run interference to keep him away from the Chief unless the meeting was strictly necessary.   
And at all times she did have to meet with him, they regularly interrupted their solo meetings or made up excuses to also attend.

“But that’s not just it....... is it?” Julio enquired.

Provenza felt torn.   
He didn’t want to disclose what he had seen and what conclusions he had drawn, but he knew he needed an ally.

“We have a slight problem, currently laying fast asleep in the Chiefs office ...” he mumbled. 

And at the hopeful look in Julio’s eyes, he took little pleasure in having to confirm that the Chief was still not back.

“No, she’s not back ..... I have a funny feeling that wont be for quite a while ..... despite what Pope is claiming.”

He coughed to clear his now dry throat, as Julio continued to look expectantly at him.

“Its Raydor.   
She’s asleep in the Chief’s office, on the Chief’s couch, wearing the Chief’s ‘special' cardigan and I think more is going on there than we realise.”

To his surprise Julio did not react to his statement.  
He simply smiled softly to himself before saying; “let’s keep this from the rest of the guys for now.   
They deserve a chance to try to be happy, don’t they?” he queried.

“Ye gods! I feel like a father protecting his daughters honour from an asshole ex ........ whilst at the same time having to watch her grow up, and if she’s in the same state as the wicked witch seems to be in there, then having to watch her have her heart broken once again.....” he sighed sadly.

“Well, what if she didn’t get her heart broken for long? What if we can help fix it?” Julio responded eagerly. 

Provenza rubbed his face in exhaustion and resignation.... because he knew he would do anything for his Chief.

“You got a plan?” he asked Julio.

“You got Captain Raydors cell number?” julio countered.

“You deal with her”, and julio tilted his head to the Chiefs office, “and I’ll keep the boys occupied and away from the scene.”

Provenza nodded, but couldn’t help but grumble, “so, you get the easy job and I get Captain sunshine to deal with – hardly fair!”

Julio grinned but ignored him.   
“I’ll send Tao’s little recording to you, along with whatever I find on Fritz’s phone ....... after which I’ll “accidentally” annihilate it, and maybe, just maybe it will spur the Captain back into Raydor mode.”

“Here’s hoping”, Provenza sighed.   
“Ye gods, when did I suddenly become an agony uncle, as well as a soft touch, huh?”

“About the same time a spitfire of a southern belle entered our lives and wrapped us all around her little finger without even trying,” julio retorted, smiling at the memory.

“Pah, you got that right,” Provenza good naturedly grumbled.


	12. Fighting fire with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Provenza is torn between his loyalty to his Chief and the need to protect her from herself.  
He needs Raydor - and those are words that he never thought would ever leave his mouth.
> 
> *Apologies for the delay in update. Hope you're still reading!

Provenza paused momentarily before re-entering the Chief’s office. He needed the time to ponder exactly how to approach the notoriously cold, emotionless, and currently unconscious woman – who was for some reason fast asleep in his Chiefs office.

He knew that despite the negative personal feelings he harboured towards the woman beyond that door, he needed her.   
Or, to be more specific, the Chief needed her. Unfortunately he was just the poor unlucky smuck who had to:  
1) make the Chief realise that, and   
2) risk the wrath of Raydor to do it.

However, the potential downsides of his covert little operation were that the Chief would personally kill him when she found out that he had confided in her former nemesis – or anyone for that matter....... but the truth was, he was more concerned with the fact that afterwards he would potentially be in Raydor’s pocket ‘favour’ wise..... which was not a place anyone wanted to be. He shuddered at the thought.

Despite their initially legendary fall outs, which had somewhat dissipated over the last several months, Brenda would need her expertise, her tenacity and well...... her balls, especially if it would help her to finally rid her of the ass of an ex husband.

The man was bordering on deranged. 

They had been separated for over a year now and the Chief had been trying to divorce him in an amicable way. But for some reason he just would not let go!   
He was clinging to her tighter than a barnacle to a rock and his unwarranted attention had increasingly escalated to breaking and entering, stalking and physical assault. 

These were all things that would ordinarily draw Raydor like a shark to blood ...... but for some reason, not this time.   
As he mused about that concept it was only then that the very obvious reason why that was came to him....... the Chief hadn’t told her ..... because the Chief hadn’t told anyone.  
If it wasn’t for his opportune arrival that night, to witness it first hand, he doubted that he would have ever even known about it himself. 

That was the thing that concerned him the most. 

Brenda had covered Fritz’s inappropriate behaviour for weeks...... maybe even months ...... or years? And the one person who had no personal interest in the situation seemed to be the one person she was most desperate to hide it from – Sharon Raydor. 

That right there should have set his internal alarm bells ringing. 

She had all but begged him not to involve the tenacious Captain and his absolute refusal to give in to her had led to her using her southern charm to beguile and coerce him into finally agreeing..... And now she was missing.

His anger flared, especially at his own inadequacies. He should have been the one to hand in the TRO.   
He should have insisted.

He let out a low growl of anger at his mistake, especially because if she was missing then it was for a reason and it meant that time was most definitely not on his side - especially when Brenda Leigh Johnson was more than capable of becoming her own worst enemy.

Knowing he needed to move fast and that he needed the Captain and her resources on side to do so, he decided that a straight forward offensive tackle was the best form of action.   
It would also hopefully be one that ‘Captain Rulebook’ thought would be against his better judgement. 

He tried to overlook the consequences of his chosen action if it didn’t go to plan...... because, despite wanting, and more importantly needing the Captain’s expertise ...... he knew that his crabby reputation, his long term career, but more importantly, his balls, wouldn’t survive her repercussions if it all went wrong.

Knowing this, he cleared his throat, shot a quick glance down at his crotch and said a silent prayer for its wellbeing before pushing the door open and entering the lions den.

“Raydor! Raydor! Wake the hell up!”

His voice sounded foreign to his own ears.   
He was torn between not wanting to alert any others in the communal corridor to her unexpected presence but also not actually wanting to wake the surprisingly peacefully sleeping woman.

However, as usual, luck was never entirely on his side..... or even in the same ballpark.

Sharon’s eyes flickered briefly before she tossed, turned, and then sensually stretched, all whilst breathlessly mumbling;   
“mmmm, honey...... again!!??”

For a brief moment he thought that maybe he’d slipped into the twilight zone .... and then as what he was hearing was slowly beginning to sink in, he almost began to wish that he had ..... until sheer morbid curiosity got the better of him.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” he snickered, like a naughty school boy, instinctively turning to look for his currently missing partner in crime, Flynn, to share the joke with.

As his mind tried to fully comprehend and rationalise the fact that even ‘ice queens' could get laid regularly, his instinct began to scream at him to ‘back away, drop and roll’ in order to get the hell out of dodge whilst he still had a fighting chance of survival. 

But he tried again.  
“Raydor!   
Captain!   
Sharon!   
For God sake, wake up!” he grumbled, torn between deciding however much he wanted to hear more about the Wicked witch’s personal life, and the leverage it would later provide him with, he quickly wanted this torture to be over with more.

His attention was immediately drawn to Sharon sensuously stretching out on the small couch.   
He watched as she then proceed to snuggle further into Brenda’s tan cardigan that she had cocooned herself in. 

Her sigh sooned followed;   
“mmm, hmmmmm, I love the way you smell ......” and he watched as a naughty smirk crossed her face before she added;   
“but you taste even better on the tip of my tongue!”

Provenza nearly choked on his own tongue at the unexpected words coming out of her mouth.

His eyes widened as he heard a genuine sexual moan of pleasure leave her lips. It was a sound he would never have associated with the woman who was so publicly regarded to have a soul made of solid ice..... if she was believed to have one at all.

It was about now his higher brain function and conscience kicked in and he felt conflicted.   
In some ways he felt like the worst kind of voyeur, but he couldn’t help watching mesmerised as she once again bit her lip and continued to softly moan, her hands now clenching and unclenching beside her.

“mmm, hhmmm, I swear, you’ll be the death of me ..... mmmm, mmmm, bring your head back up ..... fr..om uh, uh, un-der the covers...... or I swear I’ll never ...... uh, ooooooohhhhh.”

“That must be some damn dream!” he mumbled embarrassedly to himself. 

He scratched his head, wondering how to awake the sleeping and obviously aroused woman before him.   
He reached out his hand to pat her on the arm, but immediately drew it back, fearing for its safety.

It was around this time that he recalled that the Captain was not widely known for having male partners, at least not since her ill fated marriage some 20 years ago.

She didn’t flaunt her sexuality, he had to give her that. In fact, if he hadn’t seen it with his own two eyes he would have simply put the rumours down to malicious beat cops who had for very valid reasons found their way onto her shitlist. 

“Oh, don’t pout honey. You know what that does to me ......” 

Here Provenza watched her face break out into a sultry smile, and he wondered if he had ever seen such a look grace her features before this very day ..... 

Surprisingly he realised that he had .... several times over the last year ...... and it immediately clicked as to ‘who’ that look was always aimed at or in relation to.  
But surely, he must be mistaken.....   
Before he could continue his contemplation, she continued;

“and you know exactly what it makes me want to do to you, especially when you do it to me in the office for everyone else to see! Mmmm, if only they knew!”

– “Ok, now this is getting interesting", he thought to himself, once again getting easily distracted from his task at hand and wanting to have his suspicions confirmed.

His cheeks continued to flame as he paused to contemplate ‘Raydor', ‘Sex' and a possible mutual ‘colleague', likely a ‘mutual’ female colleague all in the same thought. 

He wasn’t a choir boy by a long stretch of the imagination and he had to somewhat begrudgingly admit that there was little doubt in his mind that Raydor was either.   
However, to do so was to ‘normalise' and to ‘humanise' her ....... and it was not a concept that he found particularly palatable at any time. She was FID, they were the sworn enemy....... unless like now ....he needed her.

Rationally he knew that it was normal to fantasise about work colleagues – but he was beginning to seriously doubt that her sleepy utterances were merely the fantasies of an unconscious imagination.

Within their line of highly stressful work, which often involved daily life and death situations, it enabled and fostered otherwise unconscionable relationships ..... affairs....... one night stands .... you name it.   
And in his time on the force he had been party to more than one of them – the Chief and Pope sprang to mind and it was enough to make him gag that she had succumbed to that slimy weasels charm.   
– which was why it was not so surprising to him that Raydor would also find herself fallible in that respect. 

A part of him wanted to believe that was the case ..... but it was as if certain parts of a larger puzzle were slotting into place.  
Her next words only seemed to confirm it.

“You don’t play fair Brenda Leigh!”

Partly for his own amusement, but mostly to see how far this would go, he decided to play along.   
He didn’t even attempt to rationalise it to himself – he wanted the truth and he wasn’t above playing dirty to establish that she was obviously deeply emotionally and physically involved with his Chief! 

“Oh cutie pie,” he cajoled in his most affected Brenda Leigh Johnson southern drawl.   
“Y'all need to wake up now, y’hear me?”

“Uh,uh,uh,” she whispered back, shaking her head suggestively.

“Now come on ......” his mind faltered here, struggling to channel the southern spitfire that would have his balls for earrings if she could hear him now!

“er... hot stuff. Ya'll need to get up! My breakfast needs makin’ and you need to polish up your broomstick before work!”

“We both know who's the boss honey and it isn’t you!” came her reply.

Provenza had to stifle his own chuckle at her no doubt truth regarding the dynamics of their personal relationship. 

“And whilst I appreciate your very, VERY persuasive love making session, I already told you honey. And no amount of begging, mhhhmm, or kissing, oh! Ohhh! Mmmmooohh, is going to change the fact that it's going it’s be going to be Raydor-Johnson!   
And you, my love, are going to deal with it ..........because we both know I could more than easily persuade you .....!”

As mortified as he was, Provenza knew that he was finally getting to the truth........ albeit from an unconscious woman ..... 

.......a woman who would quite happily beat him to within an inch of his life and then bury him in administrative paperwork for the rest of it, should he ever reveal her secret. 

The irony was that it was ultimately all coming from the person he had thought would be the hardest nut to crack. 

What he didn’t find surprising however, was the fact that his boss, his widely regarded ‘straight', prim and proper southern belle, was essentially getting it on .... quite regularly, ..... quite intensely ...... and downright hotly with the notorious ice queen of FID!   
If this was five years ago then this knowledge would have kept him in beer, early finishes, promotions and smugness ...... which now seemed abhorrent to him and made this all the more confusing.

As her eyelids started to flutter and her face appeared to transform into what Provenza could only surmise to be a pre erotic wake up smirk, he wasnt sure his ageing heart could take much more.

“Wake your ass up, Captain Raydor and explain to me what the hell you’re doing asleep in the chiefs office!” his temper finally demanded of her.

Sharon jumped up from the couch like she was on fire, and as she slowly re-entered the real world he once again noticed her unusually dishevelled state, the shocked expression and the pink tinge of embarrassment that graced her features.

She rubbed her eyes in confusion, the delicate skin beneath them appearing duller and darker than usual. She then hastily ran a hand through her mussed auburn tresses and quickly attempted to wipe the evidence of old tear tracks from her cheeks. 

He stoically watched her, giving nothing away as he quickly came to the conclusion that she was both physically and emotionally exhausted after what was obviously a heavy bout of crying.

As he perched himself on the edge of the Chief’s desk she finally made eye contact with him. The silence in the room quickly growing in intensity as they continued to stare at each other uncomfortably, like a silent game of chicken in relation to who would break and speak first.

He pretended not to notice how Sharon’s hands were trembling uncontrollably, and how she hid them in her pockets in order to try and not give away her true feelings on the situation.

She refused to take her eyes off of him, not if she was planning to lie to his face about what was really going on.   
In her line of work she could read most people like a book, but only most, and when his stoic face continued to give nothing away she knew she was cornered.   
All she could do now was await his next move, and she chewed her lip nervously in anticipation.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on or would you rather I tell you my conclusions on the matter?   
You talk in your sleep, you know that?”

As the question left his lips, she couldn’t help but look down and she felt her cheeks burn with a heady mix of conflicting emotions. 

She’d been a naive fool to hope that he wouldn’t go there so soon and as she took a shaky breath, and a step back, the back of her legs connected roughly with the couch.  
It actually helped to ground her in some ways, despite feeling her knees shake like they would give out on her at any minute.

“I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to,” she stated, in an emotionless and almost bored tone.

He watched her take a deep breath, straighten herself back up to her full height and square her shoulders as the tears that she forced to stay put clearly stung her eyes.   
She refused to let them fall, not again, not today, and she blinked rapidly to try and make them go away.

“You look like shit Sharon. So try again," he replied.

The fact that he found no real emotional response from her at his blunt declaration only spurred him on further.   
As the silence continued, a deep frown became set in his brow and a collective ‘harrumph’ fell from his lips as Provenza started to pace, keeping his attentive gaze on her.

“ So ... you and the Chief, huh?” he queried,   
“how long has that been going on?   
Because I got to tell you, love is not looking that good on you at the moment.”

He moved slowly across the office, making his way behind the desk before finally seating himself heavily in the Chief’s chair.

“I gotta say, I didn’t see that one coming,” he stated, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Though I guess it makes sense ..... when you think about it....”

Sharon had remained standing and silent during his dialogue, but now she did raise her perfectly arched eyebrow in his direction.   
And it pissed him off.   
So he decided to change tactics, and he prayed that the Chief never got wind of what he was saying to her lady love.

He found his infamous short temper making it’s way out again and the longer her silence continued the more he was struggling not to get right in her face.   
He wanted to inform her that she was being decidedly too glib about the whole thing – especially since he’d basically just heard a play by play of their sex life from the horses mouth. 

“That why she left ole Agent Howard?   
Decided she liked emotionless ice queens instead?   
Or should I use another analogy?   
How about Dorothy and the wicked witch get it on only for her to leave Oz as fast as she can and never look back??”

He could see the anger radiate off of her even from across the room, but she still remained silent.

So he kept pushing – and he felt like a heartless asshole for doing it.   
But he needed the woman in front of him to want to fight for Brenda – even if it was only to protect her from Fritz.

“You know ..... she has a habit of picking shitty partners in the romance department.  
– Pope, now that one I will NEVER, EVER understand, eurgh,” he shuddered exaggeratedly. 

“Howard – well, let’s just say, we could all see what a prick he was from the onset ..... the Chief not so much ...... and from his little performance today it only confirmed that she made the right choice in finally kicking him to the curb.... and, well, you ......” 

He looked at her with a mixture of pity and disgust.

A look of fleeting anger passed across her face once more and she clenched her fists in fury at hearing Fritz had been back chasing after Brenda again – despite her threat of only a day ago.

Provenza couldn’t help the little ray of hope that now entered his heart at her response – maybe the old Raydor WAS still in there after all.

“looks like she’s 3 for 3!   
But at least I guess it’s easier to leave you.   
Because after all, you have no feelings for her – at least the other 2 fought for her...... did you actually even EVER care about her?” he mused, continuing to taunt her past even the point he thought he would have to go.

“Guess you won’t be Mrs Raydor-Johnson after all, huh?” 

He shrugged nonchalantly, as if all her hopes and dreams for their future meant nothing in the clear light of day.

“Looks like she had a lucky escape this time.. ...  
You know, before she wasted anymore time on an emotionless and loveless bitch.”

He held his breath, not knowing how much further he could morally go, but not feeling able to back down just yet.

“Fuck you!” came her angry and unexpected retort.

“There she is!” he thought, struggling not to smile. 

“Ooh, such manners Captain!   
Kiss your mother with that mouth?   
Or you saving that just for the Chief now?   
Cause I think you’ll be waiting a looooonnngggg time for that to come around again,” he continued baiting her.

“How dare you!” She exploded at him.

“You know .... nothing.... NOTHING about what Brenda Leigh and I have!   
None of you do!   
I love her!”

“Don’t you mean ‘had' and ‘loved'? Cause from over here it looks like you cocked it up pretty good to me. Do all your lovers run for the hills as fast as they can?”

He watched as she opened and then closed her mouth, words obviously escaping her, before sitting heavily back down on the small couch.   
She pushed her glasses up into her hair, her fingers rubbing repeatedly at her temples, as she closed her eyes in obvious pain.

She found herself wanting nothing more than to cover her ears with her hands in order to make him stop .... ha! If only it were that simple! 

It was a question that she usually wouldn’t allow herself to ponder, because her other lovers had meant nothing in comparison to Brenda – they had barely lasted longer than a single night and she had always kept her heart out of it.   
But now she had little choice but to face it head on, because the time for hiding was obviously gone – she had all but outed them to a subordinate.

“I have a question.”

Sharon glanced at Provenza wearily, not knowing what to expect now from the man in front of her.   
He had all but broken her and she was barely hanging on by a thread as it was.

“If you knew that someone needed your help, a fellow officer in blue shall we say, someone who would never ask for it themselves ..... maybe they’d even try and hide it from you, from themselves, their colleagues and family, but they needed your expertise more than you could ever realise.   
Would you help them?”

He watched the confusion cross her tired features before she responded somewhat despondently.

“What? Of course I would. What kind of ridiculous question is that? It’s my job to care!”

“So, even if you couldn’t stand the person?   
Even if they’d hurt you more than you thought possible, or say, you thought that you hated them right now – you’d still want to help them?”

Sharon’s heart nearly stopped at his words.   
His voice echoed, the words repeatedly ringing in her ears. 

“Are you talking about Brenda Leigh?” she questioned, instantly on alert.

She watched as he shrugged his shoulders before replying.  
“Let’s call it a ‘hypothetical’ situation for now.”

Sharon stared at him looking for a tell on his haggard face.   
Provenza was many things, but she knew he cared, especially about Brenda.   
He may have tried to hide it behind his gruff exterior, but when it came to Brenda, he practically wore his heart on his sleeve - and woe betide anyone who hurt her when he was in the vicinity.   
It hadn’t always been that way, granted, but she would often tease her Brenda Leigh about the loyalty her ‘boys’ now had for her.

Little did she realise that Provenza was also having his own internal dialogue. 

Raydor was clearly important to his chief.   
It was one of the reasons he had tried to cover up Raydor's presence in the Chief’s office.   
And knowing what he did now, he knew that despite what was going on between her and the Chief, she would help to permanently remove Fritz Howard from the Chiefs life once and for all.   
He just had to make her aware of it – and he needed a way around his ‘promise' to Brenda that he would never breathe a word.

As Sharon pondered his cryptic response she watched him as he began to rummage through Brenda’s desk drawers.   
It ignited another spark of anger in her veins.

“You think it’s appropriate you rummaging around in the Chief’s private drawers like that?” she asked somewhat spitefully.

As he obviously found what he was looking for, he placed it on the desk and then smirked at her with his usual antagonistic countenance.

“Why? Jealous?   
Is that solely your job now?   
Whatever would Mama Johnson say about that?”

If looks could kill she would be calling the morgue to come and collect him right about now.

It was then that a knock on the door broke their staring deadlock. 

He saw Raydor flinch at the possible intrusion and swallowing first his anger and then his penchant for loyalty, Provenza took a step towards her, his weathered hand shaking slightly as he laid it to rest gently on her shoulder.   
He wasn’t entirely sure what if any comfort this would provide her, but it was all he could come up with to do to lessen her anxiety. 

Sharon had not expected his hesitant attempt at comfort.   
She hadn’t expected his kindness or understanding, because they both knew that she had gone too far, and they were both worried that her acts towards Brenda weren’t redeemable ones.

Sharon tilted her head sadly and slowly removed a hand from her aching temples to rest it on his bicep, gently giving it a squeeze in silent thanks.

As she shrank further back into the shadows she watched him cautiously open the door just a crack before he poked his head out.

She could only hear snippets of the conversation.   
The words:   
“Pope. Still off. Copies. Disgusting. Chief. Evidence. Tao deleted. cloud. Kill him. Sorted. Raydor off.”

Her brain was now in overdrive.   
She wanted answers.   
She needed them .... but she knew she didn’t necessarily deserve them ... especially after how she had ended things.

She continued to watch as Provenza took a file and what looked like dvds from Julio, whose dark soulful eyes nodded solemnly in her direction.   
He also handed Provenza a coffee and gestured at her, before he softly closed the door of the office.

Her head continued to pound, in pain and overwhelming confusion.   
She gratefully took the steaming black coffee from Provenza’s weathered hands and she blew on it softly before taking a sip of the scalding liquid.   
It did little to alleviate her extreme tiredness, but the burning sensation as it passed down her throat helped to keep her in the moment.

She watched cautiously as Provenza made his way back behind the desk, seeming to ignore her presence for now.   
He took his time as he wrote a brief note on the front of the documents Julio had given him and then added it to the document he had retrieved from the Chiefs desk, before using a rubber band to keep them together and placing them back in her top drawer.   
Only then did he look her way once more.

“Think about what I said Captain,” and he paused as if gathering his thoughts.

“Pope....”   
He watched her tense at the name he spoke.

“.... he called down. Spoke to Julio. The Chief apparently called in....” 

He watched her eyes briefly light up, only for them to dim again when he continued to finish his sentence. 

“...... she’s still off. Some gastro bug or ‘something’,” the tone in his voice making it clear what he thought the ‘something’ was.

Sharon’s head dropped in defeat.   
She was unable to force her eyes to stop overflowing with tears and even the perpetual ache in her chest seemed to increase in intensity, until she wasn’t certain that she couldn't hold it together any longer. 

She found herself wishing that he would take the hint and not make this any more awkward than it had to be. 

“She should be in maybe tomorrow or Thursday...... Pope...,” and he coughed uncomfortably,   
“..... reckons he’s keeping in close contact with her....”

He heard the sob she tried to conceal at that revelation.

“If you ask me, I’d say that’s grade A bullshit!”   
She looked up at his opinion, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“The Chief would rather get her ass caught in a rusty bear trap than let that slimeball back within 3ft of her!”

But it wasn’t enough to break through her melancholy.

“Julio said the damndest thing,” he continued.

“Apparently you’re off sick too. Must be a bug going round, huh?” he finished.

She placed the half empty cup of coffee on the table and made to stand.   
Her arms automatically made to untie the one piece of the Chief she still had to find comfort in – her cardigan.

“Keep it.” 

Raydor met Provenza’s eyes as he made his way from behind the desk.

“Give it back to her yourself. You know, when you next see her...... just do me a favour, ok?”

She glanced at him quizzically.

“I meant what I said Sharon. You look like shit.”

She snorted at his bluntness. 

“There’s some advil in the Chiefs top drawer. Do yourself a favour, take them and then get yourself home.   
Take some time to .... think about things ..... before you act though....  
Maybe speak to Hobbs.......   
Just don’t forget those headache pills, ok?   
Top drawer, left hand side.”

He waited until she acknowledged his request with a brief nod of her weary head.   
He continued on his way to the door and then paused once more.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of Sharon – she’s easy to love and hard to let go, isn’t she? And you do don’t you? You love her........ so don’t give up on her. Don’t let her go.”  
The door clicked shut softly behind him.


End file.
